It was at that point I realized how very disconnected I’d become in the last two weeks.
When I got back to my room, I turned on my cell phone for the first time since the
night I arrived and called Bree. She laid a ten-minute guilt trip on me and then immediately
asked if Colin was as good as ever in bed.
“Better,” I told her honestly. The bold pronouncement distracted her enough that she
didn’t even mention Julian or ask about the project. She did ask about Bangenschloss,
and I took the opportunity to distract her further with a vivid description—leaving
out, of course, any mention of the dungeons. Horribly homesick now, I asked her about
Mom and Dad, and she filled me in on the little routine things I’d missed. By the
time she finished, I was nearly in tears, I wanted to go home so badly.
“Rae, are you okay?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I told her with a tremulous sigh. “I just didn’t realize how hard it would
be to live so far away from all of you.”
She promised to come see me at Christmas. She was so excited, I didn’t tell her it
might not be wise to book flights since I might not be here then.
This morning, I finally watched the scene on the flash drive, and it shredded my heart
to pieces. It reminded me how desperately I wanted Colin and Julian back, how hollow
and lonely I was without them. I missed working with them. I missed having meals with
them. I missed playing with them.
But I just couldn’t be around them right now or I’d do or say something I might regret,
and I’d have no idea what that something was until it came tumbling out of me and
I couldn’t take it back.
Ready to jump out of my skin, I went across the corridor into the punishment room
and turned on the lights. Without a naked Julian or a cane-wielding Colin to bring
it to life, it was back to being just a BDSM stage with a bunch of lifeless props
in it. I disliked the way it smelled now—the hints of leather, antiseptic and damp
stone brought the memories of Julian’s beating too vividly to life.
Feeling as though I were trespassing, I walked slowly around the room, trailing my
fingertips over the various leather-covered pieces of furniture and trying to imagine
myself draped over them, or locked in one of the very sturdy-looking cages. I wasn’t
successful.
Approaching the wall with trepidation, I threaded my fingertips through the flat black
tails of a flogger much like the one Master Rod had planned to use on me once upon
a time. Suede, I thought, soft and fine. Would it have hurt? Probably not much, unless
he swung it really hard. Would pain do it for me as completely as submitting did?
Would it send me to the same place that playing kinky games with Julian and Colin
did? Or did I need them to get me there?
The rush of intense yearning startled me. I wanted to try it. I needed to see if I
could reach that headspace, where everything was suddenly easy and clear, without
the men I loved so much.
“May I help you with anything, Rachel?”
I turned to find Vince in the doorway to the mad scientist lab, leaning against the
wall with his arms crossed. How long had he been watching me?
After biting my pursed lips for a moment, I told him, “Possibly.”
Turning back to the wall, I sifted my fingers through the sparse tails of a multi-colored
flogger. They were braided, and knotted near the ends. I imagined those probably hurt
quite a bit, especially in the hands of a ruthless sadist.
The tickle of desire I experienced at the idea startled me.
Fighting the feeling I was somehow cheating on Julian and Colin, I said, “Tell me
about these, Vince.”
“All right.” He came to stand beside me, taking down each of the floggers one by one
and explaining the differences between them—which were stingy, which were really stingy,
which could be thuddy, and which would make me seriously consider safe-wording. As
I’d suspected, the soft one was more for sensation than real pain play.
Then we moved on to slappers, crops, paddles, and canes, which, once he started talking
about them, I found even more fascinating. I was irresistibly drawn to the ones Colin
had used on Julian.
“Have you ever had any of this used on you?” I asked.
He grinned. “All of them, some just about every day. I’m not actually a badass Dom,
you know—I just play one on TV.”
“You’re a sub?” I asked, wide-eyed.
“To the bone. Pun intended, of course.”
I smiled. “Well you certainly had me fooled. You’re a better actor than the real Vincent
Price.”
“I’m as real as he is, Rachel,” Vince said dryly.
“Sorry, you know what I mean.” I tilted my head. “So do you have a Dom—or is it Domina?”
“I do,” he said with a coy look. “He’s a mean-ass German surgeon named Dirk Hauptman.”
“Dirk?” I blinked. “Does that mean you’re…”
“Lovers,” he confirmed. “I’m mostly gay. He’ll fuck anyone who can’t get away.”
