Authors: Michael Lewis
“Sir would
you prefer smoking or non?”
“It doesn’t
matter.”
“We do have a
double, non-smoking available.”
“Okay, I’ll
take it.”
While she
typed away on her keyboard, I drifted back into my own thoughts, replaying the
night’s events in my head. The image of Zeke and the dude kept replaying over
and over. I just couldn’t handle the image of Zeke kissing that guy. My initial
anger returned.
“You love him
Jazz.” I heard the clerk say.
“Huh? What
did you say?”
“I said any
luggage or bags?” the clerk repeated.
“Umm, I’m
sorry. Cancel the room. I need to go take care of something. Thanks for your
time.” I said before dashing out the door to my truck.
It hit me like
a ton of bricks what was wrong and I had to go back and say my peace.
When I got
back to the house, Zeke was on the phone. I took a seat in the living room
across from where he was sitting. When he saw me he cut his conversation short.
“Oh you came
back?”
“Yeah, I
thought about what you said about me always running away from things I didn’t
want to discuss.”
“Before you
say anything Jazz, I have to get something off my chest.”
“Okay, I’m
listening.”
“I didn’t
tell you about me because of the things I’ve heard you say about gay people. It
wasn’t because I am ashamed of who I am. I just valued your friendship and
thought it would be less complicated if you knew. I just didn’t want to lose
you as a friend Jazz. I’m sorry, if you think I ever meant to deceive you, I
didn’t.”
Zeke had
obviously been crying, which tore me up inside. He began to tear up again,
making me feel even worse about the way I’d acted. I hated the thought of Zeke
hurting because of my stupidity. I could see he was telling the truth, he
really thought I would have ended the friendship if I knew he was gay.
“Zeke that’s
why I came back to discuss it. After I had time to think about how I acted and
the things I said, I felt really bad. You ain’t deserve that Zeke and I am
deeply sorry, I mean it Zeke.” I said as I fought back my own tears.
“Jazz, I
shouldn’t have hit you no matter what you said to me. I am so sorry.”
“Don’t even
worry about it Zeke. I had it coming.”
“I didn’t
kiss him. Before I knew anything he grabbed me.”
“Who is he?”
“He is my ex.
As a matter of fact, I met you the night I broke up with him. I went to his
place and caught him having sex with my best friend. To make matters worse, I
had a flat after I left. Then my luck changed when I met you. You were even
nice enough to change the tire for me.”
“I had no
idea; you didn’t look upset or anything. I changed the flat because I didn’t
want you to mess up your clothes.”
“I was really
hurting inside after what he did. The flat almost pushed me overboard, but then
I got in my ‘I don’t give a damn!’ mood.”
“It’s good I
didn’t know all of that when I saw you two outside. Knowing that he hurt you
like that and all.”
“Jazz are you
upset with me for not telling you I am gay? Or are you upset that you saw Jamal
try to kiss me?”
“Why would I
be upset at that?”
“Every time
his mane is mentioned, you get upset.”
“I heard some
moaning and thought you were getting busy with a female and seeing him musta’
shocked me so much I got angry.”
“Jazz are you
are trying to ask me if I slept with him? If you want to know then just ask
me.”
“Well, did
you? Did you sleep with that no good motherfucker Zeke? After what he’s already
done to you?”
“No, Jazz I
didn’t, but why does it matter to you if I slept with Jamal or anyone else?”
“Because
Zeke!”
“Because?”
“It just
does!”
“Okay Jazz!”
Zeke said as he threw up his hands.
I turned to
walk away, but when I reached the doorway something made me turn around.
When I looked
at Zeke an uncontrollable impulse came over me. The next thing I knew, I grabbed
him and started kissing him and I couldn’t let him go. When I finally stopped
kissing him I started shouting at him,
“It matters
who you’re sleeping with because…… it should be me Zeke! It should be me
not him cause……. I love you! I love you Zeke! I love you!” I said as heavy
tears formed and fell from my eyes.
“Jazz, how
long have you been feeling like this?”
