The bills for Lynda’s hospital were unpaid. There was Francis’s school-very expensive, and there would now be Paul’s school. Ideally, Mark ought to find, in the next month, a couple of thousand pounds. He could not find so many shillings.
The factory? But she did not like to interfere with something she understood nothing about. Then Jimmy Wood arrived one afternoon to see Mark. Mark’s door was locked. Martha therefore talked to Jimmy.
Or she tried to. They were in the kitchen, and they drank tea and ate cake-everything that was normal and reassuring. There he sat, smiling, as usual. And there she sat, opposite him, trying to understand him. She had seen that he was a human being constructed on a different model from most, but this did not help. Making contact with Jimmy, or trying to, one understood how one meshed with others. They were angry, they were pleased, they were sad, they were shocked. They might be several things in the course of an afternoon, but at any given moment one talked to an angry man, a frightened man, etc.; one contacted a state, an emotion. But Jimmy Wood? There he sat, smiling, while he heartily ate cake and asked for more, and even got up to refill the kettle and put it on the ring. All this went on, the activity of a man enjoying his tea. He had come to this house because he wanted to say something. Mark not being available he was saying it to Martha. But what? He was disturbed about something. His movements were those of an agitated man. His eyes were hidden behind the great spectacles and his mouth, a thin, pink, curved mouth, smiled.
He was upset by Mark calling himself a communist? Martha tried this note-but no. There was no resonance. Yes, that was what was throwing her off balance: where other people resounded, he did not. He wanted to leave the factory and find work elsewhere. But he said this without emotion-it was a fact that emerged after an hour or so. Why? He talked about two contracts that had not been renewed. Did he know why? —He thought it was because of the ‘fuss about Mark in the papers’. But that was not his point. Did he think the factory was going to have to shut down? No, not necessarily. They could coast along for months, even a year or so.
But there was a job that would suit him in a factory in Wales. Martha suggested that Mark would be upset if he, Jimmy, left. They had worked together for years. From what she could make out of the mask-face, this embarrassed Jimmy. She pressed on: ‘He’s very fond of you, ’ and was faced by the great baby-head and the round glinting spectacles, and the pink smiling mouth. She felt extremely uncomfortable. He poured himself more tea, and energetically dotted up loose currants on the end of a wetted forefinger.
Martha sat, going back in her mind over the various points that had come up. Not politics-no. To him, the greatest of irrelevancies. Not money-the business would survive temporary difficulties. At random she said: ‘I expect Mark will be back at work in a few days. Perhaps sooner.’ And now, just as if Jimmy had not said he would leave, he began talking about a machine he and Mark had planned to start making. It was as if she touched a switch, which had caused him to work again. From his remarks, all random, even disconnected, a picture emerged of Mark and him, spending days at a time in the office at the factory, with blueprints and scientific papers and their own imaginations-talking. Was it that, some sort of machine himself (or so she could not help feeling), he needed this, had been deprived of it, had felt deprived of something, but he did not know what-and now, knowing that this need to talk would at some time in the near future be met, was prepared to go on as before? At any rate, after three hours or so he left, smiling, with the remark that the foreman had said he’d like to see Mark sometime, to give him his assurance that he and the men thought he had been shockingly treated-they were going to stand by him.
Martha wrote on a piece of paper: ‘I don’t understand your Jimmy Wood. But he says the foreman wants to stand by you. I think Jimmy will leave if you don’t go and talk to him soon.’ This she pushed under the door of the study.
The financial problems had not been solved.
One thing could be done at once: which was to let the basement.
Martha pushed another note under the door saying that Mark must at once write to Lynda’s hospital asking for time to pay: the last account had been peremptory.
Mark telephoned. The doctor suggested that perhaps Mrs. Coldridge might come home for the week-end: she had a plan for her future which would involve Mark’s co-operation, and which might
help Mark financially. For his part, said Dr Lamb, he was prepared to say Lynda was better; not cured, but better.
Lynda came home for the week-end. She was like a guest. Mark came out of his study and was like a host. She said she wanted to leave the hospital, and live in the basement. No, she was not well enough to be by herself but she could share it with a friend from the hospital. She said with a laugh that she did not think Mark would like her friend, who was called Dorothy. Sometimes she didn’t like her either. But they got on.
