Gifts of Honor: Starting from Scratch\Hero's Homecoming (6 page)

Cookies.

Mouthwatering scents of sugar, vanilla and rich, creamy butter wrapped around him like a welcoming embrace when he pushed through the door. A bell chimed overhead and he looked around the front room with interest. Whitewashed wrought iron tables and chairs he associated with ice cream shops dotted the area, along with well-lit food cases that housed his idea of heaven. Fist-sized muffins, cupcakes, slices of cheesecake, brownies and every cookie under the sun took up two-thirds of the front room, while the other third displayed a dozen different flavors of homemade ice cream. Glass jars of pralines, divinity, peanut brittle and fudge were prominently displayed by the cash register, and behind the counter was an antique soda station, complete with wooden handle pulls that, back in the day, gave rise to the term “soda jerk.” A jar of stemmed maraschino cherries sat by the soda fountain, and without warning he recalled holding a stemmed cherry over the mouth of...someone...

“Sully! Good to see you, young man.”

His head snapped up to find a round man with a close-cropped white beard and a halo of white hair fast approaching. It took a second to get over the possibility that Santa Claus had found his way to Bitterthorn before a name surfaced.

“Willard. Is that right?” With a grim smile, Sully shook the older man’s hand while hating his useless brain. It made no sense that he could remember ordinary people, but nothing of the woman he’d married. What sort of husband did that?

The other man’s face lit up. “That’s it exactly! Are your memories coming back?”

“Here and there.” Just nowhere near Lucy. “For instance, I think I’ve been in here before, haven’t I? It’s very familiar.”

“It should be. When you were a senior in high school, you spent almost every afternoon at that corner table doing your homework and trying to flirt with Lucy.”

Wistful yearning to remember even one of those moments joined the regret already eating away at him. “That sounds nice.”

“You both seemed to enjoy it.”

“Is Lucy working today?” The words were out before he could stop them, but when they hit his ears the ache inside eased. Even if he couldn’t remember her, the least he could do was apologize for making her cry.

Is it that you don’t love me
...

If possible, Willard’s smile beamed brighter. “Of course she is. Go on back and surprise the girl. I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to know you dropped in to see her.”

Or murderous, but Sully kept that to himself as he made his way to the kitchen. Overhead through a speaker, Bing Crosby insisted it was beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Lucy, however, clearly wasn’t a fan of seasonal music, if the earbuds she had plugged in were any indication. She sat alone at a huge center workstation, bent over a rack of cutouts waiting to be decorated. Her apron was smeared with streaks of red, green, blue and yellow, and in her hand she expertly wielded a pastry bag of shiny white icing.

The scent of vanilla hit him hard, and he closed his eyes as his world rocked. But this wasn’t the hated vertigo. This was something...important.
This
was what he’d been craving. This scent. This warmth.

This woman.

He didn’t remember crossing the room. Not that it mattered. The only thing that mattered was the maddening need to touch her. Taste her. Breathe her in and let her sink into every empty space he had, and pray to anyone listening that he could do the same for her.

So focused on the cookie she was decorating, she didn’t look up until he pulled the earbuds free. Then her eyes went wide and she rocketed off the work stool.

“Sullivan, what—”

“I’m sorry, but I have to...” The half-formed apology vanished under the weight of need, and with a shudder of helplessness he brought his mouth down to hers.

Chapter Five

She had to be dreaming. Or maybe the stoves were malfunctioning, spewing fumes she hadn’t noticed, and she was actually lying on the floor unconscious. That made more sense than Sully appearing out of her confused thoughts to kiss her as if starved for the taste of her. For months she’d fantasized about this; Sully sweeping in to announce his memories had returned and would do anything to make amends for daring to forget her. That she was loved, and cherished, and she would never be alone again because he’d finally remembered that he adored her.

Man, she loved that fantasy.