“Damn near
ever since I met you, especially after you took your time to help me with that
whole dyslexia thing. You never once made me feel bad or like less of a man
about it. You’ve encouraged me and believed in me from day one. You believed in
me more than I believed in myself and you refused to let me give up on myself.
Nobody ever soldiered up for me like that Zeke, nobody!”
“Jazz do you
know what you’re saying?”
“Come here
Zeke, I’ll show you what I’m saying.”
I took Zeke
in my arms and kissed him for all it was worth. I slowly guided Zeke’s
trembling hand to my hard dick and kissed his lips softly.
“See what you
do to me Zeke? I’ve wanted you so bad. I’m just getting the courage to admit
it.”
“Jazz, I’ve
wanted you too. It’s been so hard to hide it.”
“You ain’t
never gotta hide it no more, baby. Damn it feels so good to finally call you
that. Can I ask you something, Zeke?”
“Sure”
“Remember
when we were talking about me selling drugs? I remember you said ‘Jazz, I
lo…..’ then you cut it off. Were you about to say you loved me?”
“Yes I was. I
wanted to so bad. I wanted you to know that I had your back because I loved
you. I don’t know what to say about all of this. I never thought we’d be having
this discussion.”
“Say you’ll
be mine. Say you’ll let me be your man. Let me protect you. Let me love you.
Let me kiss you again and again.”
“Of course,
but please don’t promise me anything you are unsure of.”
Taking Zeke’s
hand in mine, I kissed him softly, put my arm around his waist, and pulled his
body firmly against mine.
“You can
trust me Zeke. The only thing I want to do is love you and make you happy. I am
so glad I can finally say it Zeke. I wanna be with you.”
Rachel
Things
finally died down after Elias almost went to jail. We tried counseling, which
Elias only agreed to because I threatened to leave him if he didn’t. We could
not continue like we were going. Every time I went toward home my stomach
ached. It got so bad that I wanted to cry when I had to go home because I hated
the constant tension.
I’ve always
found refuge at church whenever I am overburdened. Also when I pray I usually
find a solution to whatever problem I’m going through. I’d tried everything
within my power to help the problems in my marriage. Nothing worked, so I
needed to let go and let God.
I decided to
say a prayer at the altar so I went to my church about 7:00 P.M. on a Monday
evening. It was just after bible study ended. Almost everyone was gone but the
church was still open. I went to the altar, got on my knees, and prayed. When I
finished praying I sensed a presence behind me. I didn’t know who it was. I
did, however subconsciously wish that it was someone in particular. Although I
had prayed for my marriage, I felt deep down inside that it was over. As I
grabbed my purse, I thought to myself, “What if Alton was standing behind me?”
I turned to
leave and bumped into a man standing directly behind me.“Whoa, are you alright?
I didn’t mean to frighten you.” He said as he placed his arms around me.
“I’m fine. I
didn’t know anyone was behind me.”
I still
hadn’t looked up at the man whose face was a full foot above my head. I backed
away in order to look up at him.
“What in the
world are you doing here Alton?”
“I am here
doing an inspection. My company just finished a remodeling job and I came out
to do the final inspection. It was the funniest thing. I was standing there
making my notes for my final report and I felt something pulling me. It was
really weird because there was nobody in there, but I know I felt something
pulling me. The next thing I knew I was walking in here and found myself just
standing here. I heard you talking and thought to myself that you were going
through the same thing I am. I had no idea it was you!”
“Things still
bad with you too huh?”
“Even worse
now.”
“I can
relate.”
“Umm I was
about to go grab a bite to eat when I leave here. Would you like to join me?”
“Sure, why
not?”
I couldn’t
believe that I’d thought about Alton and he appeared just like that. I thought
Alton was a very attractive man. We bonded instantly because of our relative
situations. I liked the fact that I could talk to him so easily and that he
really understood me. He listened to me when I talked and he always offered a
kind word.
On our way to
eat we discovered neither of us had much of an appetite. Instead we decided to
go to 12 Fountains Park, a park themed around a beautiful circle of 12
high-powered water fountains backlit by different colored lights. It was
a perfect place to get away to think or to talk.
