Giving In (The Sandy Cove Series Book 1) (9 page)

She leaves me, gets in his face, they are
shouting, pointing at me, to the dock, to the water, and to my… oh
my God! My laptop! It’s soaked, ruined. Simply drenched. And then I
feel the tears prick my eyes, sting them, and I regurgitate the
salt from the bay. A heavy mixture of emotions is going through me.
Sadness, anxiousness, and I’m just tired. So tired, I want to go
back to bed, and it’s only seven a.m.

I hug my knees and rock like I always do when
I’m anxious. Max comes to my side and bends down so he’s level with
me. His hand rests on my knee.

“Harlow, are you ok? He didn’t mean it. He had
no idea you couldn’t swim.”

I don’t reply. I’m still in shock, still shaking
from seeing my life flash before my eyes.

I rise, and Max helps me up. I grab my laptop,
water drips from it, and I feel defeated. Willow and Thea look at
me. They come to my side and link their arms with mine as we make
our descent back to the house.

Cruz stills my arm as he speaks, “Turnip, wait,
I’m… I’m, well, you know.”

He can’t find the words. The only words that
will make this okay, but he doesn’t have the power to say them.

Willow smacks his chest and follows the rest of
us into the house. He remains stoic, and I faintly hear Porter
yelling at him as we walk.

I need a shower. I smell like the bay. I need
the warmth of the water on me, speedily. As I make my way to the
bathroom, Willow asks what I want to put on after my shower. I just
want my sweats, because when I get out of the shower, I’ll be
packing to go home. I can’t stay here with that asshole.

I turn on the water, and I feel the temperature
of the spray. I peel off my wet clothes and step in, automatically
feeling the constant steady stream of water from the shower head on
my body. I just keep telling myself over and over: ‘You’re okay.
You’re okay. You are alive.’

All these emotions stirred up by one person.
Now, I’m a sensible person. I know he had no idea I couldn’t swim,
but it’s his insatiable need to play, to kid around, to trick, and
to use sexual innuendoes every chance he gets.

I stand there, hands against the cool tiles of
the shower, thinking of what I need to do when I get home. Buy a
new laptop, re-do all the applications I began. Damn it, I should
have pressed send sooner.

I’ll get a simple job until I have a teaching
position. Maybe Daddy will let me fetch coffee for him at the
office. All I know is I have to leave.

I’m finished with my shower. I wrap a towel
around myself, make my way to my room, dress quickly and throw my
suitcase on my bed, again, for the second time in less than two
weeks. I hear a knock at my door.

“Come in.” Willow enters and sees what I’m up
to.

She stands there, hands on hips, and a look of
disapproval on her face.

“Gonna run again? Go home and sulk, let him win?
You’re stronger than that, Harlow. Since when do you wimp out?”

That stings, but I don’t care. I can’t enjoy
myself here knowing that immature ass lives ten feet away.

“Leave me be, Willow. It’s just not working out.
I’m going home.”

She kicks the door closed with her heel and
grabs the clothes I’m trying to pack out of my hands and throws
them on the floor.

“What the hell!”

She grabs my wrist and turns me towards her, her
eyes pleading with me.

“And what’s going to happen once you get there?
Stay in your room for the rest of the summer, avoiding the outside
world, risk running into him? You know what will happen if you do?
I can’t go through that again with you, Harlow. I’m your friend,
but I won’t allow another slip up with him.”

I think about it, about her words. What would
happen if I did? What would happen if I fell back in? Under the
spell, under the pull, under his forcefulness. It’s so easy for me
to cave. She thinks I’m strong, but I’m as weak as they come,
especially when the one we do not speak of is involved.

“I know, but I can’t stay here. I hate Cruz. He
ruined my laptop. I was in the process of filling out all the
online applications for the districts in our area, and it took a
long time. I never sent them, now I have to start all over
again.”

She tugs me down to sit on the bed next to her.
Her demeanor softens, and she wraps an arm around my shoulder.

“You have been through so much, Har, and you
have overcome a lot of it for the most part, but you can’t let him
win. I want him out. Not sure why Porter hangs with someone like
him. All I know is, you can’t let him win, and if you go home,
that’s exactly what’s going to happen.”

She’s not talking about Cruz either.

We sit in silence for a few moments. I’m
thinking about what she said. If I go home, he wins. He’ll know I’m
defeated, that I came crawling back. I can talk to my brother Craw
about things but Greta, my sister, no way. She’s way too caught up
in her wedding plans to hear my sob stories. Mom and Dad aren’t
aware of anything, so I can’t go to them.

Someone knocks at the door, and Willow gets up
to answer it. She automatically slams it again, not giving me a
chance to see who it is, but I have a pretty good idea.

She leans against the door and rolls her eyes.
“Son of a bitch.”

I smile. “It’s fine. Let him in. It can’t get
any worse.”

She eyes me for a second, not believing I just
said that.

I nod my head as she pulls at the doorknob.

Cruz walks in, looking as pale as a ghost and
holding a cardboard box in his hands. He looks awful, and that’s
unusual for him.

Willow eases up to him, gets inches from his
face, not saying anything. She just stares at him, because in the
case of Willow, sometimes her scowl is worse than her words.

Oh, God this is uncomfortable. She’s so good at
it.

She turns to me and winks before exiting.

The room is still, so is the air between us. I
look to the floor, playing with my fingers in my lap, as he
continues to stand.

“You’re leaving?”

I nod.

“I don’t blame you. I haven’t made this easy for
you.”

I look up at him, pursing my lips together, my
eyes agreeing with him.

“Look, I’m not a jerk. Really I’m not. I’m just
not good with sorry’s or hello’s or goodbye’s. I’ve been really
hard on you, but you don’t make it any easier.”