Mark said he would of course do anything she wanted.
A moment later she took up her little box of pills and went up to bed.
Later, when Martha was ready for bed, her sense of things that were waiting to be said was strong enough to send her down to the kitchen. There sat Lynda in her dressing-gown with a spread of cards in front of her.
‘If I came to live here, ’ said Lynda, continuing the conversation, ‘it wouldn’t cost so much, would it? Oh-1 don’t mean I want to be Mark’s wife, I couldn’t be that. But if I were here in the house, then it would be better, wouldn’t it? Then they couldn’t say you were taking him away from me? ’
‘Why, are people saying that? ’
‘They are bound to be saying something, aren’t they? ’
‘I suppose so. We’ve been too busy about this other thing.’
Oh, politics. Oh well, I don’t care about that. That’s just nothing at all. But Dorothy’s got some money of her own. She could pay some rent. It would help, wouldn’t it? ’
She shuffled the cards, humming cheerfully for a time. ‘Of course, there’s Francis. But he hasn’t a mother anyway. I thought it would be better to have me in the house, than not at all-for what he has to say to his friends, I mean.’
More shuffling of cards, more humming.
‘And about clothes. I’ve all that money for clothes in my bank account. You must make him take it. That’s what he wants you see-that I shall be beautiful all the time.’
‘Yes, but I don’t think he’d take it.’
‘I wouldn’t mind if he divorced me. I know that would be best really. But he wouldn’t ever divorce me. I know that.’
‘No, he wouldn’t.’
‘I don’t care about all that-all that’s not what I care about.’
And now she looked, very close, at Martha, studied her. She leaned forward, her chin in her hand, looking. As if she were trying to find out something? Was it that she wanted to know if Martha could guess what she did care about? She looked disappointed. She even sighed, and made a small pettish gesture of disappointment as she returned to the cards.
‘You can go to bed, if you like, ’ she said. ‘I’m all right by myself, you know.’
That was on the Friday. Next morning early Paul’s new headmaster telephoned to say that he would consider it a good thing if the child came home for the week-end: he and the staff thought it might help him.
His name was Edwards. He sounded very competent. He sounded in control. Martha felt that he and the staff would have every reason not to feel in control, with Paul in the state he was. She felt he might well have been entitled to say more than, ‘Paul seems rather confused.’
Paul was put on the train at the village station fifty miles away, and was met by Mark. When Paul got out of the car, a pale, spiky, black-eyed waif, he was already in the uniform of a progressive school-jeans and sweater. He came into the drawing-room where Lynda sat, like a visitor in her pale fur coat, smoking and guarding her little box of pills.
She studied Paul, for a while, while he wriggled about in a chair opposite her. Then she smiled at him, her wide, beautiful smile. He, slowly, smiled back, a rather tentative offering. Slowly he approached Lynda, sidled around her, then tried to climb on her lap. But she held him off.
‘I don’t like being touched, ’ she said. ‘But you can sit here.’ She indicated the patch of sofa beside her. He sat close, snuggling, as he would have done with his mother. But Lynda, at the touch, shrank from him. He felt it, and moved away, examining her face as a guide to how far he must go. Side by side they sat, a space between them.
Martha and Mark were busy with tea things. This ought probably not to happen at all. But then nothing of this ought to be happening.
‘Why don’t you like being touched? ’
‘Because I’m ill.’
‘My mother liked it.’
‘But I’m not like your mother.
‘She’s dead.’
‘She killed herself, ’ said Lynda.
‘Why did she? ’
‘Some people don’t like living.’
‘Didn’t she like me? ’
‘Very much, ’ said Lynda.
‘I don’t think she liked me. Or she wouldn’t have killed herself.’
‘That doesn’t follow.’
‘Yes it does.’
Lynda had moved where she sat, so that she was looking at Paul with a direct, cool smile. And he was leaning forward, gazing up into her truth-telling face.
‘Didn’t my daddy like living? ’
‘You say that because you think he is dead.’
‘Yes, he’s dead.’
‘No, I don’t think he’s dead.’
‘He is! He is! I know he is!’
Tears were imminent, but Lynda made no attempt to stop them.
‘No. Perhaps he is, but we don’t think so. And he may come back.’
