Forget Me When the Sun Goes Down (Forged Bloodlines Book 11) (23 page)

I stared at her blankly, not sure who she meant.  Rob? 

“Lee has departed for
Helgafjell
,” Nell said, her eyes downcast, and Maeja’s forehead crumpled in sympathy.

“Oh, I am saddened to hear of his passing.  He will be missed.”

I nodded gravely, sad for the loss, but still not remembering the man himself. 

“We will drink and feast tonight in his honor then.”

“Ah, before we do that, there’s one more thing we need to ask you,” I said, backing up to my place next to Bishop.  His hand rested on the small of my back, and I took comfort from it. 

“You have only to ask,” Maeja smiled.  “You rid the world of Lodinn, I am in your debt.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.”  I took in a shaky breath.  “There’s someone else who needs your help.”

“Who?  Your new man?”  She looked Bishop up and down.  “He seems virile enough.”

“No.”  I figured it was probably better to show her than to tell her.  “Nell, you’d better let him in now.”

Jakob stepped in, shoulders bowed, his face drawn with apprehension.

“
Hva forræderi er dette?
” she demanded, jumping to her feet. 

I wasn’t sure what that meant, but it didn’t sound good.

“There is no treachery, I swear it,” Jakob cried out, falling to his knees before the throne.  “See, see how I humble myself before you,
älskling
?”

“Don’t call me that, you don’t know the meaning of the word love,” Maeja screamed, her eyes blazing with fury as she whirled on Nelleke.  “How could you do this?  How could you bring him before me?”

Nelleke’s eyes were downcast, her entire posture apologetic.  “He needs your help, Maeja.  Without it he will surely die.” 

“Then let him die,” she spat out, turning to leave, but I zipped forward in the blink of an eye to block her path. 

“Please, please listen to him, Maeja,” I begged.  “He honestly does need your help.  And he’s sorry, just look at him.” 

Maeja recovered from being startled by my sudden appearance in her path smoothly.  “He has no idea what I’ve suffered,” she scowled. 

“He actually doesn’t,” I insisted.  “He hardly remembers his name.  Jakob lost his memory.”

Her eyes narrowed with suspicion.  “Do you seek to trick me?”

“No, it’s true.  We all lost our memories.  Another side effect of Nelleke’s spell.”  I motioned to the others, wanting them to back me up, and they all nodded.   

Maeja didn’t seem to care.  “That only makes his suffering all that more meaningless, because he won’t realize the true error of his ways.”

“No, you’re right, it
is
meaningless.  So why not end it?  Heal him and make him spend the rest of his life begging for your forgiveness.”  Never mind the fact that I was pretty sure Jakob wouldn’t agree to be her whipping boy for all eternity, it was all I could think of to appeal to her.

“Jakob submit to me?” she laughed. 

“Yes, I would,” he piped up, crawling toward us on his knees.  “Restore my life, and I will spend it in your shadow, worshipping your eternal beauty.”

“As if I could believe a single word that falls from your deceitful mouth,” she scoffed.  “The second you had what you wanted of me, you would abandon me as you did before.  If you truly desired my forgiveness, you should’ve asked for it when you needed nothing from me.”

“It’s true, I should have,” Jakob agreed.  “And I can’t speak for why I haven’t come to you before.  I can only assume I was so ashamed for treating you badly, I thought you would not wish to see me, and I couldn’t stand to see your lovely countenance again only to face shame and rejection.” 

“Very pretty words, but my heart is cold to you, Jakob.  It has been for over two centuries.  Live or die, I care not.”  Maeja whirled again, staring me down with an icy glare.  For a split second, I thought about trying to get her in a headlock and letting Jakob steal a drink, but I had no idea how strong she was.  I didn’t want to end up as goo under her soft leather boots.  In the end, I stepped aside, figuring maybe we could wear her down and eventually get Jakob what he needed. 

“
Mor vennligst
,” Nell cried out, and Maeja stopped in her tracks.  “I never ask you for anything, but I am pleading to you now.  If you are not forgiving Jakob, instead accept my sacrifice in his stead.  My life for his.  I will stay with you, never to leave the vale again.”

