Forgiving Patience (34 page)

“What is it?”

“Open it.”

She pulled the lid off of the box.
“You got me a new,
blue
iPod. I
thought you would’ve forgotten about this by now.”

“After you left that night we were at
the track, I went back to where I thought you might’ve dropped it. You were
right. It was broken. I told you I would buy you a new one. I’m just making
good on my promise.”

“Thank you, Jake. I love it” And she
did. It meant even more to her because he remembered making her the promise.
She showed him just as much by giving him a big, open mouthed kiss.

* * * *

“Anna, why haven’t you come over for
lunch, missy?”

Anna turned her back on the cheese
and cracker tray to find Mrs. Bradshaw tapping an impatient high heel on the
indoor/outdoor carpet.

Anna instantly reached over to give
Em’s
mother a big hug. The older woman returned the hug and
held on a little tighter. She was like a second mother to Anna, and Anna felt
truly bad for not calling and setting up a visit with her and
Em’s
father.

“You look lovely like always, Mrs.
Bradshaw,” Anna complimented.

“Thanks, girlie, but that doesn’t
help you any. I still want to know why you haven’t come by the house. My
daughter is demanding, but I know she hasn’t kept you that busy, has she?”

“Well, I have been busy with Em,
along with other things.”

“I can see that.”

Following the woman’s gaze, Anna
could see she was looking in Jake’s direction. Leaning against a wall, he was
cutting up with Tommy. As if he knew they were looking, he cut his eyes at them
and gave a wink. He wore light khaki pants, casual brown shoes, and a springy
blue polo that brought out the sapphire in his eyes. She went wet in places she
had no right being wet in while in a church.

“I see the way that boy looks at you.
Not to mention all the time y’all have been spending together. I haven’t seen
him look so happy in years. I see hope and love in his eyes. And that is a
wonderful thing to have.

“You’re mistaken. Jake and I are just
friends. We’ve only been spending time together because he’s been holding my
house hostage. That’s it. If he looks happy, it’s all him, and it has nothing
to do with me.”

“For your sake, child, I hope you
don’t tell yourself that too long, because it would be a shame to miss out on
love. And that boy loves you.”

With that, the older woman was gone,
leaving Anna to stare at the cheese. Holding on to the counter, Anna took a
deep breath in and let it out slowly.

Love?

There was no way Jake loved her.
Falling in love was not part of the deal. She’d agreed to the three dates and
that was it—no love was included. Well, she couldn’t forget about the amazing
sex they’d been having. That wasn’t part of the deal either, but sex was just
sex. She was an adult who was having big-girl sex with an amazing lover.
Nothing more.

No. There was no way he loved her.
That was impossible.

“What’s up?”

She was so inside her head that she
hadn’t noticed Jake leave his wall and walk over to grab her hand off the
counter. She was forced to use his steadiness to hold herself up.

“What are you thinking about?” He
bent down to peer into her eyes.

“What?”

“You’ve got that line running across
your forehead. What’s going on?”

With a wave of a hand, she tried
assuring him, “Oh, it’s nothing.”

“You sure about that?”

He rubbed the top of her hand with
the ball of his thumb. It was endearing, and at any other time she would’ve
found it a turn-on. Right now…not so much. She was beginning to think
everything concerning Jake was a turn-on for her.

“Yes, I’m sure. I would know if
something was wrong with me.”

“Fine. I’ll let it drop for now, but
you will tell me what’s bothering you.”

“I’m sick of you telling me what to
do and making choices for me. I don’t need you.”

His scowl deepened. “That’s not what
you said last night.”

Her cheeks flushed, and she was
exploding inside. She wanted to yell and throw the cheese platter in his tanned
face. But instead she stood there frozen to the carpet. He was right. She had
said she needed him last night. But he was taking it out of context. Yes, she
needed him, but only for sex. That was it.

“Now slow down. I don’t know why
you’re trying to pick a fight with me, but if you don’t want to make a scene
here, I suggest you take it back a notch and wait to discuss it until we get
back home.”

He removed his hand, and she missed
it being there. She couldn’t tell him why she was so mad all of a sudden,
because she didn’t know herself. The emotion had snuck up on her and turned her
once happy spirit to rage within minutes. She wasn’t deliberately trying to
hurt him, but the words just started to flood out of her mouth. They were words
that represented more than just their face value. There was more she
wanted…needed to say, but this was not the time or place to do it. So, she held
her tongue.

* * * *

When he pulled up to the apartment
and switched off the motor, Jake reached for his door handle.

“There’s no reason for you to come
in,” Anna said dryly.

Ignoring her request, he got out of
the truck and started making his way to the front door. This time he didn’t
even attempt to help her out. “Well, here goes,” she muttered, while carefully
jumping from the truck.

She turned the knob, but then
remembered Jake had locked it before they left. Picking the key she needed, she
let them inside. He allowed her to enter before him, but only so he could slam
the door after he walked into the room.

She didn’t even have time to set her
purse down before he demanded, “You’re going to damn well tell me what’s going
on.”

Anna set down her purse, took out her
earrings, and kicked the high heels off her aching feet. “I don’t have to tell
you anything.”

With his arms crossed, he leaned
himself up against the back of the couch. “I think you do. When we left here
earlier tonight, you were fine…great, even. Then sometime between then and the
rehearsal dinner, something happened. And I think I deserve to know why I was
the target.”

“I’ll tell you again—I don’t have to
tell you anything.” She turned her back on him; walking eagerly to the
bathroom. She couldn’t face him, not yet.

