Gathering Deep (9 page)

“What the hell was that?” Piers asked.

“I don't rightly know,” Mama Legba said, glancing at me from the corner of her eye.

My stomach turned. It hadn't been me. It
couldn't
have been me … could it?

“It all went dark.” Lucy had her arms wrapped around her middle, like she was trying to hold herself together. “It was the time I went out to Le Ciel with Alex. I was going to try to break away and walk to Thisbe's place. I thought maybe I could find something there, but before I could even start, everything went black and the dream faded into nothing. I couldn't move and I couldn't find my way back … ” Her voice trailed off. “That's never happened before. Alex was there and then he was gone …
everything
was gone.” Lucy's voice rose in a panic as she looked at Mama Legba. “She can't hurt him, can she?”

Mama Legba gave her head a shake and cupped Lucy's chin with her broad hand. “No, child. You made sure he was safe already. What's done is done, and not even a witch as strong as Thisbe can change the past.”

Lucy gave a tight nod, like she wanted to believe Mama Legba but didn't. “I need to try again,” she said, determined.

“I think you've done enough for one day,” Mama Legba told her in a worried tone.

“But I didn't get anything,” Lucy said, frustrated. “There has to be something there we can use. We can't let Thisbe do what she did to Alex to anyone else.” Her voice went a little quiet. “I can't have lost him for nothing.”

“Oh, child,” Mama Legba said, patting her on her knee. “You didn't lose him forever. You know that, right?”

Lucy's mouth went tight, but she didn't answer. “At least let me make sure he's okay.”

Without another word, Mama Legba gathered the stick of herbs that had long since stopped burning and the candles that had gone dead. She dumped the whole bunch of them into the trash. “Not today. I won't have nobody putting themself in any more danger till we knows what happened here.”

“Mama Legba's right, Lucy.” Piers glanced back down at me, but not long enough to really
see
me. Just long enough to check on me. “It's not worth the risk.”

“But my dreams are the only lead we have right now,” Lucy pushed.

“What if they're not?” I said softly.

Everyone turned to look at me, but I ignored the unease I saw in their eyes and forced myself to say what I knew I needed to say.

“I didn't only lose track of time this morning. Something happened out there at the cabin.”

In a rush of words, I told them everything about the visions I'd had before I could change my mind again. “ … It's like the present world sort of fell away, and I was back there—back in her world. It was almost like I was in her skin. I don't think what I saw was random,” I said. “I think I'm seeing what Thisbe saw way back when, and I feel like I'm dreaming about pieces of her past.”

“That sounds a lot like what I experienced when I dreamed about Armantine in the past with Alex,” Lucy told me, her forehead wrinkling in confusion.

“I don't see how that could be.” Mama Legba was considering me with an uncomfortable intensity. “We took care of the link between you and your mother when we took the charms in your hair.”

“But what if you didn't?” I pressed, voicing the worry that had been plaguing me ever since those bottles at my house fell from their strings.

Mama Legba grimaced like she didn't enjoy being contradicted. “You have any other markings on you, Chloe-girl?”

I shook my head. “Not that I know of, but maybe you were wrong about what the threaded charms in my hair did. Maybe they weren't meant to let her control me. Or maybe they weren't
only
meant for that,” I amended when Mama Legba frowned at me. “Maybe they also kept me out.”

“Kept you out of what?” Lucy asked.

“Out of her head. Out of her past, maybe?” I asked, voicing the fear that had been plaguing me. “I never experienced anything like this until my hair was gone.”

“That only makes sense if Thisbe knows we cut your hair,” Mama Legba said.

I thought of the fingers rubbing my throat, the icy grip that tried to strangle me. “Maybe she does know,” I said, unable to keep the unease out of my voice.

“You think she's watching you?” Lucy sounded horrified.

“If that's the case, maybe it's nothing you're doing to get these visions,” Mama Legba said darkly. “Maybe it's still Thisbe pulling the strings, making you see what she wants you to believe.”

“But even if Thisbe's the one doing this,” I said, “it doesn't mean we can't still use the visions I'm having. It happened so fast the first time, it took me off guard, but if I could touch that charm again, maybe we could figure out what's happening. Maybe even figure out what I'm seeing. If Thisbe's still manipulating things, maybe she'll give something away, and if she's not, if it's really just a vision of the past, maybe we could learn something more about what she's trying to do, or why she's trying to do it.”

