Girl, Missing (22 page)

They kept looking at her, then at each other. They didn't say anything much in front of us. But I could see in their eyes they didn't hold out much hope.

‘Lauren, did you hear me?'

Annie was right beside me.

I gripped her arm. ‘Is she all right?'

Annie shook her head. ‘No, she's still unconscious.' Her eyes filled with tears. ‘Hypothermia, because she got so cold in the water.'

I should have protected her more. It was my fault she was even on the boat. Why had I taken her with us to the marina?

I opened my mouth to tell Annie that I was so, so sorry for all of it. But she was staring at the covers on my bed, a tear tracking its way down her cheek.

‘At least you're all right Lauren,' she sobbed. ‘I couldn't bear it if it was both of you.'

The sight of her standing there, hunched and miserable, wrenched at me. I wanted to say something comforting. But the words crumbled in my mouth. And then Annie left and a doctor came in to examine me. She said I was basically OK, but should stay overnight for observation. Which was fine by me. If Madison was here, there was nowhere else I was going.

Two more terrible hours passed. The doctors let me get up so I could wait with the others in the family room. There was still no news of Madison.

I sat huddled in one of Annie's jumpers in the corner of
the sofa. Shelby was curled up in the chair opposite. Annie stared out of the window, watching for Sam to come back. Impatient with waiting, he had gone to the trauma room again.

The door opened. Jam came in wearing a pair of Sam's trousers and a sweater, all rolled up at the arms and legs. He limped over and sat down beside me. We didn't speak. There was no need.

I leaned against his shoulder and closed my eyes.

I couldn't imagine loving anyone more, ever.

Except maybe my baby sister.

Every time I thought about her lying on that rock, her big eyes closed and still, I felt this crushing weight on my chest, like I couldn't breathe. Her voice echoed round my head – quiet and serious. I could see her smiling that first time I put my make-up on her.

Why are the doctors taking so long? Either she's all right, or she . . . No, she's all right. She has to be. I'm taking her to the movies for her birthday
.

I only realised Sam had walked in when Annie dashed across the room to the door.

‘Sam?' She caught her breath in a sob. ‘Sam?'

Sam shook his head. There was this terrible emptiness in his eyes. ‘No change yet,' he said. His face crumpled as Annie drew him towards her. He leaned his forehead down onto hers and wept.

I turned away, nestling further into Jam's shoulder.

Please don't let her die. Please don't let her die
.

The guilt was swallowing me. And the fear.

If Madison died, part of me would die forever too.

Was this what being a mother felt like?

Sam stopped crying and sat down in one of the chairs. He ran his hands distractedly through his hair. ‘The doctor said there were these little bruises on Madi's stomach. Old ones. Nothing to do with today. They were wondering if we knew anything about them.'

Annie shook her head. ‘Maybe from some sports thing,' she said vaguely. She frowned. ‘Though the last few months she's been very funny about bathing and getting dressed on her own. I thought it was just her trying to be independent.'

I caught Shelby's eye. She looked horror-struck. Her eyes pleaded with me not to say anything. I looked down. If Shelby felt half what I felt, she was suffering enough already.

There was a smart rap on the door. Annie jumped up. But it was only MJ. She beckoned me towards her. ‘Lauren, can I have a word?'

I stepped outside the family room, back into the noise and bustle of the ER. MJ smiled. I frowned, dully, not seeing at first why she was looking so pleased. Then she glanced sideways. I followed her gaze and saw them. Mum and Dad. Standing there. Looking at me.

A lump filled my throat as they walked up.

‘Are you . . . is it over?' I said.

Mum nodded. Her face was gaunt, her cheekbones pressing so hard against the skin that she looked more like a skull draped with flesh than a human being.

‘We're free,' Dad said. His mouth trembled but he was trying to smile. ‘All charges dropped. They're not even going to prosecute over the illegal payment to Sonia Holtwood.' He paused. ‘We came straight here. I know the Purditts don't want us to see you. But we're going to fight them for you. We've filed what's called a Hague petition . . . Anyway, never mind the details. The important thing is it'll be easier now, without the criminal case hanging over us.'

