“I have a Grade III brain tumor and it’s aggressive. Which means it’s growing rapidly.”
When I heard Denny speak those words, my stomach twisted itself in knots. “What does that mean?”
“It means I have brain cancer and there’s a possibility it spread somewhere else. But he won’t know that until they do an MRI.”
“When are you having that done?” I asked.
“In the morning,” he said as he looked away from me.
I had no words at that moment. I didn’t know what to say. The worry that I once thought was gone from my life had returned, just with someone else that I loved, and was very important to me. Ellery looked at me with tears in her eyes as she tried to comfort Dana.
“What about surgery?” I asked.
“He said it’s operable and that he’ll discuss that with me after the results of the MRI come back.”
“I’m sorry, Denny,” I said as I looked down.
“Don’t be, Connor. I’ll be okay.”
Ellery sat on the edge of the bed and placed her hand on Denny’s. “I’m always here if you need me. If you want to cry, talk, laugh, or even scream, I’m here.”
If anyone knew how Denny felt, it was Ellery. She had endured, battled, and fought her cancer, not only once, but twice. As Denny started to grow tired, we decided it was best to leave. Dana walked us out of room as we said goodbye.
“He’s going to be fine, Dana. I’m not going to stand here and tell you not to worry because I know you can’t help it. Go home and get some rest. You’ll be no good to him if you’re tired,” I said as I kissed her head.
She smiled and nodded her head as she turned and walked back into Denny’s room. I sighed and looked at Ellery as she looked like she was lost in a thought.
“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” I asked as I pushed her hair behind her ear.
“I know what he’s going through
, and I know what he’s feeling. It breaks my heart that he has to go through this.”
“Well
, then, it’s a damn good thing he has you to talk to,” I said as I pulled her into me and hugged her tightly.
I could tell she was as scared as I was. She had too much on her plate already with the gallery showing and with Julia. She had just moved on and put to rest the trial and the incident with Ashlyn. As I glanced over at her while we were driving home, that look of pain and sadness was spread across her face. I grabbed her hand and brought it up to my lips.
“Tell me what you’re feeling, Elle.”
She sighed and then took in a sharp breath. “I feel like I’m going through this all over again. Even though it isn’t me, it’s someone that I love and is like a
father to me. FUCK,” she screamed.
I pulled over to the side of the road, threw the Range Rover in park and got out. I walked around to the passenger’s side and opened the door. I grabbed Ellery from her seat and held her as tight as I could.
“It’s okay, baby, let it out,” I said as tears swelled in my eyes.
Ellery sobbed into my chest and
we both slowly fell to the ground.
“Why? Why the fuck did this have to happen to him? It’s not fair, Connor.
He has brain cancer, and I’m so scared he’s going to die. He’s the father I never had. He’s always there for me. He can’t die. He can’t die, Connor,” she screamed.
She was shaking uncontrollably. I’
d never seen her this way before, and it was killing me. The only thing I could do was hold her and try to give her some comfort. The tears pooled from my eyes as I buried my face into her neck. We needed to be strong, but we also needed to let our feelings out.
“He’s going to beat this, Ellery.”
She didn’t say another word. She just cried in my arms until there were no more tears. I told her we needed to get home to Julia, and she nodded her head as I helped her back into the truck. I helped her with her seatbelt, then kissed her on the head before shutting the door.
A few days had passed and Denny’s MRI showed that the cancer hadn’t spread to any other organs in his body. Connor and I were relieved with the news. Dr. Armstrong had scheduled the surgery for Friday, which was the day of the gallery’s opening and my showing. Connor had all my paintings flown to Chicago already, so I had nothing to worry about. I just needed to show up. At this point, I no longer wanted to go. Denny was more important and so was being there for him, Dana, and Connor. I just wasn’t sure how Connor was going to take the news.
I gave Mason the day off
, and Julia and I drove over to Denny’s house for a visit. He seemed to be in high spirits. As he sat in the chair across from me, I reached forward and grabbed his hand.
“I know you’re scared, but Dr. Armstrong is one of the best in the country. You know that Connor had him checked out
thoroughly.”
“Yeah, I know he did, and I don’t doubt that he’s the best, but the thought of my brain being cut into isn’t very pleasant.”
“I know it’s not, but it has to be done. After, you’ll start chemo for a while, and then you’ll be cancer free and you can put all of this behind you.” I smiled.
“Easier said than done, Elle.”
“Not really. I’ve put it all behind me.”
“Do you ever think of the ‘what if’s’?
” he asked.
“Sometimes I do, especially when I’m with Connor. If I can’t sleep at night, I’ll roll over, wrap my arms around him, and start to think about what if the treatments didn’t work. It’s who we are as human beings, Denny. Those thoughts will always creep up in your mind
, and you’re the only one who can put them to rest.”