Maeja’s head tilted to one side as she studied her daughter.  “You would do this?  I know what your freedom means to you.  You owe him nothing.”

“He is my father, and I have come to love him.  I believe he is worthy of your gift.  Give him the chance to prove he is sorry for the pain he cause you.”

For long seconds the hall was deathly quiet, all of our breaths waiting for her response.  Maeja’s brow twisted with emotion at Nelleke’s impassioned plea, but I saw it the instant we were lost, a dreadful calm settling over her cold beauty. 

“Stay or go, but I will not spare a drop to save his life.  Not now or in a thousand years.” 

“There’s seriously nothing we can do?”  It seemed awfully anticlimactic to have come so far only to be shut down like that.  We sat around Nelleke’s living room, the pall of failure heavy in the room.  Mason and Hanna had already retired for the night, and I occasionally heard a brief spot of laughter coming from upstairs.  I couldn’t imagine how that conversation was going, considering the fact that he was a complete stranger to her, but Mason was charming enough that she wasn’t afraid of being alone with him.  In any case, I was glad they were happy. 

“There must be some other spell, or if we went somewhere with more vampires.  Then he’d get stronger if he kept feeding from them, right?” I asked.

“That would be signing my death warrant,” Jakob said with a weak shake of the head. 

“I don’t get it.  Wouldn’t drinking vampire blood make you last longer?”

“Showing that kind of a weakness in front of other vampires would be an open invitation to anyone looking to amass more power,” Bishop explained.  “Anyone who killed an
Ellri
would immediately gain status, as well as his personal wealth.”

“I thought it was illegal to kill an
Ellri
.” 

“It is, but that kind of power would be difficult to resist.  And it’s been done before,” he added.  “Bakareh killed his Sire, and he was an
Ellri
.  He rules his entire region now, unopposed.”

“How do you know that?” I frowned, and Bishop shrugged.

“I don’t know, I just do.”

It resonated as the truth though.  The name Bakareh was familiar to me too, and after a few moments, it came to me – the Child King.  Man, what a pain in the rear he’d been.  I sat lost in thought trying to sort through what I did and didn’t remember.  More of it was coming back, not just the bits and pieces that hit out of the blue, but a general knowledge of vampire society. 

And then another memory struck with perfect clarity. 

The rod felt impossibly light, despite the silver tip, little more than a twig.  If I grasped it too hard it might snap, and I forced myself to hold it gently, like an egg.  This man had caused me a world of pain and there he lay, trusting me with his life – and I didn’t want that trust. 

“This won’t work,” I murmured.  “I don’t love him.”  There was a time when I would’ve willingly flung those words at him like a weapon, but now all I felt was pity and sorrow that it had come to this. 

The corner of Jakob’s lips tugged up in amusement.  “But I love you, Anja, from the moment I first beheld your delicate beauty.  And that love has only grown as I learned to appreciate your strength and goodness.  Only your hand will do.”  His eyes held mine for a long moment before he let out a long, drawn out sigh.

I could still feel the rod in my hand before I plunged it into his shoulder.  I felt the knife slice through flesh and bone, and the sickening plop of his heart into the bowl.  Jakob had traded his life for mine when he’d volunteered to take part in the ritual.  If he’d suffered this much over all those months, the spell would’ve killed me for sure. 

Whatever his mistakes might’ve been, Jakob was my Sire, and he’d sacrificed everything for my happiness.  I couldn’t let him die, not when there was a single chance of saving him.  I just had to figure out what it was. 

“Fine, but we can’t give up.  We’ll hunt down Carys and Aubrey, and sit on them if we have to, to make the spell work this time.  And Rob will come if I ask him to, he owes me that at least.”

“Your optimism is touching, petal,” Jakob smiled.  “But I fear my time grows short.  No, I shall not leave my homeland again.  I was born here, I will die here.  It’s only fitting.”

“What if we tried the spell without them?  With Bishop and I, would that work?”

Bishop’s brows drew together into a single, dark line.  “Anja, stop and think about what you’re saying.”

“It would drain you equally,” Nell replied, her expression thoughtful.  “You would survive, but you would be greatly diminished.  It would take years to recover.”

“But we
would
recover, right?”  Okay, so it wasn’t the best option, and we might end up in a coma or worse, but we had eternity. 

