Fraternizing (32 page)

“You’re wallowing
in your own guilt, Alex.”

“Why are you
holding out? Why not just run to First Sergeant and end all of this for me?”

“Because that’s
not who I am. What’s done in the dark will come to light. I’m not running to
tell anyone anything. But if questions get asked, I won’t lie and compromise
myself.”

“What a moral guy
you are. Must make you feel so fucking good about yourself.”

He shifted his
eyes up to me. The cold icy stare looked like a stranger had taken hold of him.
He wasn’t the same guy I had come to know and love.

“I don’t
understand. Because for everything that you say about her, you do something to
totally contradict it.”

“What the
fuck are
you talking about?”

“For starters,
you willingly accept an award that makes you look like a hypocrite. And I
thought your own self-worth was worth more than anything to you.” He stood,
standing directly in front of me. “And Castillo. For all the fucking love in
the world that you claim to have for Bennett, fucking Castillo is an awesome
way of showing it.”

“Who told you
that I fucked Castillo?” The gloves were off now. I wasn’t about to have my
name trashed over some shit I hadn’t done. If people wanted to judge me based
off of my actions, then so be it. But to judge me on some shit I hadn’t done
was grounds for some motherfucking noses to be broken.

“Don’t act like
you didn’t. I wouldn’t even give a fuck if you did, except that you claim to be
so into Bennett. I can’t understand how, for the life of me, you could lead on
another female. And Leti is my friend. I’ll be damned if I watch you walk all
over a friend of mine, seeing as how you already have once, and especially not
with someone who you shouldn’t be touching with a ten foot pole.”

Bile rose in my
throat. I was so incensed, and I knew that if I didn’t mentally talk myself
down, Jensen would be on the receiving end of my fist and I just wasn’t sure if
I had the energy to go another round with him.
I slowly
creeped over to him, standing so close that all breathing room had damn near
been eliminated.

“I thought you
were fucking smarter than that, but I see you’re about as dumb as the fucking
rocks lining this yard. You want to hate me? Hate me. But do it with a sense of
dignity. I did not sleep with Leti on Friday, and you fucking know it. You roll
around in the mud, you’re going to get dirty.”

I stepped back
and watched him. He didn’t flinch.

“As much as you
hate what I have become, I hate what you are… what I was.” I turned and took a
few steps towards the door before yelling out, “And hurry up and get your shit.
You aren’t the fucking person I thought you were.”

I walked into the
house and didn’t say another word to him. If he hated me, I was slowly learning
to hate him right back. All of his self-righteous indignation was no more than
a bucket of shit, pissed on twice as far as I was concerned. Did he have a
point? Not in my mind. As long as I performed my job with no undue bias, there
wasn’t shit he could say to me. My personal life was my personal life, and
regardless of what the rules of the Corps said, I had reached the point of no
return. Even with Cassie being mad, angry, disappointed, or whatever the fuck
she was with me, I was determined to move forward.

And moving
forward meant getting her back.

Early the next
morning, I took a long run through Twentynine, letting Newsome and Jensen lead
the students on their PT run. I needed as much distance from Jensen as humanly
possible, and since we taught a class together, I had to steal away all I could
get.

When I did make
it to base, I was on a rampage, scouring the schoolhouse and looking for
Castillo everywhere that I thought she would be.

No luck.

 
One of the females in admin said she had
taken leave and wouldn’t be back until after the holiday.

Dammit!

I walked into the
classroom. Newsome already had the class going for the day. Jensen was in the
back, sifting through paperwork and never once making eye contact with me. If I
hadn’t had the conversation I’d had with him the night before, it would have
bothered me. But today—today, he was just another co-worker of mine, and
interaction was unnecessary.

What did bother
me was when I finally got a glimpse of Cassie and saw scratches on her
forehead. What the fuck had happened to her? My fists subconsciously clenched
into tight wads as I sat there, looking at the markings of what looked like a
rabid animal. My heart lurched at the realization that something physical had
happened, and I hadn’t been around to protect her. Sure, she was a Marine and
was more than capable of defending herself, but that shit didn’t matter to me. Marine
or not, and it was my job to make sure she was secure no matter what the
circumstances.

I sat festering
in my own self-anguish. Ungodly thoughts stabbed my brain as I thought about
her altercation and how I was going to handle it once I had found out the
story. I was sick to my stomach with queasiness, and even angrier with the fact
that I wasn’t around for her and that she hadn’t even contacted me to let me
know about it.

Had I lost her?

Had my own
self-pity made me lose out on the one thing worth fighting for? I wouldn’t
allow myself to believe that. I was just going to have to work that much harder
to get her back even if I had to lose every so-called friend that I had.

I was going to
get her back.

Newsome dismissed
the class for lunch, and I promptly stood, making a hasty exit out the back
door. I caught sight of Cassie, her emerald green eyes locking with mine. The
emptiness that lay in them before was gone; her gleam was back. I walked right
over to her, not caring about all of the eyes and ears that were probably
trained on us, and quietly said, “I need you, in my office, now!”

Before she could
say another word, I walked away, down the corridor, and into my office, where I
took a seat and waited. A few minutes passed, and there was still no sign of
her. She hadn’t texted to let me know that she wouldn’t be coming, and I was
starting to get pissed by it all. Another five minutes passed and still
nothing, so I stood and yanked on the
door,
prepared
to go and find her if I had to.

Just as I swung
the door open, there she stood, looking just as fucking beautiful and delicious
as the first time I had seen her. No anger or bitterness could be found in her
face. I couldn’t stand there staring at her. I had to get her inside, get her
speaking again,
hear
her angelic voice tickle my
eardrums.

