Authors: Danielle Fox
“You arsehole!” I shook my head in disbelief before turning in the opposite direction.
“Emily, please, stop! I’m sorry, that was a bad joke.” I could still hear his grin in his tone. I paused and he circled me so that he was blocking my way forward. “Emily, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to anger you, I just wanted to buy you breakfast! What was my crime?” His eyes pleaded with mine as he tried to calm his rapid breathing.
“You don’t get to speak to me like shit, Julian.”
“I wasn’t aware that I did,” he said, as if his statement were actually a question. Then his sheer vulnerability crossed behind his eyes, portraying his confusion. I wasn’t going to let that get to me, not this time.
“
End of discussion, Emily!”
I repeated in a much deeper voice than my usual in a pathetic attempt at an imitation of his angelic voice. “Seriously, Julian, listen to yourself! I’m not just one of your staff who you can talk down to whenever you’re not getting your own way! Well, I suppose technically I am one of your staff, but I suppose I stupidly thought I may be more than that. Or do you take all of your female staff into your home?”
“You are the first woman, besides my sister, that has ever entered my home! Oh, and the housekeeper, she’s female, it can be quite difficult to find a male one.” He grinned like a child and I knew I must have been scowling back. Now he was taking the piss out of me, this just gets better!
“Emily, you are far more than just a member of my staff. In fact, you’re not even a member of my staff anymore.” He grinned again. What was this guy’s problem? His mood swings were making me dizzy.
“So, now you’re firing me? Great! Thanks for that!”
“I suppose technically I am, but not in the way you think.”
“How many ways are there to fire someone, Julian?” I sneered, my blood almost at boiling point as it pulsed heavily in my ears.
“I can’t have you in the club knowing that he knows you are there. And, I have a rule that runs throughout all of my businesses and I wouldn’t make a very good role model if I broke it myself, would I?”
“And what rule is that, exactly?”
“Anybody in a managerial position cannot be personally involved with an employee. I would class myself as in a managerial position and you as an employee so, I’m afraid I have to dismiss you from the club. And, I’m not entirely comfortable with having you on show to the type of men in there.” A furrow appeared between his brows as he reached for my hand and took it softly into his.
“Well, then, it’s a good job were not personally involved!” I snapped, yanking my hand away from his. I needed this job, he couldn’t just fire me, I hadn’t done anything wrong!
“Technically, I haven’t really broken my own rule as such, yet. But you’re incredibly sexy when you’re angry, Emily, and I’m not sure how much longer I can keep my hands off you.” He leaned in closely as he spoke, his words delivered in a sensuously sexy tone. I glanced up at him through my lashes and flushed as I read his heated, wanting eyes.
“How do you do that?” I asked, blinking rapidly under his glare.
“How do I do what?” he replied, his gaze still heating my core.
“How do you manage to completely melt me just with a few words?”
Julian’s eyes widened and I heard his sharp intake of breath. “Just wait until I show you the full abilities of my mouth.”
Whoa! I felt every inch of my body heat in anticipation. How did he have such an impact on me? Ever since Jay even the thought of anything remotely sexual had absolutely repulsed me, yet all Julian had to do was speak, or even just look at me, and I wanted him. I wanted to see what was underneath that expensive suit of his, I wanted to feel it. All of it. I shook my head slightly, as if that was going to somehow erase my indecent thoughts – forgetting entirely why I was so mad at him – and carried on walking. Julian followed.
“Where are we going?” he asked as he glanced down at me, the corners of his mouth showing just a small amount of amusement.
“I have no idea,” I laughed, realising that I honestly didn’t have a clue.
I decided to leave the important fact of my job, for now. I would make time later for that conversation and I wasn’t going to go down without a fight. After little debate, we decided on returning to my apartment to collect some more of mine and Maia’s belongings. I was happy to go home tonight but Julian insisted that we stay with him until we had some word from the police that they had tracked Jay and was aware of his whereabouts.
We entered Julian’s apartment and I stared at him as he slipped out of his suit jacket. The way it slid so effortlessly down his powerful arms had my mind racing with indecent images – yet again.
“Is something amusing you, Miss Braxton?”