“I cannot ask you to do this,
älskling
,” Jakob said, stronger, almost sounding like his old voice.  “But I am deeply moved by the offer.  I tire,
dóttir
,” he added to Nell.  “Please help me to my room.”

“I’m not done with this,” I said to Jakob, catching hold of his hand in passing.  “I’m going to figure out a way to Macgyver our way out of this.”  Jakob squeezed my hand weakly, and then continued on upstairs. 

“I know it sucks, but there’s only so much we can give,” Bishop said when we were alone.

“I know, it’s just...”

“Hey, it’s okay,” he said, pulling me into his arms.  “Jakob sounds like he’s come to terms with it.  You have to remember, he’s lived a long, long life.”

“That doesn’t mean he deserves to die.”

“Very few do.  But there are some things that even the immortal can’t cheat.  We all have to go at some point.  Come on, it’s getting late.  Why don’t I tuck you into bed?  I’m sure things will look brighter tomorrow.”

I allowed him to pull me to my feet, but didn’t move toward the stairs.  “What if he dies during the day when we’re passed out?”

“Then he’ll be at peace.  You heard him, Anja, he was deeply touched by your offer to try the spell again.  He knows how much you care.  And maybe we’ll come up with a brilliant plan at the last second and save the day?  All I know is, you won’t do him any good by sitting up all day.”

“It’s still a couple of hours before daybreak,” I grumbled. 

“Come on upstairs.  That’s a couple of hours for me to hold you.”

I knew I’d feel better lying in his arms, but I didn’t feel like I deserved it.  Why should I find comfort when Jakob had none?  “I appreciate the offer, Bishop, I really do.  But can I have a rain check?  I think I’d like to sit with Jakob, for as long as I can stay up.  Just in case.”  It was the least I could do.  “Do you mind?”

“No, that’s fine.”  Bishop escorted me to the stairs, letting me go first as we approached the narrow stairwell.

“Do you think I’m being a baby about this?”

He stopped me on the stair, turning me by the hips so I faced him.  “No, I think you’re beautiful, and caring, and sweet to think of it.  If I was to die, your face is that last one I’d want to see.”

“Ah, but that’s where you have to understand – you’re never going to die,” I smiled, but he didn’t smile back. 

“Everybody dies, Anja.  Some of us get to live a lot longer than most, but it’s a part of life.”

“Everybody dies,” I repeated, my smile fading.  He was right, it was a fact of life.  “And if I die before you?”

“We’re not going to talk about that right now,” he said with a tight press of the lips.  “We’re just going to enjoy the time we have together.  That’s all we can do.  Now go on, sit with Jakob.  I’ll be there to collect you at dawn.”

Everybody dies.  And my life was no more important than Jakob’s.  So why was he the one making peace with death instead of me?

I knocked softly on Nell’s door before I entered, wanting to talk to Jakob about the sacrifice he’d made, and why he’d done it.  Only I found him already passed out, Nelleke pacing nervously around the bed. 

“Is he...?”

“He is near the end,” she said quietly, as if afraid to say it out loud.

I sat beside Jakob, picking up his hand, surprised at how cool it felt, instead of his normal blazing heat.  “Jakob,” I said softly, giving it a squeeze.  “Jakob, it’s Anja.”

“It is no good, he is not hearing us, I think.”

This was it, Jakob was really dying.  Somehow I’d thought we’d come up with a plan at the last moment, like Bishop said.  But I had nothing.  Nothing, except, “Nell?  What if we did the lifeforce spell with just me?”

“Then you would surely die.” 

“But would it be enough to restore him?”

“I am thinking yes, your life for his.  It would be enough to appease the sacrifice.”

I sucked in a long breath, my words coming out fast.  “Okay then, I want you to do it.”

Her brow crumpled with concern.  “Are you certain?  You understand what you risk.”  I felt the hope radiating out from her, and knew what my answer had to be. 

“I’m the one who was supposed to do the sacrifice to break the curse in the first place, I can’t let him take my place again.”

“Is Bishop knowing about this?”

