Gail Whitiker (18 page)

Robert didn’t so much as blink. ‘How do you know of the lady’s affections when you are so recently come to London?’

‘Because ladies like to talk, and for whatever reason, Miss Thorpe decided to talk to me. Now if you will excuse me, I think I shall retire to my room. I’ll see you at dinner.’

Hannah closed the door and walked out. Strangely enough, she was quite sure Robert had no idea what she was talking about, but even so, she could not bring her
self to be the one to reveal the truth of Miss Thorpe’s affections. If the lady was so inclined, Robert would learn of them soon enough.

Later that same evening, Hannah again found herself alone in Robert’s company. Her aunt and uncle had been invited to an elegant function, and once Hannah had assured them that she was quite happy to remain at home, they had gone merrily on their way, thankfully taking Alice with them.

In truth, Hannah had not wished to go to Lady Mackleby’s ball. It would have been far too grand an occasion for her to attend while still in mourning. Instead, she had retired to the music-room and lost herself in practice for a few hours. As a result, she did not notice Robert standing in the doorway until she brought her fingers down on the final notes on the sonata, prompting him to say, ‘That was beautiful, Hannah.’

She lifted her head with a gasp. ‘Robert! Forgive me, I did not see you there.’

‘I had no wish to interrupt. You were totally engrossed in your piece, and indeed, you played it exceptionally well. I had no idea you were so skilled.’

‘Thank you. I have always enjoyed playing, and Lady Montgomery’s instrument is a very fine one.’ Her voice was more breathless than it should have been, but that was what Robert’s presence did to her now. The mere sight of him caused such a flurry of emotions in her heart that at times they threatened to block out everything else.

‘You are alone this evening?’ he asked, advancing a few steps into the room.

‘I…yes.’ The air suddenly felt thick around her. ‘The family have gone to…Lady Mackleby’s ball.’ Hannah looked up at him and struggled for composure. He was
dressed formally in an elegant black coat over cream satin breeches, making her wonder if he planned on going to a party, or whether he’d just come from one. Certainly, his appearance would have allowed him access to any gathering, however formal. ‘You are dressed for a grand ball yourself.’

Robert glanced down at his attire and shrugged. ‘I had thought to stop in at a few places, but once in the carriage found myself strangely reluctant to do so. So I decided to come here and see how my dear sister was passing the time.’

My dear sister.
The remark was casually uttered yet caused such a sharp pain in Hannah’s heart that she actually flinched.
Oh, that she might be so light-hearted and flippant with him.

‘As a matter of fact, your
sister
is thinking it is well past time she started doing something of value,’ Hannah told him, needing to take charge of her emotions. ‘In particular, with regard to finding out who she is.’

Robert approached the pianoforte and, after a moment’s perusal of the music scattered across the top, pulled out a sheet and placed it before her. ‘Have you given any thought as to how you intend to go about doing that?’

‘A little.’ Hannah glanced at the piece, swallowing a smile when she realised it was one of her favourites. ‘But it occurs to me it would be foolish to think I can do it from here.’

‘From this house?’

‘From London. After all, I was abandoned in Scotland.’

Hannah saw him wince a little as he sat down in a chair, but he merely closed his eyes and said, ‘Play for me, Hannah.’

It was spoken as a command yet in a tone so gentle Hannah couldn’t possibly take offence. As such, she placed her fingers upon the keys and began to play. For a few minutes, neither of them spoke, content to listen to the richness of the instrument, and to the delightful sounds of the Beethoven sonata. At its conclusion, Robert, eyes still closed, inclined his head. ‘Thank you. You truly do the instrument proud.’

Hannah sighed, abandoning all attempts at indifference. ‘I’m not sure that I do. There are only so many hours in the day available to practise one’s skills.’

‘Then I would venture to say you have made excellent use of the time you have.’

‘Robert,’ Hannah pushed herself away from the instrument. ‘May I ask you something?’

‘Of course.’

‘What would be involved in my travelling to Scotland?’

He opened his eyes and looked at her. ‘More than is worth considering.’

‘But—’

‘What do you expect to find there, Hannah? Where would you go?’

‘Well, I thought I would start by returning to the village where I was abandoned. I believe Bonnyrigg was the name.’

‘All right. And where would you stay?’

‘At the inn where your mother found me.’

‘Do you intend to take your maid?’

‘I hadn’t thought to.’ Hannah hesitated. ‘I would prefer that no one be aware of my intentions.’

