Forty 2 Days (The Billionaire Banker) (15 page)

I am awakened in the early morning hours.  Must be the unfamiliarity of my surroundings.  It is two o'clock and it seems all of Venice is asleep.  I get out of bed and walk barefoot across the highly polished dark wood floor, towards the windows overlooking the interlocking canals and
cobblestone pathways.  Shivering slightly I stand in the cool night listening to the sounds of the murky waters lapping against mossy, old stones.  The sulfuric smell like that of slowly rotting eggs rises from the canals and slips into my consciousness.  Not that that bothers me.  For me being with Blake in this city with its crumbling glory and beautiful stonework is a dream.

And then a thought—clawed and dangerous.  Who or what is Cronus?

I hear a rustling and, turning my head, see Blake, raised on his elbows and watching
me.  In the silvery moonlight he is Atlas or Mars or Apollo.  A god.  He gets out of bed, nude, and with the lithe grace of a beautiful animal, prowls
over to me.  He bends and kisses me.  I luxuriate in the warmth emanating from the length of his body.  But my thoughts make me kiss him a touch too desperately.

He lifts his head and looks at me. In the moonlight his eyes are dark wells of curiosity.  

'What's the matter?' he asks, crouching beside me.  

'Nothing,' I lie. 'I think I'm too excited to sleep.'

He sighs and persists, 'What's wrong, Lana?'

‘
What did you say to the usher at the theater?’

He sits back on his heels.  ‘What usher?’

‘
You know, when I went to the toilet.’

‘
Ah… I was asking if there was an ice cream bar nearby.  Why?’

I look down, unable to meet his eyes, unable to help the sadness that creeps into my voice.  ‘I just wondered if you…if you found her attractive.’

‘
What?’

I look up at him.  

He takes my cold fingers in his large warm hands.  'Shall I tell you a secret?’

I nod.  That will be a first.

‘
From the first moment I saw you I wanted you.  Not in the compartmentalized way I wanted the others, the length of leg, the jut of a butt, or the strain of material caused by a well-shaped chest.  When I saw you I had to have all of you as mine.  I would have paid any price that night to buy you.’

'Oh, Blake,' I sigh.  I want him to say he loves me, even if it is just a little, but I won’t push anymore, I might hear something I don’t want to.  It is always cleverer to quit while still ahead.

'Shall I show you just how much I want you?' he asks quietly.

I nod and he stands up.  I stretch my arms out to him as if I am a child, and he picks me up and carries me to the kingly bed.  I sigh deeply with
pleasure under him.  For a time there is only the soft rustle of white linen and the occasional gasp.  Then a fierce, rapid rhythm.  Until a shudder like a silver explosion shivers through me, and I am back among glittering stars.  Here I can hide from Cronus.  I hold onto the exciting firmness of his buttocks as he finds his release and spills his seed inside my body.  

Dreamily I snuggle deeper into his body and am soon as deeply asleep as everybody else in that stinking, sinking city.

A
fter a trip to the glass blower’s we return the way we came.  By private plane:  without queues, passport control or waiting for baggage.  Blake does not get into the car with us.  He has a business appointment that he must keep.  He tries to convince me to let the nanny go back to the apartment with me, but I refuse.  She is put into a taxi.

 
I hold Sorab in my lap and stare out of the window.  I cannot help feeling a little depressed.  While I was away I had temporarily put away the things that Victoria’s mother had said, but now they have all come crowding back.  Their whispers are loud in the quiet apartment.  I feel very alone and frightened.

When Jack calls I immediately invite him to come around.  

‘
You’ve just come back from holiday.  You must have a thousand things to do.  I won’t disturb you.  I’ll come tomorrow,’ he says.

‘
No, not at all.  Do please come today, now if you can.  I’d love to see you again.’

‘
Is everything all right, Lana?’

I laugh.  ‘Of course.  I just want to see my son’s godfather again.  Is there anything wrong in that?’

He laughs.  The sound is familiar.  ‘No, but you will tell me if there is, won’t you?’

‘
Yes, yes, yes.  Now how long will it take you to get here?’

‘
Half an hour.’

‘
See you then.’ I terminate the call and feel relief.