I start to speak to stop him, because I’m pretty
sure I’m not the cause of this.

He holds his hand up to stop me.

“Let me finish talking, please.”

I let out a sigh. “Fine, continue.”

“You think I’m a stupid person. Well, I’m not.
Just because I didn’t have an extensive education like you, doesn’t
mean I haven’t been educated. The Marines paid for me to go to
community college. I got my Associates Degree in Criminal Justice,
and I haven’t pursued a full time position with a force because I
just got back from my third tour in Iraq. The world has educated
me.”

Oh, no. God forgive me. I had no idea.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“Damn right, you didn’t.” His voice raises and
appears a little sterner. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to raise my
voice. I’m just sensitive about it. I’m not usually, but for some
reason, you bring it out of me.”

He told me he was in Afghanistan and Iraq when
we were fighting on the dock, but I had no idea how many tours he
accomplished. I owe him an apology.

“Cruz, I don’t what to say. You’re right. I
haven’t been fair to you, and I guess I jumped to conclusions. I
apologize.”

He comes to sit on the bed next to me. I flinch
when he does, like I think he’s going to hurt me, and when I do it,
he is a taken aback.

I sweep my hair behind my ears, feeling
uncomfortable, and I’m not sure why. I mean I had sex with him.
You’d think I wouldn’t feel like that, but in reality, I think that
is the reason I’m feeling like this.

“I’m not going to touch you, don’t worry. I’m
not going down that road again. No offense.”

I laugh. “None taken.”

He smiles at me, as I try to dodge my eyes from
looking at him.

“Is that a smile I see? You actually have teeth?
My God, I thought you just forget to put your dentures in all the
time.”

I shove him and let out a small chuckle.

“Jerk.”

“You should do it more often.”

“What’s that?”

“Smile, it looks good on you.” He smiles broadly
at me. I wish I could allow myself to smile the way he does.

I’m up. Time for me to try to make amends.

“I think maybe sometimes with you, I remember
what happened between us, and I realize I didn’t know you, and I
did what I did…”

He interrupts, “What we did. I was a part of it
too.”

“Ok, us both, but I think I was angry with
myself because I had never done anything like that. I disappointed
myself, and I was well, embarrassed. It was totally out of
character for me.”

He laughs and runs his hands through his already
tousled locks.

“Yea, you’re right about that. Getting to know
the Harlow this summer is totally different than the one I didn’t
know last year.”

What he says is a little confusing, but I get
it. I was a different person last year. Someone who sort of had an
out-of-body experience.

I can’t tell him what encouraged me to do what I
did with him. I have to try to put it behind me. Put behind me the
circumstances which in turn brought Cruz and I together that night,
but with this brain of mine, I hear the voices in my head, taunting
me, fucking with my subconscious: ‘You can run, Harlow, but you
can’t hide.’ ‘Fall into his spell.’ ‘Feel his spell.’ ‘Follow his
spell.’

I shake my head, making the voices go away. Cruz
is still talking.

He looks at me, and I must have just looked like
a nut-job.

“Where’d you go? Looks like I lost you for a
minute.”

I’m not sure where I just was. Lost in my
thoughts, listening to the words in my head I do not want to
hear.

“I’m sorry, just deep in thought. What were you
saying?”

He shrugs and dismisses my daydream.

“I was saying that the past is the past, and
maybe we can actually get to know one another and be friends. I can
be a grown up and not torture you, actually be a stand up guy.”

I hear the sincerity in his voice. I believe
him, and I have to allow myself to give him the credibility.

“And I can relax a little. I’m not as wound up
as you think I am. I can be loosey goosey.”

He lets out a small ‘ha’ sound, and now I’m the
one he doesn’t believe. I swat at his arm.

“I’m serious. I am a lot of fun, even though I’m
very serious about life. I can party with the best of them.”

He has a glimmer of hope in his eyes when I tell
him that, a combination of cautiousness and challenge.

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

I stand up in front of him, and I feel relaxed,
the most relaxed I’ve felt in a while. It’s odd that I feel like
this talking to him, but I’ll take it for what it’s worth. This can
work. We can try to put our differences aside, make this a great
summer, and maybe, just maybe develop a friendship out of this.

“Oh, I should say the same about you, Mr. Grown
Up. I’ll enumerate that when I see it.”

He gives me the proverbial eye roll.

“And let’s start with that, Ms. Loosey Goosey.
Women who are fun and carefree don’t use words like enumerate.
Believe me, don’t believe me. Just try to sound a little less stuck
up, okay?”

He knows what enumerate means. Interesting.

I sigh. “I suppose I can try. Loosey Goosey is
the name of the game. Soon enough I’ll be in a job where I have to
be serious all the time. No better way to give myself a break from
it than try to loosen up.”

He rises from the bed and begins to walk away,
leaving me with my thoughts.

Cruz turns back to me. “Oh, I almost forgot. I
went and got you this.” He hands me the cardboard box. “This is my
first attempt at being a grown up.”

I slide my nail over the strong tape holding the
box shut, and I stick my hand in and pull out a brand new
laptop.

He replaced it.

I’m transfixed on it, relishing in his
thoughtfulness.

“Porter told me what you were working on when it
got wet. I’m, uh, really sorry all your work was ruined, but
hopefully it won’t take you too long to get your information
together again, and you can submit your applications again in no
time.”

I run my hand across the sleek black cover of
the laptop, and I realize that there’s hope for Raphael Cruz.

“Listen, I’ll let you get to it. I just wanted
to do the right thing.”

I look up at him and give him a toothless
smile.

“I’m glad you did, thanks Cruz. It was a real
grown up thing for you to do.”

He winks at me and turns the knob for the door.
He says over his shoulder, “I’m glad you’re staying, Turnip. See ya
later.”