Generation X (7 page)

dogs are already pooped from the heat and lying in the shadow of

Saab, chasing dream bunnies with twitching back legs. Dag and I,

being in a carbohydrate coma, aren't far behind and are in a good

stening mood as Claire begins her story of the day. "It's a Texlahoma she says, much to our pleasure, for Texlahoma is a mythic world

created in which to set many of our stories. It's a sad Everyplace, where citizens are always getting fired from their jobs at 7-Eleven and

where the kids do drugs

and practice the latest

dance crazes at the local

lake, where they also

fantasize about being

adult and pulling welfare-check scams as they in-spect each other's skin for chemical burns from

the lake water. Texlaho-mans shoplift cheap im-itation perfumes from stores and shoot

each other over Thanks-ing dinners every year. And about the only good thing that happens there is the cultivation of cold, unglamorous wheat in which

Texlahomans a justifiable pride; by law, all citizens must put

bumper stickers I their cars saying: NO FARMERS: NO FOOD. Life is boring there, but are some thrills to be had: all the adults keep large quantities of cheaply sewn scarlet sex garments in their chests of

drawers. These are panties and ticklers rocketed in from Korea—and I say rocketed in because Texlahoma is an asteroid orbiting the earth, where the year is

permanently 1974, the year after the oil shock and the year starting from which real wages in the U.S. never grew ever again. The atmosphere contains oxygen, wheat chaff, and A.M. radio transmissions. It's a fun p l a c e t o s p e n d o n e d a y , a n d t h e n y o u j u s t w a n t t o g e t t h e h e l l o u t o f there.

Anyhow, now that you know the setting, let's jump into Claire's

story.

"This is a story about an astronaut named Buck. One afternoon, B u c k t h e A s t r o n a u t h a d a problem with his spaceship and was forced to land in Texlahoma—in the suburban backyard of the Monroe family.

The problem with Buck's spacecraft was that it wasn't programmed to deal with Texlahoma's gravity—the people back on earth had forgotten to tell him that Texlahoma even existed!

' That always happens,' said Mrs. Monroe, as she led Buck away

from the ship and past the swing set in the backyard toward the house,

'Cape Canaveral just plum forgets that we're here.'

"Being the middle of the day, Mrs. Monroe offered Buck a hot

nutritious lunch of cream of mushroom soup meatballs and canned niblet corn. She was glad to have company: her three daughters were at work, a n d h e r h u s b a n d w a s o u t o n t h e t h r e s h e r .

"Then, after lunch, she invited Buck into the parlor to watch TV

game shows with her. 'Normally I'd be out in the garage working on my inventory of aloe products that I represent, but business is kind of slow right now.'

" B u c k n o d d e d h i s c o n c u r r e n c e .

' 'You ever thought of being a rep for aloe products after you retire from being an astronaut, Buck?"

" 'No ma'am,' said Buck, 'I hadn't.'

' ' G i v e i t a t h o u g h t . A l l y o u h a v e t o d o i s g e t a c h a i n o f r e p s working under you, and before you know it, you don't have to work at all—just sit back and skim the profit.'

" 'Well, I'll be darned,' said Buck, who also complimented Mrs.

Monroe on her collection of souvenir matchbooks placed in an oversized b r a n d y s n i f t e r o n t h e p a r l o r t a b l e .

"But suddenly something went wrong. Right before Mrs. Monroe's e y e s , B u c k b e g a n t o turn pale green, and his head began to turn boxy and veined, like Frankenstein's. Buck raced to look at a little budgie mirror, the only mirror available, and knew instantly what had happened:

he had developed space poisoning. He would start to look like a monster, and shortly, he would fall into an almost permanent sleep.