‘
Mr. Jack Irish at reception for you, Miss Lana,’ Mr. Nair calls thirty minutes later.

‘
Brilliant.  Send him up,’ I say, and opening the front door go out to wait by the lift.  The lift opens and there is Jack.  He doesn’t look comfortable.  I can see he is overawed by his surroundings.  

‘
My, my, Jack,’ I say, ‘is that a new shirt?  I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in red.’

He flushes.  ‘Alison picked it out,’ he mumbles, and steps out of the lift.

‘
Hey, it looks good.  Really.  Actually, very dashing.’

‘
And you’re playing fast and loose with your compliments today.’

‘
I am,’ I agree, and go into his arms.  It is so familiar.  So good.  I love Jack.  I truly do.  He is like that first ray of sunshine after a particularly heavy downpour. A delicious uncomplicated invitation to go out and play.  I step away. ‘Come and see the place.’

I push open the door and turn around.  ‘Wow,’ Jack says.  ‘This place must have cost something.’

‘
Yeah, wait till you see the view.’ I pull him by the hand towards the balcony.

‘
Startling, isn’t it?’

‘
Vistas like this must surely induce attacks of megalomania,’ he says softly.  We stand in silence for a minute, and then he turns to me.  ‘Where’s the brat then?’

‘
Sleeping.’

‘
Again?’

I laugh. It is so easy with Jack. ‘Want some real coffee?’

‘
What kind of question is that?’

‘
Come on then.’

I put on some music and we sit on the sofa with our cappuccinos.  

‘
Just off the top of your head, what do you know about Cronus?’

‘
That’s a strange question.’

I take a sip of the hot liquid.  ‘Just heard it the other day and realized I didn’t know anything about it.‘

‘
My Greek mythology is very shaky, but I believe he is the god who ate his own children.  It is also another name for Saturn, or Father Time.’

‘
The god who ate his own children?’

‘
Yeah, it was to stop a prophecy that his own child would overthrow him.  Something like that, anyway.’

I nod unhappily.  Don’t like the sound of any of it.  After Jack leaves I intend to do my own research.

‘
Are you happy, Lana?’

‘
No,’ I say before I can stop myself.

His coffee cup freezes on its way to his lips.

I cover my mouth with the tips of my fingers.  I can’t tell him about Cronus so I start making it up.  ‘No, wait.  That came out wrong.  I’m not actively unhappy.’ I clasp my hands under my chin.  ‘But you know how I feel about him.  It’s a kind of torture to be so in love with someone who doesn’t love you back.  I’m the dead wasp floating in his glass of champagne.  I ruin his perfect life.  His perfect plans.’  And yet this too is true.  Blake is not happy.  There is something that is tearing his insides, but he won’t tell me what it is.

Jack puts his coffee cup on the low table.  ‘You poor duck,’ he says with such compassion, I am suddenly filled with morbid self-pity.  I blink back the tears.  Jack puts his hand out.

‘
Don’t touch her.’

The violence in the words startles me.  I swing my head around and find Blake standing at the door of the living room. We had not heard him enter.  The thick carpets, the music.

His face is a thundercloud.  I jump up guiltily, my face flaming.  And then I realize I have done nothing wrong.  We have done nothing wrong.  My innocence makes my voice strong.  ‘We were just talking, Blake.  Jack is my brother.’

Blake does not look at me.  ‘He’s not your brother.  He’s in love with you.’

‘
Oh! For God’s sake,’ I burst out angrily, and turn to Jack in exasperation for support against such a distorted view of our relationship, and then I freeze.  

Jack is looking at me with so much pain in his tortured, artist’s eyes.  Why, Blake is right.  My Jack is in love with me.  Deeply.  Hopelessly.  Perhaps for years.  It seems impossible.  It is me who has been so blind, so stupid.  Both our mothers knew it.  

‘
Jack?’ I whisper.  I want him to deny it so it can all be as it was before
—
uncomplicated, beautiful, but he presses his lips into a thin line and starts walking towards the door.  Blankly, I follow his progress past Blake, their shoulders almost brushing but not quite.  He is in the corridor when I find my legs and begin to run after him.  Blake catches me by the arm.

