Gabriel's Ghost (35 page)

“Now if you’ll excuse us, Captain Bergren and I have important matters to discuss.”

He turned his back on her and stared at the data on the hologrid.

Berri rose slowly. “Do not consort with demons,” she said tightly as she stepped toward the door. “Or their very foulness will become yours.”

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I leaned against the table after the door closed behind her, feeling drained, yet angry. Sully stared at the hologrid. It was a few minutes before he turned around. “We have a problem.”

I nodded. “Verno never told her about Ren.”

“You’re not going to add that I taught him well?”

“As you said earlier, that isn’t the solution. But you know more than I do. How big of a problem is she?” When he frowned slightly, I continued. “You were reading her, weren’t you?”

“I don’t normally do that. With her, it’s difficult enough just to deal with her emotions, her resonances. They—,” he ran his hand through his hair in an exasperated motion, “—they can sound, feel as loud as screams. Louder.” He let out a harsh sigh. “She’s very intense. And she’s also very devout.”

“So’s Drogue and Ren’s his friend.”

“Drogue’s a different sect. Now. He once was a part of the original Englarians, like I was. They’re sometimes called the Purity Englarians. Guardian Lon heads that. Most of the inner-system churches follow Lon’s interpretations.

“Drogue’s part of the Reformed Englarian movement. There’s more tolerance of non-humans, more acceptance. A push for unity, not for domination.”

“But the Englarians have always cared for the Takas.”

“Listen to what you said. They cared for them. As if the Takas were incapable of caring for themselves. Drogue doesn’t see it that way. Lon does. Both sects still build schools, clinics, temples. But the reasons they do so are slightly different.”

“Ren was raised by these people. How could they save his life, and hate him?”

“They saved his life because he’s blind. He’s been purified, by their way of thinking, of the mind talents they feel are demonic in origin.”

“This is what Berri believes?”

“She’s a Purity Englarian. I didn’t realize they’d taken over the temple on Dock Five. That was a Reformed Temple, last I knew. But I honestly haven’t been paying much attention to church politics lately.”

“Will she still help us get access to Marker?”

A smile twisted on his lips. “Not if she finds out what I am, she won’t.”

I couldn’t see the horrible demon Berri was so sure he was. So wrongly thought Ren was. She’d screamed prayers of exorcism at him. “Maybe you ought to go check on Ren.”

“You must be a mind reader.” He stopped just long enough to stroke my face with his finger, then strode for the door.

I called Verno off the bridge. He’d heard none of Berri’s encounter with Ren. And realized now he never told her the brother he often talked about was a Stolorth.

He and his family had left Cal’fedar when Guardian Drogue had. He didn’t know the temple of Dock Five was Purity Englarian.

“I’ve only been there a few times. Sister Berri performed many of the ritual blessing of the ships, would invite crew to services. Sometimes we had tea after. She’d distribute prayer vids, or hymns for meditations. That’s how I know her.”

He was upset, chastened. “I must speak to Ren. And Sully-sir.”

“Sully went to talk to Ren. Plus, you’re still on duty. But anything you can say to help Berri see Ren is a valued, wonderful person would be a big help.”

“Oh, praise the stars! Of course.” He went back to the bridge, quietly. And there was no more singing of off-key Englarian hymns.

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Dorsie was my next destination. She was at her desk in the small office off the galley. “She showed me pictures on her bookpad last night. I remember those stories about shape-shifters from when I was small, told her how they used to scare me. I know you said they’re just myths, but she says they’re true. Then this morning, those names she called him. I remembered those, too. Soul-stealer. Winged Hellspawn.”

“Ren doesn’t have wings.” I gave her a soft smile. “He couldn’t hide them under that thermal shirt he wears.”

“You can’t always see them, that’s what Sister Berri told me. She says they’re shape-shifters. Like Gregor said.”

I leaned my palms on her desk. “Dorsie. Ren is harmless. He reads empathic emotional resonances. It’s like seeing a rainbow around your body. That’s all. That’s the only thing he can do. I swear to you.”

