In my head, I heard Blair saying, “
If someone asks you if you've checked out the other houses, even if you haven't and don't want to, tell them yes. Don't seem too eager to join Beta Kappa. We're also required by Interfraternity Council rules to encourage prospectives to look at other houses.”
But they'd already offered me a bid.
I took a deep breath and forced Blair's voice out of my head. “I really like it here,” I said. “The moment I walked into the house I felt like I belonged here. I'll be the best pledge you've ever had. I'll be the best brother you've ever had. I really, really want to pledge Beta Kappa. I mean, I'm an A student, and I can help brothers study and tutor and . . .” My voice trailed off.
Idiot!
I yelled at myself inside my head.
Blair said not to seem too eager. You've blown it. They're going to change their minds and ask you to leave.
“In that case,” Chris said slowly, pushing a small piece of cardboard across the desk to me. I glanced down at it.
The brothers of Beta Kappa fraternity
would like to cordially invite you
to accept a bid to pledge our house.
Underneath those words were the signatures of Chris as president, Eric as pledge marshal, and Chad as Rush chairman.
There was a blank for me to sign my name.
I took the pen Eric was offering me and signed.
“Welcome to Beta Kappa, pledge,” Chris said with a big grin.
I smiled back at him. “Thank you.” I fought back the tears I knew would be inappropriate.
I remembered Guy deMontespan and his friends sneering at me.
I remembered all those meals eaten at a table by myself those eight long years at St. Bernard.
I remembered all the slights, the veiled and not-so-veiled insults, the teasing, and the pranks.
Finally, I had fit in somewhere.
Things were going to be different from now on.
Chapter 3
“Y
ou know, I wanted you from the first moment I saw you,” Chad said, pulling his Beta Kappa T-shirt over his head, “even with the spinach in your teeth.”
I gulped. I was sitting on the bed in Chad's room at the house. His body was even more phenomenal than I'd imagined. His skin was darkly tanned, and there wasn't a single hair on his torso. His pec muscles were highly developed and firm, with a deep cleavage running down the center. His nipples were purple, the size of half dollars, and erect. His abdominal muscles were chiseled with shallow crevices between them, just above the flat plane where two deep lines descended from the top of his pelvic bones to the waistband of his underwear, which was just visible above the top of his faded, low-rise jeans. “Do you like my body?” he purred as he walked toward me, running his right hand up and down his abs while his left hand tweaked and pulled at his right nipple. I could see his thick, hard cock outlined through the jeans. Near where the tip was, a small wet spot was forming on the denim. He tossed his head, and his thick, white blond hair bounced around before falling back perfectly into place. He paused just in front of me, so close that I could lick his abs without having to move at all.
“Your body isâis perfect,” I was barely able to whisper. I tried to focus on breathing, because I was afraid I might hyperventilate. My cock was getting hard, and I wanted him so badly it was all I could do not to reach out and yank his pants down. I could see the outline of his hard-on through his jeans. It was just centimeters from my face. Tentatively I reached out and brushed my trembling fingers against it.
Chad's entire body shuddered, and he threw his head back, emitting a low moan. He pulled harder on his nipple. He turned his back to me. His perfect ass was right there in front of me, and he slid his jeans down. His tight white underwear stretched across the two round cheeks.
I reached up and touched it. It was solid and hard.
“Yes,” he whispered. “Do you like my ass? Do you want to fuck me?”
I licked my lips. I tried to answer, but no sound came out. I was having trouble breathing. I'd never been this turned on in my life. I leaned forward and pressed my lips against the right cheek. Through the white cotton it felt hot and solid. His entire body trembled as I moved my lips to the other cheek and kissed it as well.
“Do it,” he whispered.
My hands shook as I reached up and slowly slid the underwear down. My cock strained against my jeans; my balls were aching. His ass was white, a stark contrast to the tanned skin just above. He had two deep dimples in the small of his back just above where the curve of his ass began. The milky white skin was perfectly smooth and hairless. I kept sliding the underwear down until it was at his ankles, and he gracefully stepped out of them and kicked them to the side. He bent forward at the waist, and I pushed his cheeks apart, revealing the pink flesh inside.
I stuck my tongue into the hole there.
