The press of hot tears tightens my throat, but I swallow them back. Crying is useless and stupid and only serves to make sure everyone knows exactly how weak you are. I don’t cry. Ever.
But, despite my resolve, I feel my eyes dampen. I turn and shove through the door before anyone notices. When I run smack into a solid wall of cement on the other side, I look up through blurry eyes at six foot plus of dark-haired brood.
Despite that I’m flailing for balance, I look away. Destiny seeing me cry would have been bad. Bran seeing it is worse.
He grabs my arms to steady me. When he lifts my chin, I close my eyes. The action forces a tear pooling in the corner over my lashes. He starts to thumb it away, but I yank out of his grasp and scrub it off myself.
His jaw grinds tight and those dark eyes glow death. “What happened, Lilah? Did someone hurt you?”
I shake my head. “No. Nothing like that. I’m fine.”
His expression softens as his eyes scour my face for the truth. “I may not have women quite figured out, but I’m pretty sure when they leak it means there’s a problem.”
“I just had something in my eye,” I say, pressing my knuckles into it.
He gives me a slow, skeptical nod. “Okay.”
I’m usually a really good liar, but with Bran, all my wires get crossed and I forget myself. I blow out a defeated sigh. “Shiloh got Destiny and me tickets for
The Voice
final, but our car’s in the shop and we’re saving everything we can to get it fixed. We can’t afford bus tickets.”
“Where and when?” he asks.
I sniffle and wipe my arm under my nose. “Tuesday in L.A.”
He glances at the battered wooden door to the bar. “Tuesday’s are slow. Mom can cover the bar for me. I’ll drive you down.”
The flood of relief nearly drowns me. “Oh my god! Seriously?”
He smiles this heart-stopping smile. “Seriously.”
Before common sense kicks back in, I spring into his arms. “Holy shit!” But then I realize where I am and draw back. “Sorry.”
He lets me go, but his eyes burn into mine. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. I think I’ve made it pretty damn clear I’m good with you there.”
I take a deep breath and chew my lip. “You should date Destiny.”
He holds my gaze. “I’ve already told both of you that’s not happening.”
“Why?” I challenge, and I realize on the wave of frustration that word rides that I need to know if it’s because of me.
“Either you’re into someone or you’re not. I’m not into Destiny. I shouldn’t have slept with your sister. I knew that a minute after it happened. If I could undo it, I would. But if she’s holding out some hope of a thing between us, it’s because she didn’t hear me when I told her it wasn’t going to happen.” He takes a deep breath and shakes his head. “The honest to fuck truth is, if I’d met you first, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, because I would have taken you home that night, and the night after that, and every night since. I’ve never done a real relationship in my life, but you make me think it might be worth a shot.”
It
is
because of me. I ruined this for my sister.
I shake my head and back away another step. “I’ll check Amtrak.”
His jaw tightens. “You’re not taking the damn Amtrak, Lilah. Tell Destiny I’ll bring you guys down and drop you at the studio. I’ve got a buddy from my unit down there. I can hang with him while you guys are at the show.”
“Is this going to be weird? You, me, and Destiny?” I already know the answer before I ask. It’s going to be excruciating.
He shrugs. “Not for me. I’ve got nothing to hide. I’ve been up front with both of you.”
And I’ve lied to everyone. “Then you get the gold star.”
He lifts my face with a finger under my chin and holds me in his intense gaze. “You tell me what you want me to do, Lilah. I’m not a great actor, but if you want me to pretend to Destiny that you don’t light my fuse, I’ll give it my best shot.”
I shake my head out of his grasp, then keep shaking it, because lightning has struck me dead with the realization I’m totally falling for Bran. I know this because of the panic rising like a tsunami inside of me.
There’s no way the three of us can spend hours trapped in a car without Bran finding out I’m sixteen. All Destiny has to do is mention I’m missing school, or ask about making up my homework.
All along I’ve told myself I didn’t care if he found out—that it was just a crush and when he ditched me, it wouldn’t matter. But the way my intestines are tying themselves in a knot around my stomach is all the proof I need that I was lying to myself.
I’m falling in love with Branson Silo.
Shit on a stick.
I have to tell him the truth.
“She can’t know I kissed you,” slips out of my mouth on a wave of all-consuming panic. So much for the truth.
His eyes grow suspicious, and I realize it’s because I’m coming totally unwound right here in front of him. “What’s going on, Lilah?”
“Nothing.” My head keeps shaking all on its own as I back away from him. “Nothing’s going on. Just promise me you won’t say anything to Destiny.”
He holds up a hand. “I won’t tell Destiny, but I think
you
should.”
Oh, hell no. My head is still shaking. I can’t stop it. “This is a bad idea.” I turn and stagger toward home.
Chapter 15
Bran
With Carol out, Destiny’s taken over nights this week. Last night she was lamenting that she needed to find a way to get her sister to L.A. for the show, so I know Lilah hasn’t mentioned my offer.
I should leave it alone, but when Destiny clocks in for her Friday night shift, I pour her a Diet Coke. “Have you figured anything out for L.A.?” I ask as I push her glass across to her.
She shakes her head, all gloom and doom. “This is really important to her, but I just gave the guy at the auto shop all the money we had plus everything I stole from your tips jar to order the part for the car. We’ve got no spare cash.”
I drum my fingernails on the bar and stop myself when I realize it’s driven by nerves. “How would you feel about me taking you two down?”
She just blinks at me.
Lilah’s going to hate me for this, but it’s too late now. “Mom will cover for me here. It’s really not a big deal.”
Her eyes widen and her whole face lights. “It’s a
huge
deal. Lilah’s the only family Shiloh has.”
“So…if we leave early Tuesday morning, that would get us to L.A. around one. Does that work?”
“I’ll check with her, but I think so.”
