From Darkness Won (33 page)

“Do you trust Arman, Highness?”

“Yes, but—”

“No buts. Either you trust Him or you don’t.”

Achan shifted on his chair. “Maybe I don’t, then.”

“I agree. You don’t trust Him fully or you’d know you did. Arman wants your trust, Highness. When He asks something of you, He’s seeking your heart. Your attitude, your disposition, your fears, your strengths, your obedience, your allegiance. All of you. When you trust Arman with your life, you run the risk of exposing your real fears. You run the risk of Arman having total authority and say in your life. Most men don’t like that. They like to be in control.”

“What’s so bad about being in control?”

“Nothing, if you want to make a mess of your life. You think you can run your life better without Arman?”

“I know I can’t. But how can I learn to trust Him more?”

Toros smiled. “Learning is not the easiest way, Highness. It’s easiest simply to do it, even when it’s hard. Simply trust Him.”

“How is doing easier than learning?”

“Have you heard the saying, ‘Don’t pray for patience or Arman will bestow trials so you may practice patience’? I believe the same is true of trust. Don’t pray for trust if you’re not ready to face the trials that’ll force you to trust Him, to lean on Arman for strength. A life of continual trials isn’t pleasant. But it’s one way to learn to trust Arman.”

Odd way of looking at it.

“Arman held nothing back from you when He gave you His Son. Hold nothing back from Him. Trust Him. His will is always perfect, Highness, even when it doesn’t make sense.”

When Achan lay in bed that night, he asked Shung to sit with his body so he could enter the Veil. He went back to the room where Sparrow lay and was surprised to find a noblewoman asleep in a chair beside the bed.

Sparrow?
Achan focused on Sparrow’s face, wishing he could nudge her shoulder.
You’ve closed your mind. Are you back in your body?

A long moment passed with no answer. Achan could sense Sparrow’s shields around her mind, but he had no way of breaking through without being able to locate them.

Sparrow, please. You have to lower your shields to talk to me. At least say something so I know you are well. I promise to leave you be after that, but I must know that you’re not hurt.

At least she looked more comfortable now. Someone had repositioned her arms and combed back her hair. The noblewoman, perhaps?

Achan sent a knock the formal way, in case Sparrow expected him to use his manners.
Achan Cham.

Still no response. He hovered, calling to Sparrow on and off until he felt himself growing weak with fatigue. He returned to his body. He would do Sparrow no good if he were lost himself, and he did not want to discover what happened if a man fell asleep while his mind was in the Veil.

The next morning Achan woke to find Matthias watching him. The boy had put his bedroll on the floor beside Achan’s bed. They had fallen into a morning ritual, and being on the road would apparently not deter Matthias from it. Each day Achan woke to find the boy waiting. Matthias chose one of Achan’s scars, and Achan would tell the tale. Then they would wake Shung in the most amusing way possible.

Achan spotted Shung’s bedroll across the linen drape of the door, but remembered Sparrow was lost in the Veil. “Not today, Matthias. I must search for Sparrow.”

The boy’s expression sagged.

And Achan could not bear to see Matthias frown. “All right. Quickly, though.”

Matthias’s dark eyes roamed Achan’s chest, then flitted to his face. He pointed a black finger at Achan’s cheek.

“Esek cut me.” Achan turned his head to show Matthias the cut on his other cheek. “Both sides. With Ôwr, my father’s sword. But I have it back now. Ôwr’s blade will never harm me again. Now, run fetch us some breakfast and tell Cole I will not be riding again today.”

Matthias had to step over Shung to leave the tent.

Some shield when a small boy could pass unharmed. “Shung, watch for me while I look for Sparrow?”

The man grunted and rolled over, pulling a hairy arm over his head.

Achan threw his pillow at the man. “Wake up, Shung! Sparrow is lost, and I need you!”

Shung opened his eyes and pushed up onto one elbow. “The little fox would not like your manners.”

“We’ll never know if we don’t find her.”

Shung sat up and yawned. “Aye, Shung is ready.”

But when Achan appeared in the room in Sitna manor, Sparrow’s body was gone.

Sparrow? Where are you?
He reached out and found her shields stronger than ever. He tried to focus on them, to no avail. He floated out of the chamber in Sitna and back to the dungeons, checking each cell.
Sparrow, please. I must know if you’re safe. We’re all very worried. You’ve been stormed. Please answer me.

No sign of Sparrow in the dungeons.

Achan pulled back from the Veil and sat up.
Sir Caleb!

Sir Caleb burst through the drape on Achan’s tent and stumbled over the edge of Shung’s bedroll. “What? What’s happened?”

“Sparrow’s body is gone.”

“Oh.” Sir Caleb relaxed. “Can you sense her?”

“Aye, but her mind is still shielded, and she won’t answer. I should have stayed in her room all night. Sir Eagan and I could have taken turns guarding her.”

“Perhaps she came back into her body and escaped.”

Achan contemplated this. “Then why won’t she answer?

