Forgive & Forget (Love in the Fleet) (8 page)

Warmth flooded his chest. She was in love with him? He was toast. And completely hard again.

He knew if he lived to be a hundred years old, he’d never get enough of this woman. “When you first met me in my BCGs while I was elucidating you on sewage?”

“No, when you took my chin in your hand and asked, ‘Did I do this? I’m sorry if I hurt you.’ Instead of talking me into going to bed with you after those kisses in the rain, you took me home and then you were concerned that you’d hurt me. You’re different, Philip. Most men live in the moment and try to take whatever they can get.”

“They think with their dicks.” He nuzzled his way up her neck to her ear. “As a matter of fact, it’s what’s thinking for me right now. Sorry to sound so crude, but I’m in the Navy, remember?”

Hallie suddenly sobered. “And Philip?” She paused long enough that he brought his head back up to hers, shielding their faces from the sun with his hat. “I’ve never made love with my eyes before.”

“You mean with them open?”

“That too.”

Desire shot through him all over again. He knew exactly what she meant. “Me either.”

Her blue eyes were hypnotic. For a nanosecond, there was something familiar about them. But then it was gone and they were just Hallie’s deep blue eyes. Beyond cobalt and almost into purple.

“My grandmother’s got these dishes,” he said. “You know for Thanksgiving and stuff. I wasn’t allowed to eat off them until I was, like, ten. She calls them the good
cornflower
dishes. And they are the exact color of your eyes.” He shook his head. “Sorry, that was cheesy. But true.”

“That’s something else about you. You don’t tell me I’m pretty or anything like that.”

“And that would be a good thing because?”

“Because boys have told me that since I was in the sixth grade. I want to be more than that. I want people to like me for me.”

Philip went back to exploring her neck with his kisses. “I was just trying to get in your pants—or get you out of them. You know how we cowboys are.”

Hallie laughed.

Philip continued. “And since I did get you out of them, how about we take this new relationship for another ride. You don’t need a condom for everything. Unless you happen to have a back-up in that purse of yours.”

“Well, actually…” She paused so long, he looked up at her. “I thought about throwing in another one.” He continued to look at her hopefully as the faintest trace of humor lit her eyes, “But I didn’t have time to open a new package and get one.”

Damn.

She reached for her beach bag and flashed him a sexy, wicked smile. “So I just threw in the whole box.”

God, he loved this woman.

“Philip, it’s getting late.”

Hallie glanced up at the vermillion sky in the west as Philip raised the anchor. They had made love all afternoon, but now the sun was settling low and it was time to sail back to the marina.

As Philip unfurled the sails, he said, “I guess we better head home to my nice, comfortable bed, if we can walk, that is. But do me a favor when we get there, okay?” A bad boy grin shined in his soft brown eyes. “Don’t scream too loud. Don’t want the neighbors calling the cops.”

Hallie socked him in the arm. “Come on, we better head home. It’s going to be dark soon.”

Philip glanced at the horizon. “Check out the sunset. You know what we say about the sky in the Navy?”

Hallie’s heart missed a beat but she managed to reply, “They say it on sailboats too. Red sky at morning, sailors take warning. Red sky at night…”

“Sailors’ delight,” they recited together.

Hallie thought about her plans to sail off into the sunset alone. Suddenly it didn’t sound like such a good plan. She belonged here with Philip. And he belonged with her. They should be able to sail off into the sunset together. However, this boat was not their real world. The USS
Blanchard
was. And the longer she drew this lie out, the more she jeopardized his career.

But what about their hearts? Didn’t they count for anything?

Apparently not in Uncle Sam’s Navy.

Chapter 9

They say a guy is in a serious relationship when there’s a box of tampons in his bathroom cabinet. A woman’s toothbrush is one thing, but tampons signify a Category-Five relationship. Several weeks after sex on the sailboat Sunday, Philip charged out of the bathroom brandishing a wrapped tampon. “These damn things are the bane of my existence!”

“Tampons?”

“Do you have any idea how much damage one of these can do to the sewage system on an aircraft carrier? Don’t they have shots for that kind of thing now?”

Hallie found that amazingly humorous. “Wait. Are you suggesting all the women on your ship get shots so they won’t have periods?”

