Forever My Love: A Contenporary Romance (The Armstrongs Book 2) (3 page)

They'd been talking occasionally as he showed her around his domain, but since entering this part of the building, all conversation had stopped. Kendra was so caught up in the beauty and sensuality of his designs; she didn’t realize they had slowly been inching closer to each other until he touched her.

Ryan had been trying to direct her attention to the far corner of the case she was surveying, and as he reached his arm across the glass display case, his arm accidentally brushed against her shoulder. Shivers of delight pulsed through her body, a strange energy encompassing her along with the unwelcome emotion of fear.
I’m afraid. Of him. Of me. Of my feelings for him.

It all became too much and she hastily stepped back and then glanced at her watch.
Two hours! Where in the world have two hours gone?

“I can’t believe…,” she broke off, not daring to look at him, “I really need to go. I have so much still to do today.”

Ryan nodded, “As do I. I’ll do what I can in regards to the necklace.”

She managed to look into his eyes and give him a casual smile, “That will be fine. I appreciate you taking time to meet with me today. I’ll see myself out.” Kendra returned to the safety of the reception area and picked up her bag. Only when she was back in her car and driving away from Ryan’s workshop did she finally breath freely once again. Seeing him had been a rollercoaster of emotions. Joy. Fear. Excitement. Wariness.

As she headed back to the auction house, she tried to focus her mind on the tasks awaiting her. Anything to take her mind off how sexy Ryan had looked. And the lust that was totally unwanted on her part. She’d already been down the Ryan Armstrong road, and she wasn’t interested in getting her heart broken a second time. It had barely healed from the last time she’d hopped a ride on that train!

Ryan wandered back to his design desk, trying to put the image of Kendra now and the Kendra of the past out of his mind. He hadn’t realized how many memories and emotions he still had for her until he'd opened the door and seen her standing on the other side. He thought he’d forgotten her.
Guess that was wrong!

After fifteen minutes of sitting at his desk, doing nothing beyond doodling on a blank sheet of paper, he got up and strode to the back of his work area. The longer he'd sat at his desk, the more his emotions seemed to magnify, until he had an ache over the region of his heart.

Come on, Ryan. Focus on something else.
Ryan pulled a clean sheet of paper out and attempted to draw a new piece of jewelry, but instead he found himself sketching the same necklace that had brought Kendra back into his life.

Damn! This isn’t working.
He shoved his hands through his hair, frustrated that she was having such an effect on him.

He needed to get her out of his head, and the only way he knew to do that was to work her out of his mind. He had just finished the drawings for his biggest sculptural piece ever – a 7’ statute made of brass. Working with metal was hard physical exercise and exactly what he needed right now.

Ryan grabbed his goggles, and set about turning everything on he'd need to heat and mold giant pieces of brass. Equipped with a protective leather apron and his fire-proof gloves, he    took a lighter and watched as the torch flared to life.

His torch heated and softened the metal, and he began working, setting a feverish pace for himself. Again and again he heated the metal in the flame of the torch until it was glowing red hot, and then hammered it into shape until it cooled once again. Heat the metal. Pound it into a different shape. Heat the metal. Bend the metal with the tools at his disposal. Heat the metal. Smooth the hammered surface. Over. And over. And over…

Several hours later, his tank top was soaked with sweat. He was breathing hard, and his arms felt shaky as he raised the hammer to strike the red hot metal once again. Ryan had been hammering at the metal for hours, but he still couldn’t shake the image of Kendra from his head.

Long, glowing auburn hair. Legs that never seemed to stop. Green eyes that reminded him of a clear mountain lake. She was so beautiful, even more than when they'd both been in high school. Back then, they'd been in love. At least he had thought so. When he'd finally gotten up the nerve to ask her to be his date for the prom, she said no. He had been completely and utterly devastated. She hadn’t given him a reason. She hadn’t even appeared to think about it for very long. No, she'd rejected him without blinking an eye and walked away. Taking his heart and tossing it upon the ground to break in a million pieces.

After that day, they'd stopped talking to each other. He hadn’t even been able to look at her when they passed in the hallways of the school. And then, out of nowhere a few weeks later, she'd moved away. He hadn’t seen or heard from her since then.

He'd been heartbroken for months. Thinking back on it now, he realized that he had been more than just a crushed teenager. If he was honest, he’d been trying to get over her for years. His entire outlook on relationships had changed after her refusal. He’d made an unconscious decision, at first, to play the field. Non-serious relationships never involved one’s emotions, therefore there was no possibility of getting your heart broke.

He dated women who were only looking for a good time. Women who knew how the one night stand game was played and were okay with it. Sleeping with the same woman twice was   a rare occurrence, and he almost always woke up alone. It was a lonely life, but he'd himself convinced that he would rather wake up lonely, than go through another broken heart!

Attempting to raise the hammer once more, he was struck by how tired his arms were.
Well this sure didn’t help me forget about her!
Tossing his tools to the table, he turned off the torch and started shutting down his shop. Work hadn’t helped erase her from his thoughts, so he would have to try something else.

