Good Pitch Example 1 (Fiction)
Daisy Arthur (a), alone since her husband of twenty-five years died yelling at golf on television (b), is retired, bored, and lonely (c). So she does what any sensible woman would do—joins a romance writers group (d). There are just a couple of problems with this plan. First, Daisy can’t write so much as a shopping list to save her life (e). Second—and more pressing—one of her writing-group colleagues has just been found dead (f) in Colorado’s Platte River (g). He’s been murdered, and the rest of the writing group—including Daisy—are suspects, as they were the last ones to see him alive.
Daisy begins asking questions and looking into the murder (h), figuring that searching for the killer in her quirky writing bunch is a better option than becoming the group’s next victim (i). And the good news is that her sleuthing gives her the chance to reconnect with old flame Gabe Capernilly, a single police lieutenant now in charge of the murder case (j). But while Daisy sees Gabe as a potential Mr. Right, Gabe sees her as the prime murder suspect (k).
- The main character is immediately introduced (part 1).
- Vivid specifics paint a picture in our minds. This beat also introduces humor.
- Aspects of the main character (part 2a)
- Illuminates what the main character desires—a new path in life and romance itself (part 2b)
- Quick, effective humor
- The inciting incident (part 3)
- Simple way to introduce the setting
- The main plot of the novel spelled out to us (part 4)
- The stakes (part 7)
- The complications (part 5), which also get us back to what the main character wants in life: a new romance
- The final line ends with an unclear wrap-up (part 6).
Good Pitch Example 2 (Fiction)
Sixteen-year-old Rosalie Clements (a) never dreamt of leaving civilized nineteenth-century Boston (b)—until her father dies (c), leaving her alone and destitute (d). But he has also willed her a clue that may lead to an elusive West Indian treasure. Desperate for money, Rosalie trades her skirts for breeches and heads for the Indies (e).
But although she can soon raise a sail, brandish a cutlass, and lie as easily as she once drank tea (f), all is not smooth sailing (g). She has to evade much more than discovery on board: Her shipmates detest her incompetence, and the ship is a breeding ground for mutiny. Worse, after recovering from her shock at the rough life aboard, she soon becomes as intoxicated with her new life of adventure (h) as the other sailors are with daily grog rations. But when Rosalie discovers that Captain Beardslee (i), the most feared pirate of the Indies, and the crew aboard his aptly named ship,
The Cutthroat
, want the treasure, too, the race for the Indies becomes a race for survival (j).
- The main character is introduced quickly (part 1), and since her age is important, it’s revealed immediately.
- The setting is unusual, so the writer wisely moves this info up front.
- The inciting incident that propels Rosalie’s journey into motion (part 3)
- Explains what the main character wants (part 2b): a way out of desperation
- The plot of the novel (part 4)
- All of these are specifics—designed to paint mental pictures of her adventures.
- Good wordplay, considering the plot
- The character arc is apparent
- A lot of this second paragraph reveals the plot complications (part 5), the most important of which is Beardslee.
- Unclear, suspenseful wrap-up with the stakes mixed in (parts 6 and 7)
PITCHING A PICTURE BOOK
Pitching a children’s picture book (ages four to eight) is an unusual task, as the pitch itself may run longer than the book’s text. For this unique task, we consult literary agent Kelly Sonnack of Andrea Brown Literary Agency: “Include two to four sentences about your story that will pique the agent’s interest. For examples of snappy recaps, study the publishers’ descriptions of your favorites on Amazon or other retailers. A hook should still always be emphasized: ‘A book about the love and support a child gets from her family, as shown with the two hands of each family member who helps her grow’ (Diane Adams’s
Two Hands to Love You
).”
FICTION QUERY LETTER, SECTION 3: THE BIO
The bio section of a query letter is a completely different beast for fiction and nonfiction. If you’re writing nonfiction, the bio section is typically long and of the utmost importance: This is where you list all of your credentials as well as the greatest hits of your writer platform (more on that in
chapter twelve
). The importance of a nonfiction bio cannot be overstated. It has to be fat and awesome. Fiction bios, however, can be big or small or even nonexistent. Here I’ll address fiction query bios—we’ll look at nonfiction bio material later in the chapter.
