Authors: Daniel Birch
The ambulance took Sarah away so quickly once it got there. The paramedics worked so fast as they got her in the ambulance.
Before Joey got in the ambulance with her, he got up and I looked him in the eyes. I could have said so many things, so many things. But there were no words, and in that situation, that scene of tragedy, Joey and I shared a look, if only for a few seconds, and all that was needed was silence.
I took Emma inside the house as the police turned up and joined us inside. Emma’s friends stayed with us and told the police what they had seen, or not seen, as it was in this case.
The police combed the area talking to the neighbours as two plain clothes detectives questioned me, Emma and her friends. I told the police everything I knew, about Trigg, Samson, X Company, but in my heart I knew this would have to be settled by other means. Street means. Gangster Law.
In gangster law, the usual sentence if you fucked with a man’s family was death. It was that simple. Sarah was family.
I was relieved to hear Emily whisper that she had hidden the shotgun I had dropped as I had got out of the car. A good job too because they would have arrested my arse on sight if they’d have found it.
Thoughts of a murderous rampage with my shotgun were already going round in my brain. There was no way Trigg or Samson would see Christmas, no fucking way.
It seemed like forever as we waited for news of Sarah.
We waited…
Everyone fell silent as the phone eventually rang. I could hear the night’s wind howling against the window, the old clock on top of my TV ticking, the annoying clicking of our radiators as they warmed up the room. I answered the phone as all in the room waited with baited breath. It was a policewoman on the other end of the line.
I hung up.
Pausing for a moment I could feel everyone focusing on me. I just focused my eyes on Emma as she sat there on the chair next to me with teary eyes.
‘
Tommy?’ she said as she could barely get even one word out.
As I said before, words can’t be used, all you need is silence. Crouching down to Emma’s knees, I just looked her in the eyes and shook my head as I clenched my mouth shut and held her tight. She screamed her heart out.
Chapter Forty Three
When it snows you always expect it to be cold. But on that morning of Sarah’s funeral it was the coldest I have been in my life. I could see my own breath as I looked up at the roof of the church.
It had only been a week since her death but the police still hadn’t got anything. Both Trigg and Samson had been hunted by the police but had not yet been found.
We had obviously called off the wedding. I was surprised Emma was still with me because at first all I could do was blame myself. I felt largely responsible for bringing all this into their lives. But nobody would blame me. I don’t know if I needed some blame at first, or what, but my initial feelings were that, if anyone, it should have been me, not Sarah.
Sarah… innocent Sarah.
Trying to be there for both Joey and Sarah was hard. I kinda had to suppress my own feelings of grief to be strong for them.
Joey and I had sat and had talked over the last week and, as you can expect, he wasn’t in a good place at all during that time. He wouldn’t blame me either.
‘
It’s all them,’ he had told me. Joey wouldn’t hear a word of my apologies as he said I had nothing to apologise for. It was the same with Sarah’s family. I at least thought they would blame me because I told them everything. But still they wouldn’t blame me. Even though they all said it wasn’t my fault, no matter how I tried, I still had the dark figure of guilt holding me in a bear hug, getting tighter and tighter until at times I couldn’t breathe and it felt like my chest would cave in.
Gripping our hands tight, Emma and I sat through the awful motions of watching a family lose a loved one.
It was awful, truly awful.
After the priest was finished talking, some of Sarah’s family said some words, at which point even I was just falling apart from the inside.
But it was Joey’s words which hurt the most for me. He stood there at the front of the church in front of us all, shaking, holding back his anger, holding back his grief for a moment.
He had briefly gone over to Sarah’s father before getting up and whispered something in his ear, and Sarah’s father had nodded.
Reaching into his suit jacket pocket, Joey pulled out a piece of paper and composed himself before he spoke.
‘
Please bear with me. I have a few words to say. Now I was only with Sarah for a few months or so, but I have to say, those months were magical, as she was magical. That is how I will remember her. I knew her years before we got together. She was the wife I should have had, the girl who had the answers. I remember years ago that I always thought she was out of my league, this blonde-haired beauty with eyes that could melt the hardest of hearts, a laugh that was so infectious that even if what she was saying wasn’t funny, you’d laugh. That’s the thing with Sarah, she was always laughing. Now I have a few words I have borrowed, although I have altered them to my own.’
God, it was so hard seeing him suffer, standing there with his soul just naked to everyone. I gripped Emma’s hand too because I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
Joey continued in the freezing churches silence.
Sarah isn’t here
Here in this coffin
Sarah’s in heaven now
Where she’s smiling and laughing
Now she isn’t here, I can no longer sleep
I just think of you baby, and I can’t help but weep
You were the 1,000 winds that blow
The glint on the snow
The sun on the grain
The gentle autumn rain
When I woke next to you in the morning hush
You were the swift uplifting rush
But now I look at the stars in the empty night
And no longer do they give out light
I love you Sarah, I…
I shot up to my feet and helped Joey as he wept and couldn’t finish the words. I took the paper he had been reading from and then both Sarah’s mother and father got up and hugged Joey. They all cried together.
Both I and Emma broke our hearts along with everybody else. I felt we should go after an hour or so at Sarah’s family home. I had gone outside for a quick smoke with Joey before we left.
He was quiet, just sucking in the smoke from the cigarette hard.
Sat in the silence I wanted to say something but my brain was frazzled.
Joey talked first.
‘
You have to promise me something, Tommy.’
‘
Anything, bro, anything.’
‘
No killing. I mean it. I’ve seen that look in your eyes. You have had it all week. Promise me’
‘
I can’t promise that, Joey.’
