Frontier Gift of Love (American Wilderness Series Romance Book 5) (17 page)

“What choice do we have? It’s so cold and I don’t want the children to spend the entire night out in the open.”

Stephen glanced behind him. Martha, Polly, and Samuel were bundled up in warm clothes and asleep under several layers of blankets and furs. He hoped it was enough to keep them from getting a chill. If anything happened to…he stopped the thought, refusing to let his mind go there. He never wanted to experience that again.

“They’re fine. They’re sound asleep. But you look done in,” he said. When he saw her frown, he quickly amended, “You look beautiful, as always, but I can tell you’re weary.”

He wasn’t lying to her. She was lovely. Gorgeous, in fact. Especially her fiery red hair and emerald eyes. And the moon’s rays made the fair skin on her face glow like the finest porcelain. He could hardly look at Jane without desiring her. For now though, he needed to be sure he took care of her. They’d been on the road since early that morning and Jane needed a rest.

“Stop for a minute. I’ll tie George to the rear. Why don’t you crawl in the back and get warm. Maybe you’ll be able to sleep for a while,” he told her.

Jane nodded and pulled the wagon to a stop. He dismounted, flexed his stiff legs until he could walk comfortably, and then quickly tied George. “Take a rest big boy,” he said patting the horse on the neck.

He scrambled up onto the wagon bench, gave Jane a quick kiss, and
took the reins.

She climbed into the back and disappeared beneath a heavy blanket and fur. “I love you,” her muffled voice called up to him.

“And I love you, my darling,” he said leaning back toward her. The sound of her voice and her words made him wish they could find some privacy in the next few days. But with William and his family, Bear and his new wife, and Sam’s family and household help, he was certain privacy would be hard to come by.

He laid his Kentucky long rifle at his feet and started the horse team moving again. The night’s nearly full moon shone bright enough that he could easily see the trail leading through the woods. The trees around them, their boughs hanging heavy with snow, shimmered in the moonlight. And deeper into the woods, where the light grew dimmer, the snow on the ground appeared almost purple. In the distance, he heard the sounds of owls, coyotes, fox, and other animals hunting in the fresh snow.

They weren’t far now. Maybe another hour or two. They’d already been on Catherine and Sam’s land for some time. But the last leg of any trip always seemed the longest. That was especially true of the last stretch of the thousand-mile journey they’d all endured to get to Kentucky.

A lonely wolf howled off in the distance. The mournful bellow from deep within the forest made his stomach clench. Frightening recollections flashed through his mind. Memories of one of the worst days of his life.

But it wasn’t
the
worst day. After that day, he nearly gave up.

But he didn’t. He’d stubbornly refused to abandon his quest to reach Kentucky. His daughters gave him good reason to go on. He had to find land where he could make a better living for his family. And thanks to Catherine’s generosity, he didn’t have to spend months or even years trying to acquire a land grant. Her gift of land allowed them to build their home before full winter set in. And, he was able to get an early start on his cattle operation. He would never be able to repay her what that was worth. Never. But he was going to try. He would do anything for Catherine. Or Sam. Somehow, he would find a way to thank them.

All his hard work was definitely paying off and things were looking up. Even after their purchases at Fort Logan, his money pouch still contained enough coin to buy quite a few more head of cattle. In no time, he would be supplying beef for all the surrounding forts—Fort Logan, Fort Harrod, and maybe even Fort Boonesborough. He could get some cowpunchers to help him or even hire some hands, just as Sam did, to help him drive the cattle.

He needed a name for his cattle operation and a brand. He’d read that even the ancient Egyptians and Romans used a hot iron to burn an ownership mark into cowhide. Back home, a few men adopted the practice brought over from England to identify and track down their stray cows, but he had yet to see a branded cow in Kentucky. Fencing in cattle on his acreage was near impossible—it was just too big a place. So branding made sense. Perhaps he would be the first to start the practice in Kentucky. The more he thought about the idea, the more he liked it.

