Authors: Lisanne Norman
* * *
"Carrie's not up to attending the funeral, Kusac. Be reasonable," his mother said. "She's not even had a full day to come to terms with her loss."
"I am being reasonable, Mother. The funeral will release Carrie from her grief because she'll see our cub is dead. She needs to let go of her, put her to rest. She can't do that while she knows her child lies in the shrine."
"This argument has gone on long enough," said Konis. "See what Vanna has to say."
When Vanna joined them, surprisingly she shared Kusac's view. "I agree with Kusac. Granted she's still extremely weak, but she does need to start coming to terms with the death of her cub so that the healing process can start."
"I'll contact Ghyan, then," said Kusac, going over to the comm unit.
* * *
It was mid-afternoon when Ghyan arrived. The tiny funeral pyre had been laid at the front of the house, not far from the newly-planted flower bed. A chair had been brought out for Carrie to use and Kusac had carried her downstairs and settled her in it.
The gathering was small, only their immediate family plus a representative from the estate. Silent tears stole down Carrie's face as she held on tightly to Kusac's hand. She didn't hear a word that Ghyan said. When it came time to light the bier, she roused, rubbing her hand across her face and demanding that she do it.
She struggled one-handedly to get up, pushing Kusac's restraining hand away. "I'm doing it!" she said fiercely.
"Then let me carry you over," he said quietly. "You can lean on me while you light it."
She nodded and he lifted her up, carrying her over to the bier. He set her down, holding her waist while she tried to get her balance without putting any weight on her injured leg. The effort it took for her even to be downstairs was telling on her face.
I'll manage,
she sent, knowing she didn't even have the energy to hide her pain from him.
His mother handed her the torch.
She's not strong enough
for this. You're pushing her too hard.
There was censure in her mental tone.
I have to do it, Rhyasha,
Carrie replied on their private Link, rendering them both speechless. She clutched the torch, finding it too heavy for her to hold up. "Help me, Kusac," she said, looking up at him.
His dark-furred hand closed around hers and together, using his strength, they lifted their torch and thrust it into the heart of the pyre. The flames licked upward, almost invisible in the strong sunlight as they cradled the tiny body in their midst.
Kusac picked her up again, stepping back from the bier so his parents could place their torches. As they did, Carrie felt the presence of Rhyasha's mind at the edge of hers. Konis' followed, to be joined by Taizia and Kitra.
The keening started then, as low as the sighing of a breeze through the trees. As it grew in volume, she became aware of the dozens of minds that hesitantly touched theirs at the edges of perception.
Tears were rolling down Rhyasha's cheeks as she leaned forward to touch Carrie's face.
It's the tribute of the Clan,
Carrie. They're sharing your grief hoping to lessen it by
their presence. I've only experienced it once before. They're
telling you that you're part of our Clan.
Carrie lay back against Kusac, resting her head against him. She could feel the rise and fall of his chest, the smell of his fur and the feel of his arms enfolding and protecting her. She closed her eyes.
"What is a Leska?" she'd asked.
"It has to do with our merging," he'd replied. "We are as one— Leskas to each other. Now sleep."
It had been so long ago— a world away and a lifetime in the past. She was tired, so very tired, and cried out of tears. He was right, sleep was what she needed. She relaxed, letting herself drift, feeling warm and comfortable in his arms.
She was jolted out of this warm haze as feral eyes, black as night with only the narrowest amber ring glittered down at her.
"No. You chose to stay!"
She moaned, eyes flicking open as the pain of loss returned. Kusac tilted her back in his arms, lowering his face to hers, his eyes as dark as she'd remembered. His mouth closed on hers, his kiss both frantic and compelling.
You promised to stay with me,
he sent fiercely.
Don't you
dare try and slip away from me again! Gods, Carrie, I can't
bring her back, but I'll give you as many cubs as you want!
He released her as she started to cry again. This time the grief seemed to come from deep within her. She clung to him as he carried her back into the house and up to their room.
Gradually the hurt began to diminish and she realized that she could still sense the Clan— worried and concerned about one of their own— hovering at the edges of her mind. Satisfied that all would now be well, their presence faded, leaving the Leskas alone.
She looked around the room at the anxious faces of her family and realized at last that she had come home. At the back of the room stood Kaid, and in his eyes and mind she saw approbation.