He growled as I tried to remember how it was done in all the porn I'd watched on the Web. I started licking and lapping. The taste was nothing like I'd expected. There was a sweet tang to his hole. It tasted sublime, and I wanted to get my tongue as far inside of him as I could. I started moving my lips and suckling, moving my tongue in and out and around as he moaned. “Yes, yes, that's it, oh, God, that's incredible, yes, don't stop, oh, God, that's so good.”
I dropped my right hand to the fly of my pants and undid them, touching my own cock as I worked his ass with my mouth.
“I want to fuck you,” I said finally, pulling my head back and taking in the firm muscles of his back, the incredible beauty of his form. He was like a statue I'd seen of Apollo in the national museum in Athens. I'd never thought such physical perfection was possible in a human, despite the gorgeous studs who starred in porn movies and posed for underwear ads. Chad was so beautiful, he was perfection, he was everythingâ
And I woke up as my cock erupted.
I sat up in bed, rubbing my eyes, trying to catch my breath.
The digital clock on my nightstand read 4:45. It was dark outside, and as I shook my head I realized it was just a dream.
And not just any dreamâmy underwear was soaked. I'd had a wet dream.
I swung my legs out of the bed and pulled my underwear off, carrying it to the washer in the laundry room and tossing it inside.
I hadn't had a wet dream in years.
I walked into the bathroom and turned the spigot on.
This isn't good,
I told myself as I stared at myself in the mirror. When the water was hot, I soaked a washcloth and cleaned myself up.
I hate being a virgin.
I was probably the only virgin on campus. Just like St. Bernard.
You're fooling yourself if you think Chad is going to be interested in you,
a voice mocked me inside my head. It sounded like Guy deMontespan.
Take a good look at yourself in that mirror. You're dumpy and you're ugly. Chad is beautiful. Beautiful guys are only interested in other beautiful guys, and you are far from that. You aren't even remotely close. All you are to him is just another pledge he won't notice, he won't pay any attention to. You know you don't have a chance with himâhe doesn't even know you exist, and even if he did, he'd never want you. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever in a million years. You know it. Guys like Chad go for other guys like Chadâyou know, like Blair and Jeff? When have you ever seen a guy like that with a guy like you?
Never, that's when.
“Shut up,” I said out loud. “You don't know what you're talking about.”
I walked back into the bedroom and put on another pair of underwear. I sat down on the bed. The voice was probably right, much as I hated to admit it.
I was just fooling myself.
We'd had our first pledge meeting the night before. I had been the first to arrive, and Pledge Marshal Eric had directed me to a room he called the Chapter Room. It was just off the foyer, and as I sat down on a couch I looked around. The walls were covered with photographs and paddles. Eric had left me alone in the Chapter Room. I could hear the television in the main roomâsome of the brothers were watching an NFL game. As my other pledge brothers had started arriving, it soon became painfully apparent that I was the ugliest guy in our pledge class. Well, maybe
ugliest
was too harsh, but I was certainly the least attractive out of all of them. There had been ten of them, and every last one of them looked like he'd been an athlete or a jock in high school. Even the ones who seemed to be out of shape had big, muscular arms. I'd sat there, nodding when someone said hello, wondering what I'd been thinking, joining a fraternity. I wouldn't have anything in common with any of these guys. They weren't going to like me. I'd been crazy to think so.
I'd kept watching, hoping someone would sit down next to me and start talking. No one did. Some of them seemed to already know each other and were joking and laughing. No one acknowledged me other than with a nod. No one said hello, no one introduced themselves to me, nothing. I remembered seeing them at Rush, but for the life of me couldn't remember their names.
This was going to be a complete and utter disaster.
You can always depledge,
that horrible voice had whispered inside my head, but I ignored it.
Relax already,
I told myself.
Give them a chance.
I guess I'd been expecting too much from my pledge brothers. This was our first meeting of many to come, and we were all going to get to know each other. All the brothers had made a point of talking about the bond between pledge brothersâbut bonds weren't formed instantly; they had to be forged over a semester of working toward a common goal, and our common goal was initiation into Beta Kappa as full brothers.
That was the most important thing. That was what I had to remember.
I'd never wanted anything in my life as much as I wanted to be a brother.
