Authors: Crystal Rose
“Hey buddy,” Patrick said quietly when they were beside the bed. “You're going to be starving to death when you wake up. And you damn well better fucking wake up.”
Mark felt Patrick shaking and knew the man was barely keeping it all in.
The ventilator had been removed when Phillip began to fight it. He was breathing on his own with a little help from the oxygen being pumped in through tubes in his nose.
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“He hasn't woken up?”
“No. He has brain activity so the Doctors are optimistic, but the longer he stays down...they just don't know, Patrick.”
Patrick nodded. “Ryan sends his love. He said it exactly that way in his email.
He's really fucked up, Phillip. He really needs you to make him right. Alexander said he's driving everyone crazy but I think he's going a little crazy himself. I haven't seen him, just word of mouth through Alexander. He barely emails anyone. He calls Sandy once in a while. But I heard that he calls here a lot. God, Phil, you gotta get better. We can't keep him alive if you don't.”
Mark blinked and wondered at how true Patrick's words were. He knew Ryan.
The guy was strong. He could handle just about anything that was thrown his way. But he believed that surviving without Phillip might not be palatable for Ryan.
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They stayed their allotted time and then both left.
***
A week later they were all sitting in the waiting room. Patrick, Mark, Sandy, Kenneth, Bob, Jeff and everyone else, sitting there laughing at the Phillip stories that were being passed around.
It had been the first time in three weeks that they all laughed.
“The first time he walked out in that Smokey Bear I thought I was going to piss my pants. I
knew
recruits were going to piss theirs. He looked downright evil. If they could have seen him during his BCT they would have laughed him straight out of the Army.” Jeff laughed.
“He called me two weeks in and demanded that I come get him.” Sherri giggled.
“Momma, these guys are so fu..sorry momma..crazy. You need to come and get me right the fuc..sorry momma..Now!”
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Everyone laughed hard.
“Those two made him sound like the Anti-Christ. Every one of us was scared to death of the guy.” Patrick snorted. He pointed at Robert and Jeff.
“And that was before we actually SAW him.” Kenneth laughed. “When he came out I swear to God
everyone
nearly started to cry. Not only was he crazy but he was a giant. He spoke so softly we all had to strain to hear him.”
“We got back into the Barracks and we're sitting on our bunks wondering what the fuck we did when we si..excuse me Ma'am..signed up. Ryan takes one look at me and says 'Dude, I don't think they were bullshitting us..I think he really killed that guy.'
We all looked at him and Brendon burst into tears.” Patrick laughed hysterically.
“I wanted to cry but I was afraid if I did Phillip would have ripped my head off.
So instead I lived through Brendon,” Kenneth admitted, grinning.
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Mark smiled. “One time Brendon was under his bunk tucking the sheets in.
They were trying to get everything in shape before inspections. He's singing...Now Brendon cannot sing. Not one single note...He's singing ‘Amazing Grace’ or something.”
Patrick starts laughing already.
Kenneth groaned.
“Anyways Phillip enters the room quietly. For a big man he’s quiet on his toes.
No one notices him. And all four of them start to sing. The only two on key...and they were struggling...was Ryan and Patrick. Phil booms 'I command you to stop!' Or something. Kenneth nearly knocks himself out on the steel post of his bed. Ryan turned so fast he tripped over Patrick and landed on his face. And Brendon jerked up and hit the bottom post, yelling 'Oh fuck, is that God?'” Mark's face broke into a smile.
Everyone howled.
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That was what Ryan walked in on.
“What the fuck?” he growled. “Why the fuck are you laughing?”
Everyone sobered instantly.
Ryan looked ragged. His uniform was wrinkled and dusty and his face was covered in dirt. His body language was harsh. He couldn't believe everyone was fucking laughing when Phillip was in the other room...dying. Ryan knew it in his heart that his lover wasn't going to pull out of this.
“Is this funny to y'all? Someone tell me what the fucking joke is. I don't see a fucking joke!”
Patrick rose and held his hand up. “Ryan...”
494
“Ryan Ross Gracin!” He didn't need to say anything. Sherri was all over him.
“Stop this right now. WE needed a break from the stress,” she said, as firmly yet as gently as she could. “Come here!” Ryan's shoulders sank and he slipped into the woman's arms.
No one said a word when Ryan burst into tears.
