Authors: Tawna Fenske
“Laid-back?”
“Exactly.” Marley smiled, hopeful she was giving Darin the right impression. Her style was laid-back and casual, no frills at all. No need for fancy dining or big paychecks or—
“So, Marley.” Darin cleared his throat. “What sort of wedding do you want?”
Marley choked on her tea. Darin didn’t wait for her to stop sputtering before he spoke again. “I know this might be premature, but I like you, and I think you like me, and if there’s a chance this could turn into something, I just think we should know up-front whether our marital ideals are compatible.”
Marley wiped her mouth with her napkin and stared at him. “Darin, we just met.”
Darin took a sip of his drink before setting it back on the table and reaching for her hand. “Do you have your own house, or would you be comfortable moving into mine?”
“Um—”
“What about kids? I don’t really like them, but I’d consider having one or two if—”
“
Darin
,” Marley said, staring down at their interlaced fingers. “I haven’t even gotten my appetizer yet.”
“Mmm, yes, well, that’s another thing. Do you generally prefer to order separate appetizers when you dine out with a significant other, or do you prefer to order things that can be split? It’s not a cost savings issue so much as a matter of whether you’re okay with sharing and—”
“Darin!”
“What?”
Marley pulled her hand back and gripped the edge of the table, resisting the urge to grab him by the shirt collar and give him a shake. “I wasn’t even sure this was a date, and you’re already naming our future children?”
“Don’t be silly. Their names are completely open for discussion.” Darin shrugged and took a sip of his tea. He made a face and signaled to the waitress, who came bounding over to the table. “This tastes too fruity. Can I have something else? A Sprite, maybe?”
The waitress hustled away with the offending drink, and Darin turned back to Marley. “Where were we? Oh, right—well, I guess technically this isn’t a date. What’s the point in dating if two people aren’t sure whether there’s any long-term potential?”
Marley blinked. “Um,
finding
out
if there’s long-term potential?”
“Isn’t that what we’re doing?”
Marley sighed and took a sip of her tea. At least, that’s what she tried to do.
She turned her head at exactly the wrong angle, stabbing the straw up her nostril.
“Yeowch!” Marley said, jerking her head back. Seeing Darin’s face twist in horror, Marley offered a halfhearted grin and rubbed her nostril.
“Well that was awkward,” she said. “For my next trick, I plan to make armpit noises and give the waitress a wedgie.”
“My God, Marley. Are you okay? Do you want me to call a doctor or something? Here, take these napkins in case you start bleeding and let me grab you a new straw and—”
“Darin! I’m fine. Chill out, okay?” She put her hand on his arm and pointed at her face with the other hand. “I’m fine, see? Not even bleeding.”
“I don’t know…” Darin eyed her with concern and handed her another straw. Marley took it and peeled the wrapper off as she leaned back in her chair.
“Look, I’m pretty sure we aren’t compatible.”
Darin frowned. “Why would you say that?”
Marley sighed and stuck the new straw in her drink. She took a sip, weighing her words carefully. “The guy who’s right for me would respond to something like the straw incident by making a joke. You know, something to lighten the mood so I feel less like a doofus.”
“I don’t understand,” Darin said slowly. “You want me to make light of your misery?”
“I’m not miserable, Darin. A little embarrassed, maybe. More embarrassed if you make a big deal of it.”
“I see.”
Marley couldn’t tell from his tone if he was hurt, confused, or genuinely mulling over her words. She touched his arm again, hoping for the latter. “Look, don’t feel bad,” she said. “I’m pretty sure I’m not your type, either. I hate sharing my food, I make inappropriate jokes all the time, and I snore.”
He frowned. “You snore?”
“That was a joke.”
“Of course.” Darin sighed. “You’re right, obviously. We’re probably not compatible life-mates.”
“True enough.”
“No shame in that.”
“Absolutely,” Marley agreed. “Hey, look—food’s ready.”
They both turned to watch the waitress pile platters of food on the table. Marley had never been so grateful to see a pile of fried okra, and she pounced on it like a starving dog snatching a roast. Darin stabbed at his salad, looking pensive.
