Forget Me Not (Love in the Fleet) (20 page)

Naw, Daisy was the magic factor.

And once they made love it would be even better. He
figured a couple of weeks without
sex would have to be enough of a penance to Jack for sleeping with his widow. Sleeping? Well, for having sex with her. He wasn’t so sure about the sleeping part. Yeah, a quick nap, then he’d head
home
for dinner, he thought as they circled the airfield, waiting for clearance to land.

He just hoped he didn’t fall asleep in his soup.

Chapter 19

“That was pretty amazing that the Master of Ceremonies was blind. Bet they didn’t have any blind Marines in your day, did they, George?”

“I think it’s outstanding the government has seen fit to retain so many of our wounded warriors in the service. I mean, they still have valuable skills to share with the Corps, the fleet, whatever. Thank you so much for taking me to this program today. I thoroughly enjoyed it, son, despite not actually seeing it.”

“Yeah, well, the sound effects were pretty freaking cool. How about when he called out, ‘Fix bayonets!’ and they all clicked in at the exact same moment?” Sky said.

“I think it was even
cooler
for me,” George replied from the passenger seat of Sky’s truck, “because I had to picture what they were doing. And then when they all clicked? Oh, my God. It was clearly one distinct sound. Not a single one of those Marines was off on that one.”

“And how about when they went down the line, clicking their heels one second off of each other? Man, that rocked,” Sky added.
Listening
rocked a lot more than Sky
seeing
the Marines at the Veteran’s Day show and picturing Captain Jack Tucker in his dress uniform. Every single one of those Marines reminded him that Daisy had once been married to the Corps.
What had she said?
Ol’ Semper Fi, that’s me.
And then a fresh wave of anger filled him as he remembered what a number Ol’ Jack, The Marine, had done on her.

George broke into his thoughts as they drove back to Portside Manor. “You know, it’s funny. I never imagined enjoying a silent drill team performance without being able to see it. But I think maybe I got as much out of it as you did. When you can see what’s going on, you don’t hear things as distinctly. And oh, my gosh, they were precise with every execution.”

“Hey, and what about that deaf interpreter? Too bad they didn’t have a blind interpreter too.” Sky laughed
.

“Well, I appreciate you doing your best to report what was going on. I truly enjoyed the outing. It was kind of you to spend the afternoon taking me to the performance. Thanks for taking an old veteran out for Veteran’s Day.”

“Aw, no problem. I’m a sucker for martial music. Always get a little weepy when military bands are playing. Probably weeping for my lost wild college days. You know, passing up all those fraternity parties for a chance to march in formation on the parade field at the Naval Academy.”

“Oh, I was in a terrific fraternity at Annapolis.” George looked perfectly serious.

“What? At the Academy? They had
fraternities
when you were there?”

“Yeah. I belonged to ‘Row, Dammit, Row!”

Sky howled with laughter at George’s joke and the two old salts—one old, one young—continued to debrief on the ceremonies all the way home.

“Hey, George. You in any hurry to get back to Portside? I thought you might want to take a little side trip down Memory Lane. You up for it?”

“Is it more exciting than Assisted Living happy hour?” They both
laughed over that one.

“Yeah, and I’ll even make up for it and buy you a drink afterward.” Sky fished out his I.D. card to pass through the main gate of Naval Station Mayport. “How does a hot date with a Romeo sound?”

“Now you’re talking.”

Sky parked the truck and escorted George through the squadron building to the hangar where Little Girl had been tucked into bed the night before.

George took Sky’s arm and sniffed the air. “Ah, even smells like squadron headquarters.”

Sky placed George’s hands on his helicopter. “I may be in love with Daisy Schneider, but this is the love of my life. Meet my Little Girl. And you’re free to feel her up all you like.”

George laughed at Sky’s humor
,
but as he worked his way down the side of the helicopter, he sobered. He went completely silent as he moved his feet sideways, inches at a time, while his hands slid along the hull. He tipped his face to the hangar overhead, eyes blinking, pursing his lips a few times, nose twitching. Sky couldn’t tell if he was fighting back tears or simply searching his memory bank.

His hands worked up and down as he circled the helo, stroking it reverently. Sky had the good sense to remain quiet, except to warn George off before bumping his head. When he came to the open cabin door, he paused. Stuck his head in and sniffed deeply.

“Some things never change, son. She still smells the same.”

