Getting Old is the Best Revenge (22 page)

There is much consternation at this.

"You should have the captain call your husband," says Ida.

"Oh, no, don't do that. He's scuba diving in the Keys with friends. He doesn't like it if I call when he's away. I don't want to spoil his good time. I'm really all right."

Evvie adds, "But wouldn't he want to know?"

"At least we should inform the captain," I say.

"Please, there's no reason anyone would want to hurt me. I'm just a nervous kind of person. I don't do well when I'm alone. It was an accident. Don't make a fuss. Please."

Amy closes her eyes. "I think that pill he gave me is making me sleepy."

Ida fixes the blanket around her.

"We'll leave now," I say. I want to question her further, but that can wait until she's had some rest. "Is there anything else you need?"

"Just sleep."

So we tiptoe out, turning off the lights behind us.

Standing outside the infirmary, I face my girls. I am not happy about this and I tell them so. "Her husband has a right to know. And the captain, as well." I think I've begun to doubt my own judgment. Morrie. Jack. Even Casey and Barbi. Every one
proving
how wrong I am. But all my instincts are shouting out to me--why didn't I make Amy go directly to the captain? If I had felt better about myself, I might have averted this near catastrophe.

"But she said no," Sophie says.

"What kind of man wouldn't let her call just because he's scuba diving?" Ida is outraged.

"But what can he do? He can't get on the ship and she can't get off." This from Evvie. "All they can do is talk to each other."

"That would be comforting for her," Sophie adds.

"Helicopters could bring him or take her, that's what. I've seen that in a lot of movies," says Evvie.

Ida adds, "That captain already hates us. I bet he wouldn't believe us."

"Oh, no!" I stop suddenly. "I forgot, we're supposed to meet the Sicilianos for cocktails. We're so late. We'll talk about this later."

We wend our way from the infirmary to the Devil's Own Bar. That weirdo sign over it with the nasty, leering devil gives me the creeps.

I can see by the number of empty glasses in front of Elio that they've been waiting a long while. And by the tapping of his feet, he's not too happy.

"We didn't know whether to keep waiting or go have dinner." Angelina is wearing yet another of her black outfits. I wonder if she has any other colors in her wardrobe.

"We ran into a problem," I say.

"We know all about it," Elio says. "Everybody's been talking. Is your friend all right?"

Evvie answers, "Yes, thank God. It's a miracle she wasn't killed."

We all sit and order drinks. Sophie and Bella have become very fond of Mai Tais.

I'm not much of a drinker, but a tall Bloody Mary feels needed after today. Evvie dittos my call.

Ida drinks club soda. She's terrified of anything that might make her sick again.

"I still can't get over it," I say. "That we're on the same ship."

"Yeah, how come you picked this one?" Evvie asks. "I mean, like we told you, we're here because of winning that bingo cruise contest."

"I didn't pick it, it picked me," says Angelina. "I was over at my cousin Josephine's house, helping to pack away her things. All us cousins were there and also her brothers, but, of course, they left all the work to the women."

"Hah," puts in Elio, "them broads were dying to go through Jo's jewels and clothes. Her husband was very generous. He was on his way out to his country club and he told the ladies to take what they wanted to remember her by. I thought he was an idiot giving away expensive things, but then again, what did he need with women's stuff? I came over 'cause I was waiting for the fun to start when they tore each other's eyes out fighting over the loot."

Angelina humphs. "All I got was some ratty fur stole. That's all I could fit into. I don't use perfume, so who cared about that. But she did have one thing I wanted. Way in the back of her fancy lingerie drawer she had a ticket for a cruise. On the
Heavenly,
for some bridge tournament. Nobody else grabbed it, so I did. Cheapskate here hasn't taken me on a vacation in ten years. And besides, it was nonrefundable, so why should I let it go to waste? The ship gave me an argument about transferring tickets, but when I cried and told them she was dead, they said okay. Besides, now Elio bought a ticket, so they were getting extra money."

Cheapskate ignores her and puffs on his cigar, which is choking us with its fumes.

"Excuse me, I'm starving." Bella hiccups as she says this. Half a Mai Tai and she's tipsy.

"Good idea," says Elio, stubbing the smelly thing out in the ashtray. He's delighted to be rid of us.

"Good idea," I agree. The fumes are giving me a headache and so has this highly charged day. I need some food.

We are certainly not dressed for dinner, but who cares after the day we had? Though I do wish I had taken the time to wash my face and comb my hair. When we enter the dining room, the Sicilianos turn to the left for their seats, and we head right. I spot Captain Standish at the entrance, so I twist my head around to avoid being seen. The early meal service is already halfway through. We hurry toward our assigned table, trying to be inconspicuous.

Suddenly there is a drumroll. The music stops and everyone looks up.

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention." The captain is standing at a podium in the front of the room, speaking into a microphone. "Let me introduce you to the women who caused our ship to leave late." The spotlight zigzags across the room until it finds us. We all freeze, bowing our heads and trying to hide our unwashed, blushing faces. I wish the floor would open up under me.

So, this is our punishment. Public disgrace.

"These women, Gladys Gold, Evelyn Markowitz, Ida Franz, Bella Fox, and Sophie Meyerbeer, with great courage and unselfishness, this very afternoon saved the life of one of our passengers who had accidentally taken a serious fall. Let's hear it for these very special guests. The good ship
Heavenly
salutes them." Another drumroll sounds, and the band starts playing a rousing rendition of "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow." Our fellow passengers rise from their seats, singing along and applauding us with great gusto.

Now we are really blushing. But we smile and wave, pretending to be the sophisticates we are not.

The captain continues, "On behalf of the
Heavenly
home office, we wish to reward these heroic women with another
Heavenly
cruise of their choosing. First class, of course."

