Get Off Easy (Noble House, #1) (28 page)

Nick’s face grew stony. “First off, how the four of us choose to live our lives is no one’s business but our own. If we choose to wear purple headdresses and prance around naked in our backyard for some kind of half-cocked fertility ritual, that’s our right. The whole world has no business being in our relationship any more than we have telling everyone that this arrangement is the way to live.”

Barnes slung is arm around Nick’s shoulder and shook him a little. “Nick is a bit passionate about the subject.”

Gareth spoke up next. “It’s not a reflection on you, Grae. All those doubts you’re having? We’ve been through them all too. But we did it together. Found strength and support from each other when it seemed like everyone in the world was against us.”

“My parents disowned me when they found out.” The group grew quiet as Barnes’ admission hung in the air. “They told me I was no longer their son because of my choices. They didn’t even wish me—or my family—well as they slammed the door in my face. They’ve never seen their grandchildren and probably never will.”

“That’s horrible.”

“That’s reality.”

Family wasn’t something she had to worry about. Nor Saint or Boyce since the death of Saint’s younger sister long ago. The absence of family in their lives was a common thread that had banded around them that first day at college.

“I had to make a choice. People who accepted me for everything I was. Everything I believed in. Or make people who didn’t really know me happy. Wasn’t a hard choice, really. There was never a question, or a doubt in my mind, that I wasn’t going to spend the rest of my life with them. Am I sad that my parents couldn’t accept me? Won’t get to meet their grandchildren? Sure. I think about them a lot. But they made their choice. Just as I made mine.”

Kella leaned over and pressed her lips against Barnes’ before she faced Grae again. “You can’t live your life trying to make others happy. Especially people you don’t know. Why would you give them that kind of persuasion over you?”

Nick nodded. “You don’t live their lives for them.”

Gareth offered Grae another drink. “For the record, most of our neighbors know about the four of us. We agreed a long time if we did this, we weren’t going to hide.”

The lemonade was cool on Grae’s dry throat. Whenever they politely answered one of her questions, she discovered she had ten more. “And do you have any issues?”

“Sure,” Kella said after whisking away the last of the crumbs the kids had left. “Most people are perfectly fine with it. There are some who would rather see us burned in hell, but they just stay away. Some have made their opinions known, but if we scolded everyone with an opinion, then we’re not different from those who are judging us.”

Grae’s gaze drifted away from the four and back to the playground area. “What about the kids?”

“They don’t know any differently. To them, this is how a family is supposed to work.”

“They have three dads.” Gareth snorted softly. “Which they all think makes them more awesome because their friends only have one. Sure there are parents who don’t want our children playing with theirs, but when you think about it, would you really want your kids associated with people who are so close-minded?”

Which reminded Grae how close-minded she was being. She was writing off a relationship with Saint and Boyce because of possibilities. Because of what ifs. Instead, she’d traded a life of never had been because she wasn’t even giving the three of them a chance.

She kept writing it up as a failure without even bothering to see where their lives took them.

Jesus, how had she let herself become so selfish?

She’d convinced herself she was okay walking away. With not telling them what she truly wanted. All the bits and pieces that were at the core of her soul. Watching the foursome clean up the last of the picnic and gather all the children back into their van for the drive north, Grae realized she needed more than love or support.

She needed a home.

G
rae had been to this place before.

Stood in this very spot. Worried about the very same doubts. Had new ones.

But now she had shame to add into the mix. The knowledge she’d done something so terrible. She had returned, pride tucked between her knees.

Now she’d have to ask for forgiveness.

They wouldn’t owe her the honor of listening as she asked forgiveness. Though she was ready to beg if necessary. To grovel. Whatever was necessary to have them at least grant her an audience.

After the way she’d walked out, severed contact completely, they had every right to turn their backs. But she had to try. She was done taking the easy way. The path of least resistance. She’d lived her entire life that way. But she’d finally realized she was worth the work.

That
they
were worthy of the effort.

She knocked, the echoing hollowness beyond mirroring the emptiness in the pit of her stomach. The sound of footsteps quickened her heart. The noise stopped at the door, and she put on her bravest smile. The one that she hoped project how truly sorry she was.

The long minutes stretched out, her courage faltering by the second. As though whomever was on the other side wanted to wait her out. To see if she’d lose her bravery and streak down the easy path once again.

No more.

Never again.

She’d wait as long as necessary. Even forever.

When the lock clicked and the door handle turned, she felt the sick feeling in her stomach expand. As Saint opened the door, his bottle-green eyes met hers, his mouth set in a firm line. When he continued to stare, she felt her skin flush with a mixture of embarrassment, guilt, and heat. Swallowing the dryness in her mouth, she released a slow breath as she did the only thing she could think of and slowly sank to her knees.

The desire to know, to see, his reaction was strong, but she kept her gaze focused on a point just beyond her knees. This was something she hadn’t done in the month they’d played. Hadn’t showed them just how much she wanted—and needed—this kind of exchange to be a part of their everyday life. Adopting the position was a risk, considering how deeply she’d hurt them, but it the quickest way she could think of to get their attention and allow her to explain.

Her heart thudded harder as Saint crouched, and slipped a finger under her chin to lift her face. She didn’t resist and was glad she didn’t when she spotted the warmth dancing in his gaze, even though she detected a hint of skepticism.

She deserved it.

Her apology sat on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t unleash it. Not yet. Because she wasn’t certain if he would allow her to stay.

“Why are you kneeling?”

“To ask forgiveness.”