The night I'd accepted my bid, all the brothers had been really cool and welcoming to me. It was wonderful being hugged, clapped on the back, and having my hand shaken over and over. I had been very careful not to say or do anything stupid in front of any of them. I finally felt like I belonged somewhere. I had gone back to the blackjack table and kept winning. I met so many brothers I couldn't keep their names straightâwhich was unusual, considering my total recall. I figured it was the excitement, the rush of being accepted and welcomed somewhere. It was an amazing, amazing feelingâone I hoped would never end. I was determined. I was going to be the best pledge ever in the history of Beta Kappa, not just at CSU-Polk, but Beta Kappas everywhere. The brothers would never regret their decision to offer me a bid.
I was going to make them all proud.
When Casino Night had ended, I'd said good-bye and headed straight home. I'd floated up the stairs to the second floor of my building on a cloud and started pounding on Jeff and Blair's door. “All right already, calm down already!” Blair had said as he opened the door. All he had on was a pair of white briefs, but I was so excited I didn't try to sneak a peek the way I usually did. Blair and Jeff had absolutely no shyness about their bodies, and at first I was disconcerted, but I was so used to seeing them almost naked at that point that I didn't get hard.
“They gave me a bid!” I'd said, practically bouncing up and down with excitement.
Blair's face had lit up and he'd thrown his arms around me. “Hurray! Jeff, did you hear that? They gave Jordy a bid!” He'd pulled me inside their apartment. “We were just about to spark up a jointâcare to join us?”
“I don't smoke,” I'd reminded him. He was always offering me pot, and I always turned it down. It killed brain cells.
“This is a banner day!” Jeff had come out of the bedroom, wearing only red underwear. “Did you tell him, Blair?”
“I got the lead in the theater department's production of
Sweeney Todd,
” Blair had said with a big grin. “Oy, the rehearsal schedule is going to be brutal.”
“But that's great!” I'd replied, watching him light the joint and take a deep hit before passing it over to Jeff.
“It's going to take up almost all of my time,” Blair had replied. “But if you ever need me, you can text me.” He exhaled. “Good thing we went alum, huh, Jeff?”
“Alum?”
“We're alumni,” Jeff had explained. “At the house. You can do that after six semesters as a full active. We don't have to attend things anymore if we don't want to.”
“Oh.” I'd felt a little disappointed. “So you won't be around the house much, either, Jeff?”
“I'm not a genius like you,” Jeff had replied sadly. “I've got eighteen units this semester, and I need to get a 4.0 to get my GPA upâthis semester and next.” He sighed. “Between studying and dancing at Fusions, I'm not going to have a spare moment.” He had patted Blair on the leg. “So, Blair getting the lead is kind of a godsend. I don't have to worry I'm ignoring him.”
“Well, if you need any help studying . . .”
“You just need to focus on making sure you make the most out of your pledge semester,” Blair had interrupted me. “That's the most important thingâand you can always reach us if you need to.”
The rest of Rush Week had been really nice. Chad was friendly but occupied with everything that was going on, and I found myself watching him whenever I thought no one would notice. I couldn't get over how good looking he was. He was always dressed nice, and the clothes flattered his physique. Roger told me Chad was one of the gay brothers, and his two best friends in the house, Brandon Benson and Rees Davidson, were also gay.
Brandon and Rees were also really good looking. Not as good looking as Chadâno one was, except maybe Jeff Morgan, and he was takenâbut still. Rees was really tall, about six three, and was about 220 pounds of solid muscle. He'd played football in high school and still seemed like a jock. He always wore tank tops and sweatpants or basketball shorts. I didn't understand why all three of them were single. Roger had said that despite their closeness, none of them had ever hooked up together as far as he knew. The major difference between Chad and his two best friends, though, was obvious as soon as either Rees or Brandon opened their mouths.
Rees was dumb as a post, and Brandon not much smarter.
“Chad's the brains in that outfit,” Roger had said bitterly. He'd been in their pledge class, and I got the distinct impression Roger really didn't like any of them. “Not that it would take very much, if you know what I mean.”
Roger didn't seem to fit into Beta Kappa. During Rush Week, none of the other brothers said anything negative about any of the others. They gave the impression the house was just one big happy family. Roger was the sole exception. Roger seemed determined, in fact, to say something negative about everyone else in the house. It confused me. If Roger disliked so many of the brothers, why had he bothered to pledge and go through initiation?