“Is it a vegetable? A fruit?” she asks.
“The
mape
tree is very tall, it takes years to grow,” Materena says.
“Oh, that’s very interesting, but is it a vegetable or a fruit?”
“It’s a fruit.”
“And is it in its natural state?” the Frenchwoman asks.
“Eh?”
“Did you pick the fruit off the tree and put it straight in a packet?”
“You have to cook it.”
“How long did the process of cooking take?”
“Natalie!” This is her man speaking. “Just give that woman her money and get a packet of whatever it is called.” But the woman says that she wants to know what she is eating because she’s wary of food poisoning.
“You must always know what you are eating, Louis,” she says. “Do you recall our holiday in Germany when you were ill? Do you recall the mushrooms? One can never be too cautious about poisonous —”
“Our
mape
is not poisonous,” Materena interrupts. “We’ve been eating
mape
for hundreds of years. If
mape
were poisonous, there’d be no Tahitians left in Tahiti today and I wouldn’t be selling you
mape
right this moment to raise money for the church.”
“Oh, it’s for the church, I’m sorry.” The Frenchwoman hurries to get a banknote from her bag. “I admire you.”
She gives Materena the money and Materena gives the woman the packet of
mape
she prodded and tried to squash minutes before. And after saying, “Thank you very much for helping the St. Joseph Church,” Materena goes on with her mission.
She has a lot of luck tonight selling
mape.
It seems everybody wants to eat
mape.
Nobody wants to get out of the car and walk to the snack. If only she’d brought along some drinks to sell too. But suddenly, a flashlight illuminates Materena and a man is walking toward her.
Hei!
It’s the bloody security guard! Materena shrieks to herself. She runs this way and she runs that way, she runs in front of Mama Teta’s car and sees Mama Teta watching the movie and enjoying her popcorn. That Mama Teta! Materena thinks. Her legs must have got miraculously better in the last twenty minutes for her to run to the snack!
The security guard is getting closer and closer, and poor Materena has got a stitch. Her legs can’t take it anymore. She’s slowing down, actually, she’s going to have to stop and give herself up.
“Halt!” The security guard yells.
Materena has got to do something about the evidence real quick because when there’s no evidence, there’s no crime. She’s learned that rule watching a detective movie once.
Okay, the
mape
have been discarded under a truck and now Materena can start running again. But here, she recognizes Hotu’s car five spaces up. Saved!
She didn’t know Leilani and Hotu watched movies at the drive-in cinema. She thought they only watched movies at the Cinéma Concorde in town. Well anyway, they’re here tonight.
Ah hia,
here’s the security guard! Better start running!
Materena starts to run toward the BMW with the intention to sneak in and hide, but . . . just a minute . . . Yes, that’s Hotu at the wheel, and he’s kissing the woman sitting on the other seat. But that woman Hotu is kissing has got very, very short hair. Materena’s daughter has very, very long hair. What’s going on around here? Materena is so shocked she stops running. Her heart is going
boum, boum, boum.
She can’t believe her eyes.
Aue . . .
But what should Materena do now? Should she go and tell Hotu off? It’s not really her onions what Hotu does when he’s not with Leilani . . . or is it? Like father, like son! Eh, eh, my Leilani, eh, Materena thinks. They’re still kissing, Hotu and that woman, and now he’s taking her top off and now he’s licking that woman’s breasts!
Aue!
Is this what happens when a couple spends too much time together? Materena wonders. The man gets bored? He needs a change? Since they’ve met, Hotu can’t go anywhere without Leilani following, and vice versa. They’re always in each other’s shadow, those two, and Rose is always telling her cousin how lucky she is to be with the man she loves, unlike Rose, who hasn’t seen her Australian husband, also the father of the baby inside her belly, for five months.
And here is Hotu now in
flagrant délit.
Materena is so confused. The last time she spoke to Leilani and Hotu’s neighbor (alias Materena’s spy), she said it was still the big love on top of the hill.
Last time she spoke to Leilani on the telephone, which was yesterday, Leilani talked about her new favorite subject: Dr. Bernard (Hotu often jokes that luckily Dr. Bernard is sixty-five years old, otherwise he’d be jealous). “Dr. Bernard is my hero,” Leilani said yesterday. There was not a word about Hotu playing around, but then again Leilani wouldn’t know . . .
