Forever We Fall: Broken #4 (The Broken Series) (5 page)

His brows raised in interest. "Like an
urge
urge?"

I narrowed my eyes. "What do you mean an
urge
urge?"

"You tell me," he shot back, red-faced. "You're the one with all the urges."

"Jesus," I growled in frustration. I inhaled a deep breath and let the words fall from my mouth in a rush. "I looked at her, she was sitting on my bed the same as always, but it was like something lit up inside of me, dude. Something really fucking intense. Like a weird thirst or a hunger came over me…Yeah, it was like the hugest fucking hunger pang and I wanted her – like really fucking wanted her, Derek, in every way I shouldn't want her. And not just sex…it was like I wanted to take her over… and now I feel all weird and tingly and shit. I can't stop shaking, my heart is palpitating and I'm using every ounce of my self-control to make myself stay in this room and not chase her down like a goddamn animal. She broke me, didn't she? She flipped some goddamn switch inside of me that I can't turn off." Exhaling heavily I added, "Now please tell me you know what the hell just happened to me, so I can make it stop?"

Derek stared at me, un-blinking for a long moment, before a huge shit-eating grin spread across his face. "Make it stop," he snickered. Laughing loudly, he bent over and clutched his side. "Oh, Kyle, you're so clueless."

"Well, why don't you
explain
it to me if you're so goddamn smart," I snarled impatiently.

"You can't stop it," he chuckled. "It's normal."

"Normal?" I shook my head and glared. "Let me tell you something, Der," I hissed in outrage. "There was nothing
normal
about what I wanted to do to that girl." My anger grew as Derek's laughter rose. "I'm no prude and you damn well know it, but earlier I felt like a demented wild-animal." I shuddered in shame. "All I was short of doing was beating my fists against my chest and shouting
Me Tarzan, You Jane
."

"Kyle," Derek laughed as he waved a hand in front of me. "You gotta calm down, man. It's cool." Letting out a contented half-laugh/ half-sigh, he added, "That
urge
hit me the first time I saw Cam without makeup." His expression sobered quickly, his whole stance sagged, and I regretted opening my stupid mouth.

"It's weird as hell," he mused wistfully. "I'd been with her a year – already loved her like nothing else," he added quietly. "And then I walked into my room one morning, saw her passed out on my bed, looking like a goddamn angel. I remember just standing there, barely breathing, and all of a sudden it hit me…" Shaking his head, he focused on me and forced a smile. "It's the knock-out punch, dude. The final fall. The one you don't get back up from…at least not in this lifetime. When a woman knocks you on your ass
that
hard, you're fucked. Trust me."

"Trust you," I said flatly. "That's your great advice? To trust you?"

"And to roll with it," he said with a grin. He waggled his eyebrows and smirked before adding, "Unleash the beast…"

The sound a throat clearing caused me to pause and jump. When I saw who the throat-clearer was I could have fucking cried. "I'm sorry for interrupting, boys," Tracy apologized as she adjusted Hope on her hip. "But I think this little one is thirsty."

Stifling a laugh with his hand, Derek walked over to Tracy and took Hope out of her arms. "Come on, kid," he chuckled as he grabbed Hope's bottle from the table. "Let's go watch some cartoons. Your dad's having an
episode
."

Shifting in discomfort, I reluctantly looked Lee's mom in the eyes. "How…uh, how much of that did you hear?"

"Oh, don't worry," Tracy mumbled, red-faced. "I only came in when you were puffing your chest and quoting
Tarzan
."

"Perfect." I sighed heavily and grabbed my car keys. "Just perfect."

****

Jesus Christ, I would never understand why women kept such clutter. It had taken five trips back and forth between Tracy's cottage and my place – which could have been three if she hadn't demanded to come with me and take up the front seat – to move all her stuff. After unloading and unpacking her things, I'd then spent an elongated amount of time –and an uncharacteristic amount of patience – calming the woman down before I could leave.

Derek was in the lounge watching a movie when I finally made it home, well after dark. "Hey," he whispered when I stopped in the doorway of the lounge. He was sprawled out on the rug next to the fire, looking more content than I'd seen him in months.

"Hey. It's freezing like a bitch outside." I shrugged off my coat, hanging it on the door before walking over to the roaring fire to warm my hands. "Are the girls in bed?"

