Geek Fantasy Novel (30 page)

C. of CHESHIRE:
I’m sorry? What was that?

MARY
:
Would you consider calling him to the stand, Dame Chevally?

CHEVALLY:
I suppose it is time. Lord Feverel, please bring in Master Maurice of Cheshire.

C. of CHESHIRE: !

M. of CHESHIRE:
Hi, Mum.

C. of CHESHIRE: !

CHEVALLY:
If the young master will remove himself from his mother’s embrace.

C. of CHESHIRE:
But … how are you alive?

CHEVALLY:
Transcriber, let the record reflect that the narrator mentioned previously throughout this transcript is properly named Maurice of Cheshire, son of Duchess Chessimyn of Cheshire.

C. of PARNASSUS:
Noted.

C. of CHESHIRE:
Oh. Oh my, of course.

MICKLETHWAIT:
What did your son wish for?

C. of CHESHIRE:
Infinity. To be infinite. I almost didn’t grant it, it was so abstract … and now I see he got it.

M. of CHESHIRE:
I would have done anything to tell you, Mum. But you know guild rules: Once you become a narrator, no communicating to non-narrators.

SUMPERSON:
A rule you recently broke, I might add.

C. of CHESHIRE:
You’re alive. You’re alive … forever!

M. of CHESHIRE:
They were going to give the Battersby wishes to Maarty Sumperson to narrate, but I insisted. I begged J. J. Mucklebackit to duck out of performing, so that you would have to step in. It was my only chance to be near you again.

SUMPERSON:
None of this changes the fact that you are no longer an accredited narrator. I’m sorry, the rules are very clear.

M. of CHESHIRE:
Dame Chair, is there no appeal?

CHEVALLY:
I’m afraid not. Once you’ve lost control of a story and are unable to steer it back on course, you lose your license. Our charter is very clear on the matter.

M. of CHESHIRE:
Well, I guess that’s it, then.

RALPH
:
Doesn’t Chessie still get her wish?

CHEVALLY:
No, sadly. She made it already. Even though it was redundant, it still counts.

RALPH
muh:
Well … I haven’t received my wish yet.

CHEVALLY:
I’m sorry?

RALPH
:
Chessie said I could have a wish after all of the Battersby children got theirs. We never got around to it before I wound up in the attic.

B. BATTERSBY:
Ralph, don’t. Your wish should be for you.

M. of CHESHIRE:
What are you saying? That you’ll wish for me to be reinstated as a narrator?

RALPH
:
You tried. You struck just the wrong tone on every occasion, and messed up tons of it, but you tried.

M. of CHESHIRE:
You’d do that? For me?

RALPH
:
I wish for Maurice to finish his job and publish all of this adventure, not just the wishes themselves but my time in New Jersey before, and even this meeting. And maybe he’d consider granting me the opportunity to use it for —

MARY
:
Okay. I do solemnly grant —

SUMPERSON:
Someone stop her!

M. of CHESHIRE:
I’ll miss you, Mother.

C. of CHESHIRE:
I love you.

MARY
:
I do solemnly grant thee thy wish, dreaming, in accordance with the fine tradition of Royal wish-granting, that you find thy greatest desire, and in so doing come to know thyself.

[Whereupon, the meeting was frantically concluded]

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END: Royal Narratological Guild Log Volume MMCMXCIX, Record Locator: MofC20 Pages: 310. File Under: Mishap

Copyright © 2011 by Eliot Schrefer

Cover art & design © 2011 by Phil Falco

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First edition, April 2011

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e-ISBN 978-0-545-33248-4