‘Very well. So as a single, gently bred young woman, you are going to stay at a coaching inn in Scotland with no other family or maid to attend you, and…do what?’

‘Ask questions.’

‘Of whom?’

‘The innkeeper, for a start.’

‘And when the innkeeper tells you he has no knowledge of a baby who was abandoned in a lady’s carriage some twenty-one years ago, what are you going to do then?’

Hannah knew that Robert was trying to make this difficult for her, but she supposed it was for the best. What she was thinking of doing wasn’t easy. ‘I know there are any number of problems inherent in my plan, Robert, but I
have
to make some effort to discover who I am, or I will never know peace in my life.’

‘Is it not enough that you are, to all who know you, the daughter of the late Viscountess Winthrop?’

‘No. Because I know I am not.’

‘Not by birth, perhaps, but in every other way.’

‘Robert, please. I know it’s difficult for you to understand, but I have to know. Not knowing who I am affects every part of my life, including whom I marry and what happens when I have children.’

He studied her in silence for a moment. ‘Very well. I will set out on this quest for your identity, as I said I would, now that I see you are still intent on pursuing it.’

Her surprise was unconcealed. ‘Did you think I would change my mind?’

‘To be truthful, I’d hoped you might. You have no idea what a mammoth undertaking this is, or how potentially upsetting the results may be. But, because you are set on your course, I shall do whatever I can to assist you.’

‘This isn’t your concern,’ Hannah said softly. ‘It isn’t your battle.’

‘No, but it is a battle you were thrust into because of
something my mother did.’ Getting to his feet, Robert walked towards her, his eyes lingering on hers, his gaze softening as it rested on her mouth. ‘It seems to me that as her only son, the least I can do is take up the cause.’

True to his word, Robert began making enquiries into Hannah’s background the very next day. He knew before he started, however, that it would be a waste of time. His questions had to be so carefully worded, so protective of the person for whom the questions were being asked, that it was impossible to give anyone enough information to formulate intelligent answers in response.

Not that he’d expected any. For who in London would be likely to know anything about a man who had fathered a child in Scotland twenty-one years ago—when it was very likely the man himself didn’t know of the child’s existence? Certainly, that was what the letter had indicated. In which case, it was only to be expected that no one would have raised a hue and cry when the child disappeared.

But even had the father known, would he have made any attempt to locate her? If he was a man of consequence, she was probably just one more bastard he need not concern himself with. Still, Robert did what he could because he’d told Hannah he would. And for some reason, keeping his word to Hannah had become very important to him. He was willing to risk a great deal to make her happy, because she’d come to mean a great deal to him.

Robert thought about that as he walked back to his house later that evening. It was ironic, really, that he should feel this closeness to her when he had all but ignored her the rest of her life. But to be fair, he hadn’t known Hannah then. And he’d certainly had no knowl
edge of the woman she had become. He hadn’t expected her to be so gracious and refined, or to possess such a delightful sense of humour. He hadn’t known that honour and integrity would be the cornerstones of her character, or that for all her outer beauty, she would be so refreshingly unaffected. Instead, believing her to be someone and something she was not, he had purposely stayed away.

Yes, he’d been a fool, Robert admitted now. He could have been enjoying Hannah’s companionship and laughter all of those years instead of shunning her
and
his mother, robbing himself of the pleasure of their company. He had made strangers of them both when they should have been the two most important people in his life. He would carry the guilt for that until the day he died.

‘Will you ever forgive me, Mama?’ he whispered some time later into the darkness of the library, where he sat nursing a glass of brandy. ‘For truly, I have been the most stupid of men. Stupid to hold you guilty for something you did
not
do, when I should have been trying to help you with something you
did
.’

No answer came back to him from the heavens, nor did he expect one, but somehow it comforted Robert to know that he had made the confession out loud.

On his second glass of brandy, he started thinking about Hannah again, and about the strange quest for truth he now found himself on. What would he tell her if he was unable to discover anything about her past? She’d said she could no longer accept who she was or who she thought she’d been her entire life, but if he found out nothing, what choice would she have
but
to accept it?

And how would she react when she found out that she
was never going to know the truth? Would she run away? Would she take leave of everything she knew and disappear into some isolated backwoods village? She’d told him that the discovery of her past would have an effect on her future, including whom she married and any children she might bear. But surely she did not intend to avoid marriage all together in order to avoid having to lie to them?

Robert swirled the amber liquid in his glass. It would not have surprised him if she had, because she was honourable enough not to wish to discredit the man she married. But he also acknowledged that it would be a terrible waste. Hannah
should
be married. She was meant to be loved, and to give love in return. She was an incredibly warm and caring woman, and she was certainly beautiful enough to take her place in any man’s home.

