Gaudete (12 page)

Read Gaudete Online

Authors: Ted Hughes

Is walking in a circle. The room is a maze of smoke

From smouldering piles of herbs in ashtrays.

He is holding something up, it is a stag’s antlered head on

                                                                        a pole,

Heavy and swaying and shag-maned.

The pipe and drum music is a tight, shuddering,

                                                        repetitive machine

Which seems bolted into the ground

And as if they were all its mechanical parts, the women

                                                      are fastened into it,

As if the smoke were the noise of it,

The noise of it raucous with the smoke and the smoke

                                                                  stirred by it.

A hobbling, nodding, four-square music, a goblin

                                                                    monotony,

The women in a circle clapping to the tread of it.

Their hair dangles loose, their eyes slide oiled, their faces

                                                            oiled with sweat

In the trundling treadmill of it.

It is like the music of a slogging, deadening, repetitive

                                                                        labour.

They have left their faces hanging on the outside of the

                                           music as abandoned masks.

They no longer feel their bodies.

They have been taken deep into the perpetual motion of

                                                                    the music

And have become the music.

Now Lumb pauses

Confronting one of the women as if at last he had been

                                                             directed to her.

She has stopped clapping and she waits, helpless, as the

                                                         music intensifies –

But it is not for her, and he leaves her, she is gathered

                                                    back into the music.

He weaves among the women and the smoke,

Pausing here and there, in front of one woman then

                                                                           another.

The clapping grows harder, sharper, it is like the

                                                 slamming of wood slabs

Of hands that are no longer hands.

The women are stripping off their last clothing as if to

                                          cool and liberate their limbs,

To work more freely in the gruelling trial of the music.

Their feet are trying to climb the music but are too

                                                            heavily rooted.

The music is like all their heads being shaken together in

                                                                       a drum.

Felicity is standing loose, hardly moving,

Her eyes far off.

In the lottery of the mushroom sandwich

Everything was arranged for her.

What she has eaten and drunk

Is flying her through great lights and dropping her from

                                                                 gulf to gulf.

Wings lift through her and go off.

A tiger

Is trying to adjust its maniac flame-barred strength to her

                                                                         body.

And it seems natural

That she should be gazing at the surprisingly handsome

                                                                        breasts

The surprisingly young body of Mrs Davies,

And the luminous face which is now revealed to her as an

                                                     infinite sexual flower.

She can see Mrs Davies is infinitely beautiful

And Mrs Garten is a serpentine infinite wreath of flowing

                                                                            light.

Inside Felicity a solid stone-hard core of honey-burning

                                          sweetness has begun to melt

And she knows this is oozing out all over her body

And wetting her cheeks and trickling on her thighs.

The sweetness is like the hot rough fur of the tiger as it

                                     bulges and bristles into presence,

A hot-throated opening flower of tiger, splitting all the

                                                 leafy seams of her body,

And Mrs Walsall’s bony frame is revealed to her as an

              Egyptian cat-headed goddess on an endless plain

Swaying in tall flames, with a sparkling city in the

                                                     distance beyond her.

Lumb is suddenly standing in front of her looking at her.

He is holding something shaggy and terrible above her.

Felicity understands that she is a small anonymous

                        creature which is now going to be killed.

She starts to cry, feeling the greatness and nobility of her

                                                                            role.

She starts to sing, adoring whatever the terrible lifted

                                                 thing in front of her is,

Which needs all she can give, she knows it needs her.

She knows it is the love animal.

The clapping hammers her head, her body has given up

                                                            trying to move.

Now she becomes aware that Lumb is holding some

                                              slender thing towards her.

He touches her navel with it, it seems to her to be a

                                                                     foxglove.

Fleetingly she cannot understand how she came to be

                                                                         naked.

But it is too late to do anything about anything.

She is already drowning in the deep mightiness of what is

                                                 about to happen to her.

She knows she herself is to be the sacramental thing.

She herself is already holy

And drifting at a great depth, a great remoteness, like a

                                                           spark in space.

She is numbed with the seriousness of it, she feels she is

                                                                             vast,

Enlarging into space from a withering smoulder of petty

                                                                         voices.

She touches the wand, which is actually of twisted

                                  leather, and moves as he leads her.

The clapping no longer uses human energy.

It is like the steel oiled parts of the music,

Like a generator

Pulsing radiance into her, solid and dazzling, fringing her

                                                 whole body with flame.

Somehow she has become a goddess.

She is now the sacred doll of a slow infinite solemnity.

She knows she is a constellation very far off and cold

Moving through this burrow of smoke and faces.

She moves robed invisibly with gorgeous richness.

She knows she is burning plasma and infinitely tiny,

That she and all these women are moving inside the body

                               of an incandescent creature of love,

That they are brightening, and that the crisis is close,

They are the cells in the glands of an inconceivably huge

                                                 and urgent love-animal

And some final crisis of earth’s life is now to be enacted

Faithfully and selflessly by them all.