‘It was your phone video,' MJ grinned. ‘Well, not just that. Tarsen kept changing his story and there was nothing to back any of it up. But the cellphone was kind of the last straw. They've thrown out the case against your mom and d—'

‘I know the doctor says you're OK, but are you sure?' Mum interrupted anxiously.

‘I'm fine, Mum.'

‘We want to take you home,' she said shakily. ‘But we know it won't be straightforward.'

‘We'll work it out,' I said. ‘I promise.'

As I hugged Mum's frail body, I was suddenly overwhelmed by this fierce desire for my old life in London.

I wanted to be back there. At home with Mum and Dad and Rory. I wanted it so badly I could hardly breathe.

Then I remembered Madison.

I turned and looked back at the family waiting room.

Annie was standing at the window, watching me, her eyes full of tears.

Mum and Dad went off to a hotel, to get some food and rest.

Jam phoned Carla. He told me seeing Annie and Sam get so upset about Madison made him feel guilty.

‘I guess I should at least let her know I'm all right,' he said.

Carla was predictably furious with him – you could hear her on the other end of the line, shouting, from across the hall. Then Sam took the phone. He must have been feeling like crap, but he listened to Carla rant and gradually calmed her down, telling her how Jam had saved our lives.

After an hour or so, the doctors let us see Madison. She still hadn't woken up. Her head was bandaged and there were all sorts of tubes and wires sticking out of her. She looked so small, so vulnerable, lying on the bed, my heart seemed to shrivel up.

We took it in turns to sit with her.

Jam had gone off with Sam and Shelby to get some food. Annie and I sat on either side of Madison, each holding one of her hands.

It was dark outside the ICU window and the pole holding her drip cast a long line of shadow across the floor. We sat there for a long time without speaking. The only sounds were the muted voices of the nurses, busy with another patient across the room, and the occasional
beep beep
of a machine.

‘It was like this when you disappeared,' Annie said.

I glanced at her. ‘How d'you mean?'

‘That day at the beach. It was just you and me. We were so happy. We played Hide and Seek. And then . . . then you ran behind these rocks where I'd hidden earlier. And when I got over to you, you'd disappeared.'

‘I remember.'

Annie looked across the bed at me.

‘Being taken by Sonia Holtwood, you mean?'

‘No.' I met her gaze. ‘I remember being with you on the beach. I remember playing Hide and Seek. I remember being happy.'

I looked down at Madison's hand.

‘Letting go,' Annie whispered. ‘It's the hardest thing.'

As she spoke, one of Madison's fingers twitched, slightly.

I gasped. ‘Annie, look.'

I held my breath and squeezed Madi's fingers, willing them to move again.

They did. The tiniest, gentlest pressure.

‘Madison?' I whispered.

‘Mmmn,' she moaned softly. Her eyelids flickered. ‘Mommy?'

I looked up at Annie. Her eyes were shining.

For the first time I saw her properly.

The woman on the beach.

My mother.

40

Decisions

They caught Sonia Holtwood trying to cross the border into Canada on Thanksgiving. MJ phoned and told me – said she was likely to spend a long time in prison. Apparently Sonia Holtwood (real name: Marcia Burns) had been involved in a series of child kidnappings before moving into internet fraud, developing and selling of stolen identities for people. She gathered together the information, then passed it to Taylor Tarsen to sell.

Jam and I would have to be witnesses at their trial. But, otherwise, the whole business was behind us.

Jam had been staying at Annie and Sam's since the boat crash. He got on with both of them really well. Even while Madison was still in hospital, they tried to shower him with presents.

‘You saved our daughters' lives,' Sam said. ‘Whatever you want, you've got.'

I think he expected Jam to ask for computer stuff – or maybe even a car. You can drive when you're sixteen over
here. But Jam just looked him straight in the eye and said: ‘I want to stay with Lauren.'

I think Annie and Sam were a bit shocked but, to be fair, they got straight on the phone to Carla and persuaded her to let him stay until the end of November. She insisted he did a certain amount of schoolwork everyday, but otherwise she didn't put up much of a fuss.

