Friendship on Fire (59 page)

She held up her hand and shook her head. ‘Forget it. Like literally, forget it ever happened. I'll take care of it soon, so no one will know, even if you decide to spill it.'

Ignoring her jibe at my secret-keeping skills, I said, ‘What? You're not going to abort it …'

‘Keep your voice down,' she whispered fiercely. ‘I'll do what I like if it's right for me, so mind your own business and don't concern yourself with me, just like old times.'

‘You don't have to talk to me like this, to keep up this facade of meanness,' I said. It was naive of me to try to make up for years of bitching in a five-minute conversation. I knew that.

She glared at me sidelong. ‘Are you trying to say we have something in common and we can be friends? You got hurt by a Grammar boy. I got knocked up by one. It's all relative, right?'

Her sarcasm stung.

‘Not really, but I can see where you're coming from all the same. Skye, can you tell me who it was?' I asked, knowing there was only a slim chance she would be honest.

‘You wouldn't know him. And no, it wasn't Nate, if that's what you're concerned about.'

‘It wasn't,' I replied firmly. ‘Will you be OK?'

‘Of course I will be. Go back to your golden life with your perfect family and don't worry about me.' She took out her car keys and darted left into the car park.

‘I'll call you,' I called after her.

‘Sure you will.'

‘Skye, I will.'

She hesitated for a moment, intrigued by this alien form of stubbornness. Stubbornness to make sure she was OK.

‘We'll see. Congrats on gradding, tart
,
‘ she called, giving me a wide, genuine smile that was new to her face.

‘You too,' I grinned back and hurried into the centre to find my family.

My brothers, who were bored by this time as all the food had gone, began to film themselves and me randomly with the video camera. They jumped around the outside fountain and scared people as they walked out of the centre by appearing in front of them or accidentally bumping into them. Mum and Dad didn't say anything. They were busy chatting to Roman's parents.

Did this mean Roman hadn't gone home yet? The thought of him potentially not avoiding me lifted my spirits and I kept my eyes peeled for him in case I could speak to him alone.

I couldn't see him near or apart from his parents. So I gave up.

I told my parents I was ready to leave and just had to head to the bathroom first. Feeling disappointed instead of elated at graduating, I looked in the mirror and wondered if my eyes had changed much since the start of the year. Did I look friendly still? Did I look used? Did I look older?

I came out of the bathroom to see Roman leaning against the wall, waiting for me, like he always did in the past. I nearly jumped with surprise and excitement. Instead of letting me launch into my much-anticipated conversation, he handed me a folded piece of paper and walked away.

It burnt my fingers as I wondered what he was thinking when he gave it to me. This couldn't wait. I rushed back inside the bathroom for privacy and sat on a toilet seat in the cubicle, hands shaking as I read his neat boy-handwriting: 

Daisy, 

It's been so long I don't know where to start with us. I gues firstly I should say how sorry I am for everything that's happened this year. If the world was ideal, I would have been a good enough friend to support you no matter who you were dating. I would never have let anyone get between us.

I bet you're wondering about the real story behind my relationship with Anya. Sorry I didn't personally tell you, but you know that she and I are completely over — no long distance or anything. She went home almost straight after that damned party when she realised I wouldn't give myself completely to her. It hurt her that I left her at the beach to get you home. And your kiss bothered her … but not as much as it's haunted me ever since.

I've wanted to talk to you for a long time. I know I've been sending out mixed signals and there were many times I could have spoken to you, but chose not to, because I was scared to hear something I didn't want to hear.

This leads to my ultimate question I suppose — now that both Nate and Anya are out of the picture, and we both appear to be in a better head space (forgive my as umption), is it too late to talk and sort out what's been going on between us? I'm willing, if you are.

Missing your company and friendship,

 x

Roman

I let the letter slide between my fingers and down on to the tiles. I couldn't believe he was finally willing to talk, and without me pushing it for once. I had wanted this for so long, but was it the right time?

Despite the reassuring words of his letter, I still felt like I wasn't anywhere near strong enough to face another rejection if I got my heart set on a relationship with Roman and it didn't work. I couldn't lose another friend. Plus, how did I know I wasn't moving on to something safer than Nate, and rebounding? Yes it had been a reasonable amount of time in between the two boys, but how did I know I could trust my own intentions?

Until I did, I probably shouldn't go near Roman in that way.

So I panicked and decided that I needed more time to think about what I'd say. It had to be planned. It had to be perfect.

I didn't reply.

Three weeks after grad, it was Roman's birthday. He was a year older than our class because he was born so late in the year. Nineteen funnily enough seemed old to me, but I'd be there within six months.