Even his.

The thought jerked Robert upright, causing brandy to slop over the edges of his glass.
Hannah take her place in
his
house?
What in God’s name was he thinking? What was he saying? That he was…

No
, it wasn’t possible. He didn’t have
those
kinds of feelings for Hannah. She’d been his sister too long—or his sister in mind—for him to think of her as anything else now. But if that was the case, why did the idea of her wanting to go to Scotland to seek the truth sit so ill with him? Was it only concern for her welfare that had him wishing her to stay home? Was it a desire to spare her the hurt he knew she would suffer when she got there and found no answers to satisfy her that had him standing in her way?

Or was it something more basic than that? Was it simply that he
wanted
her to stay here, where he could see her whenever he wished. Somewhere safe, where he
could be assured of her protection, and where he could make sure she came to no harm. If it was, surely all that demonstrated was the depth of concern he had for a woman who had been a part of his life since he’d been twelve years old.

Surely that was all this feeling could be.

A
S PROMISED
,
the gathering at the home of Lord and Lady Thorpe was a quiet family affair. Lord Thorpe and his wife were a few years older than Sir Roger and Lady Montgomery, but they shared many similar interests. The ladies spoke about fashion and the best assemblies for their daughters to attend, while Lord Thorpe and Sir Roger discovered a mutual passion for fishing.

That, of course, left Miss Thorpe to entertain the three younger people, but since it was really only Robert in whom Caroline had any interest, Hannah soon found herself in charge of keeping Alice entertained. Which was fine, since she truly did not find the younger girl tiresome in any way. She simply asked Miss Thorpe for a deck of cards so that they might amuse themselves for a while.

So occupied, the group passed a pleasant hour or so. But it soon came to Hannah’s attention that her cousin’s attention was not focused solely on her cards.

‘I do not think Miss Thorpe is doing a very good job of being subtle,’ Alice whispered as Hannah dealt a new hand. ‘Or of keeping your brother in suspense. If you ask me, she is being very obvious in her affections for him.’

Hannah dutifully picked up her cards. ‘I believe the friendship between Miss Thorpe and my brother goes back a long way. She probably feels she has no need to be guarded in her actions or speech.’

‘But it is so obvious that she likes him,’ Alice insisted,
‘and she is not making any attempts to conceal it. Look at the way she flutters her eyelashes at him, and then so prettily blushes.’

Hannah turned her head and did indeed catch the lovely Miss Thorpe in the midst of a most becoming blush. But given that Robert’s head was only a few inches from hers, Hannah could well understand why. Had Robert smiled at her like that, she likely would have melted in a puddle at his feet.

She quickly returned her attention to her cards, finding it difficult to look on the happiness of others when it was obvious she would be denied such happiness herself.

‘You are not paying attention to your cards, Cousin Hannah,’ Alice complained a few minutes later. ‘You have just thrown down your Queen.’

Abruptly recalled to the game, Hannah saw that she had indeed made a tactical error, but when a silvery peal of laughter erupted from Miss Thorpe, it was all she could do not to fling the entire deck across the room.

‘Forgive me, Cousin Alice, but I think I shall take a walk outside.’

‘But we have not yet finished the game!’

‘Perhaps you could persuade your mother to take my place.’ Hannah abruptly got to her feet. ‘I fear I have not the head for cards tonight.’

Not waiting for her cousin’s reply, Hannah picked up her skirts and headed for the terrace. Thankfully, it was a beautiful night, but she knew she would have sought escape outside even had it been frigid.

Oh, come along, Hannah, you can do better than this. You must learn to accept that Robert will pay attention to other young women.

Hannah sighed. Yes, she must, but oh, dear, it was becoming harder and harder to do. When she had looked
up to see him laughing with Caroline, it had taken all the will-power she’d possessed not to cry out loud. Indeed, the tightness in her chest had been akin to pain.
Would that he might laugh with me like that
, she’d thought longingly.

But he never would, of course, because he’d said it himself when speaking of his good friend, Mr Stanford.
A gentleman could not afford to involve himself with a woman whose background he knew nothing about.
It was important to know where a lady came from and who her people were before committing to a relationship with her. What did he know of her background, or people?

What did she know of it?

‘Hannah, are you well?’

His voice caught her unawares, bringing her thoughts tumbling back to the present. ‘I’m fine, Robert, thank you. I was simply a little warm and thought to take some air.’ She looked at him quickly, and then away. ‘Miss Thorpe does not join you?’

