Gabriel's Rapture (18 page)

He kissed her softly and began to undress her, his eyes shining with worship and need. He took his time, adoring shoulders and arms and naked skin, his mouth beginning to make eager promises as she arched beneath his touch.

He pulled her astride him, gazing up with an expression of wonder mixed with desire. She moved her hips to taunt him a little, closing her eyes in order to let the feeling take center stage.

After a few minutes, Gabriel flipped her so she was on her back and he was kneeling between her legs. She let out a cry as he entered her.

He stilled. “Are you all right?”

“Mmhmmm,” she hummed. “You just surprised me.” She brought her hands to rest on his back, urging him forward.

Gabriel liked her on top, she knew it. He would gaze up at her adoringly and touch and tease. He would praise her sexiness, for he knew that even after these few months she was slightly self-conscious at being so exposed. Julia was surprised that he moved them so his body was covering hers, his lips at her neck, when they’d enjoyed that position several times already.

A few more kisses and he was pressing a hand to her face, his eyes dark and desperate.

“Gabriel?” She searched his expression.

He closed his eyes and shook his head before opening them again.

Julia gaped at what she saw—insecurity, passion, hope, want, and need. She threw back her head from time to time as groans of pleasure escaped her lips.

“I need you,” he whispered against her throat as his movements increased to a fevered pitch. “I can’t lose you.”

Julia’s response was lost in a series of pants as she grew closer and closer to her release.

“Ah—ah, hell.” Gabriel cursed as he climaxed, knowing that Julia had yet to do so. He tried to keep moving, hoping that she would follow him, but it was not to be.

“Damn it. I’m sorry.” He hid his face against her skin.

“It’s all right. I enjoyed myself.” She tangled her fingers in his hair, tugging playfully, before pressing a kiss to his face. “And I’m glad you came.”

A self-deprecating mumble escaped him. He moved to lie beside her and began to pet between her legs, but she pressed her knees together. “You don’t need to do that.”

His eyes darkened with determination. “Yes, I do. Let me.”

She stilled his hand. “You aren’t going to lose me if you fail to give me an orgasm now and then.”

Gabriel’s expression tightened. “It’s embarrassing.”

“It’s life.” She kissed his nose. “I don’t expect you to be perfect, in bed or out of it.”

“Bless you for that.” He kissed her slowly, sighing when she pulled away to nest in his arms. “But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try.”

“Well, if you insist, there is something you could do for me…”

Gabriel moved so quickly Julia was torn between shock and the urge to laugh. But as soon as he touched her, she stopped laughing.

* * *

Later that evening Gabriel lay on his back in the center of the bed, underneath the mosquito netting. Julia rested her head just below his pectorals, her arm wrapped around his waist.

“Are you happy?” His voice came out of the candle-soaked darkness, as he ran his fingers over the top of her head and down to trace the curve of her neck.

“Yes. Are you?”

“More than I ever thought I could be.”

Julia smiled against his chest and kissed the skin there.

“Things seem—different since we came back from Italy,” he prompted, his hand still gliding across neck and shoulder.

“We have a lot to be grateful for. We have each other. I have Harvard. Doctor Nicole has been helping me. I feel like I’m finally putting the pieces back together.”

“Good,” he whispered. “And the way that we make love, in general, you’re happy with that?”

Now Julia lifted her head so she could gaze up into his concerned blue eyes. “Of course.” She laughed quietly. “You can’t tell?”

“I can tell that I please your body. But your body is not your mind, or your heart.”

He seemed embarrassed, and Julia repented of her decision to laugh.

“Tonight was an aberration. But even if it wasn’t, I’m sure we’d work through it. Are you happy with the way that we make love?” She sounded shy.

“Yes, very much. I feel it changing—I feel the connection deepening.” He shrugged. “I just wondered if you felt it too.”

“Sometimes I think this is a dream. Believe me, I’m happy.” She leaned up to kiss him and then rested her head on his chest again. “Why are you asking me these things?”

“Where do you see yourself in the future?”

“I want to be a professor. I want to be with you.” Julia’s voice was on the quiet side, but remarkably assertive.

He began threading the sheet in between his fingers. “Wouldn’t you rather find a nice man who could give you children?”

“You can’t ask me if I’m happy with one breath, and push me away with the next.”

