Forget Me Not (Love in the Fleet) (26 page)

Sky pulled away and cleaned himself up. He raised a hand to quiet her. “I’m sorry. I promised I wouldn’t pressure you, but God, honey. It all feels so right. The very idea of you warms my soul all day long and making love with you is so sweet, so good, so fine, and I can’t contain myself.”

And I don’t ever want to let you go.

“But I promise not to say it again, unless you want me to. And then I’m, like, all there.”

“Sky…”

He handed Daisy her panties and reached for a washcloth. “I know. I know. You think you already had your one
love, but that’s bull—”

“No.” Daisy hopped off the counter, grabbed his arm, and locked eyes with him. “I love you too.”

Something slammed in his chest. “What?”

A smile lit Daisy’s face. “I love you. Too.” She started laughing. Not funny laughing. Like she couldn’t-believe-it-laughing. She grinned. She hugged him. She laughed again. “Oh, my God. I just figured it out. I love you.”

Sky danced her around the bathroom in their bare feet and skivvies, each lost in the other’s laughter. Then he stood there grinning like a fool.

The happiest fool in the world.

“Maybe it was hearing the story of George and Sarah today. I don’t know. Her husband died in the line of duty and she found love again. She wasn’t afraid to take a risk. They went on to have four children together. And, they lived happily ever after for forty-three years.”

Was she talking about—?

Daisy raised her hand in a stop sign. “No, I’m not discussing happily ever afters with you just yet. Let me wallow in the fact that
I love you
for a little while first. Okay?”

The fool went back to grinning. “Whatever you want, sweetheart, you got it.” Sky’s heart sang. It wouldn’t be long now before they’d be in the market for bedroom furniture, rings, and white picket fences. And what scared the crap out of him was that it didn’t scare the crap out of him. He really and truly wanted this. He had found The One and
she loved him.

“Sky, you are not the man I met a month ago.” Daisy playfully batted at his bare chest. “Hitting on me in the clinic. Keeping the cat just so you could get me to go out with you.” Daisy laughed and swiped at him again. “Tricking me into going kayaking. You know, that was pretty darn smart.”

Sky laughed right along with her, leaning down and stealing kisses between her accusations. They danced around, lost in the moment. And in love.

Daisy turned serious. “You’ve shown me…” She cupped his cheek. “You’ve shown me you’re honorable and trustworthy. And I’ve learned what a caring, and loving man you are.” And then, as if she just remembered, she grinned again and said, “And I love you.” Daisy stood on her tiptoes and kissed him soundly.

Sky swept his arm behind her knees and lifted her off the floor, carrying her to the bed. “I love you too, sunshine. And I’m about to show you just how much.”

Her declaration of love had him at the ready and he found himself smiling through another amazing round of lovemaking. Sky finally,
truly,
got why they called this
making love.
Many women had told him they’d loved him before, but it had never been a good thing. But this was the real deal. And he loved her right back atcha’.

Sky Crawford was the luckiest guy in the world.

He kissed her temple, then grinned in the dark. “Good night, sweetheart. I love you.”

Daisy turned and snuggled into his embrace. “I love you too, Sky. Sweet dreams.”

Sky couldn’t breathe. Water poured into his mouth as he gasped for air. The buckle on his harness was stuck again. He was going to die. He knew it for a fact this time. Certainly he couldn’t save himself, but maybe he could save Daniel.

He reached over and unbuckled Daniel’s harness and slipped the straps off his shoulders. Daniel slumped forward and slid down over the cyclic stick.

Then came the pounding on his window. He turned, expecting Jill with her hair waving in the water—and please God, let her have left the baby at home. But it was the woman from the pictures on George’s bookshelf. She yanked open the door and hit him, pummeled him in the chest, and screamed: “Save Joe!”

Sky tried to explain it was Daniel and not Joe, but she wouldn’t listen. She kept yelling for him to pull Joe to safety. And when he turned to look at his co-pilot again, he saw it wasn’t Daniel. This man was on fire. How could a man burn under water?