“Rachel I was
convinced that it was me. I thought that I was doing something wrong and if I
could fix it, I could make Nadiah love me again. I’ve worked hard to provide
her with the lifestyle she demanded when we married. I’ve loved her
unconditionally and taken her abuse and violence. I am tired of begging to be
loved when I’ve done all that was required of me. I deserve better.”
“When I
married Elias, he promised me he would take care of me and that I would never
regret marrying him. He was going to be the perfect husband and make every day
better than the last. I should have been cautious then because that was an
unrealistic promise. Instead I bought into it and expected him to try to live
up to those promises. I never thought he would put his hands on me. He does it
without regard now. I hate even going home.”
“Nadiah and I
merely exist in the same house now. We don’t even speak to each other. At first
I thought I was crazy for thinking she hated our daughter because she looks
just like me. Then one day I was watching her change Paige. She was upset
because Paige cries whenever Nadiah even touches her. She slammed her down on
the changing table and said, “You are just like that damn daddy of yours. I
can’t stand either one of you. I should have aborted you and left him when I
thought about it.”
“Oh my God
she actually said that to a helpless baby?”
“Yes, to a
helpless little baby. That confirmed that not only did my wife hate me but she
hated our baby too. I’d had enough. I went in and got my baby.”
“What
happened?”
“I told her I
would not stand for her mistreating Paige and if I ever saw her slam my baby
down like that again, I would stomp a mud hole in her ass! I said from then on
I would take full care of Paige as well.”
“So you two
haven’t talked since?”
“No, that was
a month ago. My mother watches her when I am at work. Sometimes Zeke keeps her
too. Nadiah is just someone in my house. I offered to move and let her have the
house. She doesn’t want me to leave and she won’t leave. I need to get away
from her before I begin to hate her. I don’t love her anymore, but I haven’t
started hating her yet.”
“That’s so
sad that she would treat her own baby like that. How did we end up married to
such evil people?”
“I don’t
know. Maybe God did it so we would really appreciate it when we got someone
good. I know if I had you … Alton paused.”
“If you had
me what?”
“I shouldn’t
say that.”
“I’m curious
now, tell me.”
“If I had someone
who cared about me even half as much as you care about Elias, I’d be satisfied.
I could never treat you the way he does. He doesn’t realize what he has in you
and it pisses me off that he takes you for granted.”
“I could
never treat you the way Nadiah does. You are a good man and deserve much
better. You won’t have trouble finding someone else once you are rid of her.
You are a good looking man.”
“Thanks
Rachel. That means a lot. Do you think…?”
“What?”
“Do you think
it’s possible we met because we are meant to be together?”
“Alton I’ve
been thinking the same thing but was too afraid to say it. I think we would
know if that were true.”
“Yeah, you’re
right.”
Alton took me
back to my car and then followed me home to make sure I got there safely. As
soon I walked inside, I was met by barrage of powerful blows to my face in the
pitch black darkness. Elias was hitting me but I couldn’t see him. I reached
for the light but he was blocking it. I crouched down so he couldn’t find me
and was finally able to get away and lock myself in the bedroom.
“Get out
here!” He shouted.
“Elias what
is wrong with you?”
“I’ll kill
you before I let you leave me!”
“What are you
talking about? I never said I was leaving you!”
“You’re
lying. I read those papers in your briefcase!” He screamed.
“What papers
Elias?”
“The
typewritten papers. About how you couldn’t stand your husband and you decided
to be with another man!”
It dawned on
me that he was referring to a manuscript that I had been editing for work. He’d
obviously read it and thought I’d written it.
“Elias that
was a manuscript I’m editing. I didn’t write that.”
“A
Manuscript?”
“Yes Elias,
my client Melissa Martin’s new book!”
“Oh Rachel,
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
As Elias
pleaded for my forgiveness, I was busy packing a suitcase as I talked to him
through the door.
“Elias you
attacked me in the dark over a misunderstanding!”