"Mrs. Monroe immediately assumed, however, that her cream of

mushroom soup meatballs had been tainted and that as a result of her culinary shortcomings, she had ruined Buck's adorable astronaut's good looks, and possibly his career. She offered to take him to the local clinic,
LEGISLATED

NOSTALGIA:
To force a body

but Buck deferred.

of people to have memories they

' 'That's probably for the best,' said Mrs. Monroe, 'considering that do not actually possess:
"How

all there is at the clinic is peritonitis vaccinations and a jaws of life.'

can I be a part of the 1960s

generation when I don't even

'' 'Just show me a place where I can fall down to sleep,' Buck said,
remember any of it?"

'I've come down with space poisoning, and within minutes I'll be out cold. And it looks like you'll have to nurse me for a while. You promise
NOW DENIAL:
To tell

to do that?'

oneself that the only time worth

living in is the past and that the

' 'Of course,' replied Mrs. Monroe, eager to be let off the hook of only time that may ever be

food contamination, and he was quickly shown to the cool basement

interesting again is the future.

room with half-finished wall covered with simulated wood grain particle board. There were also bookshelves bearing Mr. Monroe's bonspiel tro -phies and the toys belonging to the three daughters: an array of Snoopy plush toys, Jem dolls, Easy Bake ovens, and Nancy Drew mystery novels.

A n d t h e b e d B u c k w a s g i v e n t o s l e e p i n w a s s m a l l i s h —a c h i l d ' s b e d

—covered with ruffled pink Fortrel sheets that smelled like they'd been sitting in a Goodwill shop for years. On the headboard there were scuffed up Holly Hobby, Veronica Lodge, and Betty Cooper stickers that had

been stuck and halfheartedly peeled away. The room was obviously never used and pretty well forgotten, but Buck didn't mind. All he wanted to d o w a s f a l l i n t o a d e e p d e e p s l e e p . A n d s o h e d i d .

"Now, as you can imagine, the Monroe daughters were most excited indeed at having an astronaut/monster hibernating in their guest room.

O n e b y o n e t h e t h r e e d a u g h t e rs, Arleen, Darleen, and Serena came down to the room to stare at Buck, now sleeping in their old bed amid the clutter of their childhood. Mrs. Monroe wouldn't let her daughters peek long, still being fractionally convinced of her implication in Buck's illn e s s , a n d s h o o e d t h e m a w a y , w a n t i n g h i m t o g e t b e t t e r .

"Anyhow, life returned more or less to normal. Darleen and Serena went to work at the perfume counter of the local dime store, Mrs. Monroe's aloe product business picked up a bit, taking her out of the house, Mr.

Monroe was out on his thresher, leaving only Arleen, the eldest daughter, who had recently been fired from the 7 -Eleven, to take care of Buck.

" 'Make sure he gets lots to eat!' shouted Mrs. Monroe from her salt-rusted blue Bonneville sedan as she screeched out of the driveway, to which Arleen waved and then rushed inside to the bathroom where

she brushed her blond feathered hair, applied alluring cosmetics, and t h en dashed down to the kitchen to whip up a special lunchtime treat for Buck, who, owing to his space poisoning, would only awaken once a d a y a t n o o n , a n d t h e n o n l y f o r a h a l f h o u r . S h e m a d e a p l a t t e r o f Vienna franks appended to toothpicks and accessorized by little blocks of orange cheese. These she prettily arranged on a platter in a shape reminiscent of the local shopping mall logo, the Crestwood Mall letter C, angled heavily to the right.
'Facing the future'
as the local newspaper had phrased it upon the mall's opening several hundred years previously when it was still 1974, even back then, since, as I have said, it has a/ways been 1974 in Texlahoma. As far back as records go. Shopping

malls, for instance, a recent innovation on Earth, have been supplying Texlahomans with running shoes, brass knickknacks, and whimsical

greeting cards for untold millennia.

"Anyway, Arleen raced down to the basement with the food platter a n d p u l l e d a c h a i r u p t o t h e b e d a n d p r e t e n d e d t o r e a d a b o o k . W h e n Buck woke up at one second past noon, the first thing he glimpsed was her reading, and he thought she looked ideal. As for Arleen, well, her heart had a romantic little arrhythmia right on the spot, even in spite of Buck's looking like a Frankenstein monster.