A glance at the clock showed it was nearing quitting time for most of the city. Grabbing his things, he locked the building up and headed to the local bar where he was sure to find a friend or two letting the stress of the day slip away in a bottle of beer.

At his go-to bar McGee’s he spotted a few of the guys he played basketball with at a corner hi-top. He nodded to the waitress, giving her the signal to bring him his usual dark beer, and joined his buddies.

“Hey, Ryan. How’s it going?” someone at the table asked.

Ryan shrugged, hooking an empty bar stool with his foot and then taking a seat, “Good.”

“We don’t usually see you in here this early. You in-between projects?” one of the men asked.

“No, I just needed a distraction.” The waitress brought his beer and he took a long pull on it and tried to follow the conversation going on around him. But he couldn’t stop thinking about Kendra.

Now that he’d seen her again, he realized what had been holding him back in his relationships the last ten years. He’d been waiting for her! Kendra was the one and only woman he wanted. The woman he wouldn’t mind waking up to when morning came. The woman he wouldn’t mind spending time with day after day…

Not good, Ryan. Not good at all. Remember what happened last time? What makes you think this time will be any different?
  Ryan shook his head at his own thoughts. He didn’t want to end up with a broken heart again. He really didn’t! He needed to stop thinking about Kendra!

Two days later, Kendra was tired from constantly thinking about Ryan. It seemed that how he’d hurt her years earlier was all she’d been able to think about since she’d left his workshop. She’d spent ten years trying to forget him, and yet less than two hours in his presence and he consumed her every thought! Why hadn’t she been able to put him out of her mind?

She paused in her work and her mind immediately drifted back to high school. They'd been so in love. He'd made her feel special, and for the first time in her young life, she had felt pretty. Ryan had given her that and she'd fallen in love with him. He appeared to be in  love with her too; at least she had thought so. 

When they'd shared their first kiss, she'd been walking around on cloud nine, dreaming of the future. A bright future full of love with Ryan. Until a few days later when she'd stumbled around a corner and overheard him talking to his friends. Ryan was one of the popular kids, and most of his friends were jocks or cheerleaders. Something she'd never aspired to be, or ever had the chance of becoming. She was all legs and uncoordinated. And when she looked in the mirror, she didn’t see a beautiful woman trying to get out, she saw braces – the ugly silver metal dominating her face!

She'd learned to steer clear of the popular kids, who thrived on making fun of others less fortunate than they were in the athletic ability and beauty categories. And even though she knew Ryan counted many of them as friends, she'd pushed that thought aside because of the way he treated her. Like a princess, like she was the most beautiful girl in the world.

Kendra hadn't intended to eaves-drop, but when she tried to move back around the corner, not wanting to be seen by them, the mention of her name had caused her to stop and listen.

They'd been teasing him about kissing a girl with braces. She’d waited, listening for Ryan to defend her to him, but he hadn’t said anything. They’d gone on to call her some rather unpleasant names, continuing to make fun of her braces and her height.  If that had been all that she'd overheard, she could have handled it. But it wasn’t. Not by a long shot!

When Ryan had finally spoken up, he outright denied ever having kissed her; even going a step further to say that he'd never think of kissing a girl with a mouth full of metal. He’d denied liking her, never once standing up for her amidst his friends’ name-calling.

She had been so hurt. Angry, but more sad than anything else. She’d believed he really liked her. Just the way she was.

When Kendra finally convinced her feet to move, she'd cried all the way home, locking herself in her bedroom and giving free reign to her battered emotions. If it was for her, she'd never gone back to school. Of course her parents wouldn't allow that.

The next day she tried to avoid him as good as possible, but he caught her after school and asked her to go with him to the prom. 24 hours earlier, she'd have been in heaven, but now all she could hear was his denial of ever having kissed her.

Her hurt and pride stepped in and before she could even think, her mouth had already answered the question.  “No.” A decision she had regretted every day of her life.

Kendra had often dreamt of what things would have been like if she had accepted his invitation. But now that she had seen him again, she realized that the hurt he’d caused her couldn’t just be swept under the carpet. Even today she could still feel the stabbing pain in her heart. So much time had passed, but the feelings had only been magnified. It wasn't true that time heals all wounds. Not this one!

Kendra quickly pushed those thoughts away and immersed herself into work. When her co-workers stopped by and bid her a good evening, she barely raised her head and went back to work. When the security guard came by to tell her he was headed down to the main foyer, she waved at him and then went back to work. Work was all she could do to numb the emotions she felt.

She worked until almost midnight, just to forget about him. But working didn’t help. She found herself constantly fantasizing about him. His rippled abs and back muscles. His gorgeous smile. His dark blue eyes. The way his aftershave combined with his natural smell – she inhaled and remembered the slightly spicy aroma that mixed with a hint of shampoo and deodorant. It was a unique smell she would always associate with Ryan.
God, I am so doomed!

On her way home, she almost broke into tears. Sad, that instead of being out with friends, enjoying a Friday night and the end of a rather long work week, she'd worked through the evening, caught up daydreaming about a man that was no good for her.

