From My Heart (7 page)

His fingers moved to my outer thigh, leaving a trail of slow circles, until they reached my neck. “For what?” he asked.

“You were my first ever New Year’s kiss,” I told him. “I never imagined I would be here right now if you told me this a year ago.”

“That’s life, though,” Cale said. “You never know from day to day where you’re going to end up, dead or alive. Time isn’t promised. I just know everyone else, myself included, is glad you’re on this crazy ride with us and hopefully you’ll never quit. Plus it helps you’re my girlfriend and I’m so happy to be doing this with someone I am so crazy in love with.” My heart started fluttering. Even if he’d had too much to drink, he somehow always found the right thing to say.

“I love you too.” I sighed. “Let’s save the drunken sex for another night. I’m too tired anyways.”

I heard Cale laugh behind me. “You get some sleep, pretty girl. I care more about you getting rest because I know how cranky you can get with lack thereof…”

I grinned inwardly. “Oh stop.” I kicked my leg backward so it bumped into his. “Now goodnight, Pelton.”

“Sweet Dreams, B.”

I knew the consequences of drinking while I downed a shit ton of pills, but after I took my younger sister Sadie out to celebrate her graduating from college early with her bachelor’s degree in English (minor in Journalism), I was feeling like shit.

I didn’t mean to take the pills. I really didn’t. But after I drank the bar fresh out of alcohol, I had the worst pain in my chest, like someone was cutting me open and ripping my heart out. Popping a few prescriptions in and mixing it with rum, I was crashed out on the middle of the floor in our living room.

“Pelton.” Luke gently kicked my side with his foot. “Wake up, idiot, you fell asleep on the floor.”

I groaned loudly, letting a slew of obscenities out of my mouth as I ran my hands through my messy hair. The only thing on my mind was trying to stay away from the pills. I should have just taken the new bottles I got from the doctor and flushed them down the toilet. It’d be far less tempting. But then again, I waited a long time to get into my doctor to get them, so I would keep them for now, probably hide them in my bag when we went on tour in another two weeks.

“What time is it?” I asked, my voice hoarse. I noticed the blinds covering the windows had been opened up and the sunlight was bursting into the main room of the apartment. I covered my eyes so I wouldn’t be blinded and Luke snickered, with Tyler not far behind him.

“Like, noon. We were supposed to call Walker about some last minute photo shoot for the tour.” Tyler said. “And it’s in like fifteen minutes so you better get your ass up.”

Shit
how did I forget? I stumbled into the bathroom and turned on the water so I could take a shower. I put on the same clothes I had on yesterday, not wanting to waste any more time. 

“Saw the bottle,” Tyler whispered in my direction as I came out of the bathroom and towards the kitchen.

I whipped my head around and glared. Was he spying on me or something? I never once had that pill bottle where anyone could see it. Or was I so out of it last night that I left it sitting on the table?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I snapped.

“Really now…” Tyler retorted. “So that open bottle I found next to you wasn’t what I thought it was then?”

“Look, after I drank all that shit last night, my chest was on fire and would not quit. I had to take something for the pain…”

“Dude. You realize you’re not even supposed to take the pills with alcohol, right?” Tyler reminded me, crossing his arms in front of him and had a look of concern. “But wait…I know what you’ll say. ‘You know, you know,’ but still you haven’t kicked the addiction…”

I wanted to punch him square in the jaw like I did on stage less than a year ago. “Of course I fucking know that, Donahue. I was doing so good trying to kick it and then…I don’t know what made me slip,” I said honestly.

I wasn’t worried about my drinking because usually I wasn’t a very mean drunk or did crazy things I’d forget the next morning, but adding my pain killers definitely didn’t help. The guys had already warned me before I could get seizures from that shit if I didn’t stop combining the two.

“Well, I can only help you so much. We’ve all tried before.” Tyler sighed. “I don’t mean to be on your ass about it, but with this tour, being my first time back and being on the new label, we can’t afford anything to hold us back.” Without another word, Tyler walked out the door and the conversation was done.