“Is anything I thought I knew about you true?” I asked with wide eyes.
“I
am
Julian’s personal assistant, if that makes you feel any better.”
“Well thank God.” Then I thought of the flash drive. “So you’re the one who recorded
me, huh?”
“Does that bother you?”
I considered it. “Actually, no. I mean, it’s not like you’d be jerking off to it or
anything.”
“What makes you think that?” he asked with a slight smile. “I’ll jerk off to just
about anything, and power exchange does it for me no matter who’s topping whom. Frankly,
Rachel, watching Dirk turn you on while he scared the shit out of you was off-the-rails
hot, and your submission to Julian was something I felt privileged to witness. I’m
hoping you’ll give me a copy of that night. You have my word it will never wind up
on the internet.”
My heart squeezed uncomfortably. “I’ll think about it.”
“So what are you really here for, Rachel McBride?” he asked with a penetrating look.
“What do you need?”
I glanced up at the wall. “Have you ever used these on anyone?”
“As a matter of fact, yes. As a masochist, I have no problem dispensing pain to those
who enjoy it.” His eyes narrowed a bit. “Julian isn’t much for whips but I’m sure
Colin would be more than happy to administer your first flogging.”
“He might,” I said, though I wasn’t so certain after his ordeal with Julian. “But
this is something I think I need to experience on my own. Without them.”
“They might not agree.”
“They’re not in any position to agree or disagree,” I said flatly, refusing to feel
guilty. “I need this. My head is buzzing with all these conflicting voices, and I
just can’t seem to relax or focus on anything.”
“You need to feel more centered?”
I sighed. “That’s it exactly.”
Vince regarded me silently for a moment. “I’ll have to talk to Dirk first. I assume
you want to do this fairly soon?”
“Now wouldn’t be too soon for me. I’m going out of my mind.”
“Not necessarily the proper headspace for agreeing to your maiden beating,” he pointed
out.
“It’s the only headspace I’ve got at the moment. Please,” I added.
He pulled out his cell phone and called Dirk, explaining briefly what I wanted and
then listened for a couple of minutes while I vibrated with tension. Finally he hung
up. “Dirk said it was okay but to wait for him. He’ll be here in twenty minutes.”
Finally I relaxed. “That’s fine.”
“He’d do it all, if you’d rather. He’s a hell of a lot more experienced than I am.”
Something in me balked. “I’d rather have you,” I said quickly.
Vince smiled. “Excellent. It’s about damn time I got off the sidelines.”
* * * * *
“Are you certain this is what you want, Rachel?” Dirk asked, standing before me with
his arms crossed. He still looked forbidding, but knowing he was Vince’s lover reassured
me somehow. Fun, easy-to-talk-to Vince wouldn’t sleep with anyone too cruel, right?
Ignoring a little niggle of guilt, I said, “I’m positive.”
“All right then, pick out everything you want to try and bring it to me.”
I picked out a couple of floggers, including the one with the knots in it, a leather
paddle, a slapper, and the two dreadful canes.
Vince shook his head. “I won’t use the canes on you. I haven’t had enough experience
and I don’t think you’re ready.”
“One from each would probably be enough,” I said. “I just need to know what they’re
like.”
“I’ll handle those,” Dirk said.
“Fine.” I looked around a little self-consciously. “Do I need to be naked?”
“Naked is best if you want to get a true feel for all of these, but you can leave
your socks on if you want to,” Vince said, plucking yet another flogger off the wall.
“And I’d suggest that you be bound. If you’re going to fly, that’s probably the only
way you’ll get there.”
I undressed quickly, and then at the last second, took my socks off, too—I felt more
conspicuous with them on. My good girl and my bad girl were singing a bad idea duet,
but I shut them down. If I didn’t, I’d never have any clarity.
Vince wasted no time cuffing my wrists into a large metal frame and drawing them up
with a rope pulley until there was just a little play. When I asked why the frame
instead of one of the crosses, he explained, “Since you want to try so many different
implements, it’s best for me to have access to both sides.”
That made me bite my lip. My sensitive nipples still hadn’t forgotten their introduction
to the violet wand.
