Girl Online

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I want to dedicate this book to all the people who made this possible.
The people who have subscribed to my channel, watched my videos, and read my blog, whether that was in 2009 or yesterday.
Your support means the absolute world to me. There are no words to express just how much I love every single one of you—without you this book would not be in your hand.

Contents

One Year Ago . . .

Chapter One

Chapter Two

15 December: Help!!

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

17 December: Can You Outgrow Your Best Friend?

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

20 December: Facing Your Fears

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

22 December: From Fear to Fairy Tale

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Thirty

25 December: Do You Believe in Soul Mates?

Chapter Thirty-One

Chapter Thirty-Two

31 December: It’s the People, not the Place

Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Four

Chapter Thirty-Five

2 January: Happy New Year!

Chapter Thirty-Six

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Chapter Forty

Chapter Forty-One

Chapter Forty-Two

Chapter Forty-Three

4 January

Chapter Forty-Four

Acknowledgments

About Zoe Sugg

One year ago . . .

22 November

Hello, World!

I’ve decided to start a blog.

This blog.

Why, you might ask?

You know when you shake a Coke can and then you open it and it explodes everywhere? Well, that’s how I feel right now. I have so many things I want to say fizzing up inside of me, but I don’t have the confidence to say them out loud.

My dad once told me that I should start writing a diary. He said that keeping a diary is a great way of expressing our innermost thoughts. He also said it would be great to look back on when I was old and that it would “really make me appreciate my teenage years.” Hmm, it’s obviously been so long since he was a teenager, he’s forgotten what it’s actually like.

I did try, though—writing a diary. I managed about three entries before I gave up. Most of them went something like this:

Rained today; my new shoes got ruined. Jenny contemplated skipping math. She didn’t. John Barry got a nosebleed in science because he poked a pencil up there. I laughed at him. He wasn’t impressed. It was awkward. ’Night.

Not exactly Bridget Jones, right? More like, “can’t be bothered.”

The thought of writing stuff to myself in a diary seems a bit pointless really.

I want to feel like someone, somewhere, will be able to read what I’ve got to say.

That’s why I’ve decided to give this blog a go—so that I have somewhere I can say exactly what I want, when I want and how I want—
to someone
. And not have to worry that what I say won’t sound cool or will make me look stupid or lose me friends.

That’s why this blog is anonymous.

So that I can be totally me.

My best friend Wiki
(that’s not his real name, by the way
—
I can’t give his real name or this won’t be anonymous)
would say that the fact that I’m having to be anonymous in order to be myself is an “epic tragedy.” But what does he know? He’s not a teenage girl with anxiety issues.
(He’s actually a teenage boy with parental issues but that’s a whole other story.)

Sometimes I wonder if it’s
because
I’m a teenage girl that I have anxiety issues. Let’s face it—there is a lot to get anxious about.

Top Ten Reasons for Teenage Girls Getting Anxious

1. You’re supposed to look perfect all of the time

2. This coincides with your hormones deciding to go bonkers

3. Which leads to the spottiest time of your entire life (
making number
1 totally impossible
!)

4. Which also coincides with the first time you’ve had the freedom to buy chocolate whenever you like (
making number
3 even worse
!)

5. Suddenly everyone cares about what you wear

6. And what you wear has to look perfect too

7. Then you’re supposed to know how to pose like a supermodel

8. So you can take a selfie of yourself in your outfit of the day

9. Which you then have to post on social media for all your friends to see

10. You’re supposed to be wildly attractive to the opposite sex (
while dealing with all of the above
!)

Please picture me giving a dramatic, heartfelt sigh at this point.

But surely I can’t be the only teenage girl who feels like this?

I have this dream that secretly all teenage girls feel exactly like me.

And maybe one day, when we all realize that we all feel the same, we can all stop pretending to be something we’re not.

That would be awesome.

But until that day, I’m going to keep it real on this blog. And keep it unreal in “real” life.

I’m going to say what I want to say, and it would be really cool if you
(whoever you might be)
join me.

This can be our very own corner of the Internet where we can talk about what it truly feels like to be a teenage girl—without having to pretend to be something we’re not.

I also love taking photos
(don’t you just love the way photos are able to freeze special moments in time forever? Beautiful sunsets, birthday parties, salted-caramel cupcakes with thick frosting . . .)
so I’ll be posting lots of them too. But there won’t be any selfies obviously, for anonymity reasons.

OK, well I guess that’s all for now. Thank you for reading
(if anyone actually has been reading!)
. And let me know what you think in the comments below.

Girl Online, going offline xxx

Chapter One

Present day . . .

Hey, Penny, did you know that William Shakespeare is an anagram for “I am a weakish speller”?

I look at the text from Elliot and sigh. In the time I’ve been watching the dress rehearsal for
Romeo and Juliet
(three hours of my life that I will
never
get back), Elliot has bombarded me with hundreds of random texts about Shakespeare. He’s supposed to be doing it to relieve my boredom but, seriously, does anyone really need to know that Shakespeare was baptized in 1564? Or that he had seven siblings?

“Penny, could you get a shot of Juliet leaning out of the trailer?”

I quickly grab my camera and nod to Mr. Beaconsfield. “Yes, sir.”

Mr. Beaconsfield is the Year Eleven drama teacher. He’s one of those teachers who likes being “down with the kids”—all gelled hair and “call me Jeff.” He’s also the reason our version of
Romeo and Juliet
is set in a Brooklyn ghetto and Juliet is leaning out of a trailer rather than a balcony. My BFIS (
Best Friend in School
), Megan, loves Mr. Beaconsfield, but then, he does always cast her in all the lead roles. Personally, I think he’s a little creepy. Teachers shouldn’t want to hang out with teenagers. They should want to mark books and stress about school inspections and whatever else they get up to in the staff room.

I go up the steps at the side of the stage and crouch down beneath Megan. She’s wearing a baseball cap with
SWAG
printed on the front and has a thick fake-gold chain with a huge fake-gold dollar sign dangling from her neck. There’s no way she’d be seen dead in that outfit anywhere else; that’s how much she loves Mr. Beaconsfield. I’m about to take a picture when Megan hisses down to me: “Make sure you don’t get my spot.”