‘
Let me pass,’ I hiss.  

He looks at me.  Implacable, his eyes glittering.  ‘I don’t share,’ he rasps.

‘
Please… He needs me now’

‘
Your pity is the last thing he needs.’

‘
I wasn’t offering pity.  I was offering friendship.’  

‘
He doesn’t want your friendship either.  He wants you in his arms, in his bed.  Can you give him that, Lana?’

We stand there staring at each other, the air bristling.  Then he releases my arm and backs away from me.  I drop my head.  As I stand there crushed by my loss, he puts his arms around me and draws me to his body.  ‘I’m sorry, baby.’

I lay my cheek against his hard chest.  Dry-eyed.  When the loss is that big tears don’t come.  I know from the time I lost my mother.  Tears come when you release that person and I refuse to release Jack.  He will fall in love with someone else.  He will forget this love he has for me and then we will be brother and sister again.  I feel Blake’s lips on my hair.  

And I begin to cry.  Not for the loss of Jack because I will never lose Jack, but for the loss of Blake, because I know in my heart of hearts I can’t keep him. Because of Cronus; because everything I really love is always being taken away from me.  Blake doesn’t understand why I am crying or clinging or why I am insatiable.  I am drinking the last of the summer wine.  That night I let myself get drunk as a skunk.  

W
hen I go to visit Billie she has a surprise for Sorab.  A beautiful rocking horse from Mamas & Papas.  

‘
OMG!’ I exclaim.  ‘You shouldn’t have.  That must have cost a fortune,’ I go to it and touch the soft brown material of the horse’s mouth.

‘
Nah, I nicked it.’

I whirl around to face her.  Trying to imagine how on earth she walked out of the store with such a big item in her arms.  ‘Why, Billie?’

She shrugs.  ‘It’s not a big deal.  These big corporations make allowances for pilferage.  It’s part of their operating costs.’

‘
When we have our business are we going to make allowances for pilferage too?’

‘
Hell, no.’

I raise my eyebrows and cross my arms over my chest.

‘
All right,’ she says.  ‘But I’m not taking it back.’

I laugh.  Billie is incorrigible.  Sometimes I wish I was like her.  Life is such an abundant adventure.  She takes everything with both hands.

‘
Listen, Billie, I know why you did it, but you don’t have to compete with Blake.  You’re Sorab’s aunt.  You’ll always be there,’ and the words stick in my throat, but I spit them out, ‘Blake will not.’

‘
I’m sorry, Lana.’

‘
You don’t have to apologize to me.’

‘
I’m sorry that you can’t have Blake.’

‘
Yeah.  It’s a bummer.’

‘
I got a bottle of vodka,’ she suggests brightly.

I smile.  ‘No, but I’ll have a cup of tea, though.’

We are sitting at the kitchen table having our tea when the doorbell rings.

‘
Expecting someone?’

‘
Yeah, Jack said he might come around.’

‘
Oh!’

She goes to open the door.  ‘Hey, you.’

‘
Hey, yourself,’ Jack says and comes in.  

‘
Hello, Jack,’ I greet softly.

‘
Hello, Lana.’  He is surprised to see me.  His eyes seem sad.  So sad.  I don’t think I have ever seen him like this.  Now that his secret has been unmasked he seems purposeless, empty and defeated.  He looks like a man who has had all his dreams and hopes shattered, and he is simply standing there looking at the shards in disbelief.

I move forward and he looks at me with a tortured expression.

‘
I’ll leave you two alone,’ Billie says and walks quickly to her room.

‘
We have to talk,’ I say.

‘
There is nothing to say,’ he replies.  His eyes are burning in his face, though.  There is something he wants to say.  Badly.

‘
Tell me,’ I urge.

‘
I am leaving for Africa soon.  I volunteered.  I’ll be working for a medical charity.’

I gasp.  There are already tears prickling the backs of my eyes.  ‘Where in Africa?’

‘
Sudan.’

‘
For how long?’

He shrugs.  A half smile.  The old Jack poking through.  ‘Until I feel better, I guess.’

I nod.  I’m not going to cry.  I’m going to be strong for him.  Make it easy for him.  I’m going to wish him well.