‘
You have to. I can’t lose you too, Tommy. I need you now. Emma needs you too. We both do, now more then ever. Let the police handle it.’
‘
So what? Trigg gets a pass? Is that it? Joey, I can do this. I won’t get caught, I swear. Only when they die will they not be a threat. I can’t risk them coming for Emma or you, and what about when my child is born? How can I live with the thought they could be out there. That’s what they do, they hurt the ones you love. You know as well as I do that that bullet was meant for Emma. They just saw the dress. They will know by know it wasn’t Emma. You think a guy like Trigg will just go away? Come on, brother, you know it doesn’t work that way.’
‘
Tommy, please. I just can’t take any more. One loss is hard enough to handle.’
I couldn’t say anything else. I was conflicted.
What to do? I didn’t know the answer to that.
I gave Joey a huge hug before I went back inside and told him he was welcome to stay at our house for as long as he needed to. He had spent the past week there but he said he was going to be late back to ours as he was staying with Sarah’s family for a while.
Both me and Emma took a taxi home with the plan of snuggling up for the rest of the day. Once we got back we didn’t talk much. The house was so quiet. I held Emma in my arms and felt my baby kick as Emma fell asleep. I stayed awake, I couldn’t sleep. I watched her, asleep, so peaceful.
What if it had been her? What if?
I got up slowly and quietly so I didn’t wake her. I put a blanket over her and thought I would pour myself a stiff drink. I didn’t usually drink but a Jack Daniels seemed like a good idea.
Chapter Forty Four
Once I had left Sarah’s parents it was pushing on for 10 p.m.. It was so nice for Tommy and Sarah to put me up for a while. The thing was I just couldn’t be on my own.
I needed them so bad. I had never quite understood the term people used like ‘you’re my rock’, but now I got it. Both Tommy and Emma were those rocks.
Tommy was great even without knowing what to say half the time. He was great by just being Tommy. Emma was amazing though in every way, she knew what to say and when to say it.
My tears had stopped for the time being. It had been a hard week, one of the hardest since my mother had past.
As a small thank you, I figured I would bring some takeaway back with me, so I rang Emma to see what her and Tommy fancied. I was in the mood for Chinese. In fact, I was dying for a Chinese. I hadn’t eaten much all week and even the tasty looking sandwiches on the table at Sarah’s mum’s house didn’t reel me in. But my appetite had just suddenly hit me.
‘
Hello,’ answered Emma.
‘
Hey, honey, on my way back, I’m starving. Was wondering if you fancied some Chinese.’
‘
Joey, do you really have to ask? I’m pregnant, remember?’ She laughed gently as she spoke.
‘
Ok that’s cool, so you’re in. What about the big man, what’s he want, or what doesn’t he want the greedy bugger?’
‘
Tommy? Isn’t he with you?’
‘
No, he’s not with me. Where is he? What did he say?’
I was getting worried.
‘
He said he was coming to pick you up, Joey. Isn’t he there? Is everything ok?’
The sly bastard, he was going to get them without me. I didn’t want to scare Emma so I had to be quick on my feet and lie.
‘
Oh fuck, I think this is him now, hun. Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Actually I think we may go grab a quick drink first, then we will be home with the food.’
‘
Oh yeah, don’t rush, honey. Ok, do rush actually because I’m starving.’
‘
Won’t be long, hun. Promise,’ I said as I hung up.
I raced back to my car out of the Chinese food place. It was a race against time. I grabbed my phone and rang Tommy. ‘Please pick up,’ I thought. ‘Please pick up.’
He picked up.
‘
Tommy, where the fuck are you?’
‘
Hey Joey, you haven’t missed anything yet. I got the cunt, one of them anyway…I…’ he sounded drunk. But who did he have?
‘
Tommy, calm the fuck down, where are you, who do you have?’
‘
I’m at that hotel on the corner of Bev Rd, Hotel… Hotel … err… something or other, I can’t fucking say it, ha-ha.’
‘
Tommy, just stay put mate. Don’t do anything stupid. I’m on my way.’
As I raced down Beverley Road to the hotel, I felt awful but I had to do it. I called the police. I had to. I didn’t want Tommy getting hurt.
I arrived not long after making the phone call. The building had four police cars outside. There was an armed response unit getting ready. I ran over to the officer at the police tape. He let me in when I told him I was Tommy’s friend and also Tommy’s lawyer.
A face I had known for many a year came over to me. Detective Dave Waterman. We had known each other for years and I was kind of glad it was him. I knew a lot of police but this man was great. We had shared a few lunches together at court.
‘
Dave, what the fuck?’
‘
Joey, sorry for you loss. I heard only yesterday,’ he said as he shook my hand. ‘Seems your boy Tommy has gone vigilante, Joey. We have had to evacuate the hotel. Tommy says he has a shooter in there and is about to blow someone’s head off. He’s saying ‘they’ are going to ‘get it’. Doesn’t sound good, Joey. We have our team suiting up, buddy. He doesn’t have much time. If they give the order at HQ, he’s dead, my friend, whether the guy he has hostage is a murderer or not.’
‘
Fucking hell, let me in. Give me five minutes, Dave. He isn’t just my friend, he’s my brother. He won’t do it, Dave, he won’t, I swear I’ll walk him out.’
‘
I can’t risk it, Joey, I’m sorry,’ he said as he shrugged his shoulders.
‘
Come on, Dave. I’ve known you fucking ten years. I lost my girl last week and this guy is my fucking brother. You gonna let me lose him too? Come on!’ I had started to cry with frustration.
‘
It isn’t my decision, Joey, or maybe I ...’