In the smoke-filled basement

The faces, the smoke, the clapping, are a tunnel

Down which she steps with Lumb

Her outstretched fingertips touching the wand

Towards the waiting unmoving figure of Maud.

Has left Hagen in his study.

Hagen disdains to squander his dignity.

His face-shield, armorially quartered,

The monument of hurt, no longer a nerve,

Leans over trays of butterflies.

To make up for the lost Major, Estridge’s purposeful rage redoubles itself, remembering that Hagen has gone through little enough yet, while he, Estridge, is an incinerator of loss and pain. His dead daughter, her living sister, what is left of his own life, make one flame, overpowering his dust and sticks and papery tissues, a glowing fullness of energy, extraordinarily comfortable. He does not know what he will do now. He knows that anything will have to be forgiven him.

He enters the Bridge Inn for the first time in his life, remembering, as he pushes the door, the wren in Macbeth. 
 

His arrival

Is like permission: it flings open all limits.

His ferocity, concentrated in that bulbous hawk’s eye,

Delegates, as in a battle,

A legitimate madness to each member.

Glasses drain into flushed radiant faces.

Evans,

Feeling himself the key in the log-jam, moves.

They all march in a tight group up the middle of the evening street. The dry prattle of their herding feet brings faces to windows and doors.

They are solemn, possessed by the common recklessness, not speaking above the odd murmur. Overawed by their own war-path seriousness. In the armour of alcohol, they feel safe. And new satisfactions open. The single idea of revenge shuffles its possible forms. Now Lumb will somehow pay for everything. Their decision has released them. It has outlawed him. Sentenced him. All they have to do is carry out the sentence.
 

A straggle of boys trails along,

Touched by the thunderish atmosphere of evening

                                                                 catastrophe,

The mood of disaster,

With thrushes washing their voices in the gardens, and

                                                                       beyond,

And pigeons soothing each other,

And the flame-burdened laburnums shedding their blue

                                             shadows on the pavement,

And the dark phalanx of men close together,

Like a mob of prisoners being taken to execution,

Past the garden gates, the open doors,

Led by an Alsatian

That leans all its lunging weight on the air,

Scrabbling to bound forward, and coughing

On its chain. 

Seems to have the head of a fox,

The long ragged pelt of a giant fox hangs from her

shoulders, its brush and hind legs dangling below her

buttocks.

Its forepaws are knotted at her throat, its head is on her

                                                                          head.

Felicity is crying with fear

As Maud spreads the blueish pale-fringed skin of a hind

                                                         over her shoulders

And knots its forelegs across her throat.

She fastens its mask on to the top of her head with a

                                                                hooked wire.

Felicity feels its hind legs tapping at the back of her

                                                        knees and calves.

She understands she has become a hind.

Her bowels coil and uncoil with fear.

She waits for whatever it is they are going to do to her.

She knows she has lost her way finally.

She catches and loses again the idea that Lumb will

                                    somehow bring her out of all this.

She feels everything beginning to deepen again.

She forgets who she is or where she is.

The giant face of a rocking owl is ogling her

Over a pudgy unrecognisable body with swinging empty

                                                                 sock breasts.

A giant expressionless badger with human arms and

                                                                         fingers,

The smoke ropes them all together.

Lumb bobs under stag antlers, the russet bristly pelt of a

                                red stag flapping at his naked back.

Everything and everybody is moving

As if the music were the tumbling and boiling of a

                                                                    cauldron.

Maud is leading Felicity on to the low rostrum.

She pushes Felicity’s head down and forces her to kneel,

And then straddles her neck from behind and grips it

                                                      between her thighs.

The music inside their bodies is doing what it wants at

                                                                            last

As if they were all somnambulist

They are no more awake than leaves in a whirlpool.

Maud sits lower, more heavily

Forcing Felicity’s brows to the floorboards,

Gripping her by the hair.

The women are crying out in the hoarse pulse of the

                                                                          music.

Lumb mounts Felicity from behind, like a stag.

A giant hare-headed creature drops on human knees as if

                                                                            shot

And bows over folded human arms

In imitation of Felicity,

Shaking her head to the music, as if it were shaken.

In the shuttered room,

In the hot slowly-rending curtains of smoke,

Huge-headed woodland creatures from a nursery fairy tale

Are dropping on to their knees

Hugging their human bodies with human arms

As the music tears away the membranes, tearing them as

                                                            the smoke tears,

And Lumb’s mouth stretched open, like a painted mask,

Utters a long cry inside the cry

That is now torturing all of them

As they all cry together

As if they were being torn out of their bodies

And Maud’s scream rips out the core of the sound

As she drags Felicity, by the hair,

Simultaneously forward and out

From between her knees.

Felicity

Tries to stand

As Maud, lifting both fists locked together above her head

Brings them down with all her crazy might on to

                                                   Felicity’s bowed nape.