Before you dig into these specifics, know that no matter what you are discussing—something notable (perhaps a past book that sold well) or something small (a local award)—always mention things quickly and humbly. Mention the point, and then back off. If you blabber on about an impressive accomplishment, it may come off as egotistical. If you yammer about something unimpressive, then it may look like you don’t know what you’re talking about.
Include These Elements in Your Fiction Query Bio
- Mention prior traditionally published books. Always mention the title, year, and publisher. Beyond that, you could quickly mention an award your previous book won or any notable praise it received.
- List any published short stories. If they ended up in a respected journal, be sure to mention that. If your work has been published, it proves you have fiction-writing cred.
- Discuss self-published books that sold well. Such discussion will show that you already have a small (or big!) audience and that you know how to market.
- If you’ve penned articles for money, mention it. Feel free to skip titles and just list publications. For example: “I’ve written articles for several magazines and newspapers, including the
Cincinnati Enquirer
and
Louisville Magazine
.” Brevity is appreciated here. The agent can ask questions if she wants more specifics.
- Divulge noteworthy awards won. The bigger and more impressive they are, the better. For example, if your manuscript was a finalist for the RWA’s Golden Heart Award, that’s a big deal. If you won third place in a local writers group contest where the group was so small that there is no chance an agent has heard of it, that award is likely worth skipping in the bio. Use your best judgment here.
- Share if you’re active in a national or regional writing organization. Some large nationwide groups that writers commonly mention include the Romance Writers of America (RWA), the Mystery Writers of America (MWA), the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators (SCBWI), the Society of Professional Journalists (SPJ), and the American Medical Writers Association (AMWA).
- Mention an MFA if you have one. However, simply having a basic degree in English is common enough that a mention will likely not help you.
- State your profession if it relates to the book. I wasn’t sure about this one until several agents told me they indeed wanted to know. What this means is that if you’re writing a legal thriller and you’re a lawyer, say so. The same thing goes for doctors writing about medicine or hospitals, musicians writing about musical protagonists, and so on.
- Your research—but
only
if it involves travel and sounds like something amazing. If you’re writing a book with a Native American protagonist, it’s not worth mentioning that you have done “heavy research on the subject.” That makes it sound like you’ve scoured the Web and read a few books—nothing that will knock anyone’s socks off. But if you spent two years living among the Sioux people on a reservation, that’s certainly worth mentioning. If your novel is set in Paris and you worked there for ten years as a translator, then say so.
- Explain your platform if you feel that certain elements are impressive. Nonfiction writers must discuss platform at length (and we’ll take an in-depth look at this in
chapter twelve
). Fiction writers don’t need to discuss such elements, but if you’re a blogger for a big YA authors blog or you contribute to
The Huffington Post
or other websites or newsletters of note, say so. If you run a local writers conference, say so.
- Feel free to say where you live. It’s humanizing, and you never know if the agent spent time in that area before. If so, you have a connection.
Skip These Elements in Your Fiction Query Bio
- Don’t say the work is copyrighted. All work is copyrighted. Saying so makes you look amateurish.
- Don’t say the work is edited. All work should be edited. Saying your work is edited is another sign of an amateur.
- Don’t say how long it took you to write it. Agents are hoping to sign clients who can average a book every one to two years. Saying you took ten years to write your book can be a red flag, so leave this detail out.
- Don’t mention past self-published books that did not take off. If the book you are pitching is the sequel to a released e-book, then you will have to disclose such info (but virtually no agent wants to represent a sequel to a self-published book that has not had tremendous success). And if this new book you’re pitching has nothing to do with previous self-published works that sold poorly, elaborating on those poor sellers will only hurt your chances of getting the new book published.
- Don’t say anything about a desired movie adaptation. And especially don’t say that you should play yourself in the film adaptation of your memoir.
- Don’t say this is your first novel.