Vince cuffed my feet far enough apart on the cool stone floor that I felt vulnerable
but not physically uncomfortable and then rubbed my back reassuringly. It was different,
being nude while he and Dirk were both dressed, especially knowing they were a couple.
The awareness that nobody was waiting to get it on with me took the edge off, and
not necessarily in a good way.
Standing where I could see him, Vince stretched his arms and shoulders and took a
few minutes to swing the flogger he’d picked up through the air. “This one’s deerskin.
Makes a better warm-up. Floggers work best on the upper body in an upright position,
especially since I’m taller and you’re not wearing fuck-me heels.”
“Gotcha.”
“Ready?” he asked.
I nodded.
“Dirk will keep an eye on you to make sure you don’t fly off too far to safe-word.”
Rather than hitting me, he dragged the flogger across my skin, trailing it over my
shoulders and arms, letting the tails trickle over me like water. At his instruction,
I’d gone back across the hall and put my hair up in a clip while we waited for Dirk,
and now the feel of the cool leather sliding over the nape of my neck gave me chills.
Then the tails sprayed across my back, and though it didn’t really hurt, I jumped
at the sound.
“This one’s bark is much worse than its bite.” He started with very light brushstrokes
on my back, working in a slow, steady rhythm that I found distinctly enjoyable. When
he put a little more strength into the blows, painting warmth across my shoulders
and back, I sighed, closing my eyes and sagging into the cuffs just a bit. If it were
Colin behind me, doing this to me, I’d be in heaven.
Then the tails snapped around my ribs and I gasped at the sting.
“That was just an example of why you want to be careful not to let the tails wrap
around,” Vince said.
He moved around to the front. “Reach up and grab the frame.”
When I complied, he teased the tender skin of my underarms, making me jump and giggle
until the skin began to heat. When he moved down, I bit my lip, trying not to moan
as the soft tails repeatedly licked over my nipples. It was embarrassing to realize
I was very wet already. When had that happened?
Vince hummed thoughtfully, maintaining a smooth, even rhythm. “You have lovely breasts,
Rachel. Dirk’s got a big hard-on for you right now.”
He’ll fuck anyone who can’t get away.
“Uh…”
“Actually, it’s for you and your little whip, my boy,” Dirk drawled. “I should let
you top pretty girls more often. Why aren’t you naked? Rachel should have a thing
of beauty to appreciate too.”
Vince immediately set down the flogger with a happy grin and tugged his T-shirt off
over his head. “I feel better naked.”
“I guess so,” I murmured, flushing when he bared his stiff cock.
His grin broadened. “Told you power exchange does it for me no matter who’s playing.”
Well that put a little edge back into the event.
He switched to the flat, narrow slapper, tapping me at random spots, giving me just
a little bit of sting. That was fine until he aimed it at my clit. Then I jumped,
hissing at the burn.
“Vince!”
“Rachel!” he teased.
“You’re gay!”
“We’re both naked, I’ve got evil toys and you can’t get away,” he said. “I’m not supposed
to play with your fun girl parts?”
“No!”
“Too bad. Safe-word if you can’t take it.” He did it again, and I swore, trying in
vain to pull my knees together. If he kept that up, I might embarrass myself completely.
“That will be enough of that,” Dirk said severely. “If anyone gets to play with her
defenseless little cunt, it’s me.”
“You never let me have any fun,” Vince complained without heat. He traded the slapper
for the spare, knotted flogger. “This one’s got quite a bit more bite but I’ll go
easy on you. Try to relax,” he added when I braced myself. “Bite can be very good
when you’re sufficiently warmed up.”
He returned to my back and shoulders, waiting a few second in between strikes to let
the sting roll through me. It wasn’t long before I began to move in my restraints,
biting my lip and dancing a little after each blow.
“A little different sensation, isn’t it?”
I blew out a breath. “Just a little.”
When he moved around to my front again, he showed me yet another flogger, one with
flatter, wider tails and more of them. “Getting more into thud here,” he warned.
I nodded, bracing myself and trying to relax as he started in on my back and shoulders
again. This one wasn’t as loud as the first one but it definitely packed more of a
punch, reaching under my skin and into the muscle. It was like a hot, slapping, deep
tissue massage that made me gasp and moan in an embarrassingly sexual way.