“I’m sorry
Rachel. The thought of you leaving me made me crazy. I love you Rachel.”
“I don’t even
know you anymore Elias.”
He fell
silent. I could hear him crying outside the door. While he cried, I softly
opened the bedroom window and pushed my suitcase outside in the hedges outside
the window. I’d planned to grab it once I got outside. The window was almost
down when it made a creaking noise.
“Rachel what
are you doing?”
“Nothing
Elias.”
“What was
that noise?”
“I don’t know
what you’re talking about.”
All of a
sudden I heard the front door slam and I knew Elias had gone outside. I could
hear him fumbling around outside in the hedges. Then everything fell silent. I
hid in the bedroom closet, closed the door and called 911.
“Hello, 911,
what’s your emergency?”
“Yes, I am
hiding in my closet. My husband attacked me and I am in fear of my life. My
name is Rachel Richards and I live at 23014 Oakcrest Lane. Please hurry.”
There was a
loud bang, loud enough for the operator to hear.
“Ma’am are
you still there. Yes he’s broken the door in.”
“I’ve
dispatched a unit. They should be there shortly. Try to be calm.”
“I am in the bedroom
closet.”
“Try to keep
the line open. Stay on the line if you can.”
“Okay.”
Elias
snatched the closet door open.
“You lied to
me Rachel. You are leaving me.”
“I didn’t lie
Elias. It was a manuscript.”
“I found your
suitcase outside. Why?”
“Elias look
at my face! I’d be a damn fool to stay here and let you kill me.”
“I’m not
letting you leave Rachel.” He said as he came into the closet.
I saw a gun
in his hand as he moved closer. If he was going to shoot me I damn sure wasn’t
going to be a sitting target. I started throwing clothes, hangers, and
everything within my reach at him. He got tangled up in a coat I threw over his
head, giving me the chance to run out of the closet. Just as I made it to the
bedroom door, I felt a sharp pain in my head and heard a loud bang. I fell to
the floor clutching my cell phone. I heard the 911 operator on the other end.
“Can you hear
me? Ma’am if you can hear me please answer? Ma’am………….?”
Alton
After I saw
Rachel home safely something in my spirit wasn’t right. I turned around and
drove back to her house. I heard shouting but I couldn’t make out what they
were saying. All of a sudden I saw someone push a suitcase out of a window in
the front of the house. A man ran outside and started digging through the hedges.
He grabbed the suitcase and hurled it into the yard.
He hurried
back inside and left the front door wide open. I sat in my truck across the
street contemplating whether or not to go in the house. I couldn’t drive away
without knowing if Rachel was OK. I heard a loud bang and decided to go in. I
got to the bedroom just in time to see him hit her in the head with the butt of
a gun as she ran in my direction.
It was my
responsibility as a man to deal with Elias, so I did. He was introduced to my
fist! My first punch landed in the middle of his face, causing blood to gush
from his broken nose and the more I hit him the more I wanted to. Rachel’s
moans brought me back to my senses.
I picked her
up and carried her to my truck just as a police cruiser slowly turned the
corner. If I hadn’t turned back, that bastard Elias would have probably killed
her by the time their late asses got there. I took her to the hospital where
she was admitted immediately. I called Zeke to tell him what happened.
“Hello,
Zeke?”
“Hey Alton.
Your voice is trembling what’s wrong?”
“I’m at the
hospital.”
“What did
Nadiah do?”
“It’s Rachel.
Her husband beat her up. She looks bad man. I tried to kill that bastard for
what he did to her.”
“Oh my God!
Which hospital are you at?”
“At DMC-Promina.”
“Okay. I am
leaving right now.”
The doctor
came over to me.
“Hello, I am
Dr. Steinberg.”
“Hi Doc. I’m
Alton Allen.”
“Mr. Allen.
We got Mrs. Richards stabilized. Her injuries are serious but not life
threatening. She has a concussion and quite a few contusions so we want to keep
her under observation to make sure she doesn’t develop any blood clots. We gave
her a sedative to help her relax so she will be a little drowsy, but you can go
see her.”