“Sorry to spring all that on you,” he said at last. “The stuff about marriage.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“You’re right about us not being compatible. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Marley shrugged. “Same thing I was thinking—that it was worth finding out if we’re a good match.”
“And now that we know we aren’t?”
Marley grinned and pushed her okra platter to the middle of the table. “We agree to be friends. And I agree to share my okra.”
“Deal,” he said, and reached for the platter.
***
Will strode purposefully through the halls of Cheez Whiz, trying hard to look like a man with important business to tend to.
He knew he really looked like a man hoping to catch a glimpse of the woman he’d groped the night before, but maybe he was overthinking things.
Shaking Marley from his mind, Will turned left toward the wildlife exhibits. As he rounded the corner between the birds of prey exhibit and the small mammal enclosures, he spotted a familiar mane of long, auburn hair. He stepped up to the edge of the fox pen and leaned on the railing.
“I figured ‘scooping the fox droppings’ was another one of your euphemisms when I got your text this morning,” he called to his sister as he surveyed the pen. “I take it you’re volunteering?”
Bethany looked over her shoulder and grinned at him. “I offered to help out with cage cleaning a couple times a month. It gives me the satisfaction of knowing I’m not just the unemployed sister of an eccentric millionaire whose wealth ensures neither of us ever has to work a day in our lives.”
“Beats the hell out of lunching at the athletic club with the rest of the socialites.”
“That it does,” she said, spitting hair out of her mouth as she scooped the shovel into a corner and deposited the contents into a big green bucket. “So what brings you here?”
“Just checking on some paperwork.”
“Is that a fancy way of saying ‘stalking Marley’?”
“Very funny. Bed asked me to drop off a few pledge forms from last night’s event.”
“Where’s the big pink delivery bunny?”
He quirked an eyebrow at her. “I take it you talked to Marley?”
“I have, but that’s not how I know.” She grinned and scooped up another shovel full of soiled straw. “It’s a small town. When your eccentric, wealthy brother is spotted driving through town near midnight on a Thursday with a big pink rabbit strapped into the passenger seat of his car, people tend to talk.”
“I’ll remember that next time.”
“Do. And since you’ll surely hear about it anyway, Marley is on a lunch date with Darin Temple.”
“Oh?” Will tried to infuse the syllable with perfect nonchalance, but he was pretty sure Bethany knew better.
“I think they went to Baldy’s,” Bethany added, “in case you want to ride in on your white steed and break the whole thing up.”
“My steed is in the shop, and the only thing I want to break up is that big bale of hay in the corner. Is there another shovel around here?”
“Just this one, but I’m almost done. Keep your pants on.”
She made a few more scooping motions and then unlatched the gate, handing Will her shovel as she elbowed her way out of the pen with the big green bucket in hand. Will maneuvered around her and stabbed the shovel into the hay bale with more force than necessary. He began flinging it around the pen, sending bits of straw swirling through the air like angry confetti.
Darin
Temple?
he mulled.
On
a
date
with
Marley?
It figured. The guy was nice, educated, responsible, and had the sort of blue-collar status Marley wanted. He was perfect for her.
Will stabbed the shovel into the hay again and flung a hunk of it to the opposite side of the fox pen.
“You trying to spread that straw or maim it?” Bethany called from the edge of the pen.
“Just getting the job done,” Will grunted, trying hard to bite back his own frustration.
“If the job is mutilating an innocent bale of hay, nicely done.”
“Thanks.”
“So Jeannie told me you asked for a copy of the background check they did when Marley was hired.”
Will winced, grateful he had his back to Bethany so she couldn’t see his dismay. “Jeannie talks a lot for an HR person who’s supposed to exercise discretion.”
“I know, isn’t it great? So why’d you want Marley’s background check?”
“Just doing my due diligence to make sure I know everything there is to know about our new development director. She’ll be handling hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of donations each year, and as president of the board of directors supervising that position, it’s in everyone’s best interest for me to know as much as possible about her background.”
“Sure, that sounds good,” Bethany mused. “Also, you want to jump her bones.”
“Please tell me this conversation is almost over.”
“And if you want to jump her bones, then you also need to look for reasons not to trust her. Well played, little brother.”
“You can stop any time.”
