Authors: Emily Cale
Moments like this made her believe it might be worth the effort of putting up with another person if it meant having someone else there for her. She restrained herself from searching the stands for Colt. Her heart ached at his betrayal, but fear seized her more than anything. What did she really have? What if she lost this competition? Where would it put her, then?
“You’re in the next set.” A man with a clipboard walked by her, checking the number taped to her chest versus the one on his sheet.
Nodding, she closed her eyes to focus in on what needed to get done. In her mind, she tried to visualize the run going perfectly, her horse making every turn as tight as physically possible, the run being as fast as she’d practiced, and hitting the finish line in record time. Then another vision pushed into her mind. Her fall. The horse’s hooves sliding against the rocks as they both went crashing to the ground and the crowd gasped. That image made everything feel hopeless. She couldn’t go through it all a second time. The first time had been a big enough mess. The pain, the months of rehab, all the paralyzing fear. If she went down again, she knew she wouldn’t make a full recovery.
It wasn’t too late. She could back out now, turn around, leave the stadium, and never look back. Sure, for a few minutes someone might search for her, confused at her sudden disappearance, but then all thoughts of her would disappear into the back of everyone’s mind. In a few years, the only people who recognized her name would be people who’d watched reruns of competitions on late-night television.
“Time to saddle up.” Lauren Bradley walked past her, two of her lackeys following close behind.
She’d always been Amber’s least favorite competitor. It was unfortunate, since the two of them had been riding together from the very beginning. Sighing, she made her way over to Black Lightning.
“You know, you’re the only one who has always been here for me. We’ve been through every competition together. The ones we won and the ones we lost. Whatever happens today, you’ll always be the best friend I’ve ever had.”
Of course, he didn’t answer.
“Well, I know you actually care.”
She took him over, mounted, and situated herself in the saddle. Ready or not, in a few minutes she’d find out if she really were back.
She stood, watching the competitors in front of her give their best runs. Most of the riders ran it in just over eighteen seconds, but Jenna Green, one of her biggest competitors, managed 17.6, giving her in an early lead. It was beatable, but only if she was in top form. The way her body was shaking, she doubted she’d be able to break eighteen. What she needed was focus and a sense of serenity like she had found the day she beat her personal best at the ranch.
That wasn’t going to happen, though. That came from somewhere deep inside her, a place she’d left behind a few days ago. She had no one but herself and her horse. That’s all anyone hoped for when they went out there. Anything else they claimed was a joke.
When Lauren’s turn came, she found herself unable to watch. Moving away, she tried using imagery again, ignoring any sign that her competitor might be pulling ahead of the entire group. Then she heard it. The sound was too familiar to be mistaken. The gasp from the crowd, followed by a long moment of silence. Still unable to look, she closed her eyes and said a little prayer. Lauren might be her fiercest competitor, but Amber wouldn’t wish the last few months of her life on anyone. The pain was nothing compared to the nightmares and constant second-guessing.
When the announcer finally came over the air to announce that Lauren was okay, Amber allowed herself to breathe out. She hadn’t realized she was even holding her breath. Of course, those announcements were always understated. Unless they knew for a fact that the person was dying, they always gave the same little spiel. What they never mentioned was the fact that the rider would spend a huge amount of time trying to recover from the event, whether or not there was physical damage.
“You’re up in two.” The clipboard person came around again.
She couldn’t possibly ride after that. Her hands shook violently, and her heart threatened to push its way out of her chest. Somehow, she managed to dismount and make her way to the fence. All she could manage was to hold on tight and pray she wouldn’t pass out. Everything felt like it was spinning. She couldn’t do this, not today, maybe not ever.
***
As the rider went down, all he could think about was whether Amber would be able to go on. After everything she’d been through, trying to prepare for this, seeing someone go down would shake her spirit. He’d watched her struggle to overcome her fear, but now that it was sitting right in front of her, he knew she wouldn’t be able to simply ignore it anymore. He certainly wouldn’t be able to.
He needed to see her. Sure, she’d asked him to leave her alone, but he couldn’t simply sit in the stands and wonder how she was doing. If she didn’t go out there, or worse, if she did and something happened, he’d always feel as though he’d abandoned her in the moment of her greatest need. He had to do something more. Whether she liked it or not, they were in it together at this point. Maybe yelling at him would take her mind off her turn.
He stood up and pushed his way through all the people out on the concourse. Once there, he nearly sprinted around to the back area where the contestants hung out. He started stopping people and asking where she might be, but everyone gave him the same response. They hadn’t seen her in a while. His gut sank. Maybe she’d already run off. It’d taken him a little bit to work his way back there, so there was a chance he had missed her.
Turning around, he found her clutching the fence, Black Lightning standing close by.
“Amber?” He jogged over and put an arm on her back. “What are you doing? You’re supposed to go on in a minute.” He half-expected her to slap him across the face and walk off without another word. He wouldn’t blame her if she did. After all, he’d treated her like some woman he meant to sleep with then leave behind. If he’d followed his instincts, he wouldn’t have kept any secrets from her.
“I don’t think I can.” Her eyes were puffy and red, like she’d been crying, but he didn’t see a single tear.
“Why not? Because someone else fell? How many competitions have you been at where no one fell?”