“Thanks
doctor. The police will probably come looking for me because I beat the hell
out of her husband once I saw what he did to her.”
“I’ll let you
know should they show up.”
I went into
the room with my eyes closed, afraid to look at her. I opened my eyes slowly
but she didn’t look as badly as I thought. They’d cleaned her up and bandaged
her eye and head. I stood there looking at her and holding her hand when she
spoke groggily,
“Alton?”
“Oh, I woke
you up. I’m sorry.”
“Alton you
saved my life.”
“I should
have never let you go back to that house. I feel like it’s my fault.”
“No, Alton
it’s not your fault that he is crazy.”
“I’m not
leaving your side.”
“You are such
a sweet man. Thanks Alton.”
I held her
hand until she fell asleep. Seconds later Zeke and Jazz came in.
“How is she?”
“The doctor
said she’d be okay. She has a concussion so they want to keep her under
observation.”
“I should
have dealt with her punk husband when he hit her the first time.” Jazz fumed.
“I messed him
up pretty bad.” I commented.
“Good! Any
man who beats up on a dime piece like Rachel needs his ass handed to him on a
plate.”
“I tried to
break every bone in that bastard’s face. I expect the police to come looking
for me any minute now.”
Just as I got
the sentence out a policeman showed up at the door. I didn’t even try to explain.
I just walked out of the room and put my hands behind my back.
“Mr. Allen I
presume?”
“Yes sir. I
take full responsibility for my actions.”
“I am not
here to arrest you. I just want to get a statement from you.”
“But, Elias?”
“Yeah, you beat
the hell outta that guy, but you’re not under arrest. Mrs. Richards was on the
phone with the 911 operator the whole time so there’s a tape of what happened.”
It was a
relief to find out I wasn’t going to jail. I didn’t feel bad for beating
Elias’s ass either. Actually, I regretted not killing him. When I went back to
the room Jazz was consoling Zeke. He was holding Zeke’s head to his chest as he
softly caressed the side of his face. It was surreal to see the tenderness Jazz
displayed because it was so opposite his normal hard personality. I was anxious
to hear Zeke’s explanation about that!
Around 3 A.M.
Zeke said since he was free the next day, he would stay with Rachel so I could
go on to work the next day. I felt OK about leaving with Zeke there. If
anything happened I was only a phone call away. Jazz left with me so I could
drop him off on my way home.
“I’m sure
Zeke told you about how I flipped out on him last week.” Jazz said matter of
factly about 10 minutes into the ride.
“Yeah he
called me crying.” I responded dryly.
“I know you
probably think I am a horrible guy now.”
“I don’t
think that at all. Are you a horrible guy?”
“Nah, not at
all. What else did he tell you?”
“He hasn’t
mentioned anything, so I figured you guys had worked it all out.”
“We came to
an understanding that night.”
“An
understanding?”
“Yeah, that
I’m in love with him.”
“You gotta be
shittin' me? You?”
“Yeah. That’s
why I was so mad when I saw that dude kissing him because I felt that should
have been me.”
“I see.”
“I know you two
are real close and you care about him a lot. I didn’t want you to think bad
things about me. I care about Zeke a whole lot. I’d never do nothin’ in the
world to hurt him. I kinda feel like I’m supposed to protect him, ya know? I
feel a deep bond with him. It’s a feeling I can’t describe. We can communicate
without even saying a word and fully understand each other.”
“I feel the
same way about protecting him. He’s my little cousin. I’ve always had his back
and I’ve never been more than a phone call away. When Zeke was upset he still
didn’t talk badly about you. He just wanted to understand what was going on.
That indescribable feeling you mentioned is simple to explain. It’s called
being in love.”
“Alton, I
ain’t ever had feelings for a dude before but I got deep feelings for Zeke.
I’ve had em all along. I’ve just been fighting em, making excuses and shit.
That night I couldn’t make any more excuses. I’ll just have to take it one day
at a time and figure this shit out, but I’ll do it. I won’t hurt him.”