Felicity’s head flings back

As she sprawls forward two or three strides and collapses

                                                                 spreadeagled.

The hind’s skin is plugged to the nape of her neck

Like a coat on a peg

By the hilt of Lumb’s dagger

Whose blade is out of sight, inside her body.

Maud starts to speak.

The music prevents her, she speaks above the music

In a throat-gouging scream.

She is announcing

That this girl is not one of them

That she is his selected wife

That he is going to abandon them and run away with this

                                                                            girl

Like an ordinary man

With his ordinary wife.

The fuddled women grope for what has happened

And for what is being said

But their brains are still in the music

And nothing will separate.

They receive Maud’s words as the revelation of

                                                                    everything.

Felicity’s body lies still, no longer any part of what

                                                                      matters,

Twisted unhumanly, demonstrating her unimportance.

Lumb is kneeling.

He bows over her, close to her face,

His cheek almost touching her cheek

As he searches her face,

Hardly daring to breathe,

As if hardly daring to stir the air about her,

As if this were some horribly burned body

That has just dropped from a shocking height,

In which every nerve has been roasted

And every bone shattered, like a sackful of crockery.

With all his gentleness

He pulls on the hilt of the dagger,

As if gentleness intense enough

Could force a miracle

And unmake the black-mouthed slot

From which the frightening taper of steel

Continues to glide

Like a snake’s endless length gliding from a hole.

The bright dove-crimson blood suddenly bulges out

                                                                     around it.

And all the time Maud is scourging his ear-nerves

With sounds that try only to mutilate.

The shock has sobered him, and stilled him,

Like a drastic injection.

His lips touch Felicity’s cheek.

He sees her eyelashes clogged with tears,

He thinks this at least is a sign of life.

Then Maud’s fingers hook down over his face,

She hauls his upper lips and nostrils upwards, as if she

                                     would tear his face off upwards.

Mrs Westlake

Slews Felicity’s slack sack-heavy body

Away across the floor, by one ankle.

The attached pelt swirls after, in the dust.

Lumb tries to struggle free

But women have twisted to a weight like enfolding nets

                                                               under water.

They are clinging to his knees, his waist, his arms, his neck

As if they too were drowning.

Maud has stripped the stag’s pelt off him.

She is flogging him over his bald skull with the cable-

                                    hard, twisted, horny stag’s pizzle.

The women have made one undersea monster, heaving in

                                                                          throes.

Now he has wrenched his weapon from Maud.

He cuts a way out, flailing a path.

He fights to the stairway that leads up into the

                                                                churchyard

And leaps up it and with great strides hurls out under the

                                                                         open,

And bounds twenty yards and stops.

Panting, he braces himself, forcing himself to look all round, under control, assessing the world and the moment. He looks back toward the church, still fighting clear of the terror that grabbed him down there in the basement. Nobody is following.

The vast light of clouds and stilled evening sky, the hardening, blue, cooling shapes of trees, are an enclosing shock, as if he were hot metal plunged into water. Sweat scalds the cross-hatching nail-wounds in his skin, the lumping weals and claw-rips. He gulps recovery, looking all round at the familiar land, intently, as if he had never been here before, and would be away again in a few minutes. Trembling, he starts to walk towards the gate into the rectory garden.

       

His whole being is in fiery tatters.

He is whirling in blazing rags, like a blazing rag effigy

Cartwheeling down a mountain.

He grips the stag’s pizzle.

He takes careful note of the tight-scrolled baby ferns on a

                                                                         grave.

He clasps with his look

The all-suffering million-year gravel, which nothing can

                                                                            hurt,

As if he could somehow anchor the holocaust of himself

Which seems to be hurtling through space, off some

                                                                           brink,

Flinging out great streamers of flame and disintegrating.

With deliberate measure, like a drilled soldier, he moves

                                                         now to numbers.

In his bedroom he dresses

With a paced fury.

When one cuff-button resists him, he locks to it

With all his strength and attention

As to an antagonist,

While second after second splutters burning in the room,

   like a fuse, and hot thoughts grab at him,

                                       reflecting from every surface,

That somehow

Everything has to be cooled, everything has to be

                                                                  dismantled,

Everybody back into their clothes and their discretion.

The explanation

For Felicity’s body

Is a bomb

They will all have to dig out carefully somehow together.

Somehow everything

Will have to be cancelled, the whole error

Carefully taken apart

And the parts put back where they belonged.

Everybody has to return to exactly where they were,

To stillness, calm, and normality,

Everything has to be cleaned, groomed and made quiet,

                                                             as at the start.

Suddenly he remembers Maud’s voice, jarring his ear.

And he feels through all his muscles

The grip of Felicity’s flesh on the dagger-blade as he

                                                                         pulled.

He sees, with electric shock fright in his every hair,

That horribly long blade still coming out and still coming

                                                                          out –

At the same moment

He sees through the window men in the churchyard.

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