To my surprise, Mum and Dad didn't seem to mind Jam staying with the Purditts either. I guess they were just so happy not to be going to prison that nothing could upset them.

They moved back into the Evanport Hotel for a few days, then went home for a week to see Rory. I bought him a
Legends of the Lost Empire
T-shirt and asked them to give it to him. I reckoned I owed him that much for ruining his holiday.

The hearing to resolve where I was going to live would begin when they came back. I was dreading it. I mean I wanted to be with Mum and Dad, of course. But I also wanted to be here, with Annie and Sam and Madison. And I couldn't bear the thought of another court case. Especially one with me in the middle of it.

I told Gloria how I felt. The next day Sam and Annie sat me down in the kitchen for a Serious Talk.

‘What is it?' I said.

Annie gave a nervous little cough. ‘We just wanted to discuss about this legal situation we've gotten into.'

I stared at her.

‘Sam and I realise that we were wrong about your . . . your adoptive mom and dad. I mean, we know they were basically good people who thought they were helping when they paid Sonia for you.' Annie took a deep breath. ‘Once the hearing next week establishes your adoption was illegal, they'll be able to start fighting to get you back. Our attorneys say they have a strong case. And we . . . we understand how much it means to you to see them, and so we want to try and work things out without a big legal fight and . . . and see if there isn't some way that you could spend time with them too . . .'

I flung myself at her, burying my face in her neck, squeezing her tight.

‘Oh, Annie, thank you, thank you.' I hugged her again.

‘Well, it was Sam too.' She looked somehow pleased and sad at the same time.

I glanced at Sam.

‘Actually it was Mom. My mom, I mean. Gloria.' He grinned. ‘She pointed out to me the day you met her that it wouldn't matter if the people you called Mom and Dad were mass-murderers. You were always going to see them as your parents. And Annie and I somehow had to come to terms with that.'

I thought back to that first meeting with Gloria, and how preoccupied Sam had been on our way home.

I beamed at him, then at Annie. Her lip trembled and I felt a pang of guilt for how often I'd been mean to her in the past. I wanted to say something – about how hard I could see it was for her and Sam to realise I thought of other people as my parents. About how confused I was about where I wanted to live and who I wanted to live with.

But I couldn't find the right words – so I just got up and went to look for Jam. At least with him it was straightforward. At least with him I could forget how torn I felt – for a while, at least.

Madison came out of hospital in time for her birthday at the end of November. Annie wouldn't let her go out to the movies, so I bought her
ET
on DVD and we watched it in her room, crying together at the bit when ET seems to die so that Elliot can live.

Jam came in, saw us weeping, and groaned. ‘That's the trouble with chick-flicks,' he said. ‘Way too mushy.'

I told him
ET
wasn't a chick-flick, while Madison pestered him to stay and watch it. Between you and me I think she's got a little bit of a crush on him.

ET
finished and Annie made Madi lie down for a nap. Jam and I wandered down to the marina. It was always deserted now, all the boats covered over with tarpaulins for the winter.

We held hands and made out for a bit. But it was all overshadowed by the fact that it was almost the end of November and Jam was going to have to go home in two days. Suddenly it struck me that Annie and Sam's vague offer of sharing me with Mum and Dad wasn't enough.

I wanted to be with Jam all the time. Not just when Annie and Sam felt like letting me go home.

Why did it have to be so complicated?

‘Maybe we could run away after all,' I smiled, wrapping my arms around him.

‘Nah. You were right about that. Anyway, I guess you belong here now.'

I snuggled against his chest. Did I belong here? I was never going to feel that Annie and Sam were my mum and dad, but I had started thinking of them as family. And since last week, Shelby hadn't been rude to me once. To my utter amazement she'd even fessed up to bullying Madison.

Annie put what she'd done down to the trauma of having a missing sister. I put it down to Shelby having a serious attitude problem.

Still.

I guess she did seem to be changing.

A blast of icy wind whipped off the marina, chilling my neck. I tugged at my scarf.