Blindly she set aside the pastry bag, not caring where it landed. It wasn’t important. What was important was that she could once again sift her fingers through Sully’s hair, as soft as velvet and irresistibly thick. She had despaired she’d never again experience that sensation, or revel in the way he slanted his mouth against hers so that the seal was perfect. A shuddering breath escaped her, a dry sob she couldn’t help as happiness and relief pierced through her with such purity it bordered on painful. At long last, she could welcome him home the way she’d yearned to.

One of his hands slid up the line of her spine to cradle the back of her head, supporting her under the onslaught of his devouring kiss. Wallowing in the sensation, she wrapped her arms around his powerful frame and prayed he felt how much she’d missed him in the strength of her embrace alone. More than anything she wanted him to focus on the here and now, and not her dreadful silence when he’d shipped out. The past didn’t matter. What mattered was that she’d been lucky enough to have him returned to her, perhaps not in one piece, but by God he was still breathing. Nothing was more important as that.

His kiss was an open and unapologetic seduction. The crushed silk texture of his lips softened their granite-hard press, a press that conveyed without words a depthless hunger only she could satisfy. She could easily become drunk on his taste—clean and dark all at the same time, and the sensual flick of his tongue against hers had her breath catching somewhere between her heart and throat. She arched up, chasing a deeper sensation, and her mind faded under a blanket of bliss when her breasts flattened against the solid wall of his chest. The thunder of his pulse rocked her universe, matching the wild thrum of her own. The twin weights of grief and worry vanished as if they had never been, so much so she thought she might actually float off the ground if he hadn’t been holding on to her so tightly.

He was home. At last, her man was home.

A shudder rippled through him when she twined her tongue around his, a languorous move designed to both please and seek pleasure. When his lips curled against hers, her pulse skipped several beats. She’d almost forgotten what a rush it was to feel his delight as if it were her own, and she never wanted it to end.

“Wow.” His fingers tightened on the restrictive bun she’d coiled her hair into, as if he were fighting the urge to tug it free. “If I’d known how mind-blowing it is to kiss you, I would have done it one hell of a lot sooner.”

The reflexive burst of happiness that he’d found her kiss mind-blowing was eclipsed by the deeper meaning behind his words.

If I had known
...

The giddy soaring of her soul slammed back down to earth like a meteor. It jolted her from the inside out, and with her brain insisting she was somehow stuck in a nightmare, she backed out of his arms and didn’t stop until she hit her work stool.

This couldn’t be happening. It
couldn’t
be. Life couldn’t be that cruel, could it?

The desire in Sully’s expression mingled with a flare of concern. “Lucy? What’s wrong? Don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy that as much as I did.”

“Sullivan.”
Please remember me.
Oh God
,
please
... “Do you remember our first kiss?”

The edgy passion she could see in him vanished as suddenly as if a switch had been thrown. “As far as I’m concerned, that was our first kiss.”

Hope flickered and died. Her legs went out from under her, and if the stool hadn’t been there she would have hit the floor, right along with her heart. For an instant it was almost as bad as losing him all over again, only this time she had no one to blame but herself. What an ass she was, getting her sappy fantasy mixed up with reality. There were no miracle kisses that could wake her masculine version of Sleeping Beauty.

She was such an idiot.

“Lucy.” Sully cupped her chin in his hand. “Talk to me. Please.”

“When you kissed me, I thought you remembered...”
I
mattered to you
. “I just thought you remembered. Why else would you bounce in here out of the blue and kiss me like that?”

“That wasn’t the original plan.” With a curious tenderness, he brushed at a tendril that had come loose from her bun. “I came to apologize for being the source of your misery, but I couldn’t find words big enough to make it all better. So I kissed you instead.”

The knot that formed in her throat almost strangled her, and she took a moment to make sure she could talk. “Is that so?”

“That’s so. Not to mention you’re quite possibly the most irresistible woman I’ve ever met. I couldn’t help myself.”

“You have RA. You don’t remember all the women you’ve met.”