Craning his neck in the direction of the couch, he smiled indulgently and said, "They've been out cold for hours." I turned around and my heart squeezed in my chest when I took in the sight before me.

Lee was thrown on her back, her eyelids fluttering lightly, mouth slightly open, her arms wrapped around our daughter like a vice. Hope's tiny head was resting against Lee's chest, her arms and legs wound around her mother's waist. A man's coat covered their legs. "I was worried they'd get cold," Derek mumbled as a way of explanation for his coat. "I went outside to grab some logs and when I came back," he sighed and gestured towards the couch in answer. "So, how'd it go with Tracy?"

Swallowing the huge fucking lump that had lodged in my throat I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. "Well, she's all moved into the house."

Lowering myself to the rug, I wrapped my arms around my knees. "I put her in my old room," I said as I gazed over at the couch, my eyes locked on the sleeping face of my daughter. "I locked Cam's door. Yours, too." Pulling the key from my pocket I tossed it to him without looking at his face. "You can figure out what you wanna do with the stuff inside when you're ready. No pressure."

"Thanks Kyle." Derek cleared his throat roughly. "I appreciate this, man, although there's not much left in her room."

"It felt wrong to leave it open," I confessed with a smirk. "She hated anyone walking in on her
space
." Chuckling I added, "I don't need any more ghosts. Especially not her cranky-ass."

"You didn't mourn her, Kyle." Derek said, startling me. I turned to look at him. He gazed back un-ashamedly. "Did you ever give yourself a chance to sit down and cry?" he asked. "To grieve? She was your best-friend too, dude."

"I don't have time to mourn, Derek." Pulling myself to my feet, I walked over to the couch and lifted Hope's sleeping body into my arms before making my way to the door and muttering, "I'm too busy trying to keep the rest of you alive."

"Did Lee mention the trial to you?" I asked Derek when I returned from settling Hope in her room. Placing the baby monitor on the coffee table, I stretched my arms over my head and yawned. "Or her mom?"

"Not really, dude," he said drowsily, my yawning affecting him because he started to yawn loudly. "She basically spent the most of the evening muttering 'fuck the odds' to herself."

Smirking, I lowered myself onto couch and carefully pulled her into my arms. The fact that Lee didn't even stir proved how exhausted she truly was. Settling back, I rested my head against the couch and cradled her to my body, her head resting in the crook of my arm.

Closing my eyes, I inhaled slowly, savoring the rare moment of silence, the feel of her in my arms, the tranquility that – as soon as the sun rose – would be replaced with worry, fear and doubt.
Someday
, I thought to myself,
some fucking day our lives will be easy like this…

"I'm gonna hit the sack," I heard Derek whisper, but I didn't bother responding, or opening my eyes. I felt something drape over our bodies, but I was resting too peacefully to check or care.

Later in the night – or was it the early morning? – I felt the lightest of pressure on the inside of my wrist that caused my whole body to heat up. And then her soft, soothing voice was floating through my mind.
"I love you, Kyle…keep me safe."

"Always," I mumbled, the sound of her light breathing lulling me into a blissful state of oblivion.

****

Chapter Four

Lee

"Open the door, Linda." I watched Kyle rap his knuckles against the red painted door and sighed, my breath cutting through the ice cold air.

Rubbing my hands together in a bid to keep warm, I shuffled around from foot to foot. I was getting pretty sick of watching that man being ignored and treated like this. Neither of us had seen Linda since well before Christmas and aside from a card in the post and a very brief text message to Kyle's phone on New Year's Day, she'd made no further contact with us. Something was going on with her, that much was obvious, but ignoring and avoiding Kyle was crippling him. She was the only parent he'd ever known, his one constant rock, and in the past six months she'd been edging away from him. It was now at the point where she had resigned from her position of manager at the hotel – Kyle had received that piece of news via Mike – and was avoiding him like the plague.

Walking around the house, I peeked through each window, checking for signs of life. "No sign," I called out.

"Come on, Linda," Kyle groaned as he knocked harder. "Answer the damn door…
please
. I'm freezing my nuts off out here."