“I’ll pay for ’em.” He joined her in mirth. “I’ve got this girl who works for me. Everybody calls her Trixie. She’s a real piece of work. I love having her in my division, because she’s a real hard ass, so I made her responsible for all the female heads. She’s planning to go to plumbing tech school when she gets out of the Navy. She tells the men she’s only in the Navy so she can get some mentoring while she’s working on her plumber’s crack.”  

Hallie snorted with laughter, because she could just hear Trixie saying that.

“She came to me the other day and asked if there was anything else she could do to speed up her advancement. I told her, ‘Williams, I’ll promote you to captain if you can get those ladies to read the freaking signs and stop trying to flush tampons down the hoppers.”

Weak with laughter, Hallie collapsed against him. She’d witnessed Trixie walking through berthing announcing “No plugs in the shitters, girls. You do and I promise they’ll come back to bite you in the butt. And if they don’t, I will!”

“Actually, it’s kind of funny. The guys hate it that she’s got head duty in all the female berthing compartments now. They used to count on going into those spaces and fixing things. Apparently when we’re deployed the enlisted ladies string up clotheslines in their berthing areas to dry their unmentionables. But with Trixie on the prowl, there’s no chance of the guys checking out the girls’ skivvies on the lines anymore.”

Hallie knew the clothesline well. It was strung up right under the 1917 recruiting poster of a woman in a sailor suit, with the caption, “Gee I wish I were a man. I’d join the Navy.” Hallie would be using the clothesline herself once the ship deployed and she could no longer avail herself of Rebecca’s or Philip’s washers and dryers. Guilt gnawed at her.

The cruise. The days were ticking by. This fairy tale was going to end soon.

“I still think you made Hallie up. How come I can’t meet her?” Sky said over a pitcher of beer.

“I don’t know. She’s always got some excuse. And I’m really busy these days too. I shouldn’t even be here tonight.”

“Oh, come on, Bill, all work and no play. Bet you’re getting plenty of play time at night with
Hallie
.” Sky’s mouth curved into a roguish smile.

Joy lit Philip’s tired face. “Never too tired for that.”

“You got a picture of her?”

Philip turned serious. “No, I don’t. She’s funny about that. I went to take a picture of her once and she put her hand over my phone. Said she didn’t like her picture taken.”

“Oh, she’s ugly! I get it now. Billy Boy keeps his woman to himself because she’s a dog.”

“Trust me. She’s no dog.”

“Course you’d say that cuz she’s ringing your chimes. I bet she’s a double bagger. No double bagger wants her picture taken.” A double bagger was a woman who was so ugly she’d need to wear two bags over her head in case the first one fell off.

The dreamy look was back on Philip’s face. “And she’s no double bagger.”

“You still watching Jeopardy and necking on the sofa?”

“Yeah, cuz you know what?” He paused for emphasis. “The winner gets to be on top.”

Sky roared with laughter. “Told you she was a nympho-brainiac. No wonder you can’t meet me for a beer. You got to get home for Final Jeopardy every night. You’re not only dating a dog, but a smart dog. Nerd meets nerd. I love it!”

Philip chuckled with him, but guilt stabbed at him from sharing too much about Hallie. This was his best buddy and even though Sky teased him mercilessly, he loved him like a brother. They had a deal whereby they owed the other one a beer any time they made a woman scream during sex. However, there was no way Philip was collecting that beer by telling Sky that Hallie was a screamer. Okay, he wasn’t going to collect that
case
of beer, even though he’d never been on the receiving end of the deal before. He’d keep it his own little secret. He didn’t need his ego stroked when he had Hallie.

“Time for truth. Have you done the dirty deed?”

“Many times.”

The dirty deed had nothing to do with sex. Well, not really. It was saying, “I love you” to a woman—and meaning it.

“You used the L word?”

“Many times.” He gave a self-satisfied smile before taking a sip of his beer.

“And meant it?”

Philip could not contain his smile. “Every time.”

“Swear on John Paul Jones’ crypt?”

The body of the Revolutionary War hero and Father of the American Navy had been disinterred in Paris in 1905, and brought to the United States, where it lies today in a sarcophagus beneath the Naval Academy chapel at Annapolis. The Holy Grail for Academy graduates.

“Swear on John Paul Jones’ crypt.”

Sky whistled. “You mean?”

“Yeah.”

“Holy shit, Batman. The One?”

A broad grin split Philip’s face. “Yup.”