Vanna pushed past Konis and turned to shoo them all out. "Carrie needs to rest now," she said firmly as they began to leave. "You, too," she said to Kusac.
"No, I want him to stay," Carrie said.
"I want you to rest, cub. You'll heal faster if you do."
"I'll rest better knowing he's beside me."
Vanna sighed. "You're as bad as each other," she grumbled as she and Chena settled Carrie back into bed. "You can stay," she said to Kusac, "but only if you persuade her to sleep."
"We'll both sleep," he said, lying down on top of the bed beside Carrie. He curled himself round behind her, carefully stretching his injured arm across her body to hold her hand. His tail flicked protectively across her legs.
Sleep, before
Vanna scolds us both,
he sent as he gently nuzzled the back of her neck.
* * *
By evening, Carrie was more like herself, still subdued and saddened but no longer broadcasting a terrible sense of loss.
As Kusac sat beside her and took her hand, he felt a familiar flare of desire that he swiftly blocked, annoyed with himself for responding to the demands of their Link rather than the needs of his Leska, especially when there was no similar response from her. He remained with her for some time before she finally persuaded him to go and eat with his family.
While Vanna changed her dressings, Carrie was aware that her friend was preoccupied and she gently probed to find the underlying cause. What she discovered gave her cause to think.
Her task completed, Vanna said good night and went off duty, leaving Chena to hand Carrie the light meal that had been brought up to the bedroom for her.
She toyed with the food, eating about half before she knew Kusac was on his way back upstairs. She handed the tray to Chena.
"I've had enough," she said, moving restlessly. "My leg and arm hurt and I can't get comfortable. Can you give me something to help me sleep? Something stronger than I had this morning so I don't wake up during the night."
Chena put the tray on the chest at the end of the bed and went over to the dresser where Vanna kept Carrie's chart and drugs. She checked the chart, then picked up one of the bottles.
"No problem," she said, coming back over to her and pouring her a glass of water. "This should help you," she said.
Carrie smiled her thanks, taking the tablets and washing them down with the water. She returned the glass and let Chena settle her more comfortably.
Kusac came in, a book in his hands. "I thought I'd read to you," he said, making himself comfortable on the bed beside her.
Chena went out, gently closing the door.
"What a nice thought," Carrie said. "I'm afraid I've just taken a sleeping pill, though. Perhaps tomorrow?"
"All right," he agreed, putting the book aside. "I'll just talk to you till you fall asleep." Already he could sense her mind becoming fuzzy.
"I didn't know they worked so quickly," she agreed sleepily. "I'd like you to talk to Vanna, Kusac. She's troubled at the moment and I think you could help each other."
Kusac frowned. "Troubled? How?"
She's unhappy. Go and talk to her.
She was beginning to drift into sleep.
All right, but how can she help me? I don't understand
what you mean,
he replied, concerned.
Go and see her,
she sent, waving him away with a limp hand.
She's in the garden.
Kusac sighed, leaning over to kiss her on the forehead. "I'll go. Sleep well."
She murmured good night as he left the room.
Kusac headed downstairs, reaching out mentally to locate Vanna. As Carrie had said, she was in the garden, sitting on the bench. As he came between the high hedges, Vanna looked up, startled to see him.
"Is something wrong?" she asked, concern on her face.
"Not with Carrie," he replied. "She wanted me to come and see you."
"Me? Whatever for?"
Kusac sat down beside her. "She said you needed to talk to me."
A frown creased Vanna's nose. "I don't know where she got that idea from," she said, beginning to look uncomfortable.
"Is Brynne with someone just now?" he asked abruptly.
"Yes, but what has..."
"Carrie's been picking you up," he said angrily, "and doing a little probing on her own account. I'm sorry. She had no justification for prying, and no right to ask me to speak to you at this time."
He put a sympathetic hand on her shoulder, only to snatch it back as the sudden shock of their physical contact jolted through him, so highly sexually charged were they to their separate partners.
"We've been set up by Carrie, Vanna," he said grimly, trying to sense his Leska. He could feel her faint presence but before he could let her know how angry he was, she was sending to him.
You and Vanna both need someone now,
came the very faint thought.
What better way to show her that what she has
with Brynne is better than anything you two could have,
than to spend the night with her? It will also make Brynne
more careful of her.
