Standing, she sat on my lap and straddled me. She cradled my face in her hands and shook her head. “You’re more alone than anyone I’ve ever met, baby. I could change that. I want to change that for you.”
My hands slid over her perfect ass and pulled her into me. “I like the way we are. You like the way we are, don’t you?”
She didn’t dare say she didn’t and risk my rejection, and I took advantage of that fear. I saw it in her eyes, though. She loved me, or felt what she thought was love. Fuck, I didn’t know what she felt at that moment.
Her hand pressed against my heart, a gentle touch that should have meant something to me. “Your heart is beating so fast.”
“That’s because I don’t spend my time smoking that shit. You wouldn’t be such a downer if you gave up the smoke and tried coke.”
My vision blurred as that moment of my past came crashing full on into my present. Over and over, I had to tell myself I wasn’t the murderer Kim thought I was. If only I could convince myself.
“I’d do that if I thought it would make you happy,” she whispered next to the corner of my mouth. “Would it make you happy?”
I turned my head away from her. “You’re too fixated on happiness, Melissa.”
“Would it make sex better?” she asked before snaking her tongue over the shell of my ear.
“Yeah, maybe,” I answered without any thought as to whether my answer was true and not caring.
“Then maybe I should do it,” she said with a smile as she scooted up my lap, exciting me.
I stilled her movement before she got me too hot. “Then you’re going to have to get more. I finished all of it.”
Melissa leapt off my lap and skipped over to the nightstand next to her bed. Pulling out a vial, she showed it off and threw it to me. “You underestimate me, Tristan.”
She dropped down next to the table in front of me and spread four lines out. Before I could even have one, she’d snorted two and was moving for a third. I pulled her back by the hair and pushed her hard onto the floor. “Don’t be so greedy.”
I saw in her eyes as they filled with tears that her feelings were hurt. She’d done exactly what she believed would make me happy and still I didn’t come across with anything but nastiness. As she began to cry, something inside me softened toward her, and I pulled her up onto my lap, still unsure I wanted anything physical from her that night but hoping I could stop her tears.
Covering my mouth with hers, she teased the inside with her tongue, exciting me. Pressed against me, she moved her hips back and forth, giving me a preview of what she wanted. Her wet pussy slid over the front of my jeans, drenching them, and for a moment, I wanted her.
But she came with far too much baggage for me at that moment, and Sam was bound to return at any time. The scene he’d create alone was enough to make my cock go soft. I pushed her away and shook my head. “Maybe later, Melissa.”
Stung by my rejection, she slid off me, smacking me across the face as she left. “Fuck you, Tristan!”
She kicked the tray of coke as she stormed out, sending the powder into a white cloud that slowly fell in puffs to the floor. I watched in disgust as the rest of my night was ruined in mere seconds, content to ignore both Melissa and Sam in favor of sitting alone until I figured out where I’d be able to find more coke and hopefully salvage the night.
I had no idea how long I’d sat there consumed by my own thoughts when I heard the first siren. It seemed to come out of nowhere and suddenly be so loud it drowned out everything in my head. Another and then another followed, and my instincts kicked in. Quickly, I dialed Rogers to get me the hell out of there. I didn’t need another arrest for possession.
I’d barely gotten to my feet when the cops stormed through the door. There was no escaping. My guilt was obvious by the coke all around me. Pushing my hands through my hair, I tried to make myself look less fucked up, but it was no use. What was the term—caught red-handed? That was me. Again.
As they led me out, I saw the paramedics working on Melissa as she lay motionless on the floor next to the living room sofa. Sam paced back and forth, wringing his hands and praying aloud for her to be okay while a cop tried to get him to answer his questions about what she’d taken and when. For a moment, his answers, no matter how disjointed they were, scared the hell out of me, but I’d get out of it. Melissa would be okay too, assuming they pumped her stomach to get rid of any pills she’d taken.
Everything would be okay. My father’s money would see to that.
I pulled off the side of the road and leaned back to close my eyes as the memory of what happened next flooded into my brain. Melissa never made it out of that apartment that night. The mixture of prescription drugs and cocaine sent her into cardiac arrest, and she died there on that floor surrounded by strangers as they took Sam and me away.
Arrested and charged with murder for giving her the drugs, I spent the night in jail before my father’s attorney got me released. I didn’t find out she’d died until two days after she was gone when I was finally home safe and sound in my parents’ house.
I sat silently listening to my father explain in detail what would happen to me as he paced from one side of the room to the other, stopping only to glare at me and shake his head.
“What is wrong with you? You’ve had everything a boy could want. A good education. The best of tutors. Yet still you act like some street kid who doesn’t know better. That girl died. Did you know that? You’re charged with her murder.”
The news of Melissa’s death hit me like a brick to the face. Whatever he expected me to say, I couldn’t speak. It was like all the air had been sucked out of my lungs.
“Did you hear me?” he bellowed, leaning his face down in front of mine, so close I saw the gold flecks in his brown eyes as they flashed his anger at me.
“Victor, don’t do this to him. His friend is dead. He needs time to mourn her. You can talk about the rest of it later.”
I looked at my mother as she spoke to defend me, knowing I didn’t deserve her kindness. My father stormed out, leaving her alone with me. I didn’t deserve that either.
Cradling my face in her hands, she smiled that gentle smile she always gave when she thought I needed saving. “Tristan, I don’t know how to reach you. What is it that makes you like this?”
What she meant by ‘like this’ was a mystery to me. Like what? Any normal American twenty-two year old male? Every other person my age I knew? But I understood my role in this drama and acted accordingly. “I don’t know.”