“No, and there’s no reason for him to until it’s over.”  Jakob had a daughter who would be devastated by losing him.  Bishop would understand why I felt the need to do what I had planned.  This thing between us was new and exciting, but it wasn’t the deep, abiding love we’d shared in the past that I only remembered fragments of.  He’d be sad, but he’d recover.  As he’d said, everybody dies, it’s a part of life.  He’d accepted that he would eventually die, he’d come to accept my death as well.  Besides, he’d been willing to risk his life on the chance that the curse might come back, I could do no less.

“Very well,” she nodded.  “We will meet in the hall, it is the only place of the proper size, and it is a consecrated space.”

“What about Maeja?”

“She will have returned to her personal quarters by now.” 

“Give me an hour and I’ll slip away and meet you there.  Will you be able to manage him on your own?”

“I am strong enough to carry him.  Anja, you are sure you are wanting to do this?”

I couldn’t stop to dwell on it, I had to go with my gut.  “Yes, it’s the right thing to do.”

* * *

Bishop looked up with a smile when I got to our room, setting aside the book he’d been reading.  “Hey, you’re back sooner than I thought you’d be.” 

You can do this, Anja.  Just smile and act like everything’s normal.
  “Jakob’s already passed out.  He wouldn’t know if I was there or not,” I explained, sitting on the edge of the bed to kick my shoes off.  “And I wanted to be with you.”

He leaned forward, kissing my shoulder.  “I want to be with you too.  Maybe it’ll be good if he gets some sleep.  Things might look brighter tomorrow.”

“Maybe you’re right.”  I smiled back, blinking fast to keep from tearing up, but he noticed something was off.

“Hey, come here,” he said, pulling me into his strong embrace.  “I know you’re sad, but it’ll be okay, I promise.  We’ve been through rougher things before, at least we got to say goodbye instead of losing him unexpectedly.”

“Do you think that’s better?  Or is it better for him to slip away suddenly and you hear about it later?”

Bishop let out a long breath.  “I don’t know, they’re both pretty painful.  Maybe it would’ve been easier to get the news that he’d died after the fact?  Then maybe we wouldn’t feel like such a failure for not having done something to prevent it.”

His words only supported what I’d been thinking.  “Sometimes bad things happen, and there’s nothing you can do about it,” I said softly.  “Like you said, everybody dies.”

“Hey, who’s comforting who?” he chuckled, pulling back to look into my eyes.  “I’m glad you’re making your peace with it.  It’ll be easier for him if he can see your smiles instead of tears.”

I nodded, forcing a smile even though I felt like crying.  How could I leave him?  We were just at the beginning of our relationship.  Okay, so that wasn’t strictly true, but it felt that way without all of my memories.  If it was this hard to leave him now, I couldn’t imagine what it would feel like if I’d loved him for years.  Maybe I wouldn’t be contemplating trading my life for Jakob’s.  And maybe that’s the way it was supposed to be? 

Maybe it was fate that I hadn’t done the spell to restore my memories or Jakob really would be completely out of options.  In any case, I was grateful for the time I’d had with Bishop over the past year.  It was time I never would’ve had at all if I’d been the one to break the gypsy’s curse, and now it was time to pay for that gift.

“Hey, you got awfully quiet there.  Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yes, I’m just tired.  It’s been a long night.”

“How about you come to bed?” he smiled, leaning in to nuzzle against my neck.  “Then maybe I can kiss it and make it better.”

But when he scooted back to make room for me on the bed, I didn’t follow.  “Could you maybe just hold me for a while?”

He gave me an understanding smile.  “Yeah, I can do that.”

I shrugged out of my jeans, climbing in beside him in my t-shirt and panties to get comfortable.  Maybe because he didn’t want to send me mixed messages, Bishop climbed under the covers pants and all, his bare feet the only nod to comfort.  Wrapping me in his embrace, he kissed the top of my head before settling in with a long sigh. 

I’d asked Nell for an hour because I wanted to be able to give Bishop another memory to cherish after I was gone.  In my mind I guess I’d imagined a passionate encounter, but this was somehow better.  Our first time together the night before (first time that I could recall with perfect clarity anyway) had been beyond beautiful, and I didn’t think I could top it.  These last minutes in his arms were every bit as memorable, just in a different way.  This was how I wanted him to remember our time together.