A hand grabs Materena’s wrist, making her stop thinking and jump with fright. Ah, it’s only the security guard. He’s saying how he’s seen Materena selling
mape
and how it’s against the law to sell anything at the drive-in cinema. There’s a snack for people when they want to eat. The security guard wants Materena to follow him into the office, but Materena is not going anywhere and right now she really doesn’t care that she broke the law, right now she’s more concerned about what her son-in-law is doing behind her daughter’s back.
“Eh,” Materena says to the security guard, “let go of my wrist . . . See that couple there? In the BMW? Switch your flashlight off.” The security guard, still holding Materena by the wrist, looks up, and now he’s chuckling away. He lets go of Materena’s wrist and switches his flashlight off. And now both Materena and the security guard are watching the couple half-illuminated by the light from the screen. And what are they up to, Hotu and his mistress?
Ah . . . the mistress has flattened her seat and Hotu is . . . well, he gets on top of his mistress and . . . one of the mistress’s legs is out of the window and . . . the other leg goes on top of the wheel . . . and . . . well, now the mistress’s legs are around Hotu, and her arms are around Hotu too . . . and Materena glances at the security guard and it looks to her as if he’s getting a bit too close. She takes a step to the side.
The security guard also takes a step to the side.
Meanwhile, in the BMW . . .
Oh, la-la,
it’s the full passion. Hotu and his mistress are kissing as if tonight was their last night together. Now what is that security guard trying to do? Materena just felt his hand on her back. Is he
crazy?
She takes another step to the side.
The security guard also takes another step to the side.
Meanwhile, in the BMW . . . Ah, finished already? That didn’t take long . . . The mistress is now putting her top back on and Hotu is doing his pants up.
And what is that security guard doing?
Well, he’s trying to kiss Materena on the cheek. “Eh!” She shrieks. “Are you crazy?”
She takes another step to the side, and the security guard follows, all the while going on about how Materena has lured him here to watch that couple and so it must mean she’s interested.
What? Materena can’t believe her ears. But! Is this all men think about? And he’s getting a bit desperate, the security guard. He wants his kiss. Materena has to slap him across the face to bring him back to reality. She also has to make a quick dash to the BMW, and before you know it, she’s in the car on the backseat, surprising Hotu and that woman, who turns around.
“
Chérie!
” Materena exclaims, all happy and relieved to see her darling sweet daughter. “You had a haircut today?”
“Mamie!” the daughter also exclaims, hurrying to grab her deodorant out of her bag. “What are you doing here?” Leilani goes on madly spraying her deodorant around. “What are you doing here at the drive-in cinema?”
Eyeing the security guard, who’s looking a bit stunned now, Materena explains the situation, that she was helping Mama Teta sell
mape
to raise money for the church.
“Ah,” Leilani says seriously, “that’s very nice of you to do that.”
“
Ah oui,
” Hotu confirms, cackling, “that’s really nice of you.”
There’s an awkward silence now in the BMW and Materena guesses that her daughter and the boyfriend are thinking, Did she see us? Materena understands. It’s embarrassing being caught doing sexy loving by your mother. Materena was caught by Loana twice in her life with Pito. She didn’t know what else to say but, “Eh, Mamie!”
“Eh, Mamie,” Leilani says, pinching Hotu’s leg to make him stop cackling, “otherwise, did you sell a lot of
mape
tonight?”
T
he story on the coconut radio is that it’s so nice Rose’s Australian husband stays at the house to look after the baby because some men, even if they don’t have a job, you’re not going to see them at the house looking after the baby. You’re going to see them by the side of the road looking after their drink and their mates. Ah, true, many relatives are saying. It’s so nice for Rose’s daughter she is in the hands of her father, who can’t get a work visa, and not in the hands of the
nounou. Eh hia,
what a lucky baby girl Taina-Duke Johnson is, even if her father lets her cry for hours.
That’s why Tapeta visits her granddaughter every day straight after work. She visits to see that all is fine, that her granddaughter has got diapers and that there’s milk powder left in the can and that she’s not crying her eyes out.
Rose’s Australian husband never minds Tapeta visiting. The moment he sees Tapeta arrive he smiles. He kisses Tapeta on the cheeks, he asks her if she’s fine, he asks her if she’d like a coffee, a cookie, and then he asks her if she’s staying for a while. If she’s staying for a while, like a couple of hours, he asks her if she could look after the baby while he goes for a quick surf. And Tapeta always says, “Of course I don’t mind. Go.” Tapeta much prefers to be alone with her granddaughter anyway. That way she can carry her like she wants.
