Full Measures (26 page)

I worshipped the carved ridges of his stomach with my tongue, and quickly became addicted to the taste of Josh Walker. He sucked in his breath through his teeth, and when I raised my eyes to meet his, they were focused on me. His hands delved into my hair, holding me lightly to him, but clenching and unclenching his fists as though he was unable to control his own motions.

I did that to him, made him lose control, and I loved every bit of it. In a matter of seconds I had his jeans unbuttoned and sliding off his perfectly round ass to pool at his knees. “Ember,” he growled in warning. Men with asses like his shouldn’t be allowed near the female population. My hands grazed over the elastic of his boxers, but I couldn’t bring myself to pull them down, no matter how badly I needed to touch him, see him.

I met his eyes and nearly forgot what I was doing. The intensity radiating from his gaze sent a surge through my stomach, and I knew that without any other foreplay, I was ready for him. I’d never wanted something so badly in my life.

My hands explored his thighs, barely brushing under the legs of his boxers. I loved the texture of his skin, the crisp hair, the incredible way he smelled, like rain and sandalwood and . . . Josh. When my fingers caught the raised portion of his skin, I slid the leg of his boxers up to see the scar on his left leg.

“This is where you were shot?” I asked.

He didn’t deny it, or ask how I knew. “Yes.” His answer was gruff, his voice thick with what I hoped was desire.

“Are you ever going to tell me what happened to you?” It wasn’t the right moment to ask, but I couldn’t help it. I was about to surrender my body to him, and I deserved something of his in return.

His warm hand stroked over my hair and slid forward to cup my cheek as I fell into those eyes. “Just in the wrong place at the wrong time, baby. But I guess it led me to you, so it’s more like the right place at the right time.”

I fell even harder, if it was possible, letting go of the disappointment of not knowing yet what had happened to him. I leaned forward and kissed his scar, hating what it meant, the end of his dreams, but hoping I could help him figure out what his new ones would be. Then I reached around and firmly grabbed his beautiful ass.

“December, you have to stop, or I’m going to snap. I’m trying to go slow for you,” he growled, retreating.

Gathering every ounce of courage I could muster, I pulled his hand from my cheek, turned the palm to my skin and drew it down, through the valley between my breasts, over my stomach, and into my jeans. He sucked in his breath, and I held mine as I brought him under my panties to feel the warm, wet folds underneath. He stroked across my clit once, and my hips bucked. “Snap already, Josh. I’m on fire for you. I don’t need you to go slowly; I need to know what you feel like inside me.”

In one motion, he discarded his jeans and was working the fly of mine. I lifted my hips as he slid the denim over them and down my legs. The ache between my thighs intensified to torturous as he looked over me like a buffet. “Fucking perfect. Every inch of you.”

Before I could reply, his head was between my thighs, breathing on me through the thin silk of my panties. I couldn’t even be embarrassed that they were drenched through; I was too caught up in my desperation for him. My hips lifted to his mouth of their own accord. My body knew where it belonged. “Josh . . .”

He breathed against me again, sending a ripple of need straight through me. “What do you need, baby?”

“You.” My hips bucked against his mouth.

“Me?” He laughed seductively. Oh yes, he knew exactly how to twist a girl into knots.

I brought myself up on my elbows. “Joshua Walker, if you don’t put your damn hands on me in two seconds, I’m walking out that door.” I wasn’t putting up with his teasing. He had to be as lost as I was.

Before I could count to two, he dragged my panties down…with his teeth. I moaned at the sight.

Once they were lost to the oblivion of Josh’s bedroom, he was back on top of me, stroking my skin, relearning every curve and plane. “Jesus, I can barely control myself around you, December. You’re so fucking . . .” His voice drifted as his hands covered my breasts, pulling lightly on my nipples, rolling them until I thrashed beneath him.

“So. What?” I managed to get out.

Where I expected to see that slow, sexy smile was the fiercest glare I’d ever seen. If I didn’t know him so well, I’d have been afraid. “Mine.” He growled, his hands stroking up to cup my face. “You’re so fucking mine.”