Now he understood the woman was Sarah and she expected
him
to save Joe. How could he save Joe when he couldn’t even save himself? Wait a second. Hadn’t Joe died before Sky was even born? This had to be Daniel. But why was he on fire? Suddenly the pilot’s harness was gone. Had someone cut it off? He was trying to unravel the puzzle when he realized the woman had morphed into Daisy.

“Follow me.” She tapped on his nose twice. “Just follow me.”

“Leave me the hell alone, Daisy! I don’t know what happened to Daniel! I can’t find him! I have to save Daniel!

“It’s okay. Come on, Sky. Wake up.”

“Go away! I can’t leave without Daniel! He’ll die! I can’t live with myself if he dies!”

“You have to wake up, Sky. You’re dreaming. Wake. Up.”

Sky followed her reluctantly. He struggled up from the murky depths and sucked in air, precious air.

And then he opened his eyes.

There was no sunshine. No ocean. No helicopter. No Sarah. No Joe. No Daniel.

Only Daisy. Staring at him in horror.

“Who’s Daniel?” she asked quietly.

Sky glanced wildly around the bedroom, then back at her. He wiped his brow and realized he was soaked in sweat and had drenched the bed.

He rolled onto his knees, defensive, terrified.

“Daisy, I’m sorry. I guess I had a bad dream or something?”

“Who’s Daniel?” she asked again.

“Daniel?” 

“Yes. You were screaming about not being able to save Daniel.”

“Are you sure I didn’t say ‘Joe’? Maybe I was dreaming about George trying to save Joe or something? You know, after that story we heard today.”

Daisy simply looked at him. Didn’t say a word. Just looked at him. Grim.

She knew.

“Look, I’m all sweaty. Can I just go—?”

“Who is Daniel?” She reached for her T-shirt and panties, slipped them on, waited. But he didn’t answer. “You know, Sky. I’m not stupid. I’ve been here before. Now tell me. Who. Is. Daniel?”

Sky rose from the bed and walked to the bathroom. He shut the door and turned on the shower. He had to clear his mind and think before he talked. Oh, he was going to come clean with her. Because she knew
.
Like she’d said, she’d been there before.

Although it was three o’clock in the morning, he went ahead and dressed. Then he sat at the foot of the bed. Daisy hadn’t moved. She was still propped up in bed, sheets wrapped around her, patiently waiting for an explanation.

Sky stared at the opposite wall, inhaled deeply, let it out, and jumped in.

“Daniel Meyers was my HAC when I was a lieutenant j.g. We were on a training mission out of San Diego. Everything was going smoothly and then we had a tail rotor malfunction. The fact that we weren’t killed on impact with the Pacific was a miracle. I survived.” He paused and rubbed his head. “Daniel didn’t.”

Daisy pulled back the covers and slid to the end of the bed. She put her arms around him and held him. “Oh, Sky. I’m so sorry. My God, that must have been horrible.”

He didn’t give in to her embrace. Just stared at the wall until he realized his fingernails needed immediate attention. “All the training I learned in the dunk tank came to fruition. I didn’t know if we were upside-down or right side up. I mean, we’re taught a helo is top heavy because of the rotor head, so nine times out of ten it’s going to flip over, but when you’re in the situation, you don’t know which way is up.

“I managed to get my harness off but I couldn’t get Daniel’s free. I tried to find his pulse and I couldn’t really tell, but I’d swear on my life he was already dead. I grabbed my emergency air, but didn’t know how to hook him up to his air—or if he was breathing. I had about a minute to make a decision because water was coming in pretty fast. I knew if I unstrapped him and attempted to carry him up to the surface, I’d probably die trying.” Sky turned and looked at her. “Sometimes I wish I had, so I wouldn’t have to live with the guilt.”

Daisy uttered a soft sound of sympathy and laid her head on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Sky.”

“I finally decided to do what I’d been trained to do. It had been drilled into me since the first day of flight school. Do not go back. For anything. Or anybody.
Save yourself first and then, only if it’s safe, save your buddy.”

Sky went back to wall staring, while Daisy stroked his back with her fingertips.

