Free Yourself from Anxiety (8 page)

Anxiety sucks all the pleasure out of life. It can seem as if you’ll never be able to just enjoy yourself again. If you make a conscious effort to find positive and enjoyable experiences you can start to turn this around. Don’t wait till happiness comes to you – seek it out.

Think about all the things that used to give you pleasure before you had Anxiety. Some of them will be too difficult right now because of your Anxiety, but there may be something – a hobby, an interest – that you can still pursue. Tell yourself that you’ll go back to the other things when you’re better, and that in the meantime you’ll enjoy those things you can still do.

Or you may want to try something new – something quieter and less challenging perhaps than your previous activities. Again you can always promise yourself you’ll go back to your old interests when you’re better.

There are some things that are good for all of us. Try to find away of giving yourself something out of each of the following categories.

Research has showed that laughing is good for us, both mentally and physically. Mentally, it releases chemicals in the brain that make us feel happier, and physically it frees up muscle tension. There is even some evidence that you don’t have to actually be amused to benefit – just laughing for no reason can be beneficial. There are laughter groups where people meet just to practise laughing.

It’s easier though if you find something genuinely funny. Humour is all around us, all you have to do is plug into it. Choose one or more things from the list and give a few minutes every day to it:

We are social creatures. Isolation isn’t good for us, and yet Anxiety can be a very isolating experience. If it is at all possible for you to socialise with other people, then do so. Seek out those people who you feel most comfortable with and enjoy their company.

If your Anxiety causes you social difficulties then don’t torture yourself by attempting this one – it’s meant to be a pleasure, not a pain.

Most of us live in crowded urban environments, and yet we evolved in the wide open spaces of Africa. It’s no wonder that we find cities stressful, and that we benefit from being outside where there is grass and sky.

If you have a garden, spend as much time in it as possible. If you can, go for a walk in a park, or in the open countryside.

When you look at the horizon, your eye muscles are fully relaxed and this helps you to relax your head and neck – this is one reason why most of us enjoy being by the sea. So if you can get somewhere where there is a good view into the distance, go for it.

There is evidence that stroking and interacting with a pet has a similar effect to laughing. If you have a pet, spend quality time with it every day. If there are no animals in your household, have any of your friends and family got an obliging cat or dog? Could you offer to help out at your local animal rescue centre?

If your anxiety is in anyway focused on animals, don’t undertake this, although you might want to set goals around it during your recovery.

Anxiety disorders often develop after a period of stress in your life, and if your score in Chapter 7 was higher than 150 then this is likely to be the case for you.

On the other hand, there are some people who don’t have enough stress in their lives, and their Anxiety can get out of control because they have too much time to brood about things. (If this seems like a strange concept, try changing the word ‘stress’ to ‘challenge’. A life without any challenges is a life without stimulus, which leads to boredom.)

Whatever your situation, you will need to look at the overall balance of your life and make sure that it is healthy, and that you are getting what you need.

At times of stress we all tend to ignore our own needs and focus on the things that need to be done. If someone is ill and needs our help, if there is a rush on at work, after a death or during any other stressful event, our instincts take over and get us through it.

When the crisis is over, we breathe a sigh of relief and assume that things will soon get back to normal. This is the very time when someone is likely to have their first panic attack, or some other symptom of Anxiety. It can seem so unfair to find yourself having to deal with this when you’ve already had so much on your plate, and specially when you were looking forward to a bit of peace and quiet.

There are two reasons why this tends to happen.

You can’t do anything about point number 1. – in fact you need that ability to rise to the moment, it’s a very important human characteristic. The answer to point number 2. is to learn to look after yourself, to nurture yourself, after the stress is over.

For many people an Anxiety disorder is the price they pay for not caring for themselves properly. It’s as if a small voice inside you has been asking for your attention, and when you ignore that voice it eventually decides to yell and shout, by hitting youwith a panic attack, phobia or compulsion.

Despite this, many people feel guilty about taking care of themselves. They put their work, their family, their chores at home ahead of their own needs. Are you one of them? There is no need to feel guilty about looking after yourself – if you do this, you will be more able to look after others.

The same is true if your life is without challenges. If you don’t have money worries, or physical health worries, and if everything you want is right there for you, you could well feel guilty about acknowledging that you still aren’t happy. After all, so many other people have it much tougher than you. But knowing that doesn’t make you feel any better,
does it? And it doesn’t make your Anxiety go away. Just like someone who has too much stress, you need to make changes so that you can get better. Feeling guilty is just a waste of energy.

Use your notebook to keep a record of how you spend your time for a complete week. You will soon see if you are leaving any time for your own needs. Here is an example of a day from a working parent’s notebook:

Not much time for self in there. Some days just are very busy of course, but if the whole diary was like this, then this person would need to think things through and make changes. How hard it would be if they were also struggling with an Anxiety disorder, and yet this is exactly what many people are having to do.

In the example above, the following changes might be possible even on this busy day:

You may still feel that you haven’t really got time for yourself, but as a part of your recovery from Anxiety you need to find some time every day for yourself. It can be something as simple as a relaxing bath, watching your favourite TV programme or reading a magazine. This is just as important as all the other aspects of recovery, so don’t skimp on it.

By now you will have realized that recovery from Anxiety takes a deal of work. But there is no need to be daunted. Remember to start small with each task and remember to be patient – it will take time for the changes to have an effect.

By now you should feel able to:

By now you should have in place the following:

Don’t worry if you haven’t managed all of these, because it does take time. The important thing is that you now understand what you need to do, and you have learnt not to be intimidated by the size of the task, because you know that small steps are best.

You may be finding any one of these tasks particularly difficult. If that is the case, take it more slowly and be prepared to work harder on it. It’s quite likely that the task you find hardest is the one you most need to do, and the one that will bring you the most benefit when you succeed. It’s also possible that one or more of the tasks is difficult because it relates to your particular Anxiety. For instance:

If you have this extra level of difficulty, then you will need to use the Anxiety-challenging skills that we will explore in the following chapters to enable you to complete your lifestyle changes.

It’s important to understand the difference between a reluctance to make changes and an Anxiety-driven difficulty. For instance, if you feel that you can’t make time for a recovery programme because your OCD is so time consuming, then your challenge is to find the time – even five minutes a day will help. However if your OCD is actually focused around one of the tasks then you will need to work on it as part of your main recovery programme rather than your lifestyle changes programme.