One of my regulars slides onto the barstool at the end and I start on his beer. “You should tell Mom you’ll be off that day too. She can get my sister to cover the floor after she closes up the gym.”
She shakes her head. “I can’t afford the day off work, but you going with Lilah is perfect. Even if I could have come up with the money for a bus ticket, I was worried about sending her alone.”
The comment strikes me as a little off until I remember what happened with their parents. I know Lilah worries about Destiny and that obviously goes both ways.
A shudder fingers down my spine and settles in my groin at the thought of an entire day with Lilah. “Sounds good.”
I move down the bar and drop my customer’s beer in front of him. He tells me about his gout and the twelve-year-old Indian doctor that his insurance has referred him to. I listen, but the whole time, in my mind, I’m alone in the Torino with Lilah.
And I’m watching the door.
Seven.
Eight.
Nine.
A knot forms in my chest.
The place is full and Destiny is tripping over herself trying to keep everyone happy. Carol always makes it look so easy. She comes up with an order and brushes a loose strand of hair back from her face. “Didn’t realize how nuts it gets in here on weekend nights. No wonder Lilah does so well.”
I grab at the opening like a drowning man at a buoy. “Speaking of, where is she?”
She pulls a face. “She got a job over at that corner market, but I think they close at eight.”
I start on her order. “Didn’t know she’d found something.”
“Her boyfriend hooked her up.”
Shrapnel cuts through my insides and my hands stop mid-pour before I force them moving again. I toss her what I hope passes for a casual glance. “They serious, you think?”
She shrugs. “They spend a lot of time together, so I guess.”
I set up her tray and she heads back out to the floor. When Lilah’s still not here at ten, I know she’s not coming. Which makes me wonder again about her meltdown yesterday. I said something that spooked her. I’ve replayed the conversation over and over, and I’m still not sure what. Either way, I seem to have scared her off, which means she’s not going to be happy I set Tuesday up behind her back.
Chapter 16
Lilah
Today was my first day at my new job. It doesn’t pay enough that I can quit playing at the bar, but tonight was also the last home football game, so instead of Sam Hill, I went up to school after I got off at the market. I figured making half of one game was the least I could do for Jon, considering everything he’s done for me.
There’s a party in the park after the game that we stop by. He keeps his arm around me and I’m good with that. Drunken lust has set in and there are a few guys eyeing me. Jon on my shoulder is like full body armor, totally innocuous but enough to deflect an attack.
Finally, one of the guys comes over anyway, and that’s when I realize it’s not me he’s checking out. It’s Jon.
I’m surprised when Jon doesn’t let me go to talk to him. If anything, he pulls me closer. They talk a little about the game and he tells Jon congrats on the win.
“The enemy,” Jon says when he’s gone. “Linebacker for the other team.”
“He was cute.”
Jon kisses my cheek. “Not my type.”
My eyes widen. “Changing your mind?”
He shrugs. “Keeping it open.”
My phone buzzes a little after eleven and I pull it from my pocket. Destiny.
“Thought you’d be at Sam Hill tonight. Where are you?”
“Decided to go to a party with Jon instead.” Because there’s no way I’m ready to deal with whatever my mutinous hormones have going on for Bran right now. Especially with Destiny for an audience.
“As long as everything’s okay,” she says. “Also, I have great news. I was going to tell you when you got here, but since you’re not coming…Bran is going to drive you to L.A! How awesome is that?”
I feel that same electric jolt I felt when he suggested it. But I told him no. I think. The whole conversation yesterday kind of got swallowed by my panic attack and I don’t really remember how it was left.
“Tell him thanks, but I’ll figure something else out.”
“Lilah,” she says, exasperated, “it’s four days away. I can’t take the time off from work and I don’t want you going alone. This is the perfect solution.”
It is so far from perfect there’s not even a word for how un-perfect it is. But then I really hear what she just said. “Wait…you’re not going?”
“If we’re going to be able to make those payments on the car, I can’t skip a day.”
I open my mouth to say I shouldn’t go either, then, but I can’t force the words from my mouth. This is the biggest thing to ever happen to me.
Well…the biggest thing that doesn’t involve blaring sirens and the destruction of an entire city block, anyway.
I look pleadingly at Jon and he looks a question back. I’ve already asked him if he’d play hooky and he surprised me by saying he would…except they’re in the middle of playoffs, and if he misses practice his coach would have his ass in a sling.
He says that a lot, which makes me curious about the boys’ locker room. I picture slings hanging from the ceiling like something out of Christian Grey’s red room of pain.
“Okay,” I hear myself say.
“I’m so happy we found a solution, Lilah. I would have felt guilty for the rest of my life if we couldn’t have gotten you there.” There’s a crash and the breaking of glass, then Destiny’s “Shit!” through the line. “I’ve got to go,” she says and the line goes dead.
Jon presses his forehead to my temple. “You look like you swallowed a porcupine.”
“I got a ride to L.A. for Lo’s final.”
“AHH!” he wails banshee style in my ear, grabbing me with both hands and shaking.
“Yeah,” I say, extricating myself from his grasp before he gives me whiplash.
“This calls for a celebration.” He drags me to the keg and pumps the tap, then fills two cups. He hands one to me and holds his up ceremoniously. “To famous friends and their coattails.”
I tap my cup against his. “So now
I’m
set. Who’s coattails are
you
going to ride?”
That rubber grin stretches his mouth. “Yours.”
♫
When Jon drops me at the apartment, Destiny’s still at work. I could probably stretch my curfew now that she’s working nights, but I don’t really feel the need.
But if Destiny’s not even taking the day off to come to L.A., I can’t justify quitting the bar. So, if she hasn’t already spilled my secret, tomorrow I’m going to suck it up and tell Bran the truth: he’s a chaperone, not a date.