They’d used the term, The One, to mean the perfect woman that each of them would meet and marry someday, if and when they ever grew up. Neither of them had ever used the term seriously thus far. It had only been used as a negative, as in “Well, she sure as shit ain’t The One,” when discussing the lesser talent that frequented their local watering holes or hookers in liberty ports overseas.

“Yeah, I’ve met The One. Now I just have to make sure she wants to be The One.”

“Roger that. When do I get to meet her? You know, some night after Final Jeopardy.”

“Sorry, I’ll be busy.”

“Maybe Saturday. No Jeopardy on Saturdays.”

“That might work. I’ll give you a call.”

“Okay, and be sure to let me know when it’s time to get my mess dress pressed and polish my brass buttons for a wedding.”

“I wouldn’t hold your breath. I’ve only known her a couple of weeks and I’m hoping we can keep this thing going after we ship out. It’s going to be hard to leave an awesome woman like this on shore when I go on cruise, but I do feel safe about one thing.”

“What’s that?”

Philip smiled wickedly. “You’ll be on the cruise too.”

Sky huffed out a laugh. “No, Billy Boy. The official rules state that once you find The One, nobody else can touch her. But I do have one request.”

“Shoot.”

“Promise me none of the bridesmaids will be double baggers. Okay, Cowboy?”

Philip and Hallie settled into some semblance of a routine, stealing time together at Philip’s apartment whenever he could get away from the ship. Hallie ramped up their sex life when she presented him with her clean bill of health statement. Philip followed suit and condoms became a thing of the past, as did sailing.

They rarely ventured out on the weekends after that. She wanted to spend every waking moment with him, knowing this dream would end soon.

The weekdays were grueling for Philip, and Hallie’s heart ached for him. Engineers on a ship rarely see the light of day, and poor Philip was exhausted since he was doing double duty: being an engineer and being in love.

His job became even more hectic as they neared the deployment date, with several short trips out for sea trials to test engines, propulsions, weapons systems, catapults, and arresting gear. Hallie tried to give him time to rest, but he kept telling her he could sleep for the next six months. Fat chance, but it sounded good. He said he wanted to spend every free minute with her.

Sea trials hadn’t been a problem for Hallie because they both went to sea. She just laid low on board. Except she made a mistake once, knowing the exact time of day he’d be back, when he hadn’t specifically told her. He’d even questioned her about it. She’d gotten a wicked gleam in her eye and said she’d consulted her crystal ball so she’d know when to be ready for him.

Philip left for the ship at 0600 on the mornings he slept at home. Hallie followed thirty minutes later and always beat him back to The Towers, since his job was more demanding than hers. Meals at home were catch-as-catch-can. Hallie ensured they rarely dined out. Jeopardy was a special bonding time for them whenever he made it home on time. She loved challenging him and she could tell he was impressed with her knowledge of intellectual trivia. Since they were on the same duty schedule, duty nights weren’t a problem either. And, of course, she never joined him for dinner in the wardroom on those nights, or for a tour of his ship. She always “had too much schoolwork.”

There was rarely time to dine out or socialize with friends. Dinners with Rebecca and her husband were about it. Philip offered to take her out, but she always said, “I’d rather just stay here,” and then she’d smile seductively at him, and that was all she wrote. Philip was like putty in her hands. This pattern continued quite smoothly until the night he asked her to meet Sky.

Chapter 10

“We met our first day at the Naval Academy,” Philip told Hallie as they sat on the couch. “There are three of us who are still close. We call ourselves ‘the Highwaymen’ after a rainy night of drinking illicit beers under an overpass in Annapolis when we were midshipmen. Nick is on a ship out of Norfolk right now, but we keep in touch by email. Sky is here in Jacksonville, over at the air station. He’s actually the one who named me Bill Gates. He’s a real cut-up. And okay, he’s kind of wild and a total player, but he makes me laugh. What’s really cool is he’s going to be on the cruise with me.” Philip looked at Hallie. “So do you want to meet him for dinner on Saturday?”

“Wait. He’ll be on the
Blanchard
? For the cruise?”

“Yeah, his squadron’s deploying with us.”

“I don’t think so, Philip.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t like military pilots.”

Philip’s gut registered another freaking landmine. He was getting a little leery of Hallie’s weird trust issues.

“That’s quite a blanket statement,” Philip said. “You haven’t even met the guy and you already don’t like him. I’m really surprised to hear that coming from you of all people, Hallie. Make the world a better place, don’t call people names, don’t judge people, and all that. And yet you’re prejudiced against pilots?”