“Here,” Sky said as he opened the cockpit door and placed George’s hands on the holds to lift himself in. “Come on, I’ll give you a boost.”

“Oh, I don’t think so.”

“Come on. It’ll be cool. You know you miss the feel of the cyclic in your hands.” He bent to place George’s foot on the step, but George had already found it instinctively. Sky guided him in, then walked around to the co-pilot’s seat and climbed aboard.

George reached for the cyclic and that’s when Sky noticed his shaking hands. He’d never seen George like this before. Had he not noticed or was something wrong here?

“Are you okay, sir?” This was supposed to be a fun surprise. He hadn’t wanted to upset the old guy. He watched George release the stick and cover his face with his hands. When he slid them down and sighed heavily, Sky could see the tears running down his cheeks.

Jesus Christ.
“
Sir? Captain Duncan? George? You okay?”

George nodded his head affirmatively, eyes still closed, leaking tears he made no attempt to wipe away.

“Is this about
Joe,
sir?”

He nodded his head up and down one more time. “Roger that,” he said.

Sky swallowed hard, not trusting his voice. “You wanna talk about it?” He didn’t push. Just waited. Silent for a change. His heart pounded at the thought of Captain Duncan sitting in his helo
crying,
and yet maybe this was all happening for a reason. Maybe George needed to talk about it.

And maybe Sky needed to listen.

“He was young. Too young. Fresh out of flight school. Only twenty-four. He’d married right out of the Academy, like most of us in those days. Well, I wasn’t married yet, but that’s another story. It was 1962. November 16th. I’ll never forget the day. Ever. We were setting the helo down nice and easy on the deck of the
Kitty Hawk.
Everything was textbook. And then all hell broke loose.”

Sky’s heart slammed in his chest as a vision of his and Daniel’s helicopter slammed the surface of the Pacific. He willed his pulse to slow and the vision to disappear, focusing every iota of his attention on George Duncan. Pushing away the urge to bail out of this helicopter and get the hell out of Dodge. What the hell had he been thinking to bring George here?

George turned to him, his blind eyes full of pain and something else. Bewilderment? “We hit hard. Harder than we should have. And then an explosion ripped up through the deck of the cockpit. I was taken completely by surprise. My flight suit caught fire. I still have the scars to prove it.” He unbuttoned his cuffs and rolled them back, exposing the scars up his forearms. Sky winced. “Thank God for my gloves. If I’d lost the use of my hands, I would have been washed up in this man’s Navy.”

Sky took a deep breath against the panic and exhaled slowly, attempting to regulate his breathing. “You were lucky, sir.” Fuck that. None of them had been
lucky.
Leastways not Joe and Daniel.

“I knew the fire was burning me, but I couldn’t leave Joe. He was unconscious so he couldn’t unbuckle his harness. I tried to open it, even though I knew I’d probably die trying. He had a wife and a baby. I couldn’t let him die. But the crew on the flight deck had other ideas. They pulled me to safety, even though I screamed for them to let me back in to save him. But by the time they’d cut him from his harness, he was already dead.”

George buried his face in his hands again and wept. Sky thought he’d burst out of his own skin, between worrying about upsetting George and his own rising anxiety that was making it difficult to breathe. He pushed open the door, and tried to suck in as much air as possible, but the stale air in the hangar didn’t help. Part of him wanted to comfort George, but he knew most guys wanted to be left the hell alone at a time like this. Fuck. Why had he brought him here?

“I’ve never forgiven myself,” George said. “I was the HAC. It was my responsibility to ensure his safety. I should have been able to save him.”

Sky cleared his throat and willed his heart rate to slow down. “Can I ask you a question, sir?” George turned to him, but didn’t reply. “What was the ruling? I assume there was a full investigation.”

“It was ruled a malfunction in the landing gear, but I should’ve been able to override it. I was in charge. I should have died. Not Joe.”

“But it wasn’t your fault, sir.”

“Doesn’t matter. It was my responsibility
.
”

Sky clenched his jaw. His heart ached for George. Surely there was nothing George could have done. Suddenly words poured out of Sky’s mouth and he had no idea where they came from. “Do you ever wonder why you survived? I mean, you both could have died that day. Do you think you were left behind to feel guilty?”

“I didn’t deserve to live. He did.”

“Sir, can I ask you something very personal? You don’t have to answer.”

George wiped tears away and cleared his throat. “What?”

Sky’s heart pounded as he spoke barely above a whisper. “Does he haunt you?”