“It was inconclusive exactly how he died, although he did have a head trauma. Probably from impact. We hit the water pretty damn hard.”
Sky shut his eyes, inhaled deeply, and let the breath out before continuing. “The board of inquiry said both Daniel and I had done everything we could and neither of us was found at fault. It was ruled a mechanical error.” He turned to her again. “But I always felt I
could
have done more. You know, saved him.” He shrugged. “Or something.”

Daisy spoke barely above a whisper. “Not if he was already dead.”

Sky’s chest tightened. Fuck, it hurt to breathe. Especially with his heart hammering away like that. He found a comforting rhythm with his thumbs, tracing one thumbnail with the tip of the other. “It creeped me out when George told me about Joe and Sarah, because Daniel was married too. He and his wife, Jill, had a little girl. After he died, I went to see them. I tried to spend time with them, but Jill wanted me gone.” He met Daisy’s eyes again. “I felt responsible somehow. I wanted to stay and take care of them, but she kept telling me it was too much of a reminder that I survived and Daniel didn’t. And to please go away.”

Daisy stroked his cheek. “I understand now why you offered to care for Hallie McCabe if Philip had died.”

He snorted out a laugh of disbelief.
“Pretty sick, huh?”

“No, Sky. Caring
.
Maybe a little misplaced. But caring.”

Sky stood and paced back and forth in the bedroom. Both hands found their way into his hair. “They can tell me there was nothing else I could have done until they’re blue in the face, but I can’t get that day out of my mind.” He stopped, turned, and beseeched Daisy with his eyes. “Jesus Christ, do you know what happens when your tail rotor goes out? You
fucking spin
. Until you
fucking crash.”
He sat down on the end of the bed again, elbows on knees, chin in hands.

Daisy patted his back, but remained silent. Had he just fucked up the best thing that ever happened to him? He should have known it was too good to be true. He should have known better than to think he deserved happiness. He didn’t fucking deserve squat.

“You asked me if I had any problems after killing terrorists in the attack on the
Blanchard.
I don’t. Taking out the tangos hasn’t bothered me in the least. It was the accident in ’08 when I lost Daniel. That’s what gets me every time. I always dream I can’t get him free from his harness. And then Jill comes and bangs on the window and yells at me to save him.” Sky turned and looked at her. “Except lately it’s been you at the window.”

“Me? I’m in your dreams.”

Sky gave a little chuckle. “Yeah, you’re the woman of my dreams, but not like this. In these dreams you make me go with you.” He smiled at her. “You want to fool around, which makes me feel even guiltier for leaving him behind.”

Daisy asked quietly, “And you don’t see the symbolism in that?”

“What symbolism?”

“Nothing,” she said. Just sat there and waited for him to go on.

Was there any hope she’d let this ride? That she’d forgive him? For what? Not telling her he had bad dreams sometimes? Or, being stupid enough to think he could handle this himself?

“Maybe that’s why I’ve been afraid to have a serious relationship with anyone. Maybe I couldn’t allow myself to settle down because I wouldn’t want to leave her behind, you know, like Daniel left Jill.” He smacked his forehead. “What am I saying? Of course you know
.
But then
Philip told me about that survivor guilt thing that worked for him and I figured it was worth a try. I started to believe that maybe I was left behind to make a contribution to the world—maybe with you.”

He hoped to hell when he looked at Daisy that she’d look forgiving. But all he saw was disappointment in her eyes. “That’s why I asked you to marry me. No, wait. I asked you to marry me because I love you. But I finally felt like maybe I
deserved
to love somebody after he told me that.”

“And how’s that ‘survivor guilt thing’ working for you? Have your dreams stopped?”

“Obviously not.”

“How long has this been going on? The dreams?”

Now the disappointment was partnered with suspicion and…was that anger he saw? No, it was fear. Fear of
her
nightmare happening all over again. It was all there for the taking, reflected in her blue-green eyes. And then he boiled it down to one word. He had
hurt
her by not telling her about the dreams.

“Ever since it happened. I’ll have a lot of good nights and then, Whamo! Out of the blue, a bad night. But they’ve gotten a lot better since George and I talked a couple weeks ago.” Maybe Sky could bargain with her. “Come on, it’s not as bad as what happened to Jack.”