Shit! I hadn’t even realised that he’d turned his gaze in my direction, let alone that I was grinning ridiculously.
“Um, no,” I stammered.
“Just admiring the view?” he asked in a gentle mocking tone.
“Something like that.”
He strode graciously towards me, his eyes heated with want.
“Don’t look at me like that.” My words were barely audible as I tried desperately to regain composure. This was a task that I failed miserably at as he slowly removed his tie whilst moving toward me, then paused briefly to unbutton his top two buttons on his crisp, blue shirt.
Oh god!
I may actually combust if he comes any closer, I thought.
“That’s better, I hate those things,” he said, tossing his tie loosely onto the floor.
My eyes were drawn to the opening in his shirt. Just a small amount of his perfect flesh was showing, revealing a fine covering of wispy hair at the centre of his collar bone. My heart stuttered and I realised I was dangerously close to actually panting.
“What would you like to do now?”
His seductive whisper sent a shiver coursing down my spine.
“Your choice,” I breathed.
“It always has to be your choice, Emily; I will never take that from you.” Tears threatened to prick my eyes as his words struck close to my heart. I wasn’t sure what to say, what to do. I was unable to speak, afraid that my voice would reveal the tears that I was so desperately trying to hold on to. Julian lifted his hand and rested it against my face, cupping the right side of my jaw and cheek. His eyes burned into mine.
“Don’t be frightened, Emily. We take our relationship at your pace. And I promise you, I will never, ever hurt you. And I will never pressure you into doing anything that you’re not comfortable with.”
“I trust you, Julian.” I spoke through a strained jaw, still trying to keep hold of my erratic emotions.
“You have no idea how good it feels to hear you say that.” And with that, his mouth pressed to mine.
His kiss was soft at first, agonisingly so, before his lips grew more urgent, pressing harder against mine. His hand stroked from my hip, up along my ribs, and back down again in a sensuous rhythm. I trembled slightly as his touch sent a shiver through me, my body sensitive to his expert fingers.
“Are you cold?” he asked with his lips still pressed to mine.
“Far from it,” I mumbled, my voice muffled by his mouth.
“Good.”
These kisses of his blew my mind. It didn’t feel like just a kiss, it felt like more, like it meant more to him than anything else had ever meant. He gave every ounce of his attention to my mouth, my lips, and my tongue. As my hands tangled in his hair he swiftly stepped backwards, breaking our connection. A deep frown creased his forehead and his mouth set in a tight line, making him look pained.
“What’s wrong?” My voice was laced with panic. What did I do? Or what
didn’t
I do?
“I’m sorry, Emily. I can’t!” He spoke through rapid, panting breaths as he raked his long fingers through his hair.
“You can’t what?” I snapped, suddenly feeling more than slightly embarrassed.
“I can’t kiss you like that. I’m not sure I have the strength to stop it going any further.” He groaned loudly as he raked another rough hand through his tousled hair.
“Why would you need to stop anything? You’re not making any sense.”
“I won’t sleep with you until I know you’re ready. Until I know for certain that you won’t feel threatened by me.”
“I don’t feel threatened by you, Julian. And who says I’m not ready?”
“Have you slept with anyone else since Jay?”
His question shocked me; I wasn’t expecting to ever talk so openly about something so private, so vile. “No.” was all I could manage.
“I didn’t think so. Had you slept with anyone before him?”
I wished the ground could open and swallow me whole, but of course, it couldn’t so I looked to the floor and took a deep breath before I answered his question. “No.”
“Fuck!” My head lowered further towards the floor as his curse hit me. “Why didn’t you say anything before?”
“Before what, Julian? And why would I say anything? What difference does that make?”
“It makes all the difference. You’ve never had consensual sex before, and here you are, willing to make me your first. And here
I
am trying to seduce you like some sort of fucking predator!”
I frowned, trying to contemplate the meaning behind his words. So what if I was willing to sleep with him, I thought that was what he wanted. I supposed he’d be thinking that I was cheap. My first consensual time and I was ready to hand myself over to him whenever he wanted.
“I can’t do this, Emily. I’m sorry but you deserve better than me. You can’t give yourself to me, and I can’t take your innocence.” As he spoke he shrugged himself back into his jacket and buttoned up one of the two opened buttons, leaving only the top one loose.