He took his phone from his pocket, fiddled with the screen before he held it to his ear. "Yeah, here's a message for you," he snarled into his cell. "This is bullshit, Linda." Pulling his gray beanie hat off his head, Kyle ran a hand through his hair as he continued to speak colorfully to what I presumed was Linda's voicemail. "I'm worried about you for Christ's sake. Why the hell are you acting like this?" he growled. "Please just call me back and let me know you're okay."

Stalking towards me, Kyle grabbed my arm with his free hand and led me back to the car. "I don't give a damn what your sister says," he continued, holding his phone between his ear and shoulder as he opened the passenger door for me. "I know something's up." He watched me with intense blue eyes as I climbed in slowly.

Closing my door, Kyle walked around the car and slid into the driver's seat. "Call me within a week or I'm flying out to see Patty," he said gruffly before ending the call. Dropping his phone on his lap, Kyle leaned forward and rested his head against the steering wheel. "Why is she doing this to me?" he asked, his voice muffled.

"I don't know, Kyle," I whispered as I scooted across my seat to comfort him. "I don't know, baby." Wrapping my arms around him, I rested my cheek against his broad back. Even through all the layers of clothing he wore, I could feel his muscles contracting. "Have you tried to call her sister again?"

Patty Nichols was Linda's sister. She lived in Michigan and, according to Kyle, had called him on several occasions to assure him Linda was fine and just needed a break from all the drama here – caused by us. Kyle didn't believe her, and because he didn't believe her neither did I. Kyle had pretty good instincts. His gut-feeling was usually dead on the money and nine times out of ten I trusted his judgment…

"There's no fucking point, princess," he mumbled. Straightening, he turned to look at me. "She just fills me up with bullshit."

"Are you going to fly out there?" I asked quietly, but he didn't answer me right away. Instead he stretched over my body, grabbed my seatbelt and buckled me in.

Planting a soft kiss on my forehead he sat back in his seat and sighed a ragged breath. "No," he said finally as he twisted the key in the ignition and the car revved to life. "Patty made it perfectly clear to me that Linda has her own family to worry about her." Pulling away from the house, Kyle reached for my hand. "I have my own family, too."

"I wouldn't mind if you did, Kyle," I told him, squeezing his hand, my poor attempt at comforting him. "I know how much she means to you."

"Do you know how much you mean to me?" he asked softly. Bringing my hand up to his mouth, he kissed to inside of my wrist, causing my whole body to shiver in pleasure. "God, your hands are freezing, baby," he groaned. "You should be wearing gloves."

"I forgot," I breathed, burning up from that one small kiss. "And what do I mean to you?"

"You're my first place," he murmured.

"Your first place in what?" I asked as I stared at the side of his face, my heart thundering in my chest.

"In everything," he replied, glancing sideways at me, his eyes burning with honesty.

"So, how you doing, baby?" he asked in a soft, soothing tone. "With your mom and the trial coming up?"

"I'm okay, Kyle," I told him. "The trial was always inevitable. At least this way we have a little more time, right?" He nodded stiffly and I rambled on quickly, steering our conversation away from dark waters. "I'm happy about Tracy," I confessed.

My thoughts drifted to my mother and the text she'd sent me this morning.
*Thinking about you. Xxx *

I still didn't know what to say or think. I texted her back and said,
*I'm happy you're here.*
It was the truth. I
was
glad she was back in my life, I just didn't know how to approach the situation – or how to claw back twenty years of a broken relationship – but the more I thought about having my mother involved in my life, the more…excited I became.

I knew that sounded incredibly hypocritical considering how vehemently I'd rebuked her attempts of reconciling in the past, but I had a totally different perspective on things since her confession. I felt a huge amount of guilt for the way I had treated her these past few months, and an even bigger amount for being the reason she had stayed with my father in the first place.

However, the niggling feeling of bitterness was still there, much smaller than before, but still clinging onto some part of my mind that refused to let go of the past. I hoped it would fade with time. Hope's smiling face was enough of a motive to at least try and bury the hatchet with my mother. I wanted to move on. I would do it for my daughter. I didn't want the pain and sorrow of my life to seep into hers. I refused to allow it to float into my daughter's future.

At least she was safely tucked up in Kyle's house in Thirteenth Street.
Rather her than me
, I thought to myself with a shudder. Chewing on my bottom lip, I sighed deeply. "She deserves a second chance."