George jerked his head toward Sky. “How did you know?”

Sky’s chest tightened. He scrubbed his hand through his crew cut, brushing it back and forth. “He comes to you in your dreams, doesn’t he?”

George’s eyes narrowed. Then he turned away, as if looking through the windshield.

“Yes,” George replied quietly. “And it’s not just him. His wife, Sarah, and his son are there too.” He paused to collect himself. “Joe Jr. was a baby.”

Sky’s heart rate tripled. He leaned his head back against the seat and took a deep breath through his nose. Exhaled through is mouth. Then he turned and looked back at Captain Duncan. “Does his wife sometimes carry the baby in her arms? In the dreams?”

George’s mouth dropped open. “How in the hell did you know that?”

Sky wondered if his heart might give out, it was dumping so much adrenaline into his system.  “I…um…” He turned away and looked out his side window, forcing himself to inhale calmly before turning back. “I had a similar experience. Not a flight deck. Water egress. And I…um…kind of…lost my pilot too. And I always wondered if I could have done more. You know, to save him.” There. He’d said it. He’d voiced it to another human being. And he was still breathing. Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?

George reached out and instinctively knew where Sky’s arm would be in the pilot’s seat. He squeezed it once, then let it go. “I’m sorry, son. I’m sorry you lost him.”

Sky reached up and rubbed the back of his neck, every muscle throbbed with tension. Fortunately, his pulse had gotten the memo that he’d just confessed something big and was working its way back to normal. “His name was Daniel. And he, too, had a wife and a baby.”

George patted his arm again. “I’m sorry, Sky. But thank God you’re alive. A flight deck mishap is a horrible experience. But I can’t even imagine a real-world under-water egress. Practicing for them was frightening enough.”

“Yeah. Thanks,” Sky said simply, looking straight ahead through the windshield. Shit, he could feel tears pricking the backs of his eyes and he pinched the bridge of his nose hoping to hell he wasn’t going to lose it like that night in the parking lot. He’d leave George there and plead a trip to the head if that happened. And the second he thought of a possible escape, the tears dissipated.

Sky sniffed and was ready to continue, but he somehow found the silence comforting. Neither said a word for a minute or so. Each was locked in their own world and silently and compassionately locked in each other’s, as they stared forward through Little Girl’s windshield. Sky scanned the plain gray bulkhead of the hangar, thinking George wasn’t missing much.

“Joe used to just come in my dreams, but ever since I lost my sight I sometimes see him in the darkness when I’m awake. A sound or a smell will bring him back. I saw him swinging out of an office door at our old squadron when you took me through the building just now.”

“I’m sorry. I wouldn’t have brought you here if I’d known it would be so…”

“It’s okay, son. You didn’t mean any harm. Who knows? Maybe it’s something I need to clear up before my time on earth is done. Don’t worry about it. Remember, I served another twenty years in the Navy after Joe died. All around helicopters too. And aside from a few bad dreams, I did okay all those years. It’s just been since I went blind that it’s gotten so bad. And since I lost my wife. She understood. God, I miss her.” He turned and appeared to look out his window now. Out into his dark world beyond the open cockpit door.

“Would it be out of line for me to offer some advice? I mean I know I’m just a punk lieutenant, but I heard something interesting lately. About survivor guilt. There’s a lot of that going around right now, with a war on and all.”

“Shoot,” George invited. Sky had George’s rapt attention now.

“Well, what if, instead of obsessing about what you couldn’t or didn’t do, you focused on what you could or did do? First of all, it wasn’t your fault Joe died.” He put his hand on George’s arm to stop him from arguing. “No, listen to me. It was a malfunction. Technical error. Yes, you might have gotten him out if the crew hadn’t pulled you to safety, but it was their responsibility to get him out in time, not yours. It’s not like you could have fought several men pulling you in the opposite direction, so here and now I absolve you of all guilt. Done. Period.”

George huffed out a little laugh. “I like where this is going. Never thought about it being quite that simple before, but I’m listening.”

“Good,” Sky said. “Because this is the part you really need to hear. Instead of feeling guilty for not dying, think of it this way. You were spared so that you could do something awesome in the world. Like you had a purpose to fulfill. A mission in life. And I’m going to sit here and tell you that you did just that. Think of it this way. You went on and served the Navy for another twenty years. And I bet you did it super-conscientiously after that flight deck accident. Am I right?”

“I like to think so.”