Well, waddaya know!

37

Sleepless in Heavenly

T
he room is hot. Ida has turned off the air con

ditioner again. Evvie waits until she thinks Ida's asleep and then turns it back on. Once the air kicks in, Ida pulls all the covers over her, including mine. I pull them back. Through our open adjoining door I can hear Sophie and Bella snoring away, their air turned on high. I am tossing; I cannot sleep. There are too many thoughts bubbling inside my head and they won't let me rest.

"You still awake, Glad?" Evvie whispers.

"Yes," I whisper back. "I thought you were asleep."

"No. I can't get over all the excitement today."

"Me, neither."

"Me, neither, too." Ida pops up. "Besides, who can sleep when it's freezing in here?"

"Oy,"
says Evvie. "Remind me never to sleep in the same room with you ever again. And that goes for the same bed, too."

"Fine by me."

"You girls having a party?" Sophie drags herself into our room. She is trailing her blanket and pillow behind her. "I have cookies." Under her bedding, clutched in her hand, is a pack of Oreos.

She drops down onto our mattresses. We all shift to make room for her. I get up on my knees to reach the wall switch and turn on the overhead light.

"I thought you were sleeping," I say.

"Not for a minute."

"We heard you snoring." Evvie grins, reaching for a cookie.

"I never snore."

"If you drop one cookie crumb in our bed, I'll kill you," says Ida to Evvie.

"Did I hear cookies?" Bella asks, rubbing her eyes, peering into our room.

We make room for Bella, with a lot of shifting of pillows and sheets and bodies. She contributes her stash of peanut butter cups. She also brought along her pink teddy bear, which she props up on half of my pillow.

"How can you be hungry with all we ate tonight?" asks Ida.

"It's still not too late. We can make the midnight buffet," says Sophie, leaning one leg out, ready to move in case we say yes.

There is serious thought about this for a moment.

"Nah, too much trouble," says Evvie, settling back down.

"Now if we only had milk with our cookies." Bella sighs.

"We've got milk in the minifridge." Evvie crawls across everyone's legs, ignoring our shrieks, reaches over to the fridge, and brings out a container. We take turns slurping as we pass the milk carton and cookies around, everyone enjoying the moment.

"You know what?" says Bella. "Sometimes I like being old. We can do anything we want and nobody cares."

There are contented sighs at that.

"Wasn't that something? The captain getting everyone to clap hands for us?" Sophie grins at the memory.

"Yeah, great . . ." is the consensus.

"Wait 'til the gang back home hears about us getting a free trip. First class!" Sophie is beaming.

We are quiet for a few minutes while we munch.

"I'm sure she didn't fall," I say abruptly.

Now the girls are all at attention.

"But maybe because she didn't take her medicine," Bella reminds me.

"Someone tried twice," I say, sure of my opinion now. My confidence is coming back. I am determined to find out who! "Let's vote." All hands shoot up except Bella's, who's still not convinced.

Evvie scrambles off the mattresses again.

"Now what?" Ida decides to get out of her

way by pulling her legs up and leaning against a side wall.

"I'm getting a pad and pen. We should take notes."

"Right," says Sophie. "The GG and A meeting now comes to order."

Bella asks, "Who?"

Sophie explains, "Gladdy Gold and Associates."

"Oh. Are we on a job?"

I say, "I think we are."

She smiles happily. "Good. But is anyone paying us?"

"I doubt it."

"Glad, what do we know so far?" Evvie asks, pen at the ready. "If we assume someone did follow Amy around and try to break in to her room, and then followed her onshore in order to kill her, who could it be?"

"But she's such a nice lady. Why?" asks Bella.

"Later," I say. "Let's get the chronology first. Amy was just about to leave the fort to join us back at the ship. That would have been just before twothirty. I was already at the ship. The would-be killer needed about ten minutes to get back. At two-forty Evvie arrived. A number of couples got on board after her. The rest of you arrived just about that time. That's about the soonest he could have come aboard."

"I remember that first guy," Evvie says. "He was the MC of last night's show. He was sure in a hurry. Could it be him?"

"But he's so funny," Bella comments.

"What? Killers can't be funny?" Ida says. "What about that guy who shoved me?"

"Yeah. He was big," says Bella.

"About six feet," says Sophie.

"Not that tall," says Evvie. "Maybe fiveeight."

"Fat."

"No, just lots of muscles." Sophie is sure.

"Did anyone see his face?"

A round of nos.

"Hair?" We all speak at once. Blond. Gray. Brown. Bald. Well, that was no help.

"We can ask the sailors," suggests Sophie. "They'll have a record of everybody who came back in."

"Then the Packers couple came along. The only time they'd think about killing is when their team doesn't win." This from Evvie.

"And then the Dolls came." Ida shrugs. "That was it."

"And Roberto," says Bella, sighing. "Thank God. What would we have done without his help?"

"We must have missed someone. Think."

No one can think of anyone else.

Sophie gets excited. "You know, in all that crowd we never saw Roberto after we sent him to get help. We have to go and thank him tomorrow."

"I got an idea," Bella pipes up. "Maybe the Dolls did it. They're mean enough."

"Only about bingo."

"Maybe the killer never came back on board. I

mean, once he thought the job was done . . ." Evvie says this thoughtfully.

"I would guess just the opposite," I say. "He'd feel safe, and besides, if he didn't show up he'd be the obvious suspect."

"So, with all the fuss, he has to know she's alive. I wonder what's going on in his head."

"I bet he's worried whether he can get the job done now," Ida says.

"I think Amy knows something. She's hiding it, whatever it is. She overreacted when we said she should call her husband and tell the captain. She's afraid."

"Well, she ought to be afraid if someone is trying to kill her," says Ida.