I gently grabbed
her hand and pulled her into my office, shutting the door behind her. The
scratches on her forehead, while nothing too serious, sucker punched me and
snatched the air away from me, leaving me grasping for it. My hand immediately
floated up to them, and my fingers traced
them
as I
grew more and more pissed by the second. She didn’t deserve this. She didn’t
deserve any bullshit that I had inadvertently brought her way.

“I’m fine,” she
finally said, her soft and delicate hand wrapping around my wrist, pulling my
hand away. She smiled, easing me down from the anger filled ledge that I was
standing on. “They’re just a couple of scratches, that’s all. No biggie.”

“Who did this to
you?” My voice came out a menacing growl, definitely not intended.

“It doesn’t
matter,” she replied, moving around me and taking a seat at my desk. I turned
and watched
her,
my heart beating like it was on a
sugar high. I couldn’t take her reply for an answer. I needed to know whose
head I needed to rip off and stomp down.

“It matters to
me. I don’t like seeing you hurt, Blondie. It’s killing me to see this on you.”

She lightly
smiled. “I have been hurt far worse than this, Alex. I’ll survive.”

There it was.

A dagger for my heart.

Piercing stabs
hit me with her dig at what I had done to her. It was well deserved, but even
with that admission, it didn’t take any of the
sting
out of her words.

“I’ll take that. But
I can’t take this. Someone deliberately went after you, and I’d lay my life on
the line before I allowed that shit to happen again.”

“It won’t happen
again,” she said, casually dismissing it. “Anyway, why was it so important for
you to see me?”

Her casual
response to whatever had happened had me a bit worried, but she wasn’t
interested in divulging any information, so I bit my tongue—for once in
my life—and went on with why I really wanted to see her.

“I haven’t heard
from you since I asked you to go away with me. I’m growing impatient. I need
you with me. Especially after seeing… this.” I pointed to her scratches again
which she dismissively shook off.

“I don’t know,
Alex. Your words and your actions are two different things. I let myself get
caught up in you once, and you fucked me over. I’m not ready to go for
seconds.”

She wasn’t
holding back. The thick whip her tongue lashed at me made me feel like the
piece of shit that I knew I had turned into with my one night of drunken
stupidity. There wasn’t a damn thing in the world that I wouldn’t do to take
that night back.

“You don’t owe me
a goddamned thing, Blondie, but I’m asking you to take another chance on me.
Remember what I was capable of doing to you within a few seconds of our eyes
locking, our bodies touching, our hearts melding. I’d light my fucking face on
fire if it meant I could take back all the bullshit, but I can’t. I just need
you to take a leap, to see that I’ll catch you. I won’t let you fall.”

Her eyes squinted
as she cocked her head. The wheels were turning; I could hear the pins moving
with every turn. Before she had a chance to counter me, I placed my arm around
her waist and pulled her into me. She let out a quick breath, my knee jerk
reaction taking her by surprise. I sprinkled light kisses on her lips, her
cheeks, and her neck. There wasn’t a place on her body where I didn’t feel like
my lips belonged.

“You do shit to
me that no woman has ever been able to do. And I won’t stop fighting to find my
place back into your heart because that’s where I belong.”

She softly
exhaled before gently whispering, “You never left my heart, Alex. I’m just not
sure you deserve all of it anymore.”

I ran my lips up
the side of her dainty neck, back over her jaw, up to her
ear,
over her heated cheeks...she was feeling every ounce of heat that I felt. Our
chemistry could not be denied, but I needed her to let go of her inhibitions. I
needed her to see that I was a dumb ass who made a hasty, irrational decision
that was haunting me. I needed her to see that she was the one who could save
me from my idiocy and ultimately save me from myself. I just needed her.

As I softly ran
the tip of my tongue over her impeccably soft lips, I used my free hand to undo
her belt, freeing her cammies from the stranglehold the belt had on them. I
deftly worked the buttons undone with one hand, then pulled away and looked
into her eyes. They were burning with passion, and apprehension at the sight of
me reclaiming what was
mine and doing it in such a daring
manner
.

“What are
you—
“

“Shhhh. Don’t
question
it.”

I swiftly picked
her up and placed her down on my desk as I worked her pants and panties down
her legs. Her scent had my libido on overdrive. I wanted to dive into her like
a vicious predator finally getting a meal, but there was more to getting her
back than just hasty fucking. I wanted her to see my sensual, caring side. I
wanted her to see me.

She lay on the
desk, looking aroused and nervous all at once. I stood over her, standing in
between her legs and smiling down on her. “Don’t be nervous,” I softly
whispered, peeling her inhibiting clothing down even further. I thought about
the door and that it was still unlocked, but I was too caught up in the moment
to care.

“You’re the only
body these lips are touching,” I whispered as I lowered myself to eye level
with her insanely beautiful pussy. I took my lips to her
legs,
dotting light kisses along the interior of her thigh. The sweetness exuded from
her, tickling my nostrils, making me want to dive right in, but I told myself
to be patient. This was all about her right now, and I wasn’t going to ruin the
feeling for her.

I placed one hand
at her entrance, finding her clit and rubbing until moans came from her
deliciously, fuckable mouth. My heart raced with every sound, sending the
signal to my cock that she did indeed want me, but right now was not the time
for her to have me. I continued working her clit as my lips slowly but surely
made their way to her entrance, stopping just outside, before looking up to her
and asking, “
am
I allowed in?”