The way she talks, it’s totally at odds with the way she’s dressed.
“Sure,” I say. “But what’s in it for you?”
Katrina makes this disappointed face. “How rude, Ade. Of course I’m just here to help you. You know, member of the community and all.”
“Community, right.”
She makes a thinking face. “Looking inside people’s heads, there’s a certain, you know,
high
.”
I say, “I know.”
She smiles. Pats her lap. “Come on over here. I’ll be sweet.”
I sit next to her. She puts her hands on my forehead. It begins like a massage and I close my eyes. Her nails in my hair. The sound of her soft breathing. The smell of spearmint.
All breathy, she says, “Think about how you got here. Rewind back to the vision.”
Her hands on my head, I see it all unfold backward. Everything from school and Vauxhall and Paige and then I’m in the car with my mom and suddenly, in reverse, my head is leaving the steering wheel.
She says, “Oh, and I should mention that sometimes, depending on how I’m feeling, et cetera et cetera, I can erase your memory. Hasn’t happened accidentally in a superlong time, so try not to stress too hard about it. Cool?”
I look over at Belle, the Diviners. All of them, in unison, as if this is some cheeseball sitcom moment, they give me a thumbs-up.
And then everything goes white.
FIVE
The feeling is sensitive.
Raw.
At first it’s just the brush of Katrina’s fingers through my hair. Like a cat’s tongue. But then it hurts. Burns, even. This is when the white clears and I see Katrina smiling.
“How long?” I ask.
“Only a few minutes. But felt long, huh?”
I nod. Try to stand up, but I’m woozy like I’m plastered.
“Don’t,” Katrina says. She holds me down. Gently. “You’re going to want to sit there for a few more minutes. Let things settle.”
It’s only when she says it that I realize I’m totally seasick. At least that’s the feeling. Like trying to read in a car. I close my eyes. Pull myself together. Think happy thoughts. Steady thoughts.
“So?”
Katrina rubs my back. Her long nails clicking on every vertebra bump. She says, “Messed up. You’re very angry. So much rage inside you. I tried to gather some details for you, stuff that you might not have noticed. You noticed the moon, right?”
“No.”
“It was shaped like a C,” Katrina says. “Waxing crescent. If it happens this month, that’s in like next week.”
“Okay. And if not?”
“Then next month, maybe three weeks from now. But, to be honest with you, I think it’ll go down next week. Soon, huh? Last but not least, you saw the tattoos, right?”
“What about them?”
Katrina snorts, the same as her sister, and she says, “Silly, he’s got a picture of your mom tattooed on his left forearm. It’s freaking ridiculous you didn’t notice it. Big and she’s smiling. Kinda spooky, really.”
“How about the masked guy? Any chance you saw him?”
Katrina rolls her eyes. She says, “You got yourself a parasite, Ade.”
“A what?”
“Parasite. You know, like a tapeworm or something. Only this is the psychic kind. This guy, I’ve seen some like him before. They get into people’s dreams. People’s memories. Sometimes, like with you, it can be visions. He’s feeding off it most likely. Getting kicks from it. You want to really change what you’ve seen, and I’m not saying you can but if you really, really, super really wanted to, I’d find that parasite of yours. Then again, eventually, he’ll find you. Not easy to lose them once they’ve locked on.”
When she says the word “locked” she makes a clicking sound with her tongue.
My stomach turns.
“Who do you think he is?”
Katrina shrugs. “Could be anyone. You need to see someone else about that problem. Grandpa Razor will know.”
I ask Katrina if she thinks I can change it. I ask if she knows anyone who’s ever been able to change the future. I say, “Even if I knew that one person did it once. That would mean a lot.”
Katrina says, “I can’t think of anyone.”
“You think I’m stupid for trying?”
“You did try before. Didn’t work so well that time, did it?”
“Don’t think it’s possible, do you?”
Licking her lips, she says, “Not really. Grandpa Razor frowns on anyone trying to break the rules. Besides, as I’m sure you already know, bad things happen when you try and take control. Trust in Grandpa, Ade. He wouldn’t lie.”
I’m getting very aggravated. I ask Katrina why she does this. Why she bothers.
She says, “Money, mostly. We’re also famous. You seen the Web site? The photo spread? This is our life. Could be yours too, if you were willing to go with the flow. You know, not try to fuck up so much.”
“Are you serious?”
“Of course.”
I stand up, look back at them, point to Janice, the silent sister. “And what about you? Do you have any thoughts on this? Do you want to do a—”
Janice, she just shrugs.
I look over to the Diviners, and Gilberto stands up and walks over to me. He puts a hand on my shoulder and tells me that I really should consider just accepting the status quo. He tells me that even though deep in his heart he hates clichés and he hates corporate culture, he’s convinced that being able to really live means learning to accept certain truths. “Basically, Ade,” he says, “it means putting yourself in the driver’s seat.”
Him, I flick off. The rest of them, I ignore.
Charlie shows me the door, opening it and waving me out. Belle follows.
In the hallways leading to the parking structure, Belle tries to talk me into coming back. Just to talk for a bit longer. She says, “Promise we’ll just talk casually. I so want you to be a part of this.”
“I need a breather, Belle.”
Belle blows me a kiss. Mouths, Sorry.
And I leave.
SIX
I take back roads.
Lose myself only a few blocks to the west of Paris.
My frustration boils over. The Sisters, the Diviners, no one wants to change the future. No one wants to even try. I tried to save Harold and still, he died. Jimi will die and no one but me wants to lift a finger. I smash my steering wheel repeatedly with my fists.
Then, still fuming, I pull over and slam on the breaks.