Kusac's reply was a white hot fury of rage.
I won't be
used, Carrie!
You're making an exchange. Your need for hers.
The thought faded as she drifted beyond him into sleep.
"What is it? What's happened?" demanded Vanna, grabbing him by the arm and triggering the same response again. It left neither of them with any illusions about their present physical or mental state.
"Carrie got Chena to drug her up, then sent me to you, knowing that Brynne was with another female," he said angrily. "She must have sensed me earlier this evening. She's throwing us together. I apologize for her, Vanna. Good night." He got up and turned to leave.
Again Vanna grasped him by the arm, this time refusing to let go when the reaction surged through her. "Wait," she said, her ears flattening. "Why not, if Carrie's willing?"
"It would be a mistake, Vanna. What about Brynne?"
"What about him? If he can go off with another female, then I'm free to please myself. But I don't understand why Carrie would do this. Terrans don't have our attitude toward pairings."
"Her attitudes are becoming more Sholan," he said slowly, thinking over what Carrie had actually said and realizing there was some sense to it. He tried to block the resonance building between him and Vanna, but found it almost impossible to ignore.
He turned. "It's too easy for emotions to get involved, Vanna, especially for you."
"I know. If you stay, I realize it's only because Carrie's ill." She was projecting so much hope that mentally he backed away, wondering if Carrie's plan could possibly work. His need for hers though: it was the Sholan way. Before he'd met Carrie he wouldn't have thought twice about it.
"Come with me, then," he said decisively.
"Where are we going?" she asked as he took her arm and led her into the darkness.
"Away from the house," he replied, waiting a moment for his eyes to adjust to the night. As they made their way through the shrubland and across the fields Kusac sensed several of the watchers including T'Chebbi. He reached again for Carrie, but she remained deeply asleep.
At length, a barn loomed in the near distance and he headed toward it.
"A barn!" said Vanna, slightly aghast as she realized where they were going.
"Yes. It was the regular meeting place for couples when I was young." He grinned, his teeth a flash of white in the dark. "I only went there a couple of times myself, but I know Taizia uses it fairly often."
He felt her slow down. "It's all right," he reassured her. "There's no one there, and we won't be disturbed." He pushed the door open, standing back for her to enter first.
"A barn with well oiled hinges," she murmured, shaking her head as she looked around.
Kusac moved toward the few bales of last year's straw that were piled in the far corner. He scrambled on top of them and crouching down, held out his hand to Vanna.
"It hasn't changed," he said, pulling her up and steadying her.
She stumbled, swaying for a moment before she lost her balance. With a sharp cry of fright, she went crashing down onto the straw on the lower level behind them, dragging Kusac along with her.
He landed on top of her, knocking the breath from her lungs.
"I suppose that's one way of getting down here," said Kusac, raising himself on his forearms and shaking his head to rid it of straw. He reached out to unfasten her coat, letting it fall open behind her.
"Another time, another place, isn't that what we once said, Vanna?" he asked, touching her cheek as her arms came up around him.
The pull of their separate Links surged through them, but this time neither of them let go. Their minds met as telepaths' minds did, but it held little of the magic they shared with their Leskas. Through Vanna, Kusac sensed Brynne push his partner aside as the human felt Vanna's response to him. With a thought, Kusac blocked Brynne out and turned his attention back to Vanna.
She was breathing so rapidly now that she could hardly catch her breath. Her hands clutched at his tabard, claws coming out in her almost frantic need to touch him.
He caught her hands in one of his, lifting them to his mouth as he moved to kneel beside her.
"Not so fast," he murmured, licking her fingers. "We've all night." He leaned forward, unfastening her jacket while against his mouth, her fingers trembled.
He let them go, urging her to sit up while he pushed her coat and jacket free of her arms. Again, she reached for him, taking hold of his tunic.
"Still too fast," he chided, pushing her hands away, unfastening it and taking it off himself. "I can't see Garras being so quick. Brynne, perhaps, but not Garras."
She gave a short laugh. "It's just that I need to feel you warm and alive! You came so close to death again."
"Shh, I know," he said, lying down beside her again and beginning to nuzzle her cheek and ear. "Tell me," he asked between licks, "does Brynne give you Terran kisses?"
"I don't know," she said, sighing as finally her hands were able to touch him.
Show me,
she sent as his mouth covered hers.