Tapeta is visiting now, expecting to find Matt reading his English books in the living room with the baby locked in the bedroom, crying her eyes out. But the front door is closed.
“Matt,
iti e!
” Tapeta calls out. “Are you in the house?”
No answer.
Tapeta calls out again until the neighbor appears. Some people came in a Toyota, she informs Tapeta, and there were surfboards on the roof of the car and they tooted the horn, they shouted out the window. They shouted in English, so the neighbor can’t say what these people shouted. But Rose’s husband came out of the house running, and then he talked to the people in the car for three seconds, and then he ran back inside the house and then he ran back outside with his surfboard, and then he put his surfboard on the roof.
“And the baby?” Tapeta interrupts. “My granddaughter?”
“Ah, the baby? Yes, the baby went in the car too with her papi. And yes, the baby was crying her eyes out.”
Tapeta thanks the neighbor and walks home, thinking. Thinking that Matt is going to leave the baby in the car because he’s a man and he’s got nothing in the coconut and he wants to please himself.
Thinking that he’s going to ask a woman sunbaking on the beach to mind his daughter and the woman is going to say okay because she’s going to succumb to Matt’s spell—the blond hair, the American face. Or maybe the woman is going to say yes because she’s a very nice woman, but what if she says yes because she’s got plans to steal that baby because she can’t have a baby and that baby is so cute?
Tapeta thinks about ringing Rose at the airport to inform her of the situation. But if Rose yells at her husband, he’s never going to speak to Tapeta again. Then, when she visits, he’s going to quickly grab baby Taina and refuse to let Tapeta hold her.
Aue!
Tapeta chases the negative thoughts out of her head and reminds herself that Matt is very intelligent and intelligent people just don’t do stupid things. After all, that Australian has spent four years at university.
Tapeta is still walking when Cousin Mori appears in his car and toots the horn. Tapeta waves a distant wave meaning: Yes, I saw you, but don’t stop to talk to me. But Mori stops his car and gets out in a flash with the words, “Cousin! Rose’s baby is in the car!”
“What?”
Aue,
here’s Taina, wrapped in the beautiful quilt her grandmother has made for her, sound asleep in her cane basket, her
biberon
by her side. Ah well, Tapeta thinks, Matt must have bumped into Mori and asked him to look after the baby for a couple of hours.
But this is not how Mori got possession of the baby.
Mori tells Tapeta he was driving his car to Taapuna for a drink at the bar there. He was a little bit thirsty, he got a craving for a beer. He parked his car next to a secondhand Toyota with racks on the roof because it was in a very good spot, it was in the shade of a tree.
For a while, Mori looked at the people surfing Taapuna Break, thinking how crazy these people were. Taapuna Break is renowned for being very dangerous. You fall and you crack your skull open on the reef.
When Mori finally got out of his car, he looked at that Toyota and saw that the window of the backseat was wound down and there was a quilt hanging down from the roof rack. Mori looked around and, since there were no witnesses, he peeped inside the car. He just had to know what was behind the quilt. It wasn’t to steal or anything like that, Mori stresses to Tapeta, he was just being curious. And so he peeped inside the car, saw a baby, and there and then he said to himself, But! This is Rose’s baby girl!
Mori opened the door, grabbed the cane basket, and put it in his car, thinking that way he could keep an eye on the baby. He was going to wait for that Australian surfer, Mori guessed him to be surfing with all those crazy people out there, to tell him off for leaving his daughter in a car, but then Mori remembered he had something else to do. So he drove off with Taina in the car to give her to Tapeta.
Tapeta looks at her cousin with affection. “Eh, eh,
merci,
Cousin.” But here, she gets thinking. She knows the baby in the cane basket is her granddaughter. She’s seen her granddaughter over one hundred times and she can recognize her granddaughter with her eyes closed, but Mori has only ever seen Rose’s daughter three times. And he was drunk all those three times and not just a little. Mori could have taken a baby that wasn’t Rose’s baby at all but another woman’s baby, and Mori could have found himself in very serious trouble. Prison, for example? Mori’s police record wouldn’t have helped. Caught stealing six times?