***
The nurse argued with Ryan. She wouldn't let him in, as grungy as he was. He wouldn't leave the hospital and she was fucking crazy if she thought he would. They settled it by allowing him to shower in the doctor's shower and put on a fresh pair of scrubs.
Sandy took Ryan back. She held his hand tightly and prayed he could handle it.
Once in the room Ryan stumbled backwards. Tears slid down Sandy's face watching the other man's reaction.
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Ryan ended up on his knees beside Phillip's bed. “Love you. God, I love you, Phillip. You have to get better. I can't do this on my own.”
Sandy felt like a voyeur.
They stayed for the fifteen minutes and Sandy tried to get Ryan to move. But he wouldn't. She didn't argue with him.
***
Mark walked slowly into the room. He had been elected to get Ryan to eat. The other man didn't look like he’d eaten for a long fucking time. “Hey Ryan.” It had been almost twenty-four hours since Ryan got in. He hadn't left Phillip's side. Not once.
Ryan didn't look up. “I'm not leaving,” he said.
“You gotta eat.”
496
“I'm not fucking leaving.”
“Gawdamnit! Ryan, you want to make yourself sick, do it on someone else’s watch. Phil is my friend too, and I fucking die every time I look at him. But he'd be pissed the fuck off if he knew what you were doing!” Mark snarled.
“Fuck off Mark. You don't know shit...Fuck you all...Fucking
laughing...Fucking bastards!” Ryan rose and looked like he was heading toward Mark.
“G..otta..eat.” The soft rumble came from behind them, making both Ryan and Mark jerk back toward the pale figure on the bed.
“Phil?” Ryan knocked the chair over as he all but ran for the bedside.
Pale lids shook. Slowly they lifted up over bright, hazel eyes. “Ry..an.” Phillip was having a hard time talking. His voice was weak and shaky but it was there.
497
“Oh God! Yes, baby. It's Ryan. Oh God!”
Mark darted out of the room and thumping footsteps could be heard coming towards the room.
“You two need to get out!” commanded a nurse.
Ryan was about to give the nurse her very own ‘fuck’ you when Phillip did the one thing that calmed him instantly - the corner of his lips quirked. It wasn't a smile but it was close enough.
Mark pulled Ryan out. “Come on!” He dragged the younger man out of the ICU and into the waiting room
Everyone could see how agitated Ryan was.
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Sherri rose with Gerry beside her.
“He...Oh fuck me! He spoke...opened his eyes,” Ryan sputtered.
A cheer went through the waiting room. They didn't care if it pissed anyone off.
“What did he say? Is he...can we go back?”
“He fucking ordered me around,” Ryan said with a sputtering laugh. He was crying again but this time it was a good kind of cry.
***
It seemed that Ryan was the medicine Phillip was missing. He slowly began to improve. He wasn't awake for long nor was he a conversationalist, but he would wake up and give them a small, quirky half-smile. He just lifted the corners of his mouth. But everyone knew what he was doing.
499
They transferred him to another room. Ryan would sleep on the recliner they brought in for him when it was obvious that he wasn't going anywhere. He spent a few hours each day with his siblings, who came back down after Ryan came home. He spoke with his friends. Hugged Patrick and spent a long time walking the halls with the other man. He and Kenneth hung together along with Sandy. He called Tory to let her know Alexander was doing fine.
He was currently sitting in Phillip's room reading ‘Maxium.’
'You're looking at the men, aren't you?” came the raspy voice.
Ryan looked up and smiled at Phillip. “I am. They all look better than you,” he teased.
“Low blow, low blow.” Phillip took a deep breath. “I'll pay you good money to put my legs down.” He pointed at the contraption that held his legs up over his heart.
500
“Nope, they’re for your own good,” Ryan said. He put the magazine down and stood up, stretching.
“Sadist. This is pay back for BCT,” Phillip whined.
Ryan laughed and leaned over him. He placed a soft kiss on Phillip's forehead.
“If you're gonna kiss me you better do it right,” Phillip said.
Ryan happily obliged. He leaned down, traced Phillip's lips and then slid his tongue into the older man's mouth.
They broke the kiss when someone cleared their throat.
“Morning,” the nurse said, smiling.
501
“Morning.” Ryan said.
She checked Phillip's vitals and helped him turn slightly.