“I want to believe that, Chaz. But if there are shape-shifters, and if they look like jukors—”

“I wouldn’t ask you to be friends with a shape-shifter. If Ren were a shape-shifting jukor, I’d help Berri kill him.” I didn’t know how to make myself any plainer. I couldn’t believe Dorsie thought those old scare-tales were true.

“Ren couldn’t be a shape-shifter if he wanted to,” said a voice tiredly behind me. Sully leaned against Dorsie’s office doorway. “He’s not going to sprout wings. But he’s also not going to demand you be his friend. That’s something you’re going to have to offer, yourself.”

Dorsie nodded then straightened a stack of datatabs on her desk, not meeting my gaze. “Thanks.”

I followed Sully out. “How’s Ren?”

He shoved his hands in his pockets, seemed to struggle with something. I knew the animosity directed at Ren disturbed him deeply. Finally, he let out a short, frustrated sigh. “Upset but trying to be his usual placid self. He’d heard, like we all had, only good things about Sister Berri Solaria. No one warned us she was a religious fanatic.”

“She isn’t, to her own people.”

“Agreed.” He headed for engineering. Aubry’s desk was empty. “I had Verno call him up to the bridge to recalibrate something minor,” he said when I glanced toward Aubry’s station. “I have to recalibrate something major.”

Primary codes. Sully was changing the
Karn’s
primaries.

“What happened?”

He glanced up from the console. “I saw Gregor talking to Berri Solaria.”

* * *

There were three ways to access the
Karn’s
primaries. From the bridge, from engineering and from the console in Sully’s cabin. He wasn’t taking any chances. He’d already been to the bridge.

We went back to his cabin, brought up the codes then recoded them for the third and final time. Sully and I now were the only ones who could initiate a course change, send any outgoing transmits, take the ship through a jumpgate. Gregor was no doubt going to react to the latter. But as we had only one jumpgate between here and Marker, it wasn’t an argument we’d have to repeat.

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“Verno told me he didn’t know Berri long enough, or well enough, to talk about families. He met her at services, ship blessings. They talked mostly religious history. And he’s only been to Dock Five a few times.”

Sully keyed in a request for a mug of tea, then paced in front of the couch. “It was Ren’s idea to use Verno to help get answers from the Taka, who wouldn’t always talk to either of us. Drogue approved. But Verno’s a monk. He’s not trained, he’s not used to how I work. He wasn’t even supposed to be here this run.”

I remembered Berri saying she’d expected Verno to be at Peyhar’s with her. “Maybe once he talks to her, she’ll calm down.”

He sipped his tea. “She just has to get us through the shipyard main terminal. That’s all I’m asking. After that, she can go perform purity rites on every damn dock in the yards for all I care.”

“We’ve only got six more hours to jump. And thirty-six after that to Marker. We’ll make it.”

* * *

I took the
Karn
into jump. The ship, as expected, performed beautifully. Her crew, less so.

Gregor was off the bridge. Sully admitted the only reason he was even still on board was because once Sully, Ren and myself went into the shipyards, someone still had to pilot the ship, come back and get us at meet-point. It was too risky to leave the
Karn
at Marker Terminal.

Which meant codes would have to be amended, again. Which meant we had to trust Gregor to come back and get us.

To avoid further incidents, Ren voluntarily confined himself to his cabin.

I had yet to notice Dorsie visit him. I avoided Berri. Her sweetness now seemed simpering. Her innocence, arrogant. But Gregor and Aubry didn’t seem to feel that. She flirted quite openly with them, I noted with surprise. In a sweet and innocent way, of course.

She also had very little to do with Verno. He was tainted, probably, by his friendship with Ren.

Her attitude toward Sully vacillated. She persisted in calling him Brother Sudral, as if she needed to remind him what he’d once been. She seemed to want him to ally himself with her. Renounce his worldly ways. She said her meditations clearly showed her that she was on a holy mission. And that Sully, and the jukors at Marker, were a part of that.

But she was also dismissive of him. He was, after all, no longer one of her lofty peers.

We came out of jump, no happier than when we went in. Except for Berri Solaria, handing out blessings.

Thirty-two hours to Marker.

* * *

“Are Englarian clergy celibate?”

