Fury (New Adult Romance) - #1.5 Fierce Series (23 page)

“I’m not really in the mood to tell my entire history, all right?” I
say, sighing.

She looks down at the bed, pouting. “Sorry … I didn’t mean to be so
pushy. I just …”

She’s right, but it’s okay. She’s always curious. That’s just the
way she is, and I accept that. But I don’t want her to feel bad about it. “I
know … You want to help me. You think it’s pitiful, and that’s exactly why I do
not
tell anyone. Ever.”

“I don’t think it’s pitiful. It doesn’t make you weak. You have to
work twice as hard as anyone else to memorize the same material,” she says,
smiling. “The only thing it does is make you more powerful, because you have to
overcome this and become stronger in order to survive.”

My mouth opens, but I have no idea what to say. I’m shocked. After what
I told her, she still wants to make me feel better. She doesn’t even seem to
care about my condition. It doesn’t make her less kind to me. I’m baffled,
amazed at her ability to turn this around into a positive thing. I never
expected her to react this way, and I’m thankful for it.

I feel much better now, knowing that it’s okay. “Thanks.”

My smile is genuine, grateful. I’m glad that she’s here. She makes
me feel better about myself and the world. And I can’t resist her blush either.

She’s timid, and turns her head away from me, looking at the photograph
standing on my desk. It’s my brother on the day he got his first paycheck. I
still remember that beaming smile on his face when he came home with it. Silly,
for most people, but to us it was amazing. I’d never been more proud of my
brother, and I was happy that things were finally looking up for us. So I took
a picture to make it eternal, because I knew it wouldn’t last. Nothing good
lasts forever. Not for us.

She grabs the frame and gazes at it, her finger running over the
glass. She looks intrigued.

“My brother, Jessie,” I say.

“You two really look alike.”

Everybody says that, although I really can’t see it. “You’re not the
first to say that.”

“He looks nice.”

Yeah, if she says he looks like me, then of course he looks nice.
But that means she thinks I look hot, too, so I like the idea. Maybe that makes
me arrogant, but I don’t care. Not that Jessie would be anything like me. He’s
much more reckless, much more energetic, and sometimes I think I’m the one
trying to fix the shit he’s broken.

Nah, I don’t think she’d like him at all. “You wouldn’t say that if
you knew him.”

“Why not? Does he fight everyone he meets too?” She puts the frame
back where it was. “Something like that.”

I hold my breath, looking at her. I’m not so sure I should tell her
more, because maybe she’ll start asking more questions, which I know I won’t be
able to answer. Not without endangering her and the entire operation.

“Worse?” she asks.

“Way, way worse.”

She glares at me with parted lips and furrowed brows, obviously not
giving up until I spill it. I want to learn to trust people, so maybe I should
start with her.

“He’s in jail,” I say.

Her mouth opens wide, wider than I imagined.

“I told you I’d love to trade my life with someone else,” I say. I’d
pretty much do anything for a normal life, whatever that is.

“But I thought you said you had to save your brother, Jessie?”

“Yes, I have to get him out of jail.” The more we talk about it, the
more I get upset. Each time I’m reminded of my brother stuck in that hellhole
is one thought too many. I crack my knuckles in frustration. “But it’s fucking
difficult to get it done, and it’s fucking hard to deal with right now.”

“Wow … What did he do?” she asks, unable to keep her curiosity at
bay.

“Does it matter? I just want to get him out of there as fast as
possible. You don’t know how terrible it is in there.” Just talking about this
is getting me nervous and angry.

I get up from the bed and start pacing around, feeling cornered. My
head is crowded with thoughts. What the hell am I doing here? I shouldn’t be
studying right now, I shouldn’t even be talking to her. I should be doing
everything to get my brother out!

“But … if he’s in there, he’s safe, right?” she says, and it’s
seriously not helping.

I snort, shake my head, and ball my hands into fists. “No. Life in
prison is hard. Especially if you don’t deserve it.”

Jessie didn’t deserve any of this. None of us did. He did what he
had to do to survive, to keep us alive. And he got punished for it.

I’m really getting furious now. It feels like I’m wasting my time
here, like I’m waiting instead of acting. It’s what Jessie wants, to let me
have a normal life, but I hate having to just sit around and do nothing.

Unable to keep my temper, I bellow out loud. “Fuck! He’s my fucking
big brother, and he’s fucking locked up with murderers just because he tried to
take care of me.” I ram my fists into the wall, the pain reverberating through
every bone in my body. It temporarily numbs the emotions, but not long enough.

“Don’t!” she screams, but just the look on my face keeps her at bay.

“Goddammit!” I pound the wall a couple more times. “It’s so hard
without him. I just can’t …”

There’s nothing I can say that will make this better, so I shut my
mouth. Nothing helps to get him out of there. Talking about him like this makes
me realize I miss him more than anything. I need him in my life, and now that
he’s gone, I feel lost.

I sink to the floor, burying my head in my arms, trying to escape
from all of this. I’m tired of having to shoulder this burden on my own, of
having to deal with this crap every single day without there being a glimpse of
hope for the future. The only positive thing in my life has been her: Leafy.

Suddenly I feel her hand on my shoulder, slowly moving down toward
my back, caressing me as she goes. She’s so soft and gentle, and her warm
embrace feels like a cocoon enwrapping me.

“He’s the only one I have. The only one,” I say. “There’s no one
else. And now he’s gone too.”

She wraps her arms around me, shushing me while sliding her hands up
and down my back. I need her so much right now that I throw everything out the
window and just grab onto her and hold her tight. I pull her closer, burying my
head in her hair, sniffing up her scent like it’s my drug. It’s almost
soothing. It calms me down feeling her against me, hearing her rising heartbeat
in her neck, knowing she’s here for me when I need her.