When he didn’t respond, she gently took hold of his chin, forcing his eyes to hers.

“No, I don’t want to find a nice man to have a child with. I want a child with you.”

Gabriel stared at her incredulously, his blue eyes widening.

“Truthfully, I don’t know if we’ll ever get to the point where we’re healthy enough to open our home to a child. But if we do, I’m sure we’ll find a little boy or girl who is supposed to be our child. Grace and Richard adopted you; we can do the same.”

Her face grew pained. “Unless you decide you don’t want that. Or you don’t want that with me.”

“Of course I want you.” The intensity of his voice matched his eyes. “I’d like to make promises to you. But I want us to wait a little before we have that conversation. Does that trouble you?” He reached out a finger to toy with the diamond in her ear.

Julia didn’t need a narrator to understand what his physical gesture meant. “No.”

“I don’t want you to think that any hesitation on my part is due to lack of feeling.” Gabriel gave voice to her unspoken fear.

“I’m yours. All of me. And I’m so glad we won’t be apart next year. The thought of losing you was torturous.”

He nodded as if he understood.

“Now come here, Julia, so I can worship you.”

“Miss Mitchell.” The tall, dark-haired woman in the power suit strolled into the corner office, shook Julia’s hand, and sat behind her large desk.

Miss Soraya Harandi was of Iranian descent, with light, unfreckled skin and cascades of blue-black hair. Her mouth was wide and full, and her dark eyes sparkled. She was not necessarily beautiful, but she was striking, and Julia could not help but stare.

Soraya chuckled.

Julia immediately looked down at her book bag and began to fidget with it.

“Now that’s something you cannot do in front of the Dean. No matter what he says or does, you cannot look away. It makes you look guilty and weak.” Soraya softened her criticism with a smile. “Law is as much about psychology as it is about precedent. Now, why don’t you tell me what led up to the Dean’s letter?”

Julia took a deep breath and told her story, beginning when she was seventeen and ending with the letter from the Dean’s office. She only left out a few details.

Soraya listened carefully, jotting down notes on her laptop and nodding on occasion. When Julia finished, Soraya was quiet for a moment.

“That’s quite a story. Since the Dean hasn’t disclosed what the complaint is about, let’s not assume it’s about your boyfriend. Although we should prepare for that scenario. Was your relationship with Professor Emerson absolutely consensual?”

“Of course.”

“Have you ever had a sexual relationship with one of your professors or teaching assistants before?”

“No.”

“Is it possible he seduced you solely for his own amusement?”

“Of course not. Gabriel loves me.”

Soraya appeared relieved. “Good. Well, good for you personally, not so good depending on the complaint.”

“What do you mean?”

“If your relationship was consensual, then the university can pursue disciplinary action against both of you. If you were a victim, then they’ll only pursue him.”

“I am not a victim
. We are in a relationship, and we waited until after the semester was over before we became involved.”

“No, you didn’t.”

Julia was incredulous. “Excuse me?”

“According to your story, you had an amorous relationship with him beginning around the end of October. You waited until after the semester was over to sleep with him. But given the way the non-fraternization policy is written, you violated it. Who knows about your relationship?”

“His family. My father. That’s it.”

“What about the student who accused your boyfriend of sexual harassment?”

Julia gritted her teeth. “I don’t know what she knows. But she hates me.”

Soraya tapped her chin with her pen. “If you were accused of violating the non-fraternization policy, what kind of evidence, other than your testimony, could you offer for the fact that you weren’t having a sexual relationship with him while you were his student?”

“Why would you think the complaint has to do with Gabriel? The academic conduct policy covers things like plagiarism.”

“I’ve met Dean Aras. He doesn’t waste his precious time with plagiarism cases.”

Julia sat back in her chair.
“Oh my God.”

“Let’s hope someone is accusing you of a minor academic offense and that Dean Aras is simply taking a personal interest in your case. But just in case, what kind of evidence can you offer to prove you weren’t trading sex for grades?”

Julia flushed deeply. “Um, there is something.”

“What is it?”

“I was a virgin before we went to Italy.”

Soraya stared at her as if she was a mythical creature, such as, say, a heterosexual man who knew the difference between Manolo Blahniks and Christian Louboutins.

“Do you have medical proof of that? Such as a doctor’s note?”

