From the Heart (A Valentine's Day Anthology) (18 page)

Sunshine & Surprises

Kyra Lennon

Sunshine & Surprises © Kyra Lennon 2016

E-edition published worldwide 2016 © Kyra Lennon

All rights reserved in all media. This book may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, in whole or in part, without written permission from the author.

All characters and events featured in this book are entirely fictional and any resemblance to any person, organisation, place or thing is purely coincidental and completely unintentional.

Chapter 1

“Oh my God.”

My whisper burned the back of my throat as I stared down at the white stick in my shaking hands.
Pregnant
.

Tears blurred my vision and I opened my eyes wider, willing the droplets to dry up and go away so they wouldn’t smudge my make-up. This was the absolute worse time to have taken a pregnancy test – right before dinner with my family and friends; the perfect end to what should have been the perfect graduation day. And it
had
been perfect, aside from the nagging worries in the back of my mind.

Three years at York University complete, ending with a 2:1 in Psychology and an extremely proud mum and boyfriend. The summer sun had shone bright on the happy graduates, and the next day I’d be leaving the north of England behind and heading back to Southampton so I could enjoy the rest of the summer at home, and finally start to spend some real time with my man, Declan.

Most of the time it had been Declan who had made the journey up to me because, with final exams approaching, I’d wanted and needed to be near the university, close to all the resources I needed to study. The separation had been challenging on both of us in the seven months we’d been together.  Clearly not
that
challenging judging by the indication of the new life growing inside me that I still held in my hands. Our relationship had always been… precarious, and this enormous, life-changing twist could…
would
ruin everything I’d waited for for so long.

“Eden! Come on, the taxi’s here! Kara and Lucas are waiting for us outside!”

Declan’s voice from outside the bathroom jolted me back to the present and I spun around, trying to figure out how to hide the nightmare in my hands.

“Um, yeah, I’ll be there in a sec!” I called, wrapping the pregnancy test in loo roll then throwing it in the bin and hoping for the best. I washed my hands then stared at my reflection in the mirror. I looked normal, if a little panic-stricken, but at least my make-up was still in place and my eyes weren’t red-rimmed. I ran my hands over my dark hair and blew out a breath then cast my eyes down over my outfit to check for any outward signs of pregnancy. I’d always been curvy, which at that moment, felt like a blessing.  Any slight added
curviness
could easily have been put down to the extra calories I’d put away due to nerves about the big day.

I had to keep it together, for tonight at least. Probably longer. I needed to get my own thoughts together before I told anyone else, but I wouldn’t be alone for at least another twenty-four hours.

Too bad I didn’t have a degree in Drama – that would have made putting on an act so much easier.

Letting out another long, slow breath, I turned around, unlocked the bathroom door and walked out onto the landing where Declan waited for me. My heart stuttered. For this particular occasion, he’d ditched his trademark somewhat scruffy apparel and dressed in black trousers and a blue, crease-free shirt. Okay, so that persistent lock of dark hair that could never be tamed was still sticking up, but I found it endearing. Reminded me that no matter how much older we were, he was still always going to be that boy. The one I’d grown up hating, fighting with, then inexplicably fallen in love with. A wave of nausea passed over me at the idea of losing him. Because I would. He was an extreme commitment-phobe, and even if he hadn’t been, what guy wouldn’t freak out over their girlfriend getting pregnant after such a short time together at just twenty years old?

And my mum. A shudder rippled down my spine at the thought of telling her. She had warned me over and over to be careful, to not do what she did and get pregnant young. I’d managed a whole year – almost two – more than her, and she had been left with me; my dad ran at the first hint of responsibility.

“You okay?” Declan asked, his knees bending slightly to lower himself so he could look into my eyes.

I nodded, forcing a smile. “Yeah. I’m okay.”

His eyes narrowed sceptically for a second, but he straightened up and reached for my hand. “I’d stop to kiss you and tell you how good you look, but there are people waiting for us.”