I knew I had to get better. It was all I thought about, and with Tyler on my ass, it had to happen. I couldn’t lose this band or Bryn over my addiction.

Bryn rushed through the door just in time, her black hair in a low side ponytail and wearing a pink puffer jacket as she brushed off the snow that was on her legs and boots.

“Sorry. I just got done looking at a car with Miss Lou,” she said, sounding rushed, as I took her coat from her and all the guys said hey. She came over and kissed me on the cheek as I dialed Walker’s number. My arm circled around her waist, and we all sat down in the living room as we put Walker on speaker phone and he answered, “Walker Cooper speaking.”

“Hey, it’s Cale and the band. How are you?” I yelled as I switched to speaker phone so we all could hear him.

“Well, besides my office falling apart, I’m doing pretty damn well. You kids keeping out of trouble?”

We all laughed. “Oh of course,” I replied. After what happened with the shooting at the festival, Walker had checked on us periodically, texting us here and there to make sure our injuries were healing and we were “mentally” doing better. I think that was just part of his job because I was sure he thought we had targets on our backs after what had occurred.

Over the next half hour, he discussed the photo shoot and the particulars. He had set the shoot up with a huge rock magazine that was also going to do an article on all of the bands that were playing on the tour. My only problem was when he suggested that since us and Angels from Hell were the main acts, the photographer wanted a few shots of Kallie and me alone, being the lead singers of our groups. I didn’t like the idea of being alone with her. She was trouble and I didn’t want Bryn to see what Kallie is capable of because it wasn’t for the faint of heart.

“Why do you have that look on your face?” Bryn looked at me inquisitively as we lay together on my bed.

“What look?”

“Like you’re lost in space, or else you had a ton to drink last night when you promised me you’d
behave
.” Bryn air quoted, and I kissed the tip of her nose. She looked so adorable as she snuggled in closer to me, laying her head down on my bare stomach.

“What if I told you I tried?” My voice pleaded, and I could feel her let out a giggle.

“So essentially, that means you were plastered and came home and passed right out…am I right?” She lifted her head up to look me in the eyes. Bryn knew she was right before she even said anything. We had spent so much time together lately—well even before that—

That she’d gotten to know my moods pretty well. What she didn’t know was that my trying to quit my addiction was the cause of those mood swings. When I gave into temptation, I was happy again.

I didn’t say anything, but tried pleading with my eyes that she wouldn’t start lecturing me. Then I’d be taking it back to when I lived with my mom and sisters. I had a different lecture every day, even if it was something I had nothing to do with.

“I mean, really I shouldn’t care. It’s your life,” Bryn remarked. “But I just really care about you…more than I should…but hey, that’s why you’re my boyfriend, right?”

Oh man was I ever the luckiest guy in the world at that moment. I cupped Bryn’s chin and lifted her face to meet mine so our foreheads touched. “I always will be and don’t you forget it.”

And then I proceeded to show her just how badly I meant those words, how loved she really was.

***

After getting past the whole posing with Kallie shit, I was ready for this photo shoot. It took place in an old abandoned warehouse in Detroit, where graffiti in various colors covered the broken down walls and the pillars holding the ceiling up.

“This better not fall down on us,” Luke teased as we made our way over to where Angels from Hell was standing, along with The Brittle Souls, our supporting act, who had a hell of a lot of talent. I knew they were going to make it big, they just hadn’t had the chance yet.

“Just better brace yourself and run for it then, buddy.” Vince shoved Luke and he almost lost his balance on the rocks behind him.

“That’ll do it.” I shook my head laughing, keeping close to Bryn as we approached the rest of the bands. Kyler Jordan, the lead singer of The Brittle Souls, came up to me and shook my hand.

“Heyyy man, thanks for letting us support you on the tour. We can’t wait,” Kyler said with excitement. You could tell this kid was feeling over the top. The Brittle Souls hadn’t been on the mainstream scene that long, but they got a record deal just a year ago fresh out of high school. Story was the guys skipped their high school graduation ceremony just so they could fly out to California to record their album.

“Anytime. Love to have good talent backing us up.” I patted him on the shoulder, shaking hands with the other guys and came face to face with Kallie.