“I’ll take
you at your word. Just know that if you do hurt him, you’ll have to deal with
me.”
“I gotcha and
with both of us having his back, I think he’ll be alright.”
Jazz was
still trying to keep that hard edge, but he had love written all over his face.
He’s a good guy; I just didn’t want him to take Zeke through a lot of drama and
heartache trying to find himself. He was clearly in love though.
When I got
home I dreaded going inside because I wasn’t in the mood for Nadiah to say
anything to me. Before I went to bed, I went to get some discs I needed from
the second master bedroom where Nadiah was.
When I
entered the dimly lit room, I thought I heard a moan but wasn’t sure. I
continued to the dresser to retrieve the discs and I heard another moan. When I
looked in the mirror I knew my mind was playing tricks on me because I saw
something that had to be an illusion, but the sight was real, indeed.
Nadiah was on
her back, her head tossed back, eyes closed, knees up, and someone’s head was
between her legs. I squinted to focus and recognized the person between
Nadiah’s legs was Ingrid. Nadiah’s moans and Ingrid’s sensual smacking grew
louder simultaneously. I opened the top, right dresser drawer and pulled out
the .38 caliber handgun I kept there and walked to the bedside. Neither of them
had heard or seen me yet. I placed the gun to the back of Ingrid’s head and
whispered a simple instruction,
“Don’t Move.”
Nadiah turned
on the bedside lamp, creating a spotlight on her fearful face.
“I’ve
forgiven you for many things, but this is too much. I can’t believe you brought
her into my house, in my bed. Nadiah how could you?”
“Alton what
are you doing here?”
“I live here!
I should shoot both of you skunk bitches dead right now!”
“Alton, I…”
“Nadiah shut up!
I don’t want to hear your fucking voice.”
“Alton you
know your sorry ass ain’t gonna …”
I cocked the
gun, roughly grabbed her by the hair, and pushed the barrel of the gun between
her eyes and spoke slowly,
“Another word
from you and I swear your brains will have to be scraped off of the fucking
walls. Test me if you want to.”
I stood there
trying to convince myself not to shoot them both.
“You got 5
minutes to get your grimy, gutter, hoodrat asses out of my house!”
As she bent
to pick up clothes from the floor, I stopped her.
“Leave them
right there. The only thing either of you might leave with are your lives and
you better be thankful for that.”
“You can’t
put me out of my house. Who in the hell….”
“You should
be walking not talking.” I said as I aimed the gun at her face.
I followed
them out to the garage where Nadiah went to get in the brand new Red on Black
Cadillac XLR-V I’d purchased for her birthday. One of the many material things
I mistakenly threw at the problem of my doomed marriage.
“You don’t
seriously think I’m letting you drive out of here on that bitch’s tail in the
$100,000 car I bought?”
“This is my
car. You bought it for me!” She screamed.
“Exactly, I
bought it!”
“Girl he
can’t put you out and keep everything. You’ll get your car plus some. If he
calls the police, they’ll let you take the car.” Ingrid chimed in.
“Call the
police and they’ll be removing two dead bitches out of my garage!”
“Call me
another bitch! Go ahead!” Ingrid challenged.
“BITCH!!! Now
do something! Short hair doesn’t make you a man. Step to me and you’ll get your
ass kicked like the man you want to be.”
“Nadiah
forget this country, collard green and ham hock eating bastard. He ain’t worth
it.”
“Fuck you,
you rug munching bitch!” I retorted.
“He can talk
big but he ain’t about to do shit.” Nadiah mistakenly predicted.
Nadiah had
false confidence as I stood there calmly with my arms folded. I let her get in
the car and as she started it up, I calmly grabbed my sledgehammer from behind
my tool chest. Her eyes got as a big as saucers when I swung it over my head
and hit the windshield over the driver’s side. Next was the driver’s side
window, and then I went around the whole car and shattered every window. Nadiah
turned the car off but was afraid to get out. She probably thought about all
she had done to make me to go crazy on her.