He smiled as I got up from the chair and took Julia from Dana. As I walked over to Denny, I handed Julia to him.
“Give Uncle Denny a kiss goodbye,” I told her.
She made her cute noises and proceeded to hit him in the face. “Your daddy taught you that, didn’t he?” He laughed.
Denny gave her a kiss on the cheek and a hug. I leaned over, kissed him goodbye, and Julia and I headed home.
***
The penthouse was quiet. No one was home but me and Julia. I set her down on her blanket in the living room and surrounded her with toys. As fall was settling in, and it was getting chilly, I walked over to the fireplace and turned it on. I sat down on the blanket across from her and began playing with her and her toys. I gave some more thought about my showing on Friday and decided that I could fly to Chicago right before the opening and fly back the same night. After an hour had passed, Connor came home. He kicked off his shoes, set his briefcase down on the chair, and joined us on the floor.
“How are my two special girls?” He smiled.
“We’re good, sweetheart,” I said as I kissed him.
Julia started yelling when Connor sat down. She was becoming very vocal lately. Her high-pitched voice was hard on the ears. Connor leaned towards her, held her arms
, and stood her up. Her little legs wobbled as she smiled and shrieked.
“Wow, she’s really happy today
!” he said.
“She’s been very good all day. We went and saw Denny earlier.”
“How is he? I stopped by this morning before going to the office.”
“He’s okay. I can tell he’s scared about the surgery.”
“That’s natural. I would be too,” Connor said as he carefully lowered Julia down.
“I need to talk to you about Friday,” I said.
“What about it? That’s the day of Denny’s surgery.”
That
was all he said. He didn’t mention anything about the opening or my showing. It must’ve slipped his mind with everything going on. I wasn’t going to discuss it further. I was going to get in and get out of that gallery as fast as I could. I’d be home before Connor even noticed I was missing.
“I just wanted to tell you that Mason is keeping Julia all day and all night at his place.”
“That’s fine,” he said as he leaned over and kissed me, forcing me on my back as he wouldn’t stop.
Our make-out session was interrupted by Julia’s screeches. Connor broke our kiss and we looked at her
. She was on her knees, rocking back and forth.
“Oh my God, Connor, she’s going to crawl!” I exclaimed.
Instantly, he sat up and held his arms out to her. “Come to Daddy, Julia,” he said.
She stayed in that position and smiled. When she wouldn’t move, I took all her toys and moved them away from her and set one block in front of her, but far enough away
so that she would have to crawl to reach it. She started to get frustrated as she kept falling over. Soon, she’d had enough and let out a full-blown cry. Connor picked her up and held her. I would never get tired of seeing him with her. Then I started to think about what Denny said and the what if’s.
“I’ll go get her a bottle. She’s probably hungry,” I said as I got up.
As I walked to the kitchen, I remembered that I had to call Vinnie and tell him not to mention the opening to Connor. That was the last thing I wanted him to worry about. I got Julia’s bottle ready and walked back to the living room, where I found Connor asleep in the oversized leather recliner and Julia curled up on his chest. Smiling, I snapped a picture with my phone and sent it to Peyton.
***
Since Denny’s surgery was scheduled for six o’clock in the morning, Mason had come and picked up Julia the night before. When the alarm went off, Connor rolled over and put his arm around me as I reached over and turned it off. I snuggled closer to him for a few minutes before we had to get up and get ready to go to the hospital.
“Me and you need to have a talk,” he said
in a serious tone.
“About?” I replied.
“The art gallery and showing tonight.”
Shit, I thought to myself. I should
have never underestimated him and thought that he’d forget something.
“What about it?”
“I’m a little pissed off that you failed to mention it to me and the fact that you’re going without me.”
I rolled over and looked at him. “How did you remember with everything going on, and how did you know I was going without you?”
“My pilot called me last night to confirm.”
“Damn him. Why didn’t you say anything last night?” I asked.
“Because Mason had just picked up Julia and I wanted to devour your body. I figured if I mentioned it, we’d fight and then no body devouring for me.”
I cocked my head in disbelief that he
had just said what he did. “Are you serious?” I asked.
“Yes, I am, and I wasn’t giving that up. It’s not that often that Julia isn’t here to interrupt us.”
“I’m not talking about this now. We need to get ready and go to the hospital,” I said as I got out of bed.
Connor climbed out of bed and followed me into the bathroom. “See, that’s where you’re wrong, Ellery. We
are
going to discuss it now.”
Who the hell did he think he was
, starting an argument with me before I even had my first cup of coffee? I slipped on my silk robe and headed towards the kitchen and Connor followed behind.
“I’m coming with you; end of discussion. See, now that wasn’t so bad, was it?”
