Gabriel's Bride (28 page)

S
imon looked from his sister, to his father, to Rachel, and then back to Mary Elizabeth again. Everyone was acting
kshpassich
. Rachel acted like everything was full of sunshine to the point that she was tripping over her words and her smile had gone stale. His
vatter
seemed grumpy, well grumpier than usual, and Mary Elizabeth was quiet and withdrawn. What was the matter with everybody?

His brothers seemed either not to notice or not to care.

“And then Rachel came over and delivered the baby,” Matthew finished his story with a grin and sat back in his chair.

Rachel turned from the pot she was stirring on the stove to give them all another of her too-big smiles. “I didn’t do anything more than hold Annie’s hand. She was so brave.”

“A
boppli
,” Mary Elizabeth said in wonderment. “I’d like to pay Annie a visit today. Maybe stay for a while if she needs some help.”

“I’ll take you after while.” Her father said the words but looked at no one in particular.

“I’m heading that way this afternoon,” Rachel chirped. “You can ride with me if’n you like.”

Mary Elizabeth nodded, head down, eyes hidden. “That would be
gut
.”

Simon bit back a groan. Rachel was already chasing Mary Elizabeth away, and she hadn’t even been back for one day!

“Mawy, you need to see the goats.” Samuel beamed. He was happy because now he had everything—Katie Rose next door, Mary Elizabeth back, and Rachel who tended his every need.

Simon frowned. Samuel was far too young to understand what was going on.

“How about we do that right after breakfast?”

Samuel beamed again.

The whole family was falling apart. Simon had to do something about it.

And soon.

Rachel escaped the kitchen as soon as she could. Thankfully her goats arrived in the big livestock truck giving her the perfect excuse to leave the room, and the tension, behind.

Gabriel hadn’t said two words to her. The magic of the night was over. She could see the look of remorse in his eyes, though she was more than thankful that he didn’t say the words out loud. Hadn’t told her what a mistake he had made last night. It was one thing to know it, another all together to hear it from his lips.

She’d had big hopes after the night they’d shared. He might not love her, but at least their marriage was now on a proper footing. Then the light of day had intruded.

What did you expect?
she chastised. It was beyond fanciful to believe that one night as his wife in every sense of the word would change his feelings for her. She knew where his heart lay the moment that door closed behind them. But she had hoped against hope that that the morning would come and things would be different . . . loving . . . everything a marriage should be.

A fool, that’s what she was, she thought as she watched the goats frolic in the warm sunshine. More than a fool.

As if it were not enough to have Gabriel avoiding her to the point where he couldn’t even look directly at her, she’d had to face his daughter as well. There was no way around it—Mary Elizabeth had to have noticed Rachel’s things in her room. Her
fracks
, prayer
kapps
, her
grossmammi’s
quilt on the bed. There was no hiding the fact that she had been sleeping there.

But not last night.

“They’re so
schpass
,” Mary Elizabeth said, smiling at the playful beasts.

Rachel couldn’t help but return her grin. The goats were pretty creatures, so useful and
gut
.

“Do you think Annie needs help with Baby Michelle?”

Rachel shrugged. “You don’t have to stay there if’n you don’t want to. This is your home.”

But Mary Elizabeth was already shaking her head before Rachel could finish her statement. She heaved a great sigh. “Nothing’s the same.”

“It never is.”

Mary Elizabeth tossed the end of her ponytail over her shoulder and stared out at the pasture. She was still dressed in the green T-shirt and blue jeans from the day before, but had covered her head with a kerchief akin to the Beachy Amish. She sighed again, this one shaky and rough as if she was on the verge of tears.

A million horrible deeds at the hands of the
Englisch
flashed through Rachel’s mind. She pushed back the thoughts. There was no sense in jumping to conclusions. Best to keep calm. Right now Mary Elizabeth needed her. “Do you want to talk about it?” What better way to ignore her own problems than by concentrating on someone else’s?

Mary Elizabeth shook her head. “There’s not much to talk about.”

“Something happened while you were gone.”

“Nothing bad. Just . . . it wasn’t like I thought it would be.” She wiped a tear from her cheek. “I thought it would be so special. I would go and finish school. But
Englisch
school is different.”

Rachel nodded, though she had no idea how the schools compared.

“The other kids made fun of me.” Her voice hitched on a sob.

She wrapped an arm around Mary Elizabeth’s shoulders and gave her a quick hug. “You’re home now.”

A sad laugh escaped the young girl. “But it’s not the same. I can’t be who I was before. All I wanted was to study to take care of animals, and I can’t do that. I don’t know who I am anymore.”

Rachel had felt the same way when she moved from Florida, and again when she married Gabriel. She had felt exactly like that when she’d awakened in his bed this morning. “You’re the same person you were when you left.”

Mary Elizabeth smiled through her tears. “If only that were true.”

And if only Rachel could believe it for herself.