He took my lips in an intense kiss, and as if I’d heard it snap, I knew his control was gone. I clenched his hips like a vise as he stroked himself over me, his erection gliding just enough where I needed it to wreck me, but not enough to get me off. I could only whimper and take what he gave as he controlled me, stroking his tongue into my mouth at the same speed he was thrusting against me. But I wanted more, eager to feel his skin against mine with no barrier.

Desperation made me do the one thing I thought I never could: I pulled down his boxers.

He groaned against my mouth, and with his free hand lost the boxers. For the first time in my life, I was in bed with a naked man, and it was glorious. I angled against him, knowing that if he moved the slightest fraction of an inch, he’d be inside me. God, I needed him there. I needed him to stop the ache, to quell the burn.

“Josh—” I rolled my hips against him. “Please . . .”

His breath ragged, he ripped his mouth away from mine, reaching for a foil packet in his nightstand.

A wave of reality rolled over me. He kept condoms in his nightstand. How many girls had he brought to this bed? How many times had he torn panties off with his teeth? How many girls had been right where I was at this moment? Worse, what did it mean about me that it didn’t change what I had decided to do?

“Ember?” He stilled above me.

I shook my head and feigned a smile. “I’m just glad you’re prepared.”

Something almost intangible flickered through his eyes, and his lust-sharpened features softened in a smile. “December Howard, you’re the first girl I’ve ever brought into this bed.”

“But you, and all those girls…”

He shook his head. “Never here. I have never brought any other woman into this bed. You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted here. This is
my
space, and you’re a part of me. No one else ever has been.”

I was the first woman in this bed. A possessive smile graced my face, and I stole the packet from him, ripping it open, and then stared at it. Opening it was all well and good, but putting it on . . .

He took it from me and rolled it over his length, protecting us both. Then his mouth was on my breasts, and his fingers stroked into my folds, bringing the fire to a raging inferno. He knew just where to touch, just where to give, just where to take away. As he licked and sucked at my nipples, my head thrashed, my body reaching for his fingers as he slid them slowly inside me. Everything in me coiled tight, drawing inward until the pressure became unbearable. “Josh!” I screamed out as I came, my back arching off the bed.

As I drifted down from the high, he angled above me, bracing his weight on his arms. “Gorgeous, Ember. I could make you come every hour of every day just to see your face when you climax.”

I stretched my arms above my head, feeling warmed up like a purring engine. I ran my fingers down the smooth expanse of muscle and skin on his back until I gripped his ass and pulled him against me.

His breath left in a gush as his erection stroked me, but he still didn’t move, just kept staring into my eyes like he was waiting for me to retreat, to put a halt to this. “Josh . . .” I swiveled my hips until he nudged my entrance. My moment of naïve fear of his size lasted all of a second before I remembered he would never hurt me.

Every muscle in his body was rigid with the effort it took to maintain his control, but he still didn’t move.

I slid my body up, taking him inside me not even an inch.

He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, and when he opened them, they were so dark I couldn’t tell iris from pupil. “You’re mine.”

I was panting, desperate to get him inside me. “Yes,” I promised.

His jaw clenched. “Tell me you want this, that you won’t regret it tomorrow. I’m not taking your virginity if you’re not sure.”

“Please, Josh. I’m yours. I’ve been yours since I was fifteen. I want this, I want you. I love you.” I pulled on his neck, bringing him down to me, and thrust my tongue into his mouth at the same time he brought his body into mine. He swallowed my gasp.

He laid his forehead against mine, a fine sheen of perspiration covering his skin, making him glow. Any sting I felt dissolved after a few seconds, and I wiggled my hips. “Don’t. Move. Jesus, December. You’re so fucking tight, perfect.”

I gently bit into his lower lip. “Because you were made for me.”

“I love you,” he whispered, as though the confession had been ripped from him.

Thank you, God. Everything in my world fell into exquisite alignment. “And I love you,” I answered.

Something in him broke free, and with a primitive sound, he began to move, stroking my body with his in equal, measured thrusts, angling my hips just right so he pushed within me exactly where I needed him to. This. Was. Amazing. Pleasure radiated through me as I brought my hips against him by instinct, meeting him as he slid into me again and again.

