Forgotten (5 page)

It wasn’t their last night together. Nor was the next one, or the one after that. By the fifth day, Kaie was starting to worry that the Namers would
arrive before the soldiers did.
H
e was scrambling to come up with any other plan. Short of using up the lives of the people of West Field, he couldn’t come up with anything.
T
hat option was becoming significantly more appealing with each passing day. Better Keegan know him a monster than a Hollow.

Peren kept shooting him glances. She was on the other side of the shack, holding Keegan up so the baby could play at walking, while he stitched closed a hole in one of her spare shirts. He yelled, earlier, about how often he needed to do that. She was likely the most klutzy creature in all creation. But he didn’t really care about that, and they both knew it. So she took his tirade without a word, which made him feel like an ass. He wished that, just once, she would fight back.

She was waiting for him to explode. Kaie didn’t see any problem with admitting that he didn’t start out particularly sane to begin with, and this was pushing the limits dangerously close. The fact that he just sewed her shirt into his pants was a pretty clear indication that his mind was not as it should be.

“Gods dammit.”

“You could just run,” she said softly. “We all could. Vaughan could use the
Jhoda
to keep us safe.”

He scowled at her. “If your brother thought there was any chance of that working, you two would’ve been gone long before I knew you. The first time I knew you.”

“No,” she insisted quietly. “He didn’t think that way before we knew you. I know it would be hard, but it’s better than waiting for them to come take you…”

He opened his mouth, not sure what was going to come out.
Nothing pleasant.
H
er proposal
sent
a blade of regret, well aimed and white hot, right through his gut.

He was spared the fresh layer of guilt. Vaughan burst into their home, forgoing the usual knock on the wall. The boy was flustered, hair wild and face bright red, as he gasped for air.

“I came as soon as I could! They got here a few hours ago. They’re leaving soon!”

Peren scooped up Keegan and the two of them were at his side in an instant. Kaie ripped the stitching he just finished, removing the shirt from the leg of his pants and letting it fall to the floor. He felt the fingers of her hand trail down his right arm
and
slide into his hand. He laced his own around them, squeezing. “They’re here.”

Kaie let out a slow breath, a little amazed at how calm he felt.

“Okay. You ready?”

“No!” Vaughan gasped. “I can’t do this!”

Kaie swallowed, hard, against the shout rattling in his throat. This was not the time for threats. With so much effort it made his face hurt, he smiled. “Hey, don’t be an idiot. Of course you can. I’ve
seen
you use your magic for stuff way more complicated than this.”

“It’s not about complicated…”

“Exactly!”
Kaie barreled ahead, releasing Peren’s hand so that he could put one on each of Vaughan’s shoulders. “Look, I know you’re afraid you’re going to get caught. I get that. But you know me pretty well. Is there any chance I’d ask you to do this, if I thought you’d screw it up and get us found out?”

“No,” Vaughan admitted.

“Right.
I’m not risking the only other person in Lindel who can look out for Peren and my son. I’d rather go back to the Namers myself. I’m counting on you, Vaughan. Not just for this, but for every day after.”

The other man’s eyes lifted from the earth and spine straightened. With a tight grin of his own, Vaughan offered his hand. “I won’t let you down.”

Kaie relaxed into a more earnest smile and took the man’s wrist in a firm shake. “Never thought otherwise,” he lied. “Remember, count to fifty after you get to the first house. And when you’re done, don’t follow the path. Cut through the field. The lights aren’t strong enough to reach that far.”

“I will,” Vaughan promised. Then, quickly as he appeared, he darted out the door and into the night.

He wanted to follow.
Ached to, actually.
But the timing needed to be perfect. So he was stuck in the house, hoping
that
everyone remembered their jobs. And with no choice but to say goodbye to the one person in the whole damned estate he didn’t know how to
let go
.

She was waiting, when he finally managed to turn around. There were none of the tears he expected. Not from her, and not from their son. She was too strong for that.

Keegan launched forward as Kaie took a step close. There was one terrifying second, when Peren lost her hold on the boy and he didn’t quite ge
t his
where the boy almost went down head-first. But Keegan didn’t seem to notice, t
h
rusting two chubby arms forward until all ten tiny fingers were wrapped up in Kaie’s hair.
And pulling.

He shouted
with
pain as his head jerked forward under the weight. It took Peren’s help, and a great deal
of
cursing before he was able to free himself. The boy’s grip was like steel. The whole time, Keegan didn’t crack a single smile, staring on with an intensity that didn’t belong on the face of a baby.

“What in the Abyss was all that?” Kaie demanded, massaging his scalp as he handed Keegan back.

Peren was snickering, but she sobered up at the question. “He knows you’re leaving.”

He rolled his eyes.
“You too?
Peren, precious, I want to think our son’s a genius just as much as you and your brother, but he’s
not even talking
. He doesn’t know.”

She shook her head with a sad smile and took Keegan to his basket, placing him inside with a soft kiss. “I’m not saying he understands. But he knows; has known for weeks, I think. Don’t ask me to explain it. I can’t. But don’t you tell me I’m crazy.”

“Fine,” Kaie agreed with a shrug. What use was arguing? He wouldn’t change her mind. Instead, he knelt on the other side of the basket and, taking pains to hold his hair away from where tiny fingers could reach, leaned in and kissed Keegan’s head as well.