“Call it a guy instinct. Guys just know these things.”

“You don’t say.” That was such vintage Sully charm she didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. She split the difference by forcing a smile, making a stab at appearing normal as she looked back to where she’d laid the decorating bag. “Dammit. Ruined a cookie.” Pulling the Santa’s face covered in smeared icing out from under the bag, she frowned at the mess before holding it out. “One of the perks of knowing a baker—you get to destroy the mistakes by eating the evidence. Open wide.”

“Your wish is my command.” Instead of taking it from her, he surprised her by guiding her hand to his mouth while his gaze held on to hers and refused to let go. His teeth sank in, but with his eyes making bold love to hers she could easily imagine him taking a sweet love-bite at the place where neck met shoulder. Or on the slope of her breast. Or on her inner thigh, sucking on the sensitized flesh until he had left his personal mark there. Then he would slide his attention upward to her hidden core, parting her legs wide with confident, caressing hands, and she would let him, eager and ready for him to explore the—

“Sully! This is a wonderful surprise.” Pauline’s voice sliced through the fantasy Lucy could see in the smoldering green depths of Sully’s eyes, a fantasy in which part of her hungered to play a starring role. On a tremulous breath she looked away, trying to get her thoughts in order, but it was a lost cause. Who would have thought Sully could still be attracted to her, despite having no memory of who she was? It was enough to boggle the mind. Until that moment, it had never occurred to her that a relationship might still be possible with him, a man who didn’t know her. But it could be done. It would be like starting from scratch—two strangers hoping to connect through a physical attraction that was off the charts. People the world over did that every day, so why couldn’t they?

Because they weren’t two strangers, came the brutal reply. They had once been
married
, for God’s sake. That wasn’t something she could just forget.

But Sully had forgotten it. Their shared history was no longer shared, not in the strictest sense, and in the past year they’d gone their separate ways. They had evolved into different people, to the point where they could now fit into the category of strangers. If she looked at it from that perspective, maybe there was no harm in exploring the physical attraction between them.

Or maybe she was so pathetic in her desperation to have him back in her life she was willing to believe she’d be content with nothing more than lusty tussling between the sheets.

“Pauline.” Belatedly Lucy recognized the blankness in Sully’s expression as he polished off the rest of the cookie, and came to the rescue. “Sullivan, this is Pauline Padgett, Bitterthorn’s version of Willy Wonka. Her pralines-and-cream ice cream has won just about every blue ribbon in the state of Texas, so don’t forget to give it a try. Pauline, I hope you don’t mind Sullivan helping me get rid of my decorating boo-boos.”

“Honey, that’s what the men are for.” A flash of disappointment that Sully had no recollection of her passed through the older woman’s expression before she surveyed the workstation. “Around this time of year, we women use you men as walking garbage disposals.”

“I’m not complaining, though I probably should.” With a rueful sigh, Sully patted his flat stomach. “I’m going to have to go on a diet after the holidays. Speaking of which,” he added, sliding a glance at Lucy, “my dad would love it if you could manage to replace the cookies I sort plowed through already.”

“What about your box of cookies?” At his sheepish look, her jaw unhinged. “Okay, that’s not even possible. There were thirty cookies apiece in those boxes.”

“It’s your fault. They’re like the crack of the cookie world. Small and crisp, and a perfect blend of spice and the tang of vanilla and molasses, with that creamy sweetness of the powdered sugar...” He looked at the work station and sighed. “Do me a favor and mess up another cookie, okay? I’ve made myself hungry.”

“News flash, these aren’t Pfeffernüsse.”

“Are you seriously going to stand in the way of a man struggling with a sugar addiction?”

“I’ve always loved living dangerously.” But she took pity on him and gave him another cookie, this time a snowman whose face was wonky in a Picasso sort of way. “Tell your addiction and your dad that I do have some Pfeffernüsse curing at my place. They taste better after about a week in order for the spices to blend. But if your dad wants some now...”