I chuckled as he smiled at me. That was Dec; always with the slightly backhanded, awkward compliments.

“You can tell me later.”

With his hand in mine, I tried to push reality away for a while to enjoy graduation day properly. I’d worry about everything else in the morning.

Chapter 2

“Now that was the perfect way to end our time in York.” Lucas flung himself down into his favourite chair, his hand over his stomach, satisfied with the enormous Chinese banquet we’d just feasted on.

We’d chosen to go to our favourite Chinese restaurant in the city; we couldn’t think of anywhere else we’d rather spend our last night. Plus, since my mum, and both Kara and Lucas’ parents were in town, we wanted to show them where we ate on very rare special occasions, when we could afford to.

“Agreed,” Dec said, sitting on the sofa and pulling me down beside him then wrapping his arm around my shoulders. I rested my head on his shoulder, feigning about the millionth smile I’d had to feign that evening. It wasn’t that I hadn’t enjoyed our night out; it had been lovely, full of laughter. But nothing had quite reached me the way it should have. I’d used the excuse of having a headache to explain my quietness and my lack of drinking. It wasn’t a complete lie. With so much rattling around up there, there had been a steady pounding against my skull.

“Do you guys want some coffee?” Kara asked, waiting in the doorway, eager as ever to play the hostess.

Kara had been my best friend since high school, and she and Lucas had been together since then too. We were extremely lucky to have all wanted to go to and gotten into the same university. While most people look forward to taking the next step and meeting new people, the three of us still wanted to stay together the way we had been through most of the years we’d been in education. It was only natural that when the time came for us to move out of halls, we chose to share a house together. Back when we’d made all those decisions, they’d been made without Declan – firstly because he never had any intention of going to university, and secondly because I would rather have thrown myself out of a window than spend any more time with him in those days.

How things had changed.

“That would be great,” Lucas said. His eyes shone as he looked at her, and weirdly, that was what prompted one of very few genuine smiles from me.

Relationship goals.
It wasn’t that Declan never looked at me that way - he did. But there was a depth to Kara and Lucas’ relationship that came from the fact that they had literally grown up together. Declan and I had only got together after we’d grown up and stopped bickering and now I wasn’t so sure he and I would ever reach the long-term stage.

“Eden?” Kara said. “Coffee?”

“Please.”

Wait. Are pregnant people supposed to drink coffee? I’m sure I read something somewhere about how…?
I blinked a few times to stop myself. Not drinking was one thing, but I had barely had time to process the fact I was pregnant, without winding myself up about whether or not caffeine would harm a baby I didn’t even know if I wanted. The truth was, in the past few weeks before I’d found out, I’d had so much coffee, even if I stopped immediately, the poor baby would probably still come out craving Espresso Macchiato.

When Kara brought our drinks through, I forced myself out of my own head again. I’d managed to get this far without anyone getting too concerned about me. Just the duration of a coffee to get through before bed.

“I can’t believe this is actually over,” Kara said as she sat down on the floor beside the coffee table. She glanced around the room which was now void of anything personal. All of that had been packed away over the last few weeks and taken home. All that remained was very basic furniture. Even the TV had already gone to Kara and Lucas’ new flat in Southampton.

“I know.” I let out a sigh as I glanced around too at the now plain walls. “It’s gone so fast. Seems like five minutes ago we moved up here having absolutely no idea what to expect, and now we’re leaving.”

“God, remember the first year?” Kara laughed. “All that freedom to party and drink and not have parents to lecture us about responsibilities.”

I nodded, smiling. “The discovery of the nightlife here was a highlight.”

“How many Saturday or Sunday mornings did we spend hungover?”

“Almost all of them,” Lucas said with a grin. “But it was worth it.”

“It sure was.”

“And now we have to grow up.”