Before she could switch on the
bathroom light, he had a grip on her arm, yanking her so she was facing him.

“Let me go!” she demanded, trying to
squirm out of his tight hold.

She was very tempted to spit in his
face. “Jake, you’re hurting me. Please let go,” she pleaded, her voice a little
softer this time.

“Not until you tell me what’s going
on with you. And I don’t want to hear
I’m fine
or
nothing
is wrong
, because I damn
well know something is up. I’ve been around you long enough to see that much.”

But even with his voice sounding
harsher than she’d ever heard it and his hand tightly holding her arm, she was
not even for a second scared of him. Everything she knew about him and what
they’d shared over the past weeks—or even before then—told her he would never
do anything to actually bring physical harm to her. And just her recognizing
that, was big.

“You know nothing when it comes to
me.”

“Honey, I know more than you think.
We have a history, and you’re forgetting that not only have we spent lots of
time together, but we have shared a bed for the last couple nights. Sex can
bring people closer.”

“Maybe for others, but for me, it’s
just sex. Nothing more.”

“I don’t believe that for a second.
You’re not the type who can make love and not feel something. I think you feel
more than you want, and it scares the shit out of you.”

“Like I said earlier, I don’t need
you, so if you can please let go of my arm and leave.”

He let go of her arm, and she thought
he was turning to leave, but instead he walked over to the open window and
stared into the darkness that surrounded the apartment. She guessed he didn’t
want to show her how much her words hurt him. And she knew they did, especially
if he did in fact love her. Maybe that was why she’d said them.

She sat on the edge of the bed, head
down, looking at nothing in particular.

He loved her? How had this happened?
Mrs. Bradshaw had to be mistaken. Maybe Jake just liked having her around, but
didn’t actually feel anything more. It could be that she was just a warm body
to wake up to.

He raked an impatient hand through
his hair and turned from the window to glare at her. “You know, Anna, I’m
getting fucking tired of you telling me that. You might not want to need me,
but you do.”

“How so?” she spat.

“For starters, you needed me to fix
your run-down place. It wasn’t selling because you don’t have the time or skill
to put the work into it—”

“You egotistical jerk, I didn’t ask
for your help.”

“Don’t interrupt. You needed me to
show you what is so great about Patience and what you’ll be missing when you
leave again. You need me to give you multiple orgasms. You need me to be there
when you have your nightmares…should I go on, or is that enough proof?”

This was her life. No man was going
to take that away from her. But she had a problem. She needed Jake, and it was
nice to having someone to lean on.

“I don’t want to need you. I don’t
want any man to take care of me.” She was mad that her voice came out weaker.

“Dammit, Anna, that is the stupidest
thing I’ve ever heard. I know all about
women rule the
world
and all that shit,
but everybody needs somebody to lean on—and love. There’s nothing wrong with
needing those things. Why are you making things so difficult?”

“Do you love me?” She didn’t really
want the answer, but couldn’t stop the question from just freely flowing out of
her mouth.

“Yes.” He just said it so simply and
with conviction. She knew when he said it he meant it with his whole heart.

Crap. Now, what am I supposed to do?

He moved to where she was sitting,
bent his knees, sank down in front of her, and covered her hands with his own.
When she turned her head from him, he pinched her chin with his thumb and index
finger and turned it back so she was facing him.

“I love you, Anna Lynn Kelly. This is
not how it was supposed to come out, but you give me no choice. I think I’ve
loved you since we were sixteen, and after everything went to hell, I don’t
think I’ve ever recovered and stopped loving you. I know that I need you,
Anna.”

“You don’t know me. You can’t love
me.”

“I will be the judge of that.”

Not believing her ears she said, “You
just can’t…it’s impossible.”

“Anna, I love the way you don’t take
shit from anyone—including myself. I love the way your butt fills out your
jeans. I love the way you tremble when I run my hands down your milky skin. I
love the way you yell out my name when you’re about to come. I love that you’re
also so brave. Something happened here a decade ago, something that still
haunts you, but you faced it, and you came home anyway for your best friend.
And call me selfish, but I love the way you make me feel alive. When I wake up
in the morning I smile because most likely I will see you that day, and I love
the fact that you haven’t had many lovers, and I get to be your last.”

“How do you know I haven’t had many
lovers?”

“Because you shy away from sex even
though I know you harbor a fire deep inside of you. You don’t like to talk
about it, and most of the time you like to be in control. Not that I’m
complaining, the sex with you is over the top, and I hope to keep having it
with you for the rest of our lives.”

“You’re crazy. You would have to be
to think that you will be my last. And you have no right to say that I’m shy
about sex. I thought I was doing pretty well, considering.”

“You are. You’re wild and passionate,
and I love to be inside of you. But I can tell something keeps you a step back.
You put guards up, and I can’t seem to enter. When I wanted to go down on you,
you wouldn’t let me. You shut down when the talk of sex comes up, but you don’t
mind the sex. And you’ve had nightmares the few times you’ve been in my arms.
Not so much like last night when I got here, but sometimes when I watch you
sleep after we make love, I can see you’re scared of something. I just can’t figure
that part of you out.”

Tears filled her eyes. No one had
ever said anything so loving to her in all her life. And what surprised her
most was that he truly recognized her faults. He saw most of her and he loved
her for it. How would he feel if he knew the rest of her past? Would he still
feel the same way? What if he knew why she shied away from all things relating
to sex, especially about him putting his mouth between her thighs, and the
reason for the nightmares? God, he knew so much about her. How did that happen?
When did she allow that to happen?