I didn't forget the letter. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I realised we needed to talk, and soon. But I didn't know how to reconcile not replying for so long. Was it unfixably awkward now? How could I show him I still thought about him and wanted to talk, but was a scaredy-cat to actually do it?

A gift and a card stuffed into his mailbox? I probably should have consulted one of my wiser girlfriends, but I couldn't help it.

Roman and I used to shop together and I knew how much he liked t-shirts. I saw one while shopping at Twin Rocks Central that would suit him perfectly and I got it.

Inside his small card, I wrote:

Happy Birthday Roman,

I remembered.

Wishing you all the best in your 19th year of life and whatever you decide to do next year.

Keen to talk soon,

Daisy:-)

Before I threw it in the bin and canned the whole idea, I knew I had to deliver it in a moment of insanity. That way, when the gift was already at his place, I couldn't stress about it anymore. Even better, I couldn't steal it back.

Like a stalker, I strategically watched his house for the moment his parents left for work in the morning. Racing across the road like a preying lion, I stuffed the gift into their too-small mailbox and prayed no one would steal it before Roman decided to wake up and check the box. If he checked the box. A passerby could easily see blue wrapping paper sticking out. I had to take my chances.

Bolting as fast as I could away from his house, around the corner and the few blocks to my house, I giggled with nervousness at doing something so mysterious. So … unseen.

Until Christmas I kept my mind busy so that I didn't think about Roman. The anticipation of his acknowledgement, or better, his reply to my birthday present plagued my mind and emotions until I couldn't sit still anymore. I visited Nanna during the week besides our Friday night rituals and she told me of kindness, wisdom and contentment with what you have in your life, no matter how good or bad it seemed to be. I used up my nervous energy by exercising every day, morning or night without fail. I continued to work at Maccas, even though I was planning to quit as soon as I heard about uni.

My brothers included me in their ‘hanging out' more often, which I felt must be a graduation from ‘little sister' to ‘fun sister'. Shane got a job in sales and quit Maccas. Treston is preparing to graduate the middle of next year and Josh decided to go back to uni and begin a business degree.

And still, no word from Roman.

Maybe he didn't like the shirt. Maybe he felt awkward receiving a gift from me. Maybe he'd found another Scandinavian girl and had run away to Europe with her.

Time was running out.

An unlikely visitor knocked on the door just before lunch on Christmas Day. Mum was rushing around like a mad woman trying to organise last minute preparations for the mountains of guests she had to cook for, so she tasked me to watch the door and invite people in as they arrived.

I opened the door expecting to see a family member, but I instead saw Pam.

She had dyed her hair to a chocolate brown colour, ditched the make up and smiled warmly at me as I was about to ask her nicely what she was doing here again.

‘Daisy. Look at you. All grown up and graduated now,' she said, giving me a strong hug.

‘Uh, yeah I know, crazy how things turn out, isn't it?' I replied, irony heavy in my voice. Did I have to get Josh and make him tell her to leave?

‘Sure is. So where's Josh at?' she asked casually. ‘I bet he's helping your dad with the barbeque out the back.'

‘He is, but …'

Josh came up behind me and pulled Pam through the door.

‘Daisy it's a million degrees outside. Don't keep her in the heat,' he scolded me, just before kissing Pam passionately on the mouth.

Some things hadn't changed then.

‘Josh, when did this happen?' I asked bluntly and waited for them to finish pashing.

‘Haven't you told any of them yet?' Pam asked, slapping him half-heartedly on the arm.

Josh pretended to rub his arm like it hurt and I wanted to puke at their silly antics.

‘Never you mind, Daisy. But it's back on, it's true. And we've never been happier,' he said in a sappy voice, before Pam launched herself at his face again. I rolled my eyes and shut the front door.

Roman's parents were the last to arrive for Christmas lunch. I couldn't help but look behind them and wildly search for Roman. He wasn't anywhere to be seen. Not even hiding in the car with a petulant look on his face.

I must have looked crestfallen, because Jordan slapped his great hand on my shoulder and said, ‘Don't fret Daisy. Roman is spending Christmas with his sisters in Perth for a week.'

He watched my reaction when he gave the information and saw the disappointed look remain on my face. ‘But, he did leave a message for you,' he added, eyes twinkling.

‘What did he say?' I begged, trying not to sound so vulnerable.

Jordan chuckled. ‘He said to tell you he'd speak with you when he got back, Daisy,' he said with a wink. ‘But on one condition. Quote: “As long as you promise to actually ring the doorbell next time you feel like dropping off a gift”.'

My heart leapt so violently it threatened to leave my chest. Embarrassment entwined with excitement inside my stomach. Roman's parents laughed at my expense.

So he did get the shirt and it wasn't stolen. I nearly forgave him for not thanking me for it. I should have known he wouldn't let me live it down.