Sully knelt behind me in the middle of the bed, brushing out my hair. The brush slowed and I heard something that was a cross between a sigh and a wry chuckle of laughter. “Still thinking about that?”

“Don’t you know?”

“I only peek when necessary and when I have your permission.”

“Then maybe I’m not asking about you. Berri’s been getting rather friendly with Gregor.”

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“Jealous?”

I flailed my arm behind me and somehow managed to cuff him on the shoulder.

“Settle down, you wicked woman. I think she’s looking to convert him. Bedding him would mean breaking her vows.”

“Then celibacy is a part of the vows?”

A few long strokes of the brush preceded his answer. “Yes.”

Surprise rippled through me and I knew he felt it. I wanted to make sure he felt it. Little by little, I tried to use more nonverbal means to communicate with him. Let him know, in my own way, that I was comfortable with the Gabriel part of Sully. Hoping maybe if I was, he would be.

“And yes, they were part of mine, too,” he added, to my unasked question.

“Why?” Sully was a naturally sensual person. A touch person, always with a hand on my arm or at my waist. Celibacy seemed totally uncharacteristic. “Don’t tell me it was because some painting told you to be.”

“Okay. I won’t.” He ran his fingers through my hair.

“Sully...”

“My parents have an estate in Sylvadae.”

As did a handful of other exorbitantly wealthy people, like the Emperor. “So?”

“It was staffed by Takas.”

“Englarians?”

“They’d take me to services.”

“Your parents didn’t mind?”

“My parents weren’t around.” There was a derisive note in his voice.

I’d seen holovids of some of the mansions in Sylvadae. And pictured, for the first time, a young boy, all alone. Going to Englarian services, hearing about demonic mind talents. And waking up one morning to find rainbows coursing over his body.

I clasped the hand that absently toyed with my hair and held it tightly. I sent love, approval. Not pity. “Did you join the church as a gesture to the Takas who looked after you?”

“Partly. I think I felt that since they cared about me, their beliefs must be the right ones. Even though they didn’t know what I was.”

“A
Ragkiril
.” He hated the word. I felt something go cold in him whenever I said it. It was that which damned Gabriel. What Berri called the darkness inside him. I still couldn’t understand why.

“I took it as a sign. A cure. If I were devout enough, the Abbot would remove this curse from me.”

I brought his arm around my waist and leaned against him. “Then where would I be? Unhappily married to Philip? Dying, on Moabar? Horrified with myself, because I’d killed Kingswell and Tessa Paxton? And maybe worst of all, I would’ve watched Ren die of fluid shock and been unable to do anything.”

He rested his face against the top of my head but said nothing. Then suddenly he sent something through me I’d never felt from him before. A growing, out-flowing sense of respite, a thawing, a cleansing. Like starlight, bursting through a clouded night sky.

“Should I list more?” I asked softly.

Yes
. For the first time since the
Loviti
incident, his voice was in my mind. Gentle. Shamed. Needy. But strong, full of a sincerity and pride. A pride that needed the knowledge that he could,

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he had done the right thing. Especially after all the hatred he’d felt aimed at Ren. And because of Ren, at himself.

“Where would I be without you to love me? To make me crazy because you send these fireworks through me with your thoughts? Other women must have told you—”

“Just you. No one else.”

“You never...?”

“Not sharing my emotions, touching yours, no.” He hesitated.
You have all of me. All that I
am, is yours
.

His voice in my mind was as clear as if he’d spoken out loud. It didn’t frighten me. I understood what he told me, and why he was telling me this way. Not just Sully’s body, but Gabriel’s mind. More than that. Gabriel’s trust. And my trust, in that I didn’t fear what he was. That I loved him, with all that he was.

That he loved me enough to trust me, with all that he is.

Like a ship sliding toward the edge of a jumpgate, we’d cautiously approached this point where love and trust and faith merged. We could only pass through it together. That was his offer. All of him. For all of me.

“You can have all of me, too. Every last whirlwind in there, if you want it.”

He pushed my hair to one side, nuzzled his face into my shoulder. Breathed. Sent warm rushes in and over me. Tingles. Heat. But still he held back something.

I want. Desperately I want this with you, Chasidah. Angel. But this is a very deep link. Youmust be sure
.