“Connor.”
He walked over to me, picked me up
, and set me on the counter. “Listen to me. You’re my wife and this is something that’s very important to you, and it’s important to me too. “
“But—”
He cut me off and brought his finger to my lips. “No buts. I love Denny and we’ll be here for his surgery. But I’m getting on that plane with you and we’re going to that art gallery together. I would never miss your first showing, or any showing, and to think that you were going to go by yourself really hurt me, Ellery.”
As I stared into his eyes, I could see the hurt in them.
What the hell did I do?
My eyes started to swell with tears as I wrapped my arms around his neck.
“I’m so sorry. I just feel so guilty having to go
to this showing while someone that I love very much will be having brain surgery. I feel so selfish, Connor, and I didn’t want you to have to make a decision.”
“There was never a decision to be made, honey. I was going with you all along.”
“I’m sorry.” I began to cry.
“Let’s go upstairs and finish getting dressed so we can get to the hospital,” he said as he kissed me on my head and picked me up off the counter.
***
Thanks to the morning New York City traffic, we arrived at the hospital just as the nurse was getting ready to wheel Denny out of the room and into the operating room.
“I didn’t think I’d see you two before I went under the big knife and got my brain cut open,” he said.
“Damn traffic,” Connor said. “We’ll be here waiting for you when you get
out, so make it quick.” He smiled.
“Yeah, I’ll try.” Denny smiled back.
After I gave him a kiss on the cheek, I whispered, “You’re strong and you can do this. Remember, I’m out here waiting for you, so you better come back.”
“I will,” he said as they wheeled him down the hallway.
Connor put his arm around Dana and led her to the waiting room. Dana’s family arrived and tried to keep her as occupied as possible. Connor and I left the waiting room and went up to the cafeteria to grab some lunch.
“Are you nervous about tonight?”
he asked.
“Yes!” I smiled.
“Don’t be. You’re a very talented artist, and everyone is going to love your paintings.”
“You’re just saying that because you’re my husband.” I smiled
and stuck out my tongue at him.
Connor laughed and threw a straw wrapper at me and then he glanced at his watch. “It’s been six hours already since Denny went into surgery. We should get back to the waiting room.”
He grabbed our trays and then my hand as we walked back to the waiting room. We weren’t back very long when the doctor came to speak to us.
“We were able to remove the tumor
, but it did cause some cerebral hemorrhaging and there was significant swelling in the brain. During the surgery, he slipped into a coma.”
Connor grabbed Dana as she almost fell to the ground. Instantly, a sick feeling washed over me
, and I needed to sit down.
This can’t be happening
. Doctor Armstrong continued as Connor kept a tight grip on Dana.
“This isn’t uncommon
, and we’re keeping an eye on him very carefully.”
“How long will he be in a coma?” Connor asked.
Dr. Armstrong sighed as he looked at us. “There’s no telling. It could be up to twelve hours or twelve days. I wish I had an exact answer for you, but I don’t. The good news is that the tumor is gone, and the cancer didn’t spread to any other organs. So now, we just have to wait. He’s back in his room and you may go see him.”
“Thank you
, Dr. Armstrong,” Connor said as he walked away.
He looked over at me and shook his head as Dana sobbed in his arms. “Come on, Dana, let’s go see him,” he said
, leading her to Denny’s room.
I got up from my chair and followed behind. When we reached the room and I saw Denny lying there, tears started to fill my eyes. The soft beeps of the machines to
which he was hooked up, and the white bandage that was wrapped around his head were horrifying. Dana almost collapsed before Connor sat her down in the chair. He looked over at me as the tears streamed down my face. As Dana reached over and ran her hand across Denny’s cheek, Connor came over and pulled me into him.
“He’s going to be okay,” he said as he kissed my head.
I needed to be strong, and I couldn’t let Dana see me fall apart. I pulled back from Connor, kissed him, and told him I’d be right back. When I found the nearest bathroom, I stood and stared at my tear-soaked eyes. The thought of going to Chicago terrified me. I found myself no longer wanting to go for the fear that something bad would happen to Denny while we were gone. But, Denny had made me promise him that I would go; not just for myself, but for him. When I walked back to the room, Connor walked over to me.
“I think she’s settled down now. It’s time for us to leave.”
“Connor, I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to stay with her,” I spoke softly.
“We’ve already settled this
, and I’m going with you. Now I don’t want to hear another word about it. Do you understand me?” he said in a commanding tone.
I nodded my head and we said goodbye to Dana and her family. Connor told her to keep us posted and that we’d be back tomorrow. As we walked out of the hospital
, hand in hand, I could tell Connor wasn’t doing well, but he refused to show it. I was worried that if he didn’t let his feelings out, he was going to have a break down.