We drove in silence after that, with our joined hands covering the gearshift, and I presumed we were going home, but when Kyle drove past the gated entrance of our house, I realized he had other ideas. I didn't bother asking where he was taking me, I knew Hope was safe at home with Derek, and I was safe here with him.

The radio was turned on and the soft, haunting voice of Gabrielle Aplin was crooning through the speakers as Kyle maneuvered the car around each hilly corner with care. It was snowing lightly, but the warmth inside the car was lulling my body into a state of lazy contentment. "I like this song," I murmured as I closed my eyes and allowed the words of the song to cloak around me like a blanket of warmth… "
Love is the light scaring darkness away…I'm so in love with you….when the chips are down I'll be around…with my undying death-defying love for you…
" "The words are so beautiful," I mused. "The perfect love song."

"
The Power of Love
," Kyle snorted, breaking my trance. Tracing my knuckles with his thumb, he chuckled softly to himself as he geared down and crawled around a jaggedly sharp bend. "Really, baby?"

"Yeah, the power of love, tough guy," I quipped, opening one eye to peek up at his face. God, he never failed to take my breath away. His face was so freaking beautiful it hurt to look at him. "It reminds me of you," I added softly. "What about you? What song reminds you of me?"

"Well, considering you're so goddamn indecisive, I'd have to say The Clash;
Should I stay or should I go
," he shot back with a smirk.

"Thanks a lot," I muttered mulishly, remembering the words of that particular song all too well.

"
Creep
," he chuckled.

"You're a creep," I growled.

"From Radiohead, Lee," he laughed. "It's a song, baby, not an insult."

"Oh." My cheeks reddened with embarrassment. "Well, you're not really a creep…Oh my god," I yelped excitedly, losing my train of thought, when MIKA's
Grace Kelly
came on. Turning up the volume full-blast, I grinned at Kyle. "Let's do this," I begged.  "Come on, I know you know the words."

Rolling his eyes, Kyle shook his head and smirked.
"I want to talk to you,"
he mimicked as he tapped his fingers on the wheel.

Clearing my throat I put on my best English accent and said in a dramatic tone of voice,
"The last time we talked Mr. Smith, you reduced me to tears. I promise you it won't happen again."
We both burst out laughing and sang along to the radio, bumping shoulders and shimmying from the side to side in unison. Every terrible thing that had happened to us faded away for a few minutes and we were just two young people, happy and in-love.

I was terrible, my voice broke on all the high-notes, and Kyle laughed more than he sang, but it was so much fun that I didn't care about making a fool of myself. We hadn't had fun in so long.
"Humphry, we're leaving,"
I choked out through fits of laughter at the end of the song.

"Kerr-ching…a,"
Kyle snickered with a one-handed drumroll against the dashboard.

"That was great," I giggled, half breathless from my disastrous efforts as I clutched my side. "I haven't had that much fun since we went trick-or-treating."

"I love you, my little crow," Kyle chuckled fondly.

Leaning over the seat, I pressed a soft kiss to his cheek and grinned. "Love you too, Pavarotti."

****

"Wow," I breathed when Kyle finally pulled the car over. "This place is amazing," I whispered as I unfastened my seatbelt and scrambled out of the car, gazing in wonder at the view surrounding me. We were high up in the hills, with nothing but white covered mountains and trees.

"I wanted us to be alone for a while," I heard Kyle say before his arms wrapped around me from behind. "Just you and me," he said softly as he trailed his lips over my neck. "We never get alone time anymore."

"Yeah," I whispered, sagging against his firm chest, covering his hands that were wrapped around my stomach with mine. I closed my eyes and shuddered, pleasure coursing through my veins. "I want time with you, too, Kyle."

"I'm glad," he purred, tugging on my ear lobe.

"Why's that?" I breathed, finding it really hard to form a coherent sentence when Kyle's lips were causing havoc to my nerves.

"Because I want you," he growled. Turning me in his arms, he walked me backwards until my back was pressed against the car, and his body was covering mine. "So fucking bad," he husked before lowering his lips to mine. His tongue probed my lips, looking for access, and I sighed in contentment, kissing him back, caressing his tongue with mine, thrust for erotic thrust.

"Do you want me, Lee?" he growled as his fingers slipped under my coat, digging into my heated flesh. I could feel his erection pressing against me and I groaned in arousal. "I need in, baby."

****