“So, cheeseburger?” Phillip asked hopefully.
“You just woke up out of nearly a month in a coma. You have to take it easy.”
Phillip growled and looked at Ryan.
“Don't look at me. I agree.”
“I hate you both. Take him with you, please.”
The nurse laughed. “Honey I would have an easier time moving Mount Rushmore than I would to move him out of here.” She hitched her thumb toward Ryan.
502
Ryan beamed at the nurse.
Phillip glared at both of them.
***
Ryan wasn't sure what woke him but he was jerked awake from a sound sleep. It wasn't until he felt the second spit ball hit him on the face that he realized his lover was trying diligently to wake him up.
“Dude!”
“You sleep like a baby.” Phillip half-grinned.
“You were throwing spit balls at me.” Ryan said incredulously. “Are you twelve?”
503
“I tried to whisper sweet nothings into your ear but you're way the fuck over there and I'm way the fuck over here.”
Phillip was actually quite adorable when he was pouting. Ryan wondered how in the hell his mother managed to discipline him when he had that...THAT look on his face. He got up and stretched. He leaned down and kissed Phillip's lips gently.
“Ryan, you start to treat me like a girl now I'll kick your ass,” Phillip hissed.
“Phil, I'm kissing you. If you think kissing you makes you a girl then we have issues ‘cause last I remember I'm the bottom ,” he admitted unabashedly.
“And a quite good one too,” Phillip said, leaning back.
“You remember anything from...that day?”
504
Phillip shook his head. “Not really. I remember looking at you...and I remember you laughing. But after that, not much.”
Ryan sat down on the chair next to Phillip's bed. “Phillip I lo...” He didn't get to finish. Instead Phillip's fingers touched his lips.
“We aren't doing this big, gay ‘I love you’ scene in a fucking hospital, Ryan,”
Phillip said with a slight grin.
Ryan rolled his eyes but nodded. Trust him to find the one guy in the world that refused to do the gay love scene in a hospital.
“If and when we do, it will be on our terms. Not because some bastard scared the shit out of us.”
“If and when? Phil...I don't need ‘if and when’. I just need ‘when’,” Ryan said quietly.
505
“Oh I know...but I don't want it for today. Today or tomorrow. Okay? Promise me...No big reveal until I say so.” Phillip looked dead serious. It drove Ryan insane but he finally agreed.
“Not until you say so. As long as it's not one of those ‘I'm dying so I'm going to tell you I love you’ kinda deals. That's a rule breaker and I'll kick your ass for it,” Ryan teased gently.
“I wouldn't do that to you Ryan.” Phillip smiled. “My ass is going to be scarred for life,” he said suddenly. “And the backs of my legs.”
“Oh my God you're an ass! Well, lucky for you you're all ass so I'm not worried about it.” Ryan rolled his eyes. As if he cared about a scar or two, or two million. He had thought that his lover was going to die. That he was going to watch Phillip die, and that drove him crazy. He could handle scars. He could have handled Phillip's face being 506
scarred. What he couldn't handle was Phillip being dead. Yeah, that he couldn't handle at all.
“Just stop, alright?” Ryan said. “When…Phil, you don't get it. I stood there and watched….God I thought you were dead. I wanted to die…I wanted to die. So….ya know… scars? I'm not real worried about them.” He leaned over and kissed Phillip's lips gently.
Phillip blinked and nodded. “Alright. Alright. I forgot how freaking lucky I was with twinkie little old you.”
“You forget how bitchy I am. Otherwise you wouldn't be messin’ with me.”
Ryan's lips curled into a grin.
“You
are
spending your R & R at a hospital, Ryan. I don't care if you
are
bitchy.” Phillip looked tired. Ryan held the man's hand loosely.
507
“Go to sleep, Phillip. I'll be here when you wake up.”
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Patrick and Mark arrived at the hospital late the next day. When they did show up they were sporting matching grins and matching rings.
“About time you made an honest man of him.” Kenneth smiled. Ryan was sitting in the waiting room while a doctor was looking Phillip over.
Ryan smiled at both men. He was surprised when Patrick flushed.
509
“Fuck off Kenny,” Patrick said. “How is he?”
“He's good. He's talking more. Bitching actually.” Ryan did grin then.
“Phillip's bitching.” Mark smiled. “That means he's getting better.”