He kissed me as he thrust, claiming my mouth the same way he was claiming my body: fully, completely, with no extra inch or give. There was not one part of me that didn’t belong to him. I vaguely wondered if he’d always own me like this.

He reached between our bodies and stroked me to insanity. A few moments, and I was spinning out of control. “More! Yes!” I demanded in a voice I didn’t recognize as my own. He grasped my hips in his hands and pushed deeper, harder, pounding into me without control, and I reveled in it.

My orgasm slammed into me, splintering me into tiny pieces just to further rip me apart and put me back together in a glorious moment of release. I called out his name and opened my eyes to see his face contort beautifully as he climaxed. “December,” he whispered in a strangled cry. Then he collapsed on top of me, his weight deliciously oppressive. I could barely breathe, and I wouldn’t have wanted to.

He raised his head and kissed me tenderly. “You okay?” His brows puckered. “I didn’t mean to lose it like that.”

“You’re unbelievable.”

Now he smiled, and my heart flipped in my chest. “We’re unbelievable together. I’ve never felt that before. You stripped my soul clean.”

I smoothed the lines of his forehead with my thumb and teased him. “Since I have nothing to compare it to, I guess it will have to do. I mean, all first times are awkward right?” An impish grin spread across my face. “Besides, I’m sure you’ll do better for round two.”

He raised his eyebrows at me before claiming my mouth in a kiss. “Smart ass! Round two it is!” My laughter didn’t last past his mouth trailing down my stomach. Perfect.

Chapter Twenty-One

Sunlight streamed in through the windows when I peeled open my eyes. The bed next to me was empty. A single calla lily rested on Josh’s pillow with a note propped up on its stem. I smiled as I stretched, luxuriating in the delicious soreness of my body.

So that was what everyone raved about. Why had I waited twenty years for that? His scent still clung to the sheets, and that was my answer. Because Josh was the one I was waiting for.

Josh, who loved me.

Happiness flowed through my veins, and I reached for the lily and brought it to my nose. No roses or daisies; Josh didn’t do anything typical. I unfolded the note.

Good morning my gorgeous December,

I wish I could be here to wake you up the same way I put you to sleep, but you looked too peaceful to wake. I had to leave town, but I’ll see you as soon as I’m back tomorrow night. Sleep as long as you like, I love knowing you’re in my bed. Thank you for the best night of my life.

I love you,

Josh

It had been the best night of my life, too. I felt free for the first time in years, free and empowered, like the choices I made were mine, and right, and for the right reasons.

I rolled into his pillow, pulled the soft sheets to my face, and breathed him in. I couldn’t see him until tomorrow night. Not exactly the morning-after glow I was hoping for, but it must have been important for him to leave so quickly.

I found my bra, pants, shirt, and located my pink panties hanging on the corner of his dresser like I had won Where’s Waldo. The memory of him taking them off was enough to set my skin aflame again. I made his bed and tossed the clothes he’d left on both sides of the bed into the hamper by his door.

Then I shamelessly scoped out the pictures he had framed on the wall opposite his bed. There was one of his motorcycle, matted and framed like a piece of art. The majority were hockey, starting with one from when he looked barely old enough to walk and with a woman who I assumed was his mom, all the way through to the team picture from this year. He had played all of his life.

He hadn’t let getting shot keep him down, though he still wasn’t ready to discuss it. He was stronger than a gunshot. Even if it had killed his dream, he still found a way to live it. I smiled when I caught the picture of Gus’s team, Josh standing by as a proud coach. He didn’t just lick his wounds and go with half a heart, he found a way to give back, to bring up the next generation if he couldn’t star in this one.

There was a picture of him perched on the side of a hospital bed, his arms wrapped around a delicate, beautiful woman with striking features that mirrored a few of his own. She had to be his mother. Love radiated from his face, almost as exquisite as the bare skin of his head that matched his mother’s. I swallowed back the lump in my throat. He must have shaved his head when she’d lost her hair from treatment. Could this guy be any more freaking perfect? He’d transferred colleges to be with his mother. That was why he understood how much my family meant to me, what I was willing to go through for them; he felt the same about his.