He would design a brand in honor of his oldest brother. Sam deserved the honor. If it weren’t for Sam, he doubted they would have made it to Kentucky. As he rolled possible designs for the brand through his head, he heard a terrible crack and then the wagon lurched violently to one side.

Jane and the girls screamed.

Chapter 16

D
espite his fatigue from recovering Little John, that night Sam couldn’t sleep. Although Catherine slept peacefully beside him, sleep eluded him.

In the wee hours before dawn, disturbing thoughts rolled through his head, one after the other as he stared into the semi-darkness. The remaining wedges of logs and embers burning in their bedroom hearth made dark shapes flit across the ceiling, matching the shadows darting through his mind. They were the shadows of the past brought to life by the murkiness of their uncertain future.

The
only
hesitation he had about marrying Catherine was the possibility of losing her. He never wanted to experience that kind of terrible heartache again; the grief that comes from losing a woman you loved with all your heart. He had been a young man when it happened. But the fear that sprung from that nightmarish event latched onto his heart and kept him from loving any woman again for far too many years.

And it kept him from loving Catherine much too long. He had stubbornly refused to let down his defenses. Even though he was a veteran of more battles than he could count, allowing himself to fall in love with Catherine was the hardest battle he ever waged. Largely because he was fighting his own heart.

When he finally let love grow stronger than fear—when he laid down
his heart’s armor—he cherished the feeling of being able to love again. There were no more shadows across his heart. No more terror-filled dreams to seize him during the night. Just a sense of peace and boundless joy. And he asked Catherine to marry him. And all the saints in heaven be praised, she agreed. He’d had nothing to give her save his heart and what he carried on his horse.

It was all she asked for.

But they both possessed one thing more valuable than a king’s treasure—a future together.

It was all he asked for.

Since they’d been married, only love filled his heart. But now, with Catherine facing a potentially difficult delivery, he could feel fear struggling to reclaim his heart all over again. He absolutely did not want to let fear take hold of him. Once fear takes root, it burrows inside of you, and it becomes hard to grub out. And then, it can change who you are—you can become afraid to live life. Afraid to love.

To hell with that
.

He would battle it, he decided. Like the warrior he was. He would put up his strongest guard. He could defeat it.

He needed to be strong for Catherine. He needed her. But now, she needed him even more.

He hadn’t given in to his terror when Little John was threatened and kidnapped. He’d managed to keep his fear at bay. He was certainly distressed and full or worry. But, as he always had in the heat of battle, he’d remained clear-headed and decisive, allowing him to lead the successful rescue of his son.

But with Catherine, it was different. He couldn’t do anything to help her. This was one battle that could not be fought. But if he kept this up, when the time came for her to deliver, he would be nothing more than a blithering idiot. He came far too close to succumbing to terror when she admitted that the ache in her side was now worse and nearly constant. He
feared for her and their babe. A pain meant something was wrong.

And that scared the hell out of him.

Perhaps being afraid was understandable. But letting it control him was not. He wouldn’t allow it.

He chastised himself for how his worry had made him treat Catherine. For heaven’s sake, he’d even made her cry. He’d probably even made her feel as if this was her fault. How could he be so thoughtless when she needed him the most?

He resolved to be a tower of strength for her—not the worrywart he’d shown her recently. That wasn’t him and never had been. He was not a man to worry overmuch. He was the kind of man that faced life head on—that welcomed life’s challenges with self-assurance and courage. And took action when needed.

Whatever happened, with God’s help, they would get through this. Together.

He reached over and laid his hand on her arm. “Catherine.”

She moaned and rolled on her side toward him.

“Catherine, wake up. I have to tell you something.” He hated waking her, but this couldn’t wait.

“Sam, what is it?”

“I’ve been lying here awake because I need to apologize. Come here. Let me hold you, while I tell you what my heart wants me to say to you.”

She scooted into his arms and placed her head on his shoulder. He leaned his cheek against the silky hair on her head. The feel of their child lying against him made his heart swell with emotion. Oh Lord, how he wanted the babe to come into this world safely and be healthy and strong.

“What do you want to say, Sam?”