Julia squirmed. “No.”

“Then there’s no point in bringing it up. Did anyone from the university see you and Gabriel together during the semester?”

“Not as far as I know. Although we went to a dance club with his sister back in September.”

Soraya pursed her lips. “Bringing up the fact that you are a friend of his family is not a good idea. It establishes a possible conflict of interest. And being seen in his company in a public venue was not an intelligent choice, Miss Mitchell. But frankly, he bears more blame than you because he should have known better.

“Since we don’t know the nature of the complaint, our strategy should be to gather as much information as possible from the meeting while giving nothing away. That will buy us time to prepare for any disciplinary proceedings, should they arise. Hopefully, they won’t.

“At the meeting with the Dean, I will speak for you. Since they haven’t disclosed the nature of the complaint, it’s possible that the complaint is specious and that they know this. We won’t add fuel to their funeral pyre.”

Soraya looked at Julia’s downcast face and frowned. “You have to have confidence. You have to believe that the complaint is frivolous and that you’ve done nothing wrong. I’ve had dealings with the university’s judiciary before, and I was fairly successful. I will be successful with your case too.”

Julia took small comfort in Soraya’s confidence, but some comfort was better than nothing.

“In the meantime, I would like a list of anyone who might have filed a complaint against you and why, and a detailed account of all your interactions with Miss Peterson. I’ll have one of my assistants perform some background checks. I’ll also place a call to a contact of mine at the university and see what I can find out.

“Until this matter is settled, you and Professor Emerson need to cool it. Don’t be seen in public together. Don’t talk to him about what you and I discuss. If the complaint is about fraternization, he will have his own counsel, who will look after his interests. I don’t want my defense of you compromised by your pillow talk.”

Julia’s eyes flashed with a momentary heat. “Gabriel is much more than just a boyfriend. If I’m in danger so is he. Our relationship was consensual, and I have no interest in being defended at his expense. Any blame we have is equal between us.”

Soraya gazed at Julia curiously.

“Are you sure that’s his position? You told my secretary that John Green is Gabriel’s attorney. Why isn’t John representing you, if you and Gabriel are determined to show a united front?”

Julia opened her mouth to form an answer, but none occurred to her.

Soraya smiled sympathetically. “Listen, you aren’t the first student to find herself in this situation. I’m sure it’s upsetting and confusing. But you need to realize that if the complaint against you and your boyfriend escalates, it’s quite possible he will break things off with you in order to protect his job. You need to prepare yourself in case he decides to throw you to the wolves.”

“He would never do that. He loves me. We’re talking about moving in together. And—other things.”

Soraya gave her a condescending look. “Love can be easily killed, especially by unemployment. But let’s take things one step at a time.

“Gabriel has sent over a retainer, which I will return. I think it’s best for me to represent you
pro bono.”

Julia nodded uncomfortably. She had forgotten about the legal fees. “I will pay you, but it might take some time…”

“The point of taking a case
for the good
is so one can further the good. I don’t see much good coming out of taking your money. You should be spending it on text books and moving expenses to Massachusetts.”

Soraya’s smile tightened. “I am not a fan of the university’s sexual inquisitions. Anything I can do to embarrass or humiliate Dean Aras is definitely for the good. Believe me, representing your interests will be one of the few pleasures I’ve had recently. I should be paying you for the privilege.”

* * *

Later that evening Julia was curled up into a ball, trying to sleep in Gabriel’s bed. He was in his study, furiously researching all the university policies that applied to graduate students, trying to figure out what had possibly come to the attention of the Dean.

The thought of Gabriel having to do that for her—the thought of his career possibly being threatened because of her, combined with the possibility of losing Harvard, made the tears come. It was all so overwhelming. And the worst part was not knowing what the specific danger was.

She wiped the tears away, willing herself to be strong. Gabriel walked into the bedroom to check on her, and upon seeing her face, slipped into bed behind her.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart. Please don’t cry.” He paused. “I wouldn’t have continued working if I’d known you were so upset. We’ve hired the best lawyer and we’re going to fight this complaint. It’s quite possible it’s simply a misunderstanding and by Friday evening, it will all be over.”

“What if this is about us?”

Gabriel clenched his teeth. “Then we’ll deal with it together.”

“What about the harassment complaint?”