“Last I checked, that is done with your mouth. And at eye level.”

Despite the teasing note to his statement, fear stabbed her gut. Determined to make this all right, she remained in place knowing it was time she held nothing back. She was not fucking this all up again. “This is how a submissive asks forgiveness from her Master.”

Saint was quiet, but he flexed and released his fingers, a sign he was thinking. Evaluating. Calculating.

Waiting.

“I see.” He paused again, as though he was measuring his words. “Since you’re willing to ask for forgiveness this way, does that mean you’ll accept the punishment your Master feels is necessary for leaving him?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Very well. We’ll visit this again later tonight. As much as I enjoy seeing this, seeing you like this, there are some things we need to clear up before you go to your knees again.” As he stood, he offered her his hand. “Understood?”

He was going to give her a chance. Tears wet the corners of her eyes as she nodded. His skin was warm, as though he’d had his hands in his pockets before he’d opened the door. He backed into the hallway, and shut the door behind her.

At least she couldn’t make a quick exit now.

He tugged on her hand, encouraging her to follow him to the living room. When he sat on the couch, she did as well, but maintained a distance so they could talk. The fabric cupped her, welcoming her as though she’d never left. And reminder of when she’d fallen asleep in this very spot the night she’d shown up on their doorstep.

It seemed like so long ago.

“Thank you for giving me an opportunity to say what I need.”

“We never said we wouldn’t. Or that you couldn’t. Boyce told you we would wait.”

Though her heart soared, she felt awkward. They’d known she was going to come to them eventually. They’d given her more credit then she’d given herself. “Is he around?”

“He’s at Noble House.”

Grae’s head shot up. “You’re not with him?” The idea of Boyce playing without Saint struck her in the gut harder than expected. That wasn’t right. The men belonged together. Needed one another.

“Panic just as clear as day.” Saint smoothed his hand down the side of her face. “He’s installing a new set of photographs in Kochran’s gallery. Replacing the old black and whites with something a bit more...modern.”

“Oh.”

“I’ll call him in a minute. I have something I need to say first.” Saint withdrew his touch. “We never wanted you to leave, Grae. Whatever misguided notions you got in your head are the things that caused you to walk out on us.”

A hot flash of shame and mortification speared Grae in the gut, replacing the thoughts she’d had that Boyce was at the club playing without Saint. “What I did was wrong. I know. Even if I didn’t see it clearly then. I do now.”

“You waltz back in here, and we’re supposed to welcome you with open arms?”

“No. But I would like the opportunity to talk things over. Even if we can’t come to some kind of middle ground...at least I know I tried.”

Saint’s phone rang. He stared at her through the first few rings before withdrawing it from his pocket and answering.

Grae didn’t know what to do while he talked to the caller. But she knew she wasn’t going to be swayed. An explanation, however much it hurt to admit, needed to be laid out on the table. She wasn’t leaving here without giving one.

Saint set his phone on the couch between them, and picked up a nearby tablet. “Someone would like to be in on this conversation.”

A quick glance down showed Boyce’s name on the phone’s display. Seconds later, his handsome face appeared on the flat screen television across the room. Though his face was relaxed, it felt as though his eyes were boring through her.

She immediately cast her gaze downward. “Hello, Boyce.”

“Hey there, angel.”

Angel
.

Maybe there was hope.

Given the glimmer of opportunity, she didn’t wait for him to say anything else. “I know I screwed up with you both. That when I chose to walk away, I irrevocably damaged what we had between the three of us. I can’t do anything to take it all back. I would if I could, believe me.” Both men remained quiet, as though they understood she needed to rid herself of the emotions marking her so deeply. “It was selfish of me to think the way I did. To say what I did to you both without giving you a chance.”

“You wrote us off before we ever really began,” Boyce stated calmly.

“I know.” Grae sighed, knowing what she was about to say scared the hell of out her. “And you have every right to tell me to get out of your lives forever.” When the men remained silent, she pressed on, grateful they hadn’t taken her up on the offer. “I spent the past two weeks doing a lot of thinking. A lot of soul searching. Getting a new perspective on things. I still have a long way to go, but I’m trying.”

“Nothing wrong with a work in progress.”

“I was afraid.”

Saint touched the back of her hand. “Of losing us?”

“As crazy as it sounds, I was afraid of getting exactly what I wanted. That I really
could
have the life I’d always dreamed about.”

Boyce glanced at something off screen and indicated he would be one minute. “Doesn’t sound crazy to me. You were scared. We understood that. You just didn’t let us love you. Give us all a chance to work things out.”

“I wrote us off.” And nothing she could say would ever, ever make up for it. “But all those things I was afraid of? I’m still afraid. Petrified really. But the fear of not having the two of your in my life anymore overrides everything else.” Heat pricked at her eyes. Overwhelmed with emotion, she let the tears stream down her cheeks. “Whatever issues we have, we can work through them. But I want to work them out with you. Both.”

Boyce sighed. “I’m not sure it’s enough, Grae.”

Her heart sank even as her gaze shifted to Saint, looking for a different answer. Seeking some kind of forgiveness. “Do you feel the same?”

Saint nodded slowly. “As a couple, Boyce and I make a lot of decisions together. Choices that affect both our lives. Adding you, wanting you between us, in our relationship, wasn’t something we went into wearing blinders. We knew in order to allow you with us, even just for play, we were going to have to open our hearts.”

“And we did, Grae. We knew the danger—both individually and together—we faced with our choice. We accepted that,” Boyce added.