Saturday morning, she woke up, groaning as she realized Ryan had starred in her dreams all night long.
I
wonder what he looks like first thing in the morning?
She slid her body against the sheets, imagining his hands moving along her skin. A shiver went down her spine and she could feel heat radiating from her body. Ryan's hands touching her breasts, his lips on hers,   ...
Stop it! You are going to drive yourself crazy if you don’t get a handle on this!

Go do something to get your mind off of Ryan!
Kendra climbed out of her bed and stretched. Glancing outside, she saw it was a beautiful day.
I could  go roller blading in the park. It’s the perfect day for that. Exercise will help me focus my thoughts on what’s really important.

Her morning planned out, she pulled on her sports gear consisting of black cycling tights, and a dark pink tank top that left nothing to the imagination.  It had a built in sports bra, was skin tight, molding to her abs and stopping just before it touched the waistband of her tights.  She tied a lightweight black windbreaker around her waist, as the weather by the lake was wont to change quickly. With her blades and the bag with her protective gear in it, she headed out. Exited.

Kendra had discovered her love of roller blading more than a decade of years earlier, and one of the best things about where she lived was the huge public park only a few blocks from her apartment. It was located right next to the lake, and had this absolutely fantastic track running around it that was more than five miles from start to finish. And that was just the park track. An additional track running along the shoreline of the lake, extended for miles in either direction.

When she reached the park, she sat down at the first empty bench and replaced her tennis shoes for her roller blades. The fresh morning air filled her lungs and with each breath her whirlwind of confusing thoughts slowed down and she felt less tense.
Coming out here was a great idea!

She lingered a while before putting on her protective gear - pads for her knees, elbows, and wrists, and her safety helmet. Sun rays warmed her skin and she heard the birds singing. If she listened carefully she could even hear the sound of waves in the distance, mixed with crickets chirping and once in a while a dog barking.

With each deep breath, listening to the sounds of nature she regained some of her inner peace.  Vigorous exercise always helped her to focus her mind. Today wouldn't be any different. Yes, she'd run Ryan out of her mind. For good!
Ready to go!

The park wasn’t very busy yet, still she started out slow, enjoying the peace of the morning and giving her muscles time to warm up. But once on her way around the smaller inside track, her mind wandered back to Ryan and how angry she was with him. Angry,  about the lost years, about the hurt, about herself and how much she was still attracted to him.

Before she realized, she'd reached her starting point again.
No way. This won't work. I need faster.
The slow inner track couldn't keep her mind at bay, so she headed for the path that ran along the shoreline. As it was still early in the day, she was alone. But the lack of other bladers didn't bother her, on the contrary, it made her feel more at peace. She needed solitude. After all, she intended to run away. Kendra pushed herself to go faster and faster.

Push and glide. Push and glide. The demanding speed soon pushed all thoughts other than the next step out of her mind. The upcoming turn. Push and glide. Faster. The length of the track in front of her.  Push and glide. The next curve.

That was what she had come here to achieve. A runner’s high. She was in that elusive place where her brain finally stopped bombarding her with a million thoughts. Calm. Quiet. Meditative. Kendra relaxed into the repetitive motion and felt immensely better.

She kept up the pace for almost two hours, until she was suddenly forced to slow down as a group of cycles occupied the path in front of her. She’d been so focused she was momentarily stunned as reality set in. Finally coming to a stop, she leaned over at the hips and gasped for breath. It felt so good. She was free, free from worry and hurt. Just her and her blades on that beautiful morning at the lake.

When she stood back up, she looked back and groaned. The skyline of the city could hardly be seen in the distance. She'd never been blading that far, but judging her speed and the time, she was almost thirty miles from her origination point. Now that she'd paused her legs felt all wobbly and exhaustion had started to set in.

Shaking her head, she knew she had no choice but to roller blade back the way she’d come.  All of the thirty miles.
Arrgghh!
She turned around and slowly started to make her way back, ignoring the empty park benches as she passed them. Stopping and sitting down at this point would be the worst thing possible. Her legs were shaking with the over-exertion, and she knew from experience that if she gave in and let them stop, it would be a long time before she would be able to get going again.

Come on, Kendra. You got yourself here, you’ll get yourself back. One foot in front of the other. You can do it!
She continued to mentally cheer herself on, not able to spend the tiniest bit of energy thinking of Ryan due to the effort required to push herself past the pain.

When her breathing became ragged, her lungs feeling as if they were going to fail her any minute, she slowed her pace once again.
That’s better.
She took a few deep cleansing breaths, filling her lungs with the wonderful fresh air and allowing her muscles a short reprieve. Unfortunately, she didn’t have to concentrate on making her muscles move at this slower pace, and her thoughts spun back to Ryan once again.

As soon as she had her breathing back under control, she began to push herself once again. Faster. Faster. Thoughts of Ryan slipped away as she concentrated on pushing herself beyond what was normal.
Relentless.
That was where she was at. Pushing herself, uncaring of how badly her legs ached, or that she was soaked in her own sweat. She was determined to run him out of her mind. For good.

Her body threatened to quit on her, but she wouldn’t stop. She couldn’t stop. She had to find a way to put Ryan Armstrong out of her mind. She couldn’t go through another day pining away for something she knew was only going to end up in heartbreak. She was stronger than that and she was determined to prove it!