Lucas’ words shot another bolt of panic through me but I masked it by taking a gulp of my coffee. I’d had no plans to work for the rest of the summer; none of us did, aside from Dec who had been working since we’d left college when he’d joined his dad’s business as a mechanic. The plan was to look into finding work in September – any work – while I searched for the perfect job that matched my shiny new degree.

“What’s it like?” Lucas asked, looking at Declan. “Being a grown up.”

Declan chuckled. “You know me, mate. I have a job, but it doesn’t make me a grown up.”

I smiled up at my self-deprecating boyfriend. He was about as good at giving compliments to himself as he was at giving them to others. The truth was he worked damn hard, paid the rent on his own place, and never really complained about the long days and limited social life the job allowed him.

“You’re a grown up,” I told him. “You’ve been taking care of me for the last… almost year.”

Declan’s mouth dropped in a look of mock horror. “Has it been that long? It’s probably time to trade you in for a new model.”

I poked him in the ribs and he winked to let me know he was joking, and I knew he was… for the time being. But it didn’t stop my stomach churning.

“Besides,” he went on, “I haven’t really been taking care of you. You do most of that yourself.”

“But you did take me out most weekends and make sure this poor student didn’t starve.”

He leaned down to kiss me softly on the lips. “Can’t have you wasting away, can I? You’ll make it up to me when you’re a rich psychotherapist, charging people £150 an hour to tell you their problems.”

I rolled my eyes. “It doesn’t quite work that way. It’ll be a while before I earn that much.”

A really long while.

As I looked up at him, the man I’d shared search a turbulent history with, the man I now loved more than I’d ever loved anyone, I was struck by the urge to be alone with him. Just me and him for one more night before I told him the truth and lost him. To pretend everything was okay and that nothing was going to change. That our lives wouldn’t be different once he knew.

That we were just us one more time.

“Come on.” Declan smiled and took my barely touched coffee from my hands and placed both of our cups on the coffee table. “Let’s go to bed.”

I nodded, and stood, saying goodnight to Kara and Lucas before Declan and I headed up to my room and collapsed on my bed. Declan wrapped his arms around me and I snuggled into him, my hand resting lightly on his chest.

“Are you sad to be leaving?” he asked, kissing the top of my head.

Oh. That’s what he thinks is wrong.

“Only a little,” I told him. “There are things I’ll miss about being here, but I’m looking forward to going home.”

“I won’t be offended if you say you’ll miss York. You’ve been here for three years. It’s your second home.”

I smiled and tilted my head up to look at him. “I want to be with you more than I want to be here. Of course I’ll miss it, but home is… home is where you are.”

“Alright,” he said, turning onto his side to look at me, his eyes dancing with amusement. “None of this soppy crap. We need to change the subject.”

Laughing, I pressed my lips against his. “You’re such an emotionless dick.”

“I know. But you love me.”

“Yes, I do.”

He smiled as he kissed me again. “I love you too.”

Declan’s kiss, warm and familiar, made me press in to him, holding him tightly as I tried to focus on this moment and block everything else out. His hands slid up my back then unzipped my dress, his fingers lightly brushing over my skin. I shifted a little so he could push the straps down over my shoulders, leaving my top half exposed, and I started to unbutton his shirt. I closed my eyes as he rolled on top of me, his lips trailing kisses down my neck, and as I did so, my breath caught in my throat as an image of our baby flashed in my head. Not a fully formed baby, but like one of those scan photos you get from the hospital. A harsh reminder of the truth I so badly wanted to deny for a bit longer.

“Eden?”

My body had become rigid, my eyes now wide open as I stared up at him, unable to see him through a film of moisture. I blinked a few times at the sound of his voice and he slid off me and turned me onto my side to look at him.

“Eden, what’s wrong?”

I sat up, quickly pulling the sleeves of my dress back over me as if what we’d been doing hadn’t even happened. My body still wanted him but my brain wouldn’t let it happen and I cursed inwardly because the one more night I’d wanted was gone.