Also I roll down the window and chuck CDs onto the street. This is the new really pissed-off me getting crazy. Just needing to act out. Mostly I toss old CDs. Mostly beat-up, scratched-all-over CDs that work about half the time. Dinosaur Jr., Minor Threat, and some mix from Paige titled
Everyone About Everything
go sailing into the night.
And that’s when I notice the smell in my car.
It’s like heavy perfume.
I scan the rearview and see nothing.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I say loud. Just in case.
“No.” The voice comes from right behind my seat. A girl’s voice. Brittle. I know the voice immediately. It’s Janice Zinc, the lesser of the Metal Sisters.
I ask, “Janice?”
“Yeah.”
“Any chance you’d crawl out from back there? Almost scared the living crap—”
She climbs up and settles down in the passenger seat. All slumped over into herself. Janice looks worn down. She pulls out a beat-up purse that’s losing rhinestones by the second and from it she pulls out a cigarette. “You mind?” she asks.
I wave an okay and she lights up. Her white dress, it suddenly doesn’t looks so nice. The ice sculpture’s quickly melting away.
After two long drags she says, “Katrina didn’t tell you everything. We’re connected, you know? I can see what she can see.”
“You said that.”
“She’s the best at the readings, knows how to navigate, but I’m there for the ride too. I see everything she sees. Know everything she knows.”
Another drag and a deep cough and Janice informs me that she and her sister saw just about everything I’ve seen over the past few months. “Just because Katrina went in to see that drowning, it doesn’t mean she didn’t see more. When she’s in your head, she can read it like a book. Just flip the pages back. When we’re in your head, Ade, nothing’s sacred.”
She tells me that she knows about Vauxhall. She tells me that she feels bad about my home life. The slumped-over psychic next to me says, “You’re much more messed up than anyone could even imagine.”
“Why were you really in the backseat of my car?”
Janice rolls down her window and chucks the cigarette. “Your new girl.”
“Tell me.”
Janice smiles. “I know what you really think of me, Ade. I repulse you. You think I’m stupid. The dumb sister.”
“I’ve never even met you before tonight! This is crazy, you’ve got me confu—”
“Don’t bother, Ade,” Janice interrupts. “Won’t matter. Here’s the thing: I’m a spiteful person and, honestly, I’d very much like to hurt you.”
“I’m sorry, but seriously, I think you—”
“Won’t matter, Ade. You were in Boulder just a few—”
“Yeah. I party. I … I was … What is this about?”
Janice puts a finger to my lips to shush me. Her nails sparkle. She says, “At Roger’s party. You’d banged your head up something pretty bad earlier and when I saw you, you were all dazed. Drunk and all out of it like from the concussion. Didn’t stop you from being incredibly sweet. I think you said something about having seen me before, about how you saw me in a vision years ago. Very poetic. Very sweet, Ade.”
“Really, Janice, I don’t think … It wasn’t about you, it was…”
Looking at Janice, her sinking into the seat next to me, I can’t recall a single image, not a moment, from the scene she’s describing. No recollection of spending time with her.
She says, “We kissed a lot.”
“Who?”
“You and me, silly.”
“Nothing more, though, right?”
“Depends how you define more.”
I groan and feel bad doing it, but it just escapes. “It’s not you,” I say. “Just that I don’t remember any of this. I think I was confused and … Please, Janice, tell me about Vauxhall. Tell me what you know.”
“Horrible,” Janice coos. “You have no memory at all of it, do you? The things you told me, you would never believe how sweet they were.”
“I’m sorry, Janice. Please. Tell me about Vauxhall.”
Janice starts with, “I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve forgotten most of your life. I wonder just how much of what you think you see is real. These visions of the future, how do you even know they’re yours? Just ’cause you see yourself, how do you know that’s you? Amazing what the mind will come up with. Even more amazing what the mind can will itself to forget. Jimi Ministry was with you at that party, Ade. He talked to me. Asked me to look at something inside his head. Something, well, very bad for you and Vauxhall.”
My heart tumbles. My mind is electric with anger. All the things I’m thinking are so ugly. So many of them brutal. The churning is breaking me apart.
“What is it, Janice?”
She laughs. “You sure you want this?”
I’m not, but I’m having trouble breathing.
Janice is like, “It’s really sad stuff.”
Bracing myself, I say, “I need to know.”
“It will change everything.”
“Tell me.”
“You will never forget again.”
I nod. I need to know this, but as soon as Janice starts speaking, I want to plug my ears. I need to know what she’s going to tell me, but I don’t want to hear it. Not from her and not like this.
Janice says, “You’re here because Jimi wants you here. All of this, it’s his little game. You’re the pawn, Ade. He’s been planning it, well, I can’t even begin to imagine how long. And the thing is, you’re just so messed up that he’s made it work. Whatever I tell you it’s already too late. Vauxhall is his. I’ve looked into his head. Jimi’s been to Grandpa Razor, he’s gotten the future. His future and, not surprisingly, you’re not in it. Vauxhall and Jimi have a great little family. A nice home. Jimi one, Ade zero.”
I’m biting my lower lip so hard it’s ballooning out.
“Doesn’t make any sense—”
Janice chuckles to herself. “That’s just the thing, Ade. You have no idea what you’ve actually seen. You’ve forgotten us getting, well, cuddly, just a few weeks ago. Can you imagine the other stuff you’ve forgotten? Can you imagine the visions that maybe you’ve forgotten?”
“Everything I’ve seen I’ve remembered.”
She laughs loud. “Not at all,” Janice says. “Remember, I’ve been in there.” And she taps my forehead with a cold finger. “The time you went to the ER, got hospitalized, surgery, you had a vision. You remember what you saw?”
I try. “Jimi’s dad.”
“And after?”
“Something really far out. Me looking in a mirror. And, I couldn’t see—”
“You could see, though, Ade. You could see just fine. Only you forgot. Want me to show you what you saw?”