‘No. She is engaged at cards with Alice.’

‘With Alice?’ A startled laugh sprang from her lips. ‘Dear me. I wondered who she would find to replace me. I did not think it would be Miss Thorpe.’

‘Why? Do you not think Caroline enjoys a game of cards?’

‘Perhaps, but not when you are in the room.’

The unconscious slip caused Robert’s eyes to widen in surprise, then to narrow in thought. ‘What do you mean by that?’

‘Nothing.’
Fool!
She must be careful not to expose herself in such a way. Robert was far too astute. ‘Forgive me, it was a silly remark. I should not have made it.’

‘But you did, which means your mind is intent upon such thoughts.’ With unhurried grace, he took a step
towards her, closing the distance between them. ‘Have you taken a dislike to Miss Thorpe?’

Flustered by his nearness, Hannah blushed. ‘There is no reason why I should dislike her.’

‘Perhaps not, but you do. Your face is most expressive of your feelings, my dear. Your eyes tell me what your words do not.’

Hannah glanced away, cursing her body’s inadvertent betrayal. ‘I fear you are misreading what you see.’

‘Am I?’ He took another step closer, and, reaching out his hand, cupped her chin in his fingers and forced her to look at him. ‘Why do I get the feeling there’s something you’re not telling me, Hannah? Why do I feel that something neither of us suspected of happening
is
happening even as we stand here trying to deny it?’

The touch of his hand was unbearable in its tenderness, and Hannah closed her eyes, frightened of revealing what was in her heart. There were no words to describe the thoughts whirling madly about in her head. His breath was warm on her cheek, his body so close as to almost be touching, but it did not give her comfort. Indeed, it only left her aching for what she could not have. ‘Go back inside, Robert. They will be looking for you.’

‘Perhaps,’ he said on a silky breath, ‘but I have no wish to leave you.’

‘Robert,
please
—’

‘If you would beg me for anything, let it be that I should stay, Hannah. I’ll not spare you now. Not when there’s so much that needs to be said between us!’

‘There’s nothing to be said—’

‘There is, and you know it,’ he said quietly. ‘We’re not brother and sister any more. You’re as aware of me as I am of you, and we must talk about it.’ Robert slid
his other arm around her waist, pulling her so close that she could scarcely breathe. ‘The mere sight of you makes me feel like a man who’s gone too long without water. A man who’s been lost in the desert, struggling to find his way out. But I’m not the only one who’s suffering, am I, Hannah? Even now, I can feel you trembling. I can see it in your eyes. In your—’

‘Ah, there you are, Lord Winthrop. I thought—
oh
!’

The visitor’s words came to an abrupt halt, but it was the surprise in her voice that made Hannah look up in horror. Miss Thorpe was standing frozen in the doorway. Her eyes were wide, her expression was a mixture of shock, embarrassment and utter confusion. And why would she not look confused? Hannah thought, drowning in guilt. The lady had come on to the terrace to find Robert standing only inches away from his sister, with one arm wrapped firmly around her waist and his other hand holding her face in a manner that could only be called intimate. What was she supposed to think?

Cheeks flaming, Hannah wrenched free. ‘Miss Thorpe!’

‘Miss…Winthrop.’ Miss Thorpe stared at her, then glanced away, unwilling to meet her eyes. ‘Forgive me, I fear I may have…intruded on a private moment—’

‘Don’t be silly, Caroline, you haven’t intruded on anything,’ Robert said in a voice intended to make her objection sound ridiculous. ‘I was merely teasing Hannah about a secret I might or might not divulge, and she was threatening to expose me. Hence, I decided to whisper the secret in her ear.’

The explanation sounded plausible, as did the tone in which it was offered, but it was a few moments before Miss Thorpe’s expression of dismay lightened. ‘Oh. Well, yes, of course.’ She laughed, but the sound was
still uncertain. ‘I apologise for…interrupting your game, but I wanted to tell you that Mama is putting together a foursome for whist. I wondered if you might like to partner me in the game.’

‘I should be delighted,’ Robert said without hesitation.

Miss Thorpe turned and finally, met Hannah’s eyes. ‘I believe your…aunt and uncle are hoping you will also return to the drawing-room, and make a foursome with Miss Montgomery.’

Striving to be as cool as Robert—and failing miserably—Hannah inclined her head. ‘Of course.’