“Does it matter why?” Piers asked.

“It might,” I said, not at all liking the way he was looking at me.

He thought about it for a moment, not even blinking as he stared at me. And then, finally, he spoke. “Absolutely not,” he said stiffly, shaking his head.

The abrupt finality of his words had me on my feet. “Why not?” I challenged. “You were willing to let Lucy try looking into the past.”

“Yeah, and look what happened.”

Without thinking, I rubbed at the sore spot at the base of my throat. “I'm willing to take the risk if it could help us find her—”

But I couldn't finish before Piers cut me off. “Did you stop to think that if you opened a connection between you, you might let Thisbe in again?”

My stomach twisted. Of course I'd thought of that. All I'd been thinking about was how I'd lost hours at the cabin that morning. Hearing him say it out loud, though, made it all that much more real. But it also made something else painfully clear.

“You really don't think I can fight her. Even with my hair gone, you think she's going to win, don't you?”

“It's not about that, Chloe,” he said, but the way he was holding himself off from me told me it was exactly that.

“Piers is right to be careful,” Mama Legba said gently. “But you also got a point. That charm might indeed be one place to start.”

“So you'll let me try?”

“Not until I know for sure it's safe, child.” Mama Legba gave me a doleful look before turning to Piers and Lucy. “Do you think I can get a look at that charm?”

Lucy shook her head. “There's no way my dad's going to let you anywhere near it after you told him to burn it.” Her expression brightened. “But Piers could get it, maybe. My dad's already asked him to deliver it to a professor's lab up in Nashville.”

Understanding dawned on Piers's face. “You want me to steal it?” He didn't look happy about the idea at all.

“Not steal it,” Mama Legba said, “but maybe we could borrow it long enough for me to take a good hard look at it. If it's safe, maybe—just
maybe
—we can let Chloe take another look.”

“To do that, I'd actually have to take it to Nashville.”

“So take it,” Lucy said. “Maybe the tests will tell us something.”

Piers shook his head. “I don't want to leave New Orleans right now, especially not with this latest murder.”

“But if I could get a good look at the charm, we might could tell something about the magic it holds and understand where these visions Chloe's been having come from.” Mama Legba took a thoughtful sip of her tea. “Wouldn't take but a few hours, and then you could take it on to that professor of yours and let him do whatever tests they want. I can keep Chloe safe until you get back.”

Piers frowned, and I could practically see the thoughts spinning around that brain of his. He knew the plan could work, and he didn't like it one bit. His expression was strung so tight I thought for sure he would say no, so I was surprised when he finally spoke.

“I'll do it on one condition,” he said, his voice as firm and determined as I'd ever heard it. “I won't have Chloe anywhere near that thing again until and unless Mama Legba can tell it's one hundred percent safe.”

“Excuse me?” I said.

“You heard me.” Piers met my eyes and didn't look
away. “I saw how you looked at it yesterday. I don't even know if you realized how focused you were, but you didn't hear a thing I said to you. If I do this, I don't want you around while Mama Legba looks at the charm.”

I crossed my arms. “Last I checked, I don't take orders from you.”

Piers sighed and rubbed a hand over his smooth head. “That's not what I meant, baby. It's not an order.”

“No, it's a condition, and maybe that's even worse.”

“You have to understand—”

“I do understand,” I snapped, interrupting whatever bit of nonsense was about to come out of his mouth. “You make it sound like I'm some kind of idiot who doesn't know how dangerous Thisbe can be.”

“Chloe … ”

I shook my head, refusing to hear anything more. “You want to push me out of this, but you don't seem to realize I'm already wrapped up in it, Piers. If we're going to look at that charm, I want to be here. I
deserve
to be a part of this.”

Piers's jaw went tight, and I knew he didn't like what I was saying. But he didn't even bother arguing with me. Without another word, he turned to Mama Legba. “That's my only condition. Take it or leave it. You want to study the charm to see if it's safe, fine. I'll bring it to you, but I won't have Chloe here while you do it. Until we know there's no way the visions are coming directly from Thisbe, she stays away from it.”