“You
be
smart little man,” he murmured. “Don’t worry about good. You be smart and fast and strong.
But especially smart.
I won’t forget you. Not ever. You stay alive and safe until I can figure out a way to come get you.”

Keegan made the strange, intense face again and reached for him. Kaie leaned away just in time to keep his ear out of the boy’s hand. He couldn’t help but chuckle. “Good boy.”

Peren was watching him with a sad, amused smile. “Are you going to tell me to be smart?”

“No.”

“How about fast and strong?”

“There’s no need,” Kaie answered. “I’m sorry, Peren.
For all of this.
If I thought dying would make it better…”

“Then you still wouldn’t do it. You can pretend you’re all filled with righteousness and self-sacrifice, but I know better. Maybe that was you before, when you were my Fairy Prince but not anymore. You’ve figured out how things work, and I’ve figured out what you are. No matter how bad it might get,
so long as you’re alive, there’s a chance to make things better. When you’re dead, you’re just dead.”

He smiled, amazed. “So what am I, then?”

“That’s easy,” she said. Her eyes danced mischievously. Kaie got the feeling there was some great joke he was missing. “There are sheep,
who
fall in line the instant the ropes are around their necks and
never
dream of freedom. There are fighters, who rail against their fate with every breath and die bloody. Then there’s you and me and Vaughan. You’re one of us now.
A survivor.
We do what we have to, and we come out the other side.”

“You think so?”

“Of course.
Five visits to the
Namer,
and you still think in sentences? What else could you be? Really, the only thing I can’t figure is why it took me so long to put it together.”

Kaie’s grin
grew,
a strange reflection of the ache in his chest.

“Did you really dream about me?”

The question caught him unprepared. He blinked at her, trying to fathom what she was asking about. Taking pity on him, Peren smiled as she slid back against the wall. “When you first came back here, you said you dreamed about me. Was it true?”

He chuckled and scooted around until he was beside her. After a second, he dropped his arm around her shoulders and she pressed up tight against his chest. He would miss this the most. Or, well, second most. “
Yes
.”

“That’s really weird.
Kind of sweet, but mostly weird.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “It really was.”

They were quiet, but only for a second. That’s all that was left to them, and he was sure she felt it just as much as he did.

“I’m thinking about kissing you.”

He blinked again. He couldn’t even count how many times they kissed in their months together. Every inch of his skin knew the feel of her lips. But this was different. It might be their last kiss. For some reason that made it feel even more important than the first. “Oh.”

“Do you want me to?”

That didn’t take much thought.
“Yeah.”
Then, because that seemed a terrible answer, “yes.”

She twisted around and caught his hand in hers, holding it at the wrist just like he did her brother’s. Her face was serious, but her eyes were laughing.
“I will. But only if you promise me something.”

“Anything.”

An eyebrow rose. “I’m tempted to make it impossible, just to teach you better than that.” Then she smiled again. “But I’ll stick to what I want, this time. Promise that you’ll come back to me. I can’t stop you from going, and I can’t keep you safe. You could die out there, and I might never know. But if you promise you’ll come back to me, I’ll believe you and I won’t worry.”

He gripped her wrist for a second, amazement rendering him mute.
It was possible, even after the revolt that killed all the people of East Field, that he had hundreds of people somewhere with such faith in him. If they all piled in to the room, parents and friends and people who had a lifetime of memories to share with him, not a one of them would mean as much as this girl. She was more than just the mother of his child, more than just the woman he shared his blankets with. There weren’t even words for what she gave him. He could stare into the endless blue depths of her eyes until he died, and want for nothing.

But that wasn’t an option. He was leaving and couldn’t pretend he knew what came after that. Kaie couldn’t lie to her. “I don’t know what this thing between us will be, after I leave. I
don’t know what will happen to either of us. But I feel a powerful need not to disappoint you. So if you want me to come back, I will. I don’t know when or how, but I’ll find a way.”

“Promise?”

“Always.
Even if means climbing out of my grave. I promise. I swear it, by Lemme, goddess of fate.”
He didn’t know where the words came from. They lit her whole face.

She kissed him.

There were no fireworks. The world didn’t shift beneath them. But the kiss was warm and deep. Her arms locked around his neck and her fingers twined through his hair, just like Keegan’s. She didn’t pull, though. It felt good. So did wrapping his own in her hair. It was soft as down feathers. She laughed against his lips, and he felt the vibrations through his own mouth, making it almost like the sound was coming from the both of them. So many kisses he lost count, but this was the one that mattered.
T
his would be the kiss he remembered.

She sighed and dropped her head against his chest. Kaie breathed in the s
mell
of her hair, trying to commit that wild scent to his memory. He had so little, and he wanted her there, for whatever was coming.

“I don’t kiss every boy I meet.” Her voice was soft. It made him smile. Kaie wrapped his arms around her shoulders.

“Well so far, I’ve kissed one out of t
hree
of the women I’ve met.”

She shoved him with her shoulder, but he could tell she was grinning. “My point being, I didn’t do it just because you’re as charming as you think you are. You’re special, Kaie. And I know you can bullshit. I just watched you do it to my brother. But I don’t think you’d do it to me. So I kissed you with the expectation that you keep your promise. I want you climbing out of graves.”

“Of course.
Any I might happen to find myself in.
At least five times.”

She giggled and slid away from him.
“Smooth-talker.
Now go. I can hear your plan starting, and I wouldn’t want to make you late for your own escape.”