She didn’t answer him.
“You have to go out there. You’ve worked too hard not to go out there and give it your best shot.”
We’ve worked too hard to give up.
“I can’t. I’m not ready.” She turned away.
Catching her arm, he held her in place. “Do you think you’ll be ready at any point? If you leave now, what are you going to do? Keep training until the next competition? Then what? Will you give up at the next one where someone before you falls? You can’t base your competition on anyone else. The only one you are competing against today is yourself. As long as you go out there and ride, you’re a winner.” He’d heard the line a hundred times, but not once in his career had he believed it. Saying it to Amber, he finally understood what it meant. Whatever happened on her runs, no matter what the results of the go-rounds were, he would always think she was the bravest person he’d ever met.
“I don’t feel like one right now.” She relaxed her arm and allowed him to pull her close.
“You don’t have to. I know that you are the best rider out here. I’ll believe in you. You just go out there and do the best you can.”
“What if I screw it up? What if I fall again?” She finally voiced the words he’d imagined playing in her mind like a broken record since the first day he met her.
“You’ll still be a winner in my book.” He kissed her forehead gently.
“Do you really believe that I can do this?”
“No.”
Her smile fell.
“I don’t have to believe in anything, I know you can.”
“You’re up,” a voice called from a few steps away.
She took in a deep breath, mounted Black Lightning, and moved off toward the arena.
Watching her, he felt like it was his own reputation on the line. He didn’t know what he’d say to her if things went wrong again. It would be impossible for her to get back out there a second time, even if she was capable.
***
Sitting at the start line, Amber felt like she might throw up. It might even be the better option at this point. At least that would get her out of making the run. She’d claim food poisoning, and no one would ever know she’d chickened out. No one except her and Colt. She thought about him standing behind her, waiting to see how she did.
If she didn’t do this today, she’d never get back out there. It’d be too scary. Sucking in a deep breath, she cleared her mind. She pushed out the images of her last competition, of hitting the ground and being rushed to the hospital. All the rehab and the hours spent convincing herself to get back on her horse moved through her head, and she shoved them into the dark recesses of her mind. Then the more recent memories moved forward. Finally managing to run Black Lightning through the course while Colt watched her, encouraging and pushing her until she could actually see her dreams coming true. The nights spent wrapped in Colt’s arms, talking about nothing and everything at the same time.
When her cue came, she took off at top speed. As she rounded the first barrel, she felt her horse’s hooves slide in the dirt a little. Her whole body tensed up. What had she been thinking? She wasn’t ready to compete again. Not now and maybe not ever.
Colt’s words of encouragement flooded her head. His confidence in her overwhelmed her. Usually, the only thing she could think about while riding was winning. How fast were they moving? Was the turn tight enough? But this time, only an image of Colt holding out his arms for her stood at the end of the race. She’d had a million opportunities to admit her true feelings and that she’d forgiven him long ago, but her stupid ego kept holding her back. Still, he’d shown up. Not just at the rodeo, but by her side at her weakest moment.
She loosened up a little and let her horse do what she’d trained him to do. The lead-in to the second barrel was perfect, and Black Lightning made one of the tightest turns he’d ever managed. One more and they’d be on the home stretch.
As they made the last circle, she dug her heels in and urged her horse to make the fastest run back to the finish possible. She swore if she made it, she’d tell Colt how she actually felt. No more bullshit. She didn’t have time for that crap anymore, not if she wanted to have everything.
After she passed the gates, she slowed and looked up at the clock. Not bad, but not good either. Seventeen point eight. It got her up in the top ten, but if she wanted to win, she’d have to make up a couple seconds in her second run. She dismounted and took her horse over to the stables. He’d get a break for food and water until it was time for the second round.
As soon as his needs were handled, she turned and searched for Colt. She didn’t have to look hard.
“You did great.”
“It wasn’t my best, but at least I’m on the board.” At the moment, all she could think about was what she needed to say to him. She needed to get it out before the next go-around.
“Do you feel better?”
“I’m not sure I’ll feel better until the entire day is over and I can go back to the ranch and fall asleep.” Her shoulders slumped forward. “It’ll be another few hours before they announce the final results for the day. I’m on the leader board now, but there are a lot of people left to go in the first round and then we start over again.”
“You’re coming back?” He looked genuinely surprised.
“Only if the owner will take me.” She stepped back and looked up at him. At this point, she had no idea what to expect. She wouldn’t blame him for saying no. They still had a lot to work out.
The corner of his mouth lifted as he shoved his hands in his pockets. “Well, your room has already been rented out to a new boarder.”
“Oh, I understand.” She tried to keep her face steady, but her bottom lip had already started to quiver. Now would be a great time for that food poisoning lie. At least she’d have a couple minutes alone to get the tears out of her system. And save some of her pride, but her heart squeezed at the thought of leaving him. She opened her mouth to retort until he spoke first.
“However, if you were interested, I think I could find space for you in my house.”
She froze, then scrunched up her face and slugged him in the shoulder. He’d actually had her going for a while.
“I have one rule, though.” He paused for a moment and took a deep breath, settling his hands on her hips to draw her closer. “You have to keep up with your training. There will be no slacking off on my watch.”