“The day I got the phone call I was so mad I smashed it to pieces,”
I say, my voice croaky.

It’s okay,” she says. “I’m here for you if you need me.”

It feels nice to hear her say that. I don’t think anyone ever has.
It makes me feel like I’m not alone.

After a while I feel much better, but then it dawns on me that I
just broke down in front of the girl I swore not to break down in front of
again. Shit.

“Look at me,” I say, sighing, laughing partially. “Spilling all my
beans to some girl on campus.” Damn, that came out like she doesn’t mean a
thing to me, and it’s actually the opposite.

“I’m not some girl,” she says, winking at me. “I’m
the
Leafy.”

I chuckle at her comment. It’s the first time she’s referred to
herself by the name I gave her. I don’t remember what her real name is; I know
she probably told me at least a couple dozen times. I hope she’s okay with me
calling her Leafy. It’s my way of telling her I like her more than other girls.

“Sounds better coming from your mouth,” I say.

I draw in a deep breath, settling my emotions so I can move on. This
was a one-time thing I don’t intend to repeat. “God, if any one of the guys
finds out about this, I’m dead meat.”

“Why?” she asks, as we get up from the floor.

“The guys I hang out with aren’t as innocent and sweet as you are,
Leafy,” I say, laughing.

She frowns. “What do you do with them anyway?”

Oh, the questions again. “Nothing good.”

The door bursts open all of a sudden. Jaret steps inside, and the
moment I see his face I wince. I hope he’s not here to bring bad news.

“Crap, sorry,” he says, fumbling with something in his pants. I’m
guessing that something is either money or drugs.

“No, it’s no problem, dude,” I say, and I turn my head toward Leafy.
“That’s my roommate. Jaret Paxon.”

“Autumn Blakewood,” she stammers while shaking hands with him.

Jaret doesn’t even take the time to look at her, and his attention
is immediately given to me. “Sorry, dude, but I don’t have much time for small
talk. I’ve got another delivery for you to make, and something else.”

Shit. Not again. “Now?”

“Yes, the boss wants it done today.”

Crap. Why does it have to be now? Right when I’m finally trying to
make something of this study debacle, they have more chores for me. However, I
know I can’t refuse.

“Fine. Let’s go,” I say, grabbing my coat.

“Huh? Where are you guys going? What’s going on?” Leafy says, her
brows drawing together. I’m not going to answer her question. She’s asked
enough, and she’s got enough answers for today. I’d rather not have her know
about this. Especially not when she’s finally loosening up around me.

So Jaret and I leave the room, bolting down the stairs as quickly as
possible.

Chapter
20

Breaking all the Rules

“Our client’s outside, in the alley behind the school. He wants
cocaine,” Jaret says.

“Shit, I didn’t bring any,” I say, rummaging in my pocket. I only have
a bit of weed and some cash.

“No worries, I just got my stash from Wes.” Jaret takes out a bag of
cocaine and quickly hands it over to me. Whatever. I’m just glad I don’t have
to go back upstairs again. Leafy will undoubtedly start asking questions.

We walk around the building and make sure the coast is clear. When
we spot the guy, he swallows and stiffens. “You’re the ones?”

I nod, and Jaret shakes his hand.

“Got the stuff?” the guy asks.

“Yeah.” I take the tiny plastic bag of cocaine from my pocket and
show it to him.

“How much?” he asks.

Jaret probably knows how much he has to pay. I didn’t bring the
price list, so I honestly have no clue.

“How can you do this?”

Her voice is all I need to hear to know it’s her. I turn around,
horrified to find Leafy standing right in front of us. Oh God, she followed us?
She was never meant to see this. Fuck.
This s
hit just
got way, way worse.

“What are you doing here?” I shout.

She storms toward me, and my client makes a run for it. I’m too late
to grab his collar, and the moment he rushes out of the alley, I know I’ve
wasted a good opportunity. Wes won’t let this pass easily.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” she screams, scowling at me.

Goddammit! She’s fucking infuriating. Now I’ll probably be forced to
undergo another punishment because I scared away a client. She doesn’t even
know what she just did.

“I told you it was none of your business. Why can’t you just leave
it alone?” I growl.

“Of course I won’t leave this alone! You’re selling drugs! How can
you do this? ” she says, her voice sounding like she’s disgusted. Disappointed.
Fuck …

“And you, you got him into this!” She directs her attention toward
Jaret, who shakes his head rigorously. She doesn’t have a clue.

“No, I’m in this as deep as he is. I’ve got no part in him getting
into this,” Jaret says, holding up his hands as a sign of peace.

“I can’t believe this! Goddammit, all this time you’ve been doing
this, haven’t you? What would Jessie say?” Leafy says.

That’s it. I don’t need her to lecture me about my brother. I know
damn well what I’m doing. I’m doing it for him.

I place my hands on her shoulders and push her against the wall,
peering into her deep blue eyes. “Leave my brother out of this. I will do
whatever the hell I need to do to survive.”

Survive meaning that I can’t live without the money, because I can’t
pay for the bail nor pay for my own food if I don’t do this.

“It’s wrong, and you know it,” she hisses.

“I don’t care,” I snap.

I do care, but I can’t. I have to block out all my emotions when I’m
doing this. But now that she’s here, everything’s ruined.

It’s hurtful just to see her look at me like that, with such disdain
in her eyes that it makes me want to punch somebody again. I know how this must
look to her, and she’s right. I am a motherfucking failure. Now she knows.

She smashes her lips together, frowning like there’s no tomorrow.
“Fine. Suit yourself.”