' 'I'm h u n g r y ,' Buck said to Arleen, to which she replied, 'Won't you please please have some of these Vienna frank-and-cheese kebabs.

I made them myself. They were most popular indeed at Uncle Clem's

wake last year.'

" 'Wake?' asked Buck. ' 'Oh, yes. His combine overturned during the harvest, and he was

trapped inside for two hours while he waited for the jaws of life to arrive.

He wrote his will out in blood on the cab ceiling.'

"From that moment on, a conversational rapport developed between t h e t w o , a n d b e f o r e l o n g , love bloomed, but there was a problem with their love, for Buck would always fall back asleep almost as soon as he would awaken, owing to his space poisoning. This grieved Arleen.

"Finally one noon, just as Buck awoke, he said to Arleen, 'Arleen, I love you very much. Do you love me?' And, of course, Arleen replied,

'yes,' to which Buck said, 'Would you be willing to take a big risk and h e l p m e ? W e c o u l d b e t o g e t h e r a l w a y s a n d I c o u l d h e l p y o u l e a v e Texlahoma.'

"Arleen was thrilled at both thoughts and said, 'Yes, yes,' and then B u c k t o l d h e r w h a t s h e w o u l d h a v e t o d o . A p p a r e n t l y , t h e r a d i a t i o n waves emitted by a woman in love are of just the right frequency to b o o s t t h e r o c k e t s h i p ' s e n g i n e s a n d h e l p i t t o l i f t o f f . A n d i f A r l e e n would just come with him in the ship, they could leave, and Buck could get a cure for his space poisoning at the moon base. 'Will you help me, Arleen?'

" 'Of course, Buck.'

" T h e r e ' s j u s t
o n e
catch.'

" 'Oh?' Arleen froze.

'You see, once we take off, there's only enough air in the s hip

for one person, and I'm afraid that after takeoff, you'd have to die. Sorry.

But, of course, once we got to the moon, I'd have the right machines to revive you. There's really no problem.'

"Arleen stared at Buck, and a tear came down her cheek, dripped over her lip and onto her tongue, where it tasted salty, like urine. '

I'm s o r r y , B u c k , b u t I c a n ' t d o t h a t , ' s h e s a i d , a d d i n g t h a t t h i n g s would probably be for the best if she no longer took care of him.

Heartbroken b u t u n s u r p r i s e d , B u c k f e l l b a c k t o s le e p a n d A r l e e n w e n t u p s t a i r s .

"Fortunately, Darleen, the youngest daughter, got fired from her p e rfume sales job that day and was able to take care of Buck next, while Arleen got hired at a fried chicken outlet and was no longer around to cast gloomy feelings on Buck.

" B u t w i t h B u c k ' s b e i n g o n t h e r e b o u n d a n d D a r l e e n ' s h a v i n g t o o much free time on her hands, it was only a matter of minutes, practically, before love again blossomed. Days later, Buck was making the same

plea for help to Darleen that he had made to Arleen, 'Won't you please help me, Darleen, I love you so much?'

"But when Buck's plea came to the part about Darleen's having to lie, like her sister before her, she froze. 'I'm sorry, Buck, but I can't d o t h a t , ' s h e , t o o , s a i d , a d d i n g t h a t t h i n g s w o u l d p r o b a b l y b e f o r t h e b e s t i f s h e n o l o n g e r t o o k c a r e o f h i m . A g a i n h e a r t b r o k e n b u t a g a i n u n surprised, Buck fell back to sleep and Darleen went u p s t a i r s .

"Need I say it, but history repeated itself
again.
Darleen got hired at t h e l o c a l r o a d s i d e s t e a k h o use, and Serena, the middle child, got fired from Woolworth's scent counter and so was put in charge of taking