Forgiving Patience (28 page)

“No, not right now. Let’s not ruin
this.” He unwrapped his arms and motioned back and forth between them. “I know
we need to talk about that. And I will say that I am more than sorry for that
and could kick myself for the way I frightened you, but for now I would just
like to lie here with you…if that’s all right.”

She agreed. Bringing up something
that could turn this perfect night into just another bad memory wasn’t worth
it. She had enough of them already, and for once she wanted to have something
good…something that she could look back on and say
now
that was a good night.

Nodding her head, she said, “Yeah, we
can do that. Jake?”

“
Ummm
.”

“Will you just hold me?”

“No need to worry about that. I was
planning to hold you all night, sweetness.” With that they both drifted off,
and Anna slept peacefully for the first time in a long time. She didn’t require
a little blue pill to settle her mind and force her to drift off. And better
yet, she slept without any bad dreams. It was a good night and would be a good
memory.

Chapter Fourteen

Anna stretched and still could feel
the remnants of the night before. She shockingly embraced the early morning
light that streamed through the trees in the open window across from her bed.
In all her adult life, she’d never wakened and felt so rested. So this is how
she was supposed to feel.

Wait…what
is that?
All kinds of
alarm bells went off.

A stroking sensation jolted her
half-awake body into high alert. Her heart thumped rapidly in her chest,
causing her breath to come out in spurts with every stroke against her bare
thigh.

“About time you woke up.”

Jake!
Thank God.
Jake was who
she was pressed up against in her bed. He was the one who had held her the
entire night like she had asked…and he was the one rubbing his callused hand up
and down her bare thigh. For a few seconds he’d taken her back to a place in her
mind she didn’t want to ever think about in his presence. She would not taint
what they had with
those
memories.

“Why are you touching me?” she asked,
not being able to hide the fact he had scared her.

“I was just trying to wake you up. I
didn’t mean to startle you. Sorry, babe.”

She rolled over to face him, sleep
still in her eyes. “It’s still early, slugger,” she said with surprising ease.
Letting something that had seemed so terrifying just seconds ago roll off her
back was a major accomplishment.

“Slugger, huh?” he teased, “I’ve
never been too keen on nicknames, but I have to say that one has grown on me.”

“Well, slugger, what time is it?” She
was only in a slightly foul mood with it being morning.

“Eight,” Jake replied. “What’s up
with you and mornings anyway?”

“Just can’t seem to like them. After
a couple cups of coffee, I usually am fine…but not ‘til then.”

A wicked, confident smile spread
across his face, showing his perfect white teeth. “I think I can find a
substitute for your coffee addiction.” He pulled her closer to him and kissed
her with everything he had. Parting her lips for him, she gave him all of her
to explore and take as his own. And he did. He prodded, taking over her mouth
and mind.

“I think I can get used to that,” she
admitted when he finally pulled back. She didn’t regret her wording because she
was past the point of worrying about every one of her actions. But she hoped he
took it lightheartedly and not as an indication that she thought they were
going to be waking up like this forever.

“I could get used to giving it to
you, sweetness.”

“Jake?”

“Let me guess, you still need your
coffee?”

“Yes. Sorry, but I can’t function
without it. I know I sound like some junky, but I need it.”

“And here I thought I was the one who
could satisfy every one of your cravings.”

“Believe me, you did last night.”

“Oh…yeah, I still got it,” he said,
with a dorky fist pump.

What
does that mean?
Had he
been without sex for a long time? Surely not. She saw the way Carly looked at
him. And she imagined all women looked at him with that same lust.
No…don’t
you go there. It doesn’t matter how many women Jake has been with…nor does it
matter how long he has been going without holding a woman like he did you last
night.

He left the bed, and she instantly
missed his closeness and warmth. She could see his backside clear as day. And
it was a perfect butt, not that she had seen any man’s bare butt before, but
nothing could be any better than Jake’s body. Her cheeks flushed as he found
his boxers and pulled them up his long, athletic legs.

“Where are you going?” She wanted him
back in the bed with her.

“I worked up an appetite last night.
A man’s got to eat, and you need coffee.” He was making her coffee? Had she
ever had a man make her coffee before? Duh…no, she had never even had a man
sleep over before last night.

“You don’t have to do that. I can
make it.” She sat upright, searching for her shirt.

“No…you keep your cute little ass
right there, because I will be next to you as soon as I find something to fill
my belly and get you your cup of Joe.” Jake searched through her almost bare
cabinets until he found a box of cherry Pop-Tarts and her can of coffee. He did
as he promised. After finding his breakfast and making them both a cup of
coffee, hers with creamer, he handed her a cup while he planted a kiss on her
lips.

“Be right back.” He went into the
bathroom and shut the door.

She took her first sip of coffee and
allowed herself to enjoy her memories of the night before. Had she really had
sex with Jake last night? Yes, she had, and it was amazing. More than
amazing…amazing didn’t even cut it when it came to sex and the pleasure he
brought her body.

“What are these, Anna?” Jake came out
of the bathroom, holding up a medicine bottle.

It took her a minute to process the
question being directed at her because of her brief daze about last night. Jake
was holding a bottle of her anti-depression medicine. How had he found those?
Why did he have them?

Still holding the bottle he asked,
“Anna?”

“Where did you find those?” she
demanded. She didn’t want her voice to sound panicked, but she was. He wasn’t
supposed to know about her problems. It was hard enough that Em and Liza knew.