I had to tell him. Now.

Declan shuffled up the bed as I wiped my eyes, and the panic on his face made me hate myself. Hate the situation. Hate that this was it.

I couldn’t look at him. I twisted around and hung my legs over the edge of the bed then looked up at the window, the street light outside casting a warm glow over me. If I stared at it for long enough, maybe it would beam me away from here, somewhere I could hide.

“Eden.” Declan moved across the bed so he was right behind me, his hands on my shoulders. “What just happened?”

I tilted my head to the side, resting my cheek against his hand and closing my eyes again.

“I’m pregnant,” I whispered.

Declan’s hands fell away as if my skin had suddenly caught fire and burned him. “What did you say?”

“I’m pregnant.”

Without turning, I heard him scramble across the bed and get to his feet. I didn’t need to look to see the total horror on his face and the panic in his eyes. It had been emblazoned in my head the second I’d imagined telling him. I didn’t need to see it for real.

“What…? I mean, how, I… I don’t understand, Eden. How… are you sure?”

I nodded. “I took a test.” All emotion had gone from my tone. I felt it all inside me; fear, hurt, desperation. But outwardly, I couldn’t transmit it because it didn’t matter what I conveyed to him. His reaction would be the same.

“Well… when? How… how long have you known?”

“I took the test before we went out tonight.”

“And how long have you suspected?”

“A while. Three, four weeks.”

“And you didn’t think to mention it?”

His voice rose and I spun around. “Keep it down!” I hissed. “Please. I don’t want Lucas and Kara finding out yet.”

“Oh, so you didn’t tell her first? I guess that’s something to be happy about!” he snapped.

And there it was. The words that told me I was on my own. Not only did he not trust me to tell him before anyone else – and for all the time we’d known each other, he should have – but he wasn’t even going to take a second to process the information before telling me he hated it.

A sob clawed at my throat as my heart cracked a little inside my chest. I knew it wasn’t done. By the time this conversation was over, it would be shattered into a million pieces, and he’d leave. And
then
I’d cry.

Through trembling lips, I said, “I’m not exactly jumping for joy over here, Dec.”

His eyes blazed. “How did this happen? You’re on the pill, and for the most part, we use condoms too just to be extra fucking safe! How in the hell can this be possible?”

“I don’t know. I can’t recall a time I missed a pill, so all I can think is that we were just really, really unlucky. Nothing is 100% effective.”

“Obviously! Fucking hell, Eden.”

He turned away and started to pace my small room, his strides somewhat disrupted by the boxes littering the floor.

“How can you be talking to me like this is my fault?” I asked. “We were both there, Declan. Both of us. You and me. I didn’t get pregnant on my own.”

“You must have forgotten to take that pill. That’s the only way to explain this.”

“I never forget and you know it.”

“How? I don’t
know
that. I trusted you.”

My initial hurt flicked into anger and I stood up and rounded on him. “Less than two minutes ago you told me you loved me, and now you’re looking at me like I’m the most disgusting person in the world! Well, fuck you, Dec! This happened, and whether you like it or not, you have as much responsibility for this as me!”

I stared at him, his shirt still unbuttoned, exposing his chest and stomach that I’d explored a thousand times. But in that moment, everything about him was unfamiliar. Predicting his reaction somehow didn’t stop the shock. Somewhere deep inside me, I guess I’d hoped he’d hold onto me and tell me everything was going to be okay, that he’d promise to stay with me, but that deep buried hope shrivelled away into nothing as his eyes held nothing but anger.

Something in my words seemed to affect him as a little of the rage in his gaze cooled and he took a small step towards me and reached out his hand. After a short hesitation, I took it and we sat down on the edge of the bed.

“I know this isn’t just down to you.” He twisted his fingers through mine and as he stared down at our joined hands, a small flame of hope lit inside me. “I’m sorry. I just… I don’t know… I don’t know anything right now.”