“Don’t you just look handsome today?” Kallie tried to say seductively, but it looked to me like she was hung over more than anything. Her eyes were covered by big gladiators and she had a hard time standing in the same spot without stumbling.

“Hung over much?” I asked her exactly what I was thinking.

“I don’t sleep. It gives off the same impression though, huh?” She smirked, turning her attention over to Bryn. “I’m sorry by the way, for how I acted the last time we met. I came off as a total bitch and I’m really not.”

I could tell Bryn was taken aback.

“It’s okay…” Bryn trailed off, not really sure what else to say. Then Kallie did what I considered the unthinkable. She hugged Bryn.

“We’ll become great friends. Just give it time.” She squeezed, letting go of Bryn so she could talk to the photographer.

“
What
the hell was that?” Bryn whispered so no one could hear.

“Maybe she’s
actually
trying to be nice to you,” I suggested. We both shrugged, and I snuck in a slap on her ass when no one was looking.

The photo shoot was going great—actually amazing—until the photographer suggested, “Why don’t you and Kallie pose together?”

I didn’t care if I had to stand next to the girl and put my arm around her casually or whatever, but the fact that the guy wanted me to stand behind her and have my hands covering her topless self? Not a chance. If I wasn’t dating Bryn and if I didn’t care about her so much I would have done it because people dug stuff like that, especially if it was on a cover. I knew from experience. But still…I had to practically fondle another woman’s bare breasts.

I couldn’t look at Bryn. I knew she was going to be pretty pissed, and I didn’t blame her. She had to watch me pose with another woman while she had no shirt on…while I was grabbing her. I tried to get through it as quickly as possible, doing the faces I was told to do and when I had to move, I did. If it wasn’t for the photographer mentioning that this shot will take both of our bands to the next level, I wouldn’t have done it.

It was so awkward, being this close to a topless girl that wasn’t Bryn.

“This is going to look fantastic in the next issue,” the photographer, which whose name I didn’t remember, exclaimed happily. “You two photograph really well together.”

No we didn’t, but of course I couldn’t say that out loud or I’d have my ass kicked. After we were told we could go, Bryn had already snuck out of the building and was waiting outside.

“She’s pissed,” Vince said quietly.

“No shit. I would be too if I was her watching my boyfriend grab another girl’s breasts for a photo shoot,” I snapped. “This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen but you heard about what the photographer said about how it’d be good promotion for us”

“She’ll be okay, just let her breathe for a minute,” Vince suggested, and I braced myself for the wrath of Bryn as we walked to where she stood sitting on the curb, her arms wrapped around herself as she shivered from the cold. I didn’t see her face since she was purposely looking in the opposite direction.

I fake-coughed and her head spun around to see what was going on. I hated that look in her eye, like she wanted to kill me on the spot. Throw me into the middle of the busy streets of Downtown Detroit and have me get hit by a car.

“Hey, are you up for a bite to eat at the Hard Rock? We haven’t been there since after we…”

“No,” Bryn cut me off. “Gina and Bethany are done with some meeting they just had nearby so they’re picking me up to have a girls’ night in.” She stood up and brushed the snow off her butt.

“Aww you sure, B?” Tyler whined, hugging her from behind. “We’re going to miss you on the ride back home.”

“Ewwww. You stink, Tyler.” She shoved him away with a smile. That smile should have been meant for me, not my best friend. “It’s not like I’m going to be gone forever, jeez.”

I walked up to her and kissed her quickly on the lips before she turned her face away from me hastily. “Don’t be like that please,” I murmured, trying to get her to meet my eyes. “You know I didn’t want to do that shit, B…”

She wriggled out of my grasp. “Whatever. It’s done now, Cale. I don’t want to talk about it because now every time I have that image in my head, I’m going to want to punch that bitch’s brains out.”

I took a step back. Either Bryn was really defensive of me, or she was jealous.  I had never seen her get that infuriated over something before and it had me a little worried. But I wasn’t going to let her mood get to me. Overall we had a good day, and I had to think on the bright side: if that photo made the cover of the magazine, it would be epic.

***