“Don’t worry about that. You focus on your thesis and your studies, and you let me worry about myself. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you. I promise.”

He rolled her onto her back and began sweeping soft kisses across her face.

“I’m afraid,” she whispered.

Gabriel stroked her hair and pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose. “I know. But no matter what, I won’t let them keep you from Harvard. It’s going to be fine.” He gave her a pained look. “What can I do, Julia? I don’t know how to—comfort you.”

“Kiss me.”

Gabriel kissed her mouth—the hesitant, light kiss of a boy who was unsure how the girl next door would react. He needn’t have worried.

Julia responded by wrapping his hair around her fingers and pulling his lips to hers, kissing him fiercely and coaxing his tongue into her mouth.

He kissed her back but with restraint, then pulled away before pressing their foreheads together. “I can’t,” he said.

“Please.” She tugged at him, running her hands across his broad shoulders and down the sinews of his back, pulling him toward her.

“I can’t make love to you while you’re sad. I would feel like I was hurting you.”

“But I need you.”

“Wouldn’t you rather I ran a hot bath or something?”

“Making love with you makes me happy because it reminds me how much you love me. Please. I need to feel like you want me.”

His eyebrows knitted together. “Of course I want you, Julia. I just don’t want to take advantage.”

She was not the sort of woman who made many demands, and what demands she made were almost always good. And almost always about what was good for him.

Gabriel knew this, and it pained him to deny her and those large, sad brown eyes. But the trails of her tears had dampened his libido. He would far rather have held her tightly and tried to soothe her by being close, than to attempt an act he would not be able to perform.

Her face told him that she needed him, that she needed
this
and
them
and the conjunction of body and soul. While he stroked her hair, deciding what to do, he realized something about himself. No matter what his therapist had intimated, he was not a sex addict. He was not a wanton hedonist with a massive hunger who was willing to, as Scott had put it, screw anything female and attractive.

Julianne had changed him. He loved her. And even if she begged him, he couldn’t become aroused while seeing her in pain.

She was still staring up at him, her fingers tracing up and down his naked back. He decided to give her part of what she wanted, to touch and caress her, focusing on distracting her with pleasurable feelings and sensations, hoping that it would be enough. He kissed her, slowing their pace to a gentle exploration. She ran her fingers through his hair, anchoring him to her as she softly scratched his scalp. Even in the midst of her sorrow and need, she was kind.

He feathered his lips to her neck and her ear where he whispered about how much she’d changed him. How much happier he was now that she was his.

She began to sigh as he adored her neck, dipping a playful tongue into the hollow at the base of her throat before kissing it chastely. He nipped at her collarbones, gently pulling aside the thin strap of her tank top so the white slope of her shoulder was bare to his mouth.

She would have removed her tank top for him, exposing her breasts, but he stopped her.

“Patience,”
he whispered.

He wound their fingers together and kissed the back of her hand, extending her arm so he could draw the flesh of her inner elbow into his mouth, pausing when she began to moan. He kissed every inch of her, gliding strong hands across soft skin, taking his cue from the heat that shot across her flesh and the sounds that escaped her lips.

When he was satisfied that her tears had stopped and she was asking him for more, he cast their clothes aside and knelt between her legs.

Soon she was shaking and crying out his name. In itself, this was the moment he craved most, even beyond his own climax—the sound of his name tripping from her lips amidst the waves of her satisfaction. She’d been so shy the first few times they made love. Every time she said
Gabriel
in that ecstatic, breathy whisper, a precious warmth overtook him.

This is what love is
, he thought.
Being naked and bare before one’s lover and unashamedly calling her name in need
.

In his own orgasm, he reciprocated, telling her that he loved her. It was inextricably linked in his mind and experience—sex and love and Julianne. The holy three.

He held her tightly while they caught their breath, smiling to himself. He was so proud of her, so happy she could give voice to her desires, even when she was sad. He kissed her softly and was grateful to see that her smile had returned.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“Thank you, Julianne, for teaching me how to love.”

* * *

Paul walked into the departmental office on Wednesday and was shocked by what he saw.

Julia was standing in front of the mailboxes, her skin pale and dull, with dark circles under her eyes. As he made his way over to her, she lifted her head and smiled at him thinly. Her smile alone pained him.