“Honey, if you have a problem, we can get you help. There are places where you can get help.”
I couldn’t give her the answer I knew she needed to hear. She needed me to say I’d accept her help and stop living my life. I couldn’t tell her that, so I just nodded, letting her think she’d saved me, at least for now. My father was right, but I didn’t care. Someday, my mother would realize that too.
I shook my head to push away the memory of that Tristan. That me had been selfish and careless, thinking I was the only one whose wants and needs mattered. God, I couldn’t help but cringe at who I’d been all those years ago.
Now all those terrible acts had finally caught up with me, as I always knew they would. The problem was that now when the most important part of my life was torn from me because of what I did, all I could do was hope that when I caught up with Nina that she’d see that Tristan didn’t exist anymore.
I checked my phone for any message or text from Nina. Nothing. Where was she? Was she alone? Images of West or worse, Karl, holding her marched through my mind. No! I couldn’t believe that. She was safe. She had to be.
My fingers tapped out a message I prayed to God she saw.
I know what Kim told you, but I swear she’s wrong. Tell me where you are and I’ll come to you. Don’t do this. Don’t let everything we have mean nothing.
After ten minutes, I knew she wouldn’t be answering my text. I didn’t expect a few words to fix everything. The damage my past had inflicted on us would require far more than that. I didn’t expect anything, in fact. Nina had accepted all my demons, even if she’d done so unknowingly at times, but I’d made the biggest mistake of my life by not coming clean just days before as she and I lay in bed that morning for the first time in months. She’d practically begged me to tell her everything, and I hadn’t. I didn’t know why. Maybe I’d hoped I wouldn’t have to tell the woman I loved that I was a thoughtless, callous dick to someone who only wanted love from me, and my carelessness with her had led to her death.
Before I put the car in gear, I tried one more time, hoping at the very least she was receiving my messages and at best she was reading them.
I know I promised to tell you everything, but sometimes a man wants to have the woman he loves see him as more than he actually is. I wasn’t trying to hide what happened then. Please believe me.
I got no response.
Daryl and Varo were waiting for me outside the house when I pulled up, their faces telling the story I didn’t want to know. Stepping out of the car, I asked, “Nothing? You’ve got no clue where she is?”
“Nothing yet,” Daryl said nonchalantly as he tugged on his beard, betraying how worried he really was. “What took you so long? I figured you’d be driving at the speed of light.”
Varo said nothing, but I could tell he had something on his mind. “You seem to want to say something. Speak up,” I ordered.
“I think you might have been right about West. I’ve been thinking about how he acted today at lunch. He was angry about having lunch with Nina and Jordan. She was playing matchmaker, so I figured he was annoyed about that, but now that he’s vanished, maybe it was more.”
Daryl spoke up before I could. “What do you mean more? Did he have something against Nina?”
Shaking his head, Varo frowned. “Not so much something against her but something’s been bothering him for weeks. I can’t put my finger on it, but something’s different.”
“Something’s bothering him? Something’s different? What the fuck does that mean? Are you saying he wants to hurt Nina?” I bellowed as fear tore through my body. West may have been the older of the two bodyguards, but she was no match against him. He could subdue her in seconds and she’d be gone.
“No, no. I just mean he seemed more resentful of things once I moved into the house. Even though it was only for a short time, I think he had a problem with that. I just can’t imagine he’d hurt her, though. If anything, I got the feeling his problem was with you, Mr. Stone.”
“Have you tried calling her?” Daryl asked, easing the tension around us only slightly.
“No,” I answered, shaking my head. “Only texts.”
“What the fuck is with your generation? A phone is for talking. You know, with your voice? You think she wants to hear from you through misspelled words? She wants to hear you, man. Call her.”
Maybe he was right. I took my phone out and pressed 1. Her phone rang, which was a good sign. At least I could still believe it was turned on and still with her. By the fourth ring, I’d all but given up on her answering, but then I heard her voice so full of sadness say my name.
“Tristan.”
I turned away from Daryl and Varo and walked behind the car. “Nina, I’m sorry. Please tell me where you are so I can come to you.”
“No, not this time, Tristan. I needed you to tell me the truth and you broke your promise. I can’t do this anymore.”
Her voice was barely more than a whisper. I pressed the phone hard to my ear to hear her, even as I dreaded her next words. “I know I messed up. I know. But you don’t know the truth. I need you to know that.”
With tears in her words, she spoke the worst thing I’d ever heard. “You’ve made sure I can live a comfortable life. Not happy, but secure. I just can’t do this with you anymore. Maybe if I’d been brought up in your world, but I wasn’t. I’m still that middle class girl, no matter how much the clothes I wear or the house I live in costs.”
“Nina, don’t hang up! Tell me where you are. Let me explain. Don’t let everything we’ve been through mean nothing,” I pleaded, knowing I had only the slightest chance of changing her mind.
“I can’t. I love you, but we’re just no good together. Goodbye, Tristan.”
“Nina! Nina!” I screamed into the phone, but it was no use. She was gone.
Hanging my head, I struggled to know what to do next. I had no idea where she was, and she didn’t want to see me anymore. To her, we were over.
“Tristan, what did she say?” Daryl asked behind me, but I couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t admit I’d finally lost her. “Tristan, did she tell you where she was?”
I shook my head and turned to face him and Varo. “No.”
“Then we can use the GPS tracking software to find out.”
“What? I don’t have that on our phones.”
Daryl smiled and for the first time since I returned, stopped pulling on his damn beard. “I’d hoped she would willingly tell you where she was, but when love doesn’t do the job, technology can. I had it installed on her phone right after you left. I figured that way if she was ever in trouble, we could find her.”