- Don’t say your age. This will do you no good.
- Don’t say that family or friends or writing peers or your Goldendoodle loved it. Their opinions will not sway an agent.
- Don’t say God or aliens told you to write the story. This will get you the wrong kind of attention.
- Don’t say you’re going to make the agent rich.
- Don’t say, “I’m the next Stephenie Meyer” or “I’m the next Tucker Max” or anything like that.
- Don’t list your favorite writers. The only time to do this is if the agent put a call out for something specific like “more fiction in the style of William Faulkner” and your favorite writer is indeed Faulkner.
- Don’t say how many drafts of the novel you have gone through.
- Don’t talk about your personal life (including family and pets) or what you like to do for fun: “I’m going through a nasty trial separation right now. Besides that, I just LOVE
Arrested Development
, don’t you? Buster is my favorite character! Anyhoodles, thanks for considering my manuscript …”
- Don’t say that other agents rejected the book. And don’t try to use the rejection letters of other agents as some kind of proof that the new agent should read your work. Trying to manipulate a rejection into some kind of praise simply comes off as awkward.
- Don’t say that the book is fiction but partially based on your own life. Virtually all books we write are, to some degree, based on real-life situations, people, settings, and happenings. Saying your book is based on real life does not give it any more weight.
- Don’t say that you have children to show you are qualified to be a writer of children’s books. On the other hand, if you’re a teacher of children, feel free to say so—but be wary of saying something like “All the kids I teach in my second-grade classroom absolutely love my dragon stories!” While that may be encouraging to you, keep in mind that your classroom is way too small of a sample size (and a biased one at that) to indicate how the book will perform in a much larger market.
What If You Have No Credits?
“If I do not have any writing credits to my name, what should I put in the letter?” Nothing. If you’re writing fiction, the bio paragraph is just gravy. If an agent gets two dynamite novel pitches on Tuesday morning and one of the letters is from a writer with some short publication credits while the other lacks any credits, there is a 99 percent chance the agent will request pages from
both
scribes. If your pitch shows you’ve got voice, then agents will want to read more—period.
If you have nothing impressive to say about yourself, then just end your query with the standard finale: “Thank you for considering my submission. I look forward to hearing from you.”
FICTION BIO FAQ
s
WHAT IF I HAVE NOTHING ABOUT MYSELF TO DISCUSS, BUT THE AGENT SPECIFICALLY REQUESTS A “BIO SHEET” OR “BIO PARAGRAPH”?
This would be the one time to simply fill white space and talk about lesser things of importance. It’s a tough situation; just write whatever you can, and try to get to at least four sentences. You could talk about your schooling, where you live, what local writing groups you belong to, what writing blogs you read, what your profession is, or anything that you feel may be relevant.
I KNOW YOU SAID I SHOULDN’T MENTION THAT MY BOOK WAS EDITED, BUT WOULD AN AGENT WANT TO KNOW THAT THE EDIT WAS BY A PROFESSIONAL WRITER ACTING AS MY MENTOR?
If the agent knows the mentor personally (perhaps they’re friends on Twitter), then name-dropping is a good idea. Otherwise you’re just listing a person’s name that the agent has never heard of.
SHOULD I MENTION NONFICTION WRITING (ARTICLES/BOOKS) EVEN IF I’M PITCHING A NOVEL?
Yes. These credits do convey the sense that you are a professional writer who has experience with content, deadlines, and editors. It also shows you’re in touch with members of the media, which equals platform.
I’VE DONE SOME WRITING IN THE PAST, BUT IT WAS WAY IN THE PAST—LIKE TWENTY YEARS AGO. CAN I MENTION THESE CREDENTIALS?
Simply don’t mention the years. Just have a sentence like “I have previously contributed articles to the
San Francisco Chronicle.
” Done.
IS THIS “BIO” SECTION OF THE QUERY THE BEST PLACE TO MENTION SERIES POTENTIAL FOR THE BOOK?
There is no perfect place to bring up series potential, so it’s fine to write it here, if you like.