Thankfully, Miss Thorpe said nothing more, and Hannah returned to the drawing-room with an unconcerned smile upon her face. But it came as no surprise to her that once the games commenced, she lost every hand she played.

The rest of the evening passed in a relatively uneventful manner. Hannah did not seek the seclusion of the terrace again, and there were no more whispered messages between her and Robert. Fortunately, Miss Thorpe seemed to have accepted his explanation for their behaviour on the terrace, and Hannah heard her familiar bell-like laughter ring clearly throughout the evening. But she couldn’t help but notice, as they were preparing to leave, that Miss Thorpe looked at her quizzically once more.

Hannah thought about that look now as she lay in bed, trying without success to find oblivion in sleep. How had it looked to Miss Thorpe, coming out on to the terrace, to find Robert standing so close to her? What had she thought upon seeing him cupping her chin so tenderly in his hand? Yes, Robert’s explanation had suggested something entirely logical, but had his expression—or hers—suggested something else?

Hannah feared it quite likely that her own face had given something away, because she knew what she’d been thinking as Robert had moved closer to her. And she certainly remembered what she’d been feeling as the distance between their bodies—and their lips—had narrowed.

Was that what Miss Thorpe had seen on her face tonight?

Robert too, found himself wondering what truths Miss Thorpe had gleaned from Hannah’s face. He knew he need have no concerns about his own expression, for experience had taught him to control his features so that not even the most perceptive of onlookers might discern his thoughts. But Hannah was not so adept at deceiving others. She might be able to pretend a convincing interest in a boring conversation, or hide her dismay at a blatant social gaff, but she would never be as proficient as him at masking the depth of her personal feelings.

Which was why he had reacted so quickly to Caroline Thorpe’s question. He had taken pains to assure her that his conduct with Hannah had been all that was natural—because he’d known damn well it wasn’t. It was all well and good to say that siblings enjoyed a certain familiarity, but he and Hannah weren’t siblings any more.

He found himself looking forward to spending time with her as a woman. He welcomed the opportunity of talking to her, and of learning how she really felt about matters that were of interest to them both. And in that regard she constantly amazed him. Used to the empty-headed chatter of society ladies, Robert had been delighted to discover not only that Hannah was well educated, but that she had a sharp and remarkably agile mind. She was quick to pick up on new ideas, and she
would only argue a subject if she knew it well enough to do so intelligently. Conversely, when confronted with a subject she wasn’t familiar with, she was willing to ask for information and had more than once sought Robert’s opinion, instead of being resigned to her own ignorance on the matter.

All in all, she was a remarkable woman, and one whose company Robert found himself enjoying more every day. But if he was being honest with himself, he knew his feelings towards her were not in the least brotherly, or even that of one friend for another. But where did that leave him, more importantly, where did it leave
them
? Was she as drawn to him as he was to her? She seemed to blush a lot more now than she had in the past, but did that signify the existence of any romantic feelings for him? Did it account for the wistful look in her eyes this evening when he’d tipped back her head and forced her to look at him?

Was it regret he’d seen in those beautiful sapphire eyes when she’d made that telling remark about Miss Thorpe—or something more?

Robert slowly sat up. Was it possible that Hannah had been
jealous
of Caroline tonight? Was that why she’d fled the drawing-room? Because if it was, it meant she wasn’t indifferent to him at all. Jealousy signified the existence of strong emotions. If you didn’t care about someone, you didn’t care if they looked at someone else.

He cared if Hannah looked at other men. In fact, for the first time, Robert realised that the only reason he’d been able to tease Hannah about Stanford’s feelings for her was because he’d known that she didn’t have any feelings for the man. But what if that was to change? What if he were to discover, through his quest for her identity, that she was someone with whom James could
associate? And if that knowledge allowed her to permit the acquaintance, how would he feel? Would he be able to watch Hannah walk into James Stanford’s arms, knowing that he would be the one to teach her all that love could be between a man and a woman?

Was he truly willing to let Hannah walk out of his life and pretend there was nothing going on?

Hannah eventually managed to fall asleep, but she woke feeling far from refreshed. Her mind was still in a whirl over everything Robert had said to her. What had he meant when he’d said that something was happening between them—something that neither of them had expected? Was that his way of telling her that he was developing feelings for her? For surely he must have guessed that she was in love with him.

But if he had guessed, and by some miracle he returned her feelings, what good would it do them? They could not entertain thoughts of a relationship. Society would never condone such a liaison, nor could she, knowing of the social disparity that existed between them. But how was she to convince Robert of that? If he was truly falling in love with her, what could she say that would dissuade him?