“They were sitting on the bathroom
counter. I saw them when I was washing my hands. Why do you have them?” he
asked again, shaking the bottle in his hand.

She got up off the bed fast,
forgetting the fact she was naked. When Jake’s gaze fell to her breasts, she
searched around the bed until she found her shirt. She pulled it on, not caring
that it was inside out. “What were you doing going through my things?”

“First of all, I wasn’t going through
your things. I was washing my hands and saw them on the counter. I picked the
bottle up. Why do you sound so upset about this?”

“I’m upset because you were snooping
through my bathroom. You had no right to pick the bottle up. Did you—”

“Did I read the label? Yes, I did.
Why didn’t you tell me you take anti-depression medicine?”

Oh God. Her stomach dropped. Jake
knew about her issues. There was no way or reason to deny it. Her name was
written in bold letters on the bottle. He knew they were hers and what was
worse was that he knew what the pills were used for.

Walking over to him, she snatched the
bottle from his hands. “They’re nothing.”

“I’m not stupid, Anna. They are
something. They are anti-depression pills. Please, baby, tell me what’s going
on with you.”

“Don’t give me that pity talk, Jake
Lawrence. I don’t want to hear how sorry you feel for me. Can we just drop it?
I want to go take a shower.”

“No. You are not walking away from
me. I do not pity or feel sorry for you. How could you think that? I just would
like to know you better, and apparently there is a lot I don’t know. I want to
be there for you.” If she wasn’t so mad, she would have been touched by his
need to be supportive. But he was a little too late for that—a decade late.

“You’re a little late on the being
there part, Jake. You really want to know what’s wrong with me…well, be
prepared, because my life is not pretty. I take medicine for depression. It’s
not that big of a deal. A lot of people have to…doctors and lawyers, even.”

“I never said it was a big deal. I
know people suffer from depression and have to be treated. I just didn’t know
you did, that’s all. I’m not judging you or anything. I wasn’t snooping. I just
saw the bottle sitting there, and not thinking, I picked it up. You never
mentioned anything about it, so I was just curious. I’m sorry if I did
something wrong. The last thing I want is for you to be mad at me over it.”

Anna stood there a minute to check
her emotions. She didn’t want to say something she would regret, and the way
her temper was ready to boil over, she knew that was a very real possibility.
They had just shared an amazing night together. She didn’t want to tarnish the
memory with her past issues. Even though she didn’t want him to be, Jake was
now a part of the ugliness in her life. At least in some way. He didn’t seem
weirded
out by it. In all reality, he actually seemed like
it wasn’t that big of a deal.

When she continued her silence, he
asked, “Can I ask you how long you have been taking them?” His voice was soft
and sounded so caring.

She gave up. It was a part of her
life, and now he knew. Who cared? If he had a problem with it and thought she
was some crazy person, he could just walk out the door.

“I started taking them about a year
after I left Patience. I was feeling really down more days than not. I became
uninterested in my own life and didn’t seem to find joy in anything. I knew I
needed help, but was too ashamed to admit it. I guess I felt like a failure.
Anyway, I finally went to the doctor and I was diagnosed with depression. I
only take a small dose, and it helps. I won’t feel bad about it.”

“Oh, honey, you shouldn’t feel bad
about it. You have no control over it. I hate that you had to go through those
dark times before you figured out what was going on with you. I’m glad you went
to the doctor and allowed them to help you. You are so brave.” He tried to
touch her, but she held up a hand to hold him back.

“I mean what I said—I will not feel
bad about my problem. It is a part of my life that I have to deal with, and
some days it’s not easy. I used to care what people thought, and I guess in
some way I still do because I didn’t want you or anyone else in Patience to
know, but I’m trying to not be that person. I can’t change my life for anybody,
so if you have a problem with this, I need you to tell me now.”

He had moved closer to her, but he
didn’t touch her. “Anna, I mean what I say too, and I want you to hear me when
I say this—I could give a flying fuck about some medicine that you have to
take. And I say fuck those who do have a problem with it, but I have a feeling
it’s more you feeling ashamed by it. Others probably couldn’t care less. This
is just a part of who you are, and I wouldn’t change you for anything.”

Jake welcomed her into his arms. He
reacted nothing like she expected. Who was this man? Wrapping her arms around
him, she buried her face into his chest. Breathing him in, she never wanted to
forget what the feeling felt like to have someone accept her.

She pulled back enough so she could
see his face. “How are you okay with this?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? You are still
you. You are still the sexy woman who blows me away every time she enters a
room. You are still the same Anna Kelly.”

“I know, but I just didn’t expect you
to just look at it as no big deal. You are only one of three people who
actually know.”

“You are not the only person who has
had to take depression medicine. I had a teammate when I was in Triple-A who
suffered from depression, and had to take medication. He too, hid it from most
people, but we became really close…I mean it was hard not to, we saw each other
every day. I don’t know how we even got onto the subject, but he told me that
he had to take some medication. I began to understand a lot about it through
him. He was a great friend to me, and I never thought anything less of him
because of it. We all have our problems.” He shrugged his shoulders, and Anna
knew that he was truly all right with it. And she realized she didn’t even care
that he knew.

“Jake?”

“Yeah, sweetness?” He kissed her on
the forehead, making her feel almost childlike.

“I also have to taking a sleeping
pill at night. Otherwise, I will never fall asleep.”

“Did you take one last night?”

She shook her head. “Surprisingly, I
was able to fall asleep in your arms. It was the best night’s sleep I think
I’ve ever had.”