Full Contact (23 page)

“What gives you that idea?” He was still cramming things into his bag.

“Because I recognize the signs. I'm scared, too.”

With a wad of underwear in his right hand, he stilled. She was standing right behind him. “Of what?”

“Of all of the things that I can't control. The things that can hurt me no matter what I do to prevent them. The things I don't know and the ones I can't see. But mostly, I'm scared of loving and losing.”

There was that word. He'd been avoiding it. Had forbidden himself to say it. Even silently. Hell, he wasn't even allowed to think it.

Love was for…

Ellen?

Her hands slid around him from behind. “I just had a talk with my mother.”

Somehow he had a feeling Martha Marks hadn't been pleased with the outcome.

“I told her I have to leave Shelter Valley for a while.”

Underwear in hand, he froze in place with her hands crossed at his stomach, holding him.

“I love it here, but I'm hiding, too. I have to know that I'm perfectly capable of leaving Shelter Valley if I want to. I have to know that I can cope…out there.”

He couldn't argue there. But he was shocked to hear her say so.

“So I was wondering, do you want to come with me?”

“Where?”

“I was thinking Phoenix to begin with. That way Josh is still close to family, and, I guess, so am I.”

“You're planning to move your son out of Shelter Valley.”

“For a while at least, yes.”

“Cole's in Phoenix.”

“I know.”

“So what are you suggesting? That we both move to Phoenix, deal with our issues and move on with our lives?”

“I'm suggesting—” her face was buried in his neck, her words directly in his ear “—that we spend the rest of our lives dealing with whatever issues arise, when they arise, but that we do it together. I'm much better at it when you're around.”

He was a better man when she was around.

“I love you, Jay.”

Oh, God. She'd done it now. There was no way he was getting out of this.

Turning, he thought of his mother. Of her brutal death. And the agony his father had suffered.

He thought of the seedy motel room on the outside of town where Ellen had survived.

And of his father, wasting his life up on a mountain all alone.

He thought of Cole, a boy who was struggling and who might need an example outside of Kelsey's home someday.

He thought of his motorcycle. And the beach.

And he thought of Martha Marks—a woman whose only sin was loving her daughter. Being there for her.

“Then I'm going to ask you to stay in Shelter Valley,” he said, meeting Ellen's gaze.

Her eyes closed. Her mouth flattened. She bowed her head and started to pull away.

“And marry me.”

Head snapping back up, Ellen gaped at him.

“Shelter Valley is a great place to raise a kid. And for another one to visit,” he said. “The rest of the world is a great place to explore during the three gruelingly hot summer months.”

Joe wasn't going to leave Arizona. He wouldn't get that far away from Tammy's memory.

And Jay had a feeling he wasn't going to be able to get that far away from his old man, either. They had some catching up to do. A lost boy to raise. A five-year-old he had yet to meet and get to know.

And maybe some new Billingsleys to deal with in the future, too.

“I have one question,” Ellen said, her gaze serious.

“What's that?”

“Do you love me?”

“I think that's pretty obvious at this point.”

“Maybe. But I need to hear the words, Jay. Do you love me?”

His throat tightened, making air scarce. But Ellen's eyes were right in front of him. Doing that damned thing to him again.

“Yes.” He forced the word out. “Yes, dammit, I do, okay? I love you like crazy, Ellen Moore, and if you ever, ever—”

“Shh.” With a finger against his lips, she silenced him. “As long as we love each other, the ‘if evers' will take care of themselves, Jay. One way or the other. They have to. It's that, or let them lock us up for the rest of our lives.”

He knew she was right. If bad stuff happened, they would either survive it or they wouldn't. Either way, it would happen. But the worst thing of all would be to let the fear of the bad stop them from living—and loving—at all.

“I love you,” he said, loud and clear, gazing into Ellen's big brown eyes.

“And I love you.” Her grin was so bright there wasn't a dark spot left in his heart.

“Your mother's going to love this,” he said, grinning back.

“She will. She'll love you and you're going to love her, too. You just wait and see.”

The twinkle in her eye invited him to follow her wherever she led. And Jay knew that from that moment on, that twinkle was the beacon that would guide the rest of his life.

Lucky for him that right then, it was leading him to bed.

A little sex therapy, and he'd be a healed man.