“What are you doing, Julian? Where are you going? I-I don’t understand. What did I do wrong?” I shamelessly pleaded with him for answers; surely he wasn’t just going to walk out?
“I’m sorry, Emily. I truly am. Stay here for as long as it takes for him to be found, I’ll stay away until then.”
“Julian? I don’t understand!” Tears welled in my eyes forming perfect little pools to cloud my vision of his face.
“I can’t do it to you, Emily.”
“Can’t do what to me? I’m not fucking innocent, Julian, if that’s what this is about. You don’t need to worry about taking
that
because it’s not there to take!”
“I’m sorry.”
Julian walked through the door then closed it firmly behind him. I should have gone after him but I couldn’t. I was frozen to the spot where I stood. My hand involuntarily covered my mouth as I tried to suppress the overwhelming urge to breakdown into sobs. My lips still felt swollen from his urgent kiss. My hand did no good as wrenching sobs escaped my mouth, coming from deep inside my chest.
He had left me. All alone in
his
apartment. Did he truly expect me to stay here? Surrounded by
his
things,
his
scent. I had to go home; I had to get out of here. As I rushed toward the bedroom, with the intention of gathering my belongings, my mobile burst into life, startling me. I glanced at the screen to see a message alert. The sender – Julian Scott. I touched the message icon with a shaking finger, my stomach twisting with anxiety.
‘I’m sorry, Emily. I can’t explain my feelings for you and to be honest this scares the life out of me, but I do know that I can’t bear the thought of seeing you in pain. And I know, if I stick around, I will cause you pain. Not intentionally, but I will. I can’t be the one who hurts you, Emily. I’m not a good person. I bring nothing but destruction to everything I touch. You deserve a happy life with someone who has no problems, no past to haunt you. Please stay where you are, it’s not safe for you or Maia anywhere else. I promise I will not show my face until I am certain that all is well and that you’ve left. Samantha will be there very soon to accompany you to collect Maia. Please don’t leave without her. Goodbye, Emily. Julian.’
Tears streamed continuously down my cheeks as I read and then reread Julian’s words. What did any of it mean? Why did I deserve better than him? I was certain that I would never know any better than Julian. And I was certain that we belonged together; after all, how many people could say they had ever felt such a powerful connection to another in an instant? Not many, I assumed. I felt as if I had a huge gaping hole right through my middle. Somehow, I felt complete when I was in Julian’s company. I was happier than I ever had been.
My stomach wrenched, I felt physically sick. I couldn’t understand the depth of my feelings for Julian but I certainly felt them, every little part of them, and now he was gone. And the worst part was I had no idea why. I pressed reply.
‘You say you can’t bear the thought of seeing me in pain? Right now I feel as if you’ve broken me. I also have no idea of my feelings for you, but I know that they’re intense and I know that I don’t want to be without you. You can’t hurt me as long as you’re with me, Julian. But right now, you’re killing me. Come back and we can talk about this, I have no idea what’s just happened?? Emily x’
I cradled the phone to my chest as I awaited his reply. And when it came, I wished it hadn’t. I threw my phone into the nearest wall with force and crumpled to the ground, wrapping my arms tightly around my knees as I sobbed.
When Samantha arrived she found me slumped against the wall, still tightly hugging my knees as I stared lifelessly. I didn’t even acknowledge her entrance.
“What the hell did he do to you?” she asked, the horror of her imagination evident in her tone.
“He left me,” I mumbled in response, my eyes still fixed on thin air.
“What do you mean, he left you? Why? What happened?”
“He left me, Sam. He’s gone.”
“Gone where? Why are you in such a state, I didn’t even realise you two were an item. What did he do to you?” She frantically demanded answers, her face contorted by her deep frown. “I knew I shouldn’t have left you with him, you wait until Adrian hears about this!”
As I looked up at her I saw the confusion and the pain reflected in her eyes.
“How did you get in?” I asked, ignoring her desperate questions.
“Julian stopped by while I was at work, he gave me a key and said I needed to come to you, that you needed me. What the hell did he do?”