She had cried.

Gabriel stuck the pitchfork into the hay with more force than necessary. He had taken her into his bed, and she had cried.

He hadn’t been loving enough. He’d let his feelings rule his head. He had suppressed all his grief and anger and a hundred other emotions for so long, and they had broken free, bubbled to the surface, and he had made a mistake.

He spread the hay around, wondering why he was doing Simon’s chores.
Because he needed to get away from the house, needed to keep busy, needed to forget her tears on his shoulder.

He had avoided Rachel all morning. Not the most mature of actions, but he found himself in a difficult spot. He just needed time was all. Time to figure out what to say to her, which words to use to convey how sorry he was that he’d broken their agreement. How much he regretted that moment of weakness. How unfair he’d been.

But he didn’t know where to start.

With a sigh, he braced his elbow on the handle of the pitchfork and surveyed his work. Done. He’d completed every task he could, and he had no more excuses to avoid her. He shouldn’t have made those promises if he wasn’t going to keep them. “Ah. Becca. What have I done?”

The very last thing he wanted to do was compare the two of them, but it was so hard not to. Rebecca had been such a big part of his life. Now Rachel was. He’d made so many mistakes, but he couldn’t let this happen again.

Alone there in the barn, Gabriel dropped his head and prayed for direction and forgiveness. But the one he needed to beg forgiveness from was outside those big wooden doors.

If he thought it unfair to her last night, his actions this morning were more than unjust. He should apologize, even if he could find no reason for his lapse. No reason more than he was weak, overwhelmed, so tired of fighting his every thought. He owed her that much.

He hung the pitchfork on the wall and blinked as he made his way out into the bright sunlight. There was his bride, hitching up the carriage to take Mary Elizabeth over to see Baby Michelle.

“
Oi
, Rachel.”

She stopped, momentarily shading her eyes as he neared. Then she went back to her task. He supposed he deserved her indifference. That was exactly what he’d given her this day.

“Can I have a word, please?”

She nodded, then turned to Mary Elizabeth. “If’n you get the buggy loaded, we’ll leave after I talk with your father.”

Mary Elizabeth looked from one of them to the other, then gave a small nod. Her shoes slapped against the heels of her feet as she went back into the house to get the food and gifts they were taking to Gideon and Annie.

Rachel turned her attention to him. “
Jah
?” She looked the same, hair defying the confines of her bun and prayer covering, but her mouth was pinched tight and her eyes cool.

“I was hoping that you could do me a favor today.”

“
Jah.
”

He wasn’t certain if it was an agreement or a question. Still he plunged forward. “Mary Elizabeth . . . she . . . I think she sorely misses her mother.”

Rachel nodded. “Any young girl would.”

He remembered that Rachel had lost her mother at a young age as well. “Would you talk to her today? About what happened while she was gone?”

“You mean us?” Her voice cracked on the last word.

Gabriel shook his head. “No, I mean what she was doing. She’s not the same girl that left.”

“She and I have already talked. I can tell you more when I get back.”

He hid his surprise that Mary Elizabeth would confide in Rachel before she even talked to him. “That would be
gut
.”

She turned to leave and go to the buggy, but he caught her arm.

She looked down at his fingers then back into his eyes. “Yes?” She seemed so calm and composed, not at all the emotional woman he’d held the night before.

“I’m . . . I’m sorry about last night. I overstepped my bounds. It won’t happen again.”

She swallowed hard and gave a firm nod. Then she tugged her arm from his grasp and swung herself into the driver’s seat.

As if she’d been waiting just inside the door, Mary Elizabeth came back out of the house, a basket of goodies swinging from one arm. She gave him a stern nod and climbed into the buggy next to Rachel. Neither one of them so much as cast him a glance before Rachel clicked the reins. The buggy headed toward the road, leaving Gabriel to wonder when everything had fallen to pieces.

Rachel wasn’t sure she could love a child more than Baby Michelle. The
boppli
was perfect in every way—silky cap of black hair, eyes bluer than the sky. She was her mother all over again, and just as sweet.

“Oh, Annie.” Mary Elizabeth cuddled the baby close, tears glistening in her eyes. “She is so beautiful.”

Annie beamed. It seemed motherhood agreed with her. Who could have imagined that a woman of such wealth and leisure would have turned out to be such a great Plain mother?

Rachel blinked as tears of her own stung her eyes. A
boppli
. What a blessing. She had never really given children a whole lot of thought growing up. Getting married and having a family was almost guaranteed.

Yet it wasn’t. She had never wondered about the course of her life. Until now.

She tried to push away the image of Gabriel’s face this morning, but it resurfaced like a bobber thrown into deep water. She had failed. Now here she was, wholly inadequate and incredibly in love. Her heart had been set up for failure from the start. What had she been thinking to marry a man who was still in love with his deceased wife? There was no way she could compete with those kinds of feelings.