“They remind me of those guys in high school, with their cocky arrogance.”

“Oh, come on. Some aviators are kind of wild. They have a dangerous job. They work hard and play hard. But there are lots of pilots who are mature and responsible guys. My
dad
was a pilot and he’s a good guy. You’re not being fair.”

“You just called this Sky a player. Are you now telling me he’s one of those responsible, mature guys?”

“Well, not exactly. Okay, no.” And then he knew there was something else. He could see it in her face. Something big was coming. She didn’t say another word for the longest time. She just looked at him. And he just looked back at her. Had he done something wrong?

And when she said, “Sit down, Philip. I have something to tell you,” he did what she asked, because those words were almost as bad as
we need to talk
, the four scariest words a woman can say to a man in love.

Hallie sat on the end of the sofa, staring straight ahead. “When I turned fourteen, my mom told me something I’ve never shared with another soul, except Rebecca. Mom waited until a week after my birthday because she didn’t want to spoil my special day. I give her points for that.”

Hallie looked at him and continued. “One night I came home from a friend’s house and Mom was sitting in the living room waiting for me. She had an open bottle of wine and I could see most of it was gone. She said she needed it to get up the courage to say what she had to say. I could see she’d been crying and was very upset.”

Philip moved closer and stroked her arm. Hallie turned to him. “I loved my mom, Philip, and she loved me. I miss her so much, but she made me very angry that night and I stayed mad at her for a couple of years. Now that she’s gone, I feel bad about that. I know she did her best.”

Hallie tucked that loose tendril of hair behind her ear, and then wrapped her arms around herself as if to hold herself together. “She said it was time I knew the truth about my father. I couldn’t imagine what she was going to tell me, because Sam McCabe disappeared from my life after their divorce when I was six. I mean it really hurt that I never saw him again and he never called. Even divorced kids get to see their dads sometimes. And then she told me Sam McCabe wasn’t my father.”

Philip put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him, kissing her gently on her temple. Hallie didn’t respond in any way, simply stared at the opposite wall.

“Mom said she had to tell me everything because I was getting attention from boys and she didn’t want me to make the mistakes she had.” Hallie absently swiped at her hair again, folded her hands and worried her thumbs against each other, then turned and looked at him. “My mom was in the Navy in the mid-eighties.”

Philip’s mouth dropped open.

She went back to drawing figure eights with her thumbnails. “She was a weather girl—an aerographer’s mate, in Atsugi, Japan. She told me my real father was a Navy pilot who she met when she was stationed there. He flew F-14 Tomcats. His name was Rick. She’d never tell me his full name because she didn’t want me to find him. It’s not even on my birth certificate, which I hadn’t seen until that week.” Hallie turned to him.

Philip made sure his face showed he was listening, but his brain was churning.

“Mom said he was handsome and exciting and a very smooth operator. That’s why I was upset when you told me about your friend. Naval aviators have left a bad taste in my mouth since that night.”

Philip pulled her to him and kissed her on the forehead. Then she turned back to look at the wall. He was stunned by the information, but touched that she would share this painful part of her life with him.

“He was on an aircraft carrier that pulled into a shipyard in Japan for repairs and apparently the planes flew off to the air base at Atsugi, where they met. They had a blazing love affair for a couple of weeks. She’d had too much wine and told me things, details, that she never should have.”

Hallie looked down, then back at the wall again. “Her name was Suzanne. Apparently he called her his ‘Little Suzie Q’ and she called him ‘Her big, strong Irishman.’ When she popped up pregnant, she wrote him and you know what he did?”

She turned to look Philip in the eye. “He sent her five-hundred dollars and told her he was sorry, but she ‘needed to take care of it.’ She wrote back asking him if he’d consider marrying her, at least until the baby was born. And that’s when he informed her he was already married.”

Philip pulled Hallie into his arms and stroked her back. Didn’t say anything. Just held her. And rocked her gently. But he was thinking that if her mother had been enlisted and her father was a pilot, they couldn’t have gotten married and remained on active duty because fraternization between an officer and an enlisted member was illegal.

“I knew the word, but I’d never used it. I understood the meaning though, so I said, ‘You mean I’m a bastard?’ and I’ll never forget how she answered me: ‘No, Hallie, your father was.’”

“So she raised you by herself?”