‘He won’t come back, because he doesn’t like me.’
‘You are making yourself much too important, ’ said the sick woman to the desperate child. ‘Your daddy had work to do. It was important. If he went away it wasn’t because of you and your mother.’
‘Did my mother kill herself because he went away? ’
‘No. He went away and she killed herself-the two things at the same time.’
‘How did she kill herself? ’
‘She made herself stop breathing.’
‘Could I? ’
‘Yes, if you wanted to.’
‘Do you want to? ’
‘Sometimes.’
‘Are you going to? ’
‘No.’
‘Why aren’t you? ’
‘Because every time I think I will, then I decide to stay alive and see what happens next. It is interesting.’
He gave a scared laugh, and snuggled closer. His hand, meeting hers, felt hers go away. He put his two hands carefully on his knees.
‘At the school, the other children have mothers and fathers for the holidays.’
‘Well, you haven’t.’
‘Why haven’t I? ’
‘I’ve told you.’
They observed that his face had gone red, and his mouth was pinched up.
Lynda slapped him. ‘Stop it. You don’t die by holding your breath.’
‘I shall if I want.’
‘Anyway, it’s silly. You’re unhappy now. But later you might be happy, who knows? ’
‘Am I unhappy? ’
‘Yes, you’re very unhappy.’
‘I don’t want to be.’
‘I dare say. But you are.’
She smiled, and got up. At the tea-tray she took a cup of tea, and sugared it. She went towards the door, with the cup.
‘Why are you going? Can I come too? ’
‘No. I can’t be with people for long. I’m ill, you see.’
‘What sort of ill? ’
And now a bad, twisted moment, a jar. ‘I have to be careful. I have to be on guard, ’ she said, ‘so that’s why I’m ill.’ He had rushed to her, stood near, looking up. She bent down and widened her eyes at him, smiling secretly, straight into his face: ‘I know things, you see. They don’t like it.’
He looked afraid, shrank. The small boy stood, pathetic, staring up at the tall woman. And she felt that she had made a mistake. Her smile faded. She looked sick and anxious.
But he needed her too badly to be afraid of her. Before she got out of the door, he was after her. Careful not to touch, he stood as close as he could get.
‘Lynda. Lynda. Are you my mother now? ’
‘No. You have no mother.’
‘Are you Francis’s mother? ’
‘Yes. No. I suppose so. Not really. I’m not much good at being that kind of person. Some people aren’t.’
He drooped away, his fìnger in his mouth.
‘But, Paul, I’m your friend. Do you want that? ’
He nodded, merely, not looking at her. Then he gave her a scared glance, and saw her wonderful smile. He smiled, slowly.
She went to her room. Later that day, Paul went to her, was admitted. He was there for about half an hour. They did not know what was said, or felt; but Paul was cheerful through his supper, and he asked Mark to tell him a story. When that was over, he said he would like to go back to the school next morning.
Mark took him back in the car. When he arrived back at the house he found Lynda establishing herself in the basement.
He telephoned the hospital.
Mark said to her: ‘They say you’ve made a remarkable recovery.’
He was watching Lynda and Martha arrange the bed for Lynda. What he was really saying was: You still might get quite better and be my wife again.
But Lynda smiled at him and said: ‘What awful fools they are. What fools! Well, thank God, they are.’ She laughed, was scornful. She continued to smile, scornfully, during the evening, but muttered once or twice: ‘But I must be careful though.’
She did not feel able to stay alone in the basement. Martha moved down, and slept in the living-room for a couple of nights. But then Dorothy, Lynda’s friend, came to live with her. She was a Mrs. Quentin, but it seemed that her husband was living with another woman somewhere in Ireland. She was a large, dark, slow-moving woman, anxiously watchful of the impression she might be giving, with a tendency to make jocular remarks. She had a large quantity of jackdaw possessions, which she set out all over the flat before even unpacking her clothes. She was not the person either Mark or Martha could associate easily with Lynda.
But Lynda was pleased to have her there, did not mind the embroidered velvet hearts, the magazine covers tacked to the walls, the dolls; did not mind her friend’s possessiveness. It seemed that she liked Dorothy telling her to do this, and to do that; liked it when Dorothy said to Mark: ‘I think it’s time Lynda went to bed now.’