“I’ll pick them up at your place after work tonight, if that’s okay.” He took the Picasso snowman cookie and gave her a wink. “We Jax men aren’t known for our patience.”

“And I doubt they’re known for their subtlety either.” Pauline’s brows were trying to climb into her hairline once they were alone. “His head still isn’t right, Lucy. I don’t know what might be going on in your mind and no one knows what’s going on in his, but there’s one thing I do know—of the two of you,
you’re
the one who’s still in love. You wouldn’t do something foolish, like forgetting that, would you?”

“That’s the one thing I’m not sure of.” But after a kiss like that, Sully wasn’t the only one dealing with a possible addiction.

* * *

A bluesy song crooned in the background, subtle enough to calm Lucy’s jittery nerves. The scent of her dinner—a single portion of a lasagna she’d made earlier in the week—perfumed the air. She’d changed out of her grungy work clothes into a pair of worn jeans, scarlet sweater and striped blanket socks, an outfit she would have worn after work at any other time, on any other day.

Except this wasn’t any other time, on any other day. For the first time since before they’d gotten married, Sully was dropping by to see her.

“He’s just coming to pick up cookies, for God’s sake, not spending the night.” Exasperated with her nervous schoolgirl reaction to Sully’s anticipated appearance, Lucy refused to once again check her reflection. Instead she rearranged magazines on the coffee table into a perfectly symmetrical fan. It was Sully’s fault she’d turned into an absolute basket case. This casual meeting would have been so much simpler if he hadn’t kissed her—a kiss that was now playing on an infinite loop in her head no matter how hard she tried to shut it down. If he hadn’t done that, she could have just given him his cookies without batting an eye. No muss, no fuss, drive carefully and bye-bye.

Instead, here she was making fan designs out of magazines.

The hell of it was, she’d been doing okay. One second she’d been doing her Scrooge-iest best to avoid anything Christmassy by listening to some classic Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody,” and the next Sully was making love to her mouth. Not because he remembered her. No. He’d just come in and laid one on her rather than apologizing for being the sorest spot in her life.

And wow, had she kissed him back. Kissed him, and loved every heart-stopping, giddy-making moment of it. But now that sanity had returned, she couldn’t help but wish a shade wistfully that he’d just offered up a quick “sorry” and gotten out of there. That damned kiss opened a world of dangerous possibilities to her. Possibilities like kissing him again. Possibilities like having an affair with a man who’d once been her husband. Possibilities like doing her damnedest to make him fall in love with her all over again.

“Ugh, you’ve got to be kidding me.” She heard the disgust in her tone and had to shake her head. This scenario was messed up enough without her brain dragging
love
into it. Sure, Sully made her as hot as the core of the sun, he always had. And in the past she’d been free to let her heart get tangled up in that desire. But not now. Hearts and flowers couldn’t be a part of the equation if she had an an affair with her ex-husband; it would be emotional suicide. An affair with Sully would have to be kept on a level of healthy, uncomplicated lust. And that was all.

The question was, could she do it?

The knock on the front door had her almost jumping out of her blanket socks. Then she smoothed a hand over her hair and put on her best casual smile. For now it was just about cookies, she told herself as she headed for the door. Nothing more.

“Hi.” Lucy’s mouth went desert-dry as she tried not to stare. Sullivan had always been a heartbreaker, with velvety dark brown hair, green eyes, high cheekbones any woman would kill to have and a mouth that looked like it had been created for the sole purpose of bringing the female population to its knees. He was dressed in the same blue jeans, button-down shirt and jacket he’d worn earlier, a fact that made her vastly relieved she hadn’t shown up at the door in see-through lingerie.

His smile flashed. “Hi, yourself. Do I get to come in or would that upset your two-legged guard dog?”

For only a moment she drew a blank before she waved him in. “Coe’s been watching out for me since we were kids. Old habits die hard, I guess.”