Could she still be angry enough to ignore my questioning her well-being?” Why wouldn’t she believe him about the mistress thing? That it had only been a stray thought.

“Hard to guess what makes a woman angry. But they never forget the things you say.”

Wonderful. “What about the things I think?”

Sir Caleb put his hands on his hips. “What do you mean? I thought she has not been answering. You’ve not been carrying on conversations with Vrell in your mind, have you? That would be most inappropriate now that you are betrothed to Lady Averella.”

Achan gritted his teeth. “Sir Caleb, I am merely trying to help Sparrow back from the Veil. If her body is gone and she is not answering, how can I know for sure she is safe?”

“I know not. Sir Eagan would be of better assistance.”

“Fine. Fetch him for me. Please?”

Sir Caleb bowed and exited the tent.

Achan glanced at Shung. “She would answer if she could, don’t you think?”

“Without a doubt. The little fox does not joke of serious matters. Should Shung message her?”

“No. Duchess Amal said too many voices might frighten her if she had lost her memory. And I think she has, for she didn’t seem to know me.” He lay back down. “I’m going to look around Sitna Manor again. See if I can learn anything.”

So Achan searched all of Sitna Manor. Things were different. Lord Levy’s family had moved into the rooms in the keep where Lord Nathak and Esek had once dwelled. Poril was no longer the cook. A portly woman had taken over the kitchens. Stranger still, Noam was not in the stables.

What in all Er’Rets was happening?

When Achan returned to his body, his tent and most of the camp had been packed around him. The morning air chilled his arms. Sir Eagan and Sir Caleb were standing at his bedside, Cole just behind them with Matthias. Soldiers bustled about, mounting their horses and filling carts with rolled-up tents. Many heads turned toward the half-dressed Prince, who was still in bed.

Achan met Sir Eagan’s cool gaze. “I can’t find her.”

Sir Caleb and Sir Eagan helped Achan to his feet. Two soldiers immediately began collapsing his bed.

Matthias approached, holding a set of clothes. “Time to dress, sir.”

“We can talk more in the wagon,” Sir Eagan said.

Achan’s thoughts scattered. “But the rescue party is still going out, right? We can’t just leave her.”

“We can’t send a rescue party to Sitna without knowing where her body is,” Sir Caleb said. “It would be futile, a waste of manpower.”

Achan glared at Sir Caleb. “Would you leave Esper?”

Sir Caleb’s eyes lit like a fire, but his expression remained neutral.

Achan tried another tactic by appealing to Sir Eagan. “I sense her shields. She’s not dead.”

Sir Caleb took the pile of clothing Matthias had been holding and handed it to Achan. “Continue the search from your wagon, Your Highness, but we must get moving.”

Shung, Kurtz, Cole, and the knights escorted Achan through the soldiers to his wagon where Achan dressed himself. Then he flopped down on one of the sofas.
Shung?

The wagon lurched as Shung climbed inside. Sir Eagan lifted Matthias through the doorway then entered himself.

“I’m going to keep looking,” Achan said.

Shung nodded. “Shung will keep watch.”

All day Achan searched Sitna Manor from the Veil, but he found no sign of Vrell Sparrow. He did discover that Poril had
g
one south with Lord Nathak. So he looked through Poril’s eyes.

The old cook sat beside the driver on a cart that followed a few dozen horses and a litter at night. A lantern swung from a post on the wagon seat, dangling behind the driver’s head. Achan counted four more lanterns ahead that seemed to float through the dark night.

No, it couldn’t be night already, could it?

Achan left Poril’s mind and searched each face in the party. He found Lord Nathak and his wife in the litter, and a wooden box in the back of Poril’s wagon.

A coffin.

After a long moment to raise his courage, Achan peeked inside, but the wooden lid blocked all light and he could not see anything within. If Sparrow had died, though, he would not be able to sense her. And he could.

Sparrow, please speak to me. Tell me you are not in that coffin. Please?

After a long wait with no answer, he came back to himself. Shung met his gaze briefly. Matthias sat on the floor with his back against Shung’s legs, dozing. Sir Eagan sat at the table reading a scroll. Achan remained silent, knowing they’d pass by Sitna at some point this day—maybe already had. His old home, the place where Sparrow had to be.

It made him nauseated.

He glanced back to Shung and froze. For where Matthias had been sitting, there was Sparrow, her silky black hair spilling into Shung’s lap. The man combed it with his thick, burned fingers, a half smile on his hairy face.

Achan’s breath quickened. “What are you doing?”

Shung raised a bushy eyebrow and grunted a question.

Achan stood up so fast his head scraped the ceiling. Shung had no right to touch Sparrow. Achan bent down and lifted her into his arms. She was lighter than he remembered. He tucked her head under his chin and breathed in the smell of roses. “Sir Eagan, we must get Sparrow something to eat. I fear she’s half starved.”

The wagon rolled through a rut and Achan lurched. Rather than try to keep his balance, he fell back onto his sofa, cradling Sparrow in his arms.