Her long dark tresses gleamed like polished ebony in the dim light cast by the hearth fire. A swath of wavy hair fell across her breasts and lay between them. Her gentle overwhelming beauty made him pause for a
moment before he spoke. Taking a deep breath, he said, “I’m sorry to wake you, but this can’t wait.”

“Is something wrong?”

“It’s me Catherine. I can’t help it. I’ve never been more worried in my life. I love you beyond reason and I want nothing in this world more than for you to be all right.”

“I know that, Sam.”

“Nonetheless, I should not let fear of something bad happening take hold of me. I’ve been letting that happen too often lately. I let it happen again earlier this evening. When you said that the pain was happening frequently, I gave in to my panic for a moment. I’m sorry I’ve been so short-tempered.”

“It’s all right, Sam. I understand your fear of losing someone you love.”

“No. It’s
not
all right. That’s not me and that’s not the husband I want to be for you. I won’t tolerate cowardness, even in me.”

“You have always been a courageous man. Everyone admires your brave spirit, especially me. But this isn’t about courage. It’s about believing.”

“Believing what?” he asked.

“Believing in hope. Believing in a miracle. It’s not believing that God can perform a miracle for us—it’s believing that He
will
.”

“I do believe that Catherine. But at times, I’m ashamed to admit, I forget.”

“I’ll try to help you remember. But sometimes I forget too. I admit to feeling scared.”

She’s been afraid she was going to die
. She just hadn’t said anything to protect him. The realization tugged on his heart.

“From now on, I promise I will be the husband you can lean on whenever you’re frightened. I don’t want you to hide anything from me. Please let me share my strength with you. When you’re scared, I’ll wrap
you in my arms and protect you from fear. My arms are strong enough. I promise.”

Sam felt a tear fall on his bare shoulder. Damn, he’d made her cry again.

“Sam, that is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever said to me,” she whispered, her voice choking. “I will let you.” She squeezed the muscle of his arm. “You’re arms are more than strong enough to protect me. And so is your heart.” She moved her hand and placed it against his heart.

He reached behind her neck and pulled her full parted lips to his. With all the warmth pouring from his heart, he kissed her thoroughly and tenderly, desperate to lay claim to as much of her as he could without risking hurting her.

He ran his fingers into her hair and then deepened the kiss. It was a kiss to feed her soul, not his desire. For the last month, he’d refrained from making love to her. He wouldn’t risk harming her or the babe, or causing the ache in her side to grow worse.

But he would make sure his tender affections reached all the way to her very soul.

In doing so, he felt more gratification than the most passionate night of their marriage.

He loved her beyond physical passion.

He loved her beyond fear.

Chapter 17

Early Wednesday, 21 December, 1799

C
atherine stood with Sam, Bear, and Artis, on the porch and watched as the farm hands left with the two bound prisoners.

Crowell looked miserable as he went by, but Dixon gave them all a sneering look.

Catherine exhaled as they passed and leaned against Sam, glad to see the despicable men headed for the punishment they deserved.

Their four men would take the two scoundrels to the sheriff at Fort Harrod, about sixty miles to the northwest, to await trial in the Kentucky Federal District Court, recently established in Harrodsburg. Sam assigned two men to guard each one until they were in the custody of the sheriff.

After they delivered the prisoner, the four were to take some time off for the holidays and stay in Harrodsburg or visit relatives until the Twelfth Day race. After the race, they would all come back together. Sam gave each of them sufficient funds to ensure they thoroughly enjoyed their holiday, telling them it was a Christmas bonus for all their hard work over the last year.

With the four men gone, there will be more food for all the relatives coming soon, Catherine thought. She couldn’t wait for them to all be together again. But this time, Bear had his stunning new wife, and William
and Kelly now had a beautiful daughter. And Stephen and Jane would bring their young son. The son that Stephen had wanted so desperately. Their family was growing fast.

“Why don’t we all go in and have another cup of coffee?” she suggested. As they gathered in the front room, Mrs. Wrigley brought a fresh pot and some of Bear’s favorite sweets. With Bear here, the cook would have to double all her recipes just to keep the enormous man full.