Bethany laughed. “Fine, we’re done. And I’m done shoveling. Can you hang here for a sec while I get Maggie and ask her to grab the fox?”
“You just added that to your list of euphemisms, didn’t you?”
Bethany tossed a handful of hay at him as she walked past, grinning. “Thanks for the help, Will.”
Will sighed and stopped shoveling for a moment, thinking of Marley having lunch at Baldy’s with Darin Temple, laughing up at him with those hazel eyes twinkling, dabbing barbecue sauce from the corner of her perfect, kissable mouth. Was she having fun? Was it really his concern?
Will gritted his teeth and stabbed the shovel into the straw again, a whole lot harder than he needed to.
***
“Thanks so much for taking a look at the figurines,” Marley said, pushing through the door to the climate-controlled room at the back of the CHSWS administrative offices. She waved her cousin Kayley ahead of her and pointed toward the largest safe in the corner. “Everything’s in there. Just let me find the right key.”
Kayley smiled and marched ahead. “I just have to remind you again this isn’t an official appraisal,” she said, pivoting to survey the area. “You know my area of expertise really isn’t… um, well…”
“Ancient sex toys of Pacific Northwest tribes?” Marley shrugged. “As you might imagine, there aren’t a lot of experts in the field. The one guy I’ve managed to track down is working in Connecticut right now and can’t come out here for an appraisal until next week. For now, I’ll take a non-expert opinion.”
“That I’d be happy to give you.” Kayley smiled. “I do know Pacific Northwest artifacts. Just not granite giggle-sticks.”
“I’m sure you’ll find these very impressive,” Marley said as she moved toward the safe.
Kayley grabbed her arm and pulled her into a quick hug. “I’m so glad you finally got to move to Bend. You’ve been talking about it since we were kids.”
“And I’m just glad the promise of whitewater rafting and rock climbing is enough to lure you out here a few times a year to visit. It really is good to see you again.”
“You too, sweetie.”
Marley pulled back and spun the keys around to find the right one. Locating it, she slipped it into the lock for the safe and gave it a firm twist. The door swung open, and Marley blinked into the darkened interior. As her eyes adjusted, she surveyed rows and rows of soft velvet rectangles.
She reached for a larger box near the front and popped the top open. She held it out to her cousin, whose eyes had gone wide with wonder.
“This is the new one the family brought this morning,” Marley said. “The rest have been here since right before I started the job. Have you ever seen anything like it?”
Kayley pulled a pair of rimless eyeglasses from her bag and reached for the box. “Is this where I say the detailing is exquisite and the markings are indicative of the Chinook Tribe of the Columbia River Valley, or can I just say that is the biggest rock cock I’ve ever seen?”
Marley laughed and reached for another box. “You can say whatever you like. Just don’t say it in front of the donor. I’ve had at least a dozen calls from her this week telling me what priceless works of art these are and how she hopes this family heirloom will merit its own special show in the museum.”
“Stone skin-serpents of the Pacific tribes—I like it.” Kayley turned the phallus over in her hands before placing it back in the box. “Can I look at the rest?”
“Knock yourself out. Just don’t drop anything or Nancy Thomas-Smith will skin me alive. Or diagnose me with some sort of sexual dysfunction—I’m not sure which is worse.”
Kayley picked up another box. “I’ve made a living appraising antiques for ten years, Marley. I’m pretty sure I know how to avoid dropping them.”
“Sorry, just being paranoid. This donor seems to be a little bit—”
“Crazy?”
Marley smiled. “I was going to say
challenging,
but I was just being polite.”
“No, I’m serious. This chick is crazy if she thinks these things are worth millions.” Kayley held up a medium-sized phallus made of granite and pointed to the tip. “Look, I’m not an expert on antique stone beef-wands, but the detailing here is all wrong. These markings right here? I’m not even sure these are Pacific Northwest tribal. They don’t look like ancient artifacts.”
Marley swallowed hard. “What do they look like?”
“Big rock wankers.”
Marley grimaced and picked up another box. She peered inside, assessing the contents with a critical eye. “I don’t think ‘big rock wankers’ are enough to create a traveling exhibit that’s guaranteed to make millions for the organization.”