Mama Legba looked to me, her mouth turned down like she was considering her options.

“You saw what happened here just now with Lucy,” Piers pressed. “That's never happened before.”

I understood what he was implying—that maybe it happened because I was there. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but I had a bad feeling that he was right. The wind, the snuffed-out candles … all of it felt linked to me somehow.

“You don't really think Chloe had anything to do with what happened?” Lucy demanded, and I felt a spark of hope for how she stood up for me.

“I don't know what I think about it, but I'm not going to put her at risk by underestimating Thisbe's power again,” he said to Lucy. “If y'all want the charm, fine, but it'll only be me and Mama Legba until she can guarantee it's safe.”

Mama Legba was still watching me as she considered Piers's offer.

“Don't … ” I pleaded.

“I'm sorry, Chloe-girl,” Mama Legba said, and I knew that her mind was made up. “I don't agree with keeping you out of this, 'cause you do have a right to it. But Piers'll be taking something of a risk by doing this, and he got a right, too.”

Seven

When we finally got back out to the plantation, Lucy sent me a tight, pitying sort of smile before she excused herself, leaving me alone with Piers. Not that the privacy she gave us did any good. Neither one of us seemed to know how to step across the space that was growing between us. I wasn't even sure I wanted to anymore.

“I need to talk with Dr. Aimes about delivering the charm,” Piers said after a couple of awkward moments of silence. “If I'm going to do this, I'd like to get it over with. Are you coming in with me?”

I stared at him, waiting for him to say something more. “That's all you have to say to me?” I asked when it was clear he wasn't going to offer me anything more.

Piers let out a frustrated breath and shook his head. “What do you want me to say?”

“If I have to tell you, I don't want it,” I said.

“Chloe … ” He stopped, and then let out an irritated
huff of breath. “I get that you're mad at me, but I'm doing the right thing here.” Piers was still frowning at me, but now there was even less tenderness in his expression. Instead, a guarded distrustfulness filled his eyes. “You told us that Thisbe might have bound another man in the past, but when you were talking, it sounded to me like you might think she isn't all evil. Did you ever stop to wonder if you just imagined what you wanted to see in her actions?”

I had plenty to say about that, but I knew he wasn't going to hear it, so I kept quiet.

He let out a ragged, frustrated breath. “Fine. Stay out here and be mad at me then.” Without another word, he mounted the steps up to the house, leaving me and my angry thoughts behind.

Like I was going to follow any more of his orders.

My limbs were practically vibrating with all the frustration and fretfulness I'd been carrying around all day, so I let my feet take me out toward the big house. I followed the path that led up over a small rise and cut through one of the big gardens to come up on the back side of the mansion, the side facing the river.

On the upper balcony, a group from one of the last tours of the day was taking pictures of the alley of oaks that led toward the Mississippi. Those ancient trees had been there long before Roman Dutilette built the house, even long before his father, Jean-Pierre, bought the property in the 1790s, though no one quite knows where they came from or who planted them. Anyone's best guess is they were
put there long before any of the French or Spanish settlers moved in and took over.

Centuries have passed with those big, graceful limbs watching over the river. The planters and their descendants came and went years ago, but the trees are still there. I've always felt like there was something about those oaks that spoke of a different sort of power—one that couldn't be bought or stolen. I knew then that if my visions could be trusted, Thisbe would have taken wood from one of those trees to make her charm, for that very reason.

But thinking of the vision made me remember the way the unnatural wind had spun through Mama Legba's rooms and how the invisible fingers had snuffed out the light of the candles. I thought of the bottles in the tree outside my own home crashing to the hard earth below, and something inside me shifted uncomfortably.

I wanted to believe Thisbe had been the cause of all those strange happenings, but there was a part of me that wasn't so sure. I felt like there was some part of me getting stronger and more unsettled ever since they'd cut the last of my hair and tossed it into the fire. It was like that particular part had been balled up tight so long, and now it had time to stretch itself out.

When I'd felt the wind whip across my skin in Mama Legba's shop, that unsettled feeling had eased a bit, like a cat ruffling up its spine and flexing its claws. I didn't trust the spark of excitement I'd felt thinking that maybe I'd caused that wind, and I certainly didn't want to feel so drawn to it.

After a while, Piers found me there, under the canopy of one of those old oaks. I sensed him before I heard his approach, but even once he was standing a few feet away, I refused to turn and greet him. I was still too hurt and too angry that he could push me aside and try to fit me in some box. And I was still uneasy about that part of me that sometimes felt too big for my own skin.

“I'm taking off,” he told me. “Sooner I go, the sooner I can get back.”

“Have a safe trip,” I said, picking at a piece of grass that had been tickling at my leg.

He was silent for a long moment, like he was waiting for something else. But I wasn't about to give it to him. Not until he realized that what he'd done to push me out of this was wrong.

“Are you really going to let me to leave with things like this between us?” he asked, his voice soft and low.

I glanced up at him then. “You're the one that made them that way.”

His mouth went tight and he let out a tired-sounding sigh.

I picked at another piece of grass. I wasn't going to go through all this with him again. I knew what he was going to say—that he was trying to protect me, that I didn't understand—and I didn't want to hear any of it.

“Chloe?” he asked, and then waited, like it was my turn to speak.

“What do you want me to say, Piers? You want me to thank you for treating me like I can't take care of myself? I'm not going to.” My voice came out more tired than angry. “I understand you're worried, but I feel like you aren't even
trying
to hear what I'm saying. I get that you want to keep me safe from Thisbe, but you can't protect me from my own life.”

“Thisbe isn't your life, Chloe.”

I looked up with him then. “She's my momma. You said so yourself, and I can't just set that fact down and walk away from it.” I glanced away. “Like it or not, she made me. I'm her flesh and blood, and I need to be part of what happens to her.”

“You're not your mother, Chloe,” he said, and his voice was so kind and gentle it made my teeth hurt.

“I know that,” I told him. “But sometimes I wonder if
you
know that, Piers. Sometimes when you look at me, I get the sense that you're seeing her.”

A muscle in his jaw clenched. “That's not true,” he said, but the words sounded hollow, like he didn't believe them himself.

“Isn't it? I see how you look at me sometimes, like you're waiting for her voice to come out my mouth again. But trying to protect me from all this ain't gonna stop the fact that I'm still her daughter. What happened might not have been my fault, but that don't mean I don't bear some of the guilt just the same. Whatever happens next, I need to be part of making it right.”

Piers only shook his head, like he didn't want to listen to what I was telling him, much less really hear it.

I took a breath and got myself ready for what I needed to tell him. “You've been trying to keep me away from anything and everything involved with Thisbe, but you don't seem to want to even consider that my connection to her might be able to help us stop all this if we use it. I need to be there, Piers. I need to touch that charm again so I can know for sure.”

His jaw was tight. “I can't,” he said finally.

I shook my head. “More like you won't,” I told him, and I started past him.

He snagged my arm gently to stop me from going. “Don't be like that, Chloe.”

I let out a hollow laugh as I jerked away. “You lost any right to tell me how I should be when you stopped believing in who I am.”

The frustration vibrating between us felt like some kind of runaway train, and I didn't know how to stop it without getting broken up myself.

He studied me with those dark, soulful eyes of his, and then let out a great, frustrated sigh. “Okay then.” He stepped forward, finally breaching the spaced we'd kept between us. “Maybe you're right. Maybe we need a little distance and me leaving for a few days will be a good thing, so we can
both
get our heads back on straight.”

I didn't like the way he said that—like he was talking more about me than himself—but I didn't argue. I'd had enough of fighting with him for one day.

When I didn't disagree, he took my head gentle-like, cupping the sides of my face in his hands, and placed a kiss, warm and soft, square in the middle of my forehead. Then he stepped back, and the distance was there between us again.

“I'll call you when I get to Nashville. We'll figure everything out when I get back.”

My throat had gotten so tight-feeling by that point, I couldn't hardly swallow. So I couldn't have said anything to stop him from walking away even if I'd wanted to. All I could think was
no,
but